03/2017 - Updated to correct some mistakes, plot remains unchanged.
I was reading a bunch of KKM short fics of this site and found, with no surprise, that 99% of them are Angst or Hurt/Comfort, like it usually happens with Yuuram-Wolfyuu (and MuraShinou too) because let's face it, and I agree, the genre suits them amazingly well, but then I realized that the main problem always seems to be the same and IT IS NOT Yuuri's fear of becoming gay, but something else. When you look at it closely, as much as I love Wolfram, he shares half of the fault, like it usually happens with couples on real life, takes two to tango, they say. So with that in mind I wondered what would happen if I solve this problem between them? and came up with this oneshot.
Wolfram was, once again, waiting for his fiance, staring at the water fountain that would bring Yuuri back to the castle, to Shin Makoku and to him. He was already more than four hours late and only he and Conrart remained patiently awaiting. Greta's twelfth birthday was only two days away, and there was a lot to get done before the ball, that would be held in the princess' honor that day. However, said princess' father seemed to have forgotten that, and was now officially delaying his appointment with the royal tailor.
When, finally, the water began to raise, Wolfram took a deep breath and approached the edge of the fountain. A set of, ever so black hair, surfaced the water, followed by the rest of Yuuri's panting self. After Conrart handed Yuuri a towel and welcomed him back, Wolfram proceeded to scold his fiance, it was his duty after all. "You do realize you are already late for the fitting for Greta's party?"
"I do, I'm sorry but my mother wouldn't let go of me, she wanted to come to the party too" he answered letting the disappointment in his voice come through, he actually didn't mind his mother coming to her grandchild's party, the problem was that if he would have let her come along, he would have been cornered to bring the entire family, and traveling between dimensions with three more people, without Murata's help was almost impossible for him still. He actually wished he could have granted his mother's wish.
"I see" was all of Wolfram's reply, for some reason he understood it was better to drop the subject when he saw the expression on Yuuri's face darken. They walked down to the Maou's private bathroom so Yuuri could have a hot bath and prevent catching a cold. "Do you want me to-" Almost out of pure habit, Wolfram found himself about to ask his fiance if he wanted him to scrub his back, but he already knew the answer to that question, was there really any use on keep asking it?
"You said something Wolf?" Yuuri asked while he removed his wet jacket, and became a little worried when he noticed the lost expression on Wolfram's eyes. "Wolf?" he insisted, but Wolfram just seemed stuck to the ground, his gaze lost somewhere and nowhere at the same time, and his his left arm a little lifted, like he had tried to grab something and failed. Concerned, Yuuri placed a hand on his fiance's shoulder and apparently succeeded in bringing him back to reality, since his head turned to meet his glance. Wolfram's eyes were a little darker somehow, every day a little more than the last, lacking more and more of that glow that made Wolfram who he was.
"What's wrong Wolf?" something inside of Yuuri would crack every time he noticed how, yet another spark had disappeared of those green orbs, threatening with braking completely, as days and months wore on. And that feeling made his way up to Yuuri's vocal chords, making his question trembling and weak.
"Oh don't look at me like that, even I can space out every now and them" Wolfram noticed the distress in his fiance's voice and feeling the need to made the smile on Yuuri's face reappear, he tried to lighten the situation with a joke, although the line sounded as fake as if it had been rehearsed.
Seeing Yuuri was still staring at him with those hurt eyes, Wolfram resorted to the one thing he knew wouldn't fail him, and putting a hand on his waist he humphed and said "What are you doing staring like that? Hurry up Wimp! We still need to go to the tailor and you have some paperwork to sign, you are the Maou you know?" acting like a brat and insulting Yuuri, weirdly enough, would always make Yuuri smile lately, is was beyond Wolfram's comprehension, but as long as it worked, as long as Yuuri was smiling, Wolfram was happy, and quite honestly some part of him still loved to mock the boy, it wouldn't come as often and as naturally as before though.
This time was not the exception and Yuuri's face lightened with a warm smile, although Wolfram could see that the black eyes that glanced at him, while he left the room, had something on them, something powerful and painful inside of Yuuri's heart was showing through them.
Guilt, Wolfram thought to himself. Yuuri's best virtue was his kindness. The Maou would be kind and forgiving to anyone who would pass his way, friend or foe, human or demon, young or old, it mattered not, in the eyes of the king, and that characteristic had made the world dare to hope again, as a new era began before them. But Yuuri was also too kind to ever hurt anyone if he could help it, including staying in a loveless engagement, and even marrying Wolfram, so he wouldn't have to hut him. And even then, he would feel guilty for not being able to love Wolfram. He knew, oh Wolfram definitely knew, that Yuuri's kindness was also his worst flaw.
Wolfram was standing outside of the royal chamber's double doors, he had lost track of time at some point of the night, a night with no stars, a night with no moon, only black clouds could be seen in the sky, and the aisles were covered with complete darkness, with only the small fire Wolfram kept flaming on his right hand to lighten them. "Don't be late tonight, I have a surprise for you" that's what Yuuri had said to him in the tailor's workshop that afternoon, and now there he was, nearly one in the morning, looking at those doors that seemed bigger and bigger every day. Would Yuuri be mad? Would he be sleeping?
Suddenly the doors opened and Wolfram saw something he was not expecting. Yuuri was standing there with a wide grin on his face "I knew I heard you!", he grabbed Wolfram's free arm and dragged him into the room before he could process the change of scenery. Wolfram had unconsciously put out the fire in his hand and now they were standing in complete darkness, he couldn't see Yuuri, but he could feel him, near, he could feel him somehow.
"Yuuri...?" he said walking a few steps, reaching to his right and coming across Yuuri's chest. "I didn't think you'd find me" he heard the soft voice answering, it sounded happy, but sad in the bottom of the words.
"Come on, put on your nightgown, I have something to show you" Yuuri lit a candle to help Wolfram see, he had been standing in the dark for hours and had managed to adjust his sight to see a little already, not much really, but enough to have actually seen Wolfram's silhouette moving to find him at the first attempt, even in complete blindness.
He couldn't help but to feel content with the fact. Once Wolfram was on his ready, having chosen a green long nightgown, Yuuri placed a thick blanket in the floor and told him to sin on it. Wolfram was surprised by the erratic request and only was able to nod as a response. He sat and waited, since Yuuri had disappeared the second Wolfram turned his back on him.
A few moments later Yuuri came out of the bathroom with a bag in his hands, Wolfram remembered Yuuri had the bag with him when he arrived through the fountain, and felt curiosity raising inside of him, but he restrained himself from speaking when he saw the serious glance Yuuri gave him, probably guessing exactly what he was thinking.
Yuuri sat in front of him. "Close you eyes" Wolfram obeyed smiling, he let his inner child take over for a moment, he was really enjoying this surprise, even though he had never really liked them. He heard the bag opening, some random noises, Yuuri blowing out the candle and finally a weird click. "Open them"
Wolfram's jaw dropped as he saw the room around him, it was entirely covered with little lights, like stars, the walls, the ceiling, the floor, the bed, even he and Yuuri were covered with stars, that seemed to move around the room, Wolfram looked at Yuuri and then at the thing that was in the floor between them, it was something like a magic sphere, placed on a black stick that turned making the stars move too. "It's beautiful Yuuri..." that was all Wolfram managed to say, he felt he wouldn't be able to control the tears that were threatening to come, for a reason Wolfram didn't really understand, if he said anything else.
Yuuri only smiled and enjoyed, truly enjoyed the sight in front of him. He was not looking at the star though, he was looking at Wolfram, at the glow in his eyes, the pure smile on his lips, at the fire Yuuri knew still laid inside of Wolfram, not dead, just half slept, but always there. "It's Greta's birthday present, you think she'll like it?" Yuuri asked with a grin and Wolfram nodded, like a happy child, not looking away of the moving stars.
"You can touch them too" Yuuri said attracting Wolfram's attention, who was now looking at him with a confused and cute expression. Yuuri removed the plastic sphere and lowered the brightness of the light until the stars only reflected in the ground beneath them, and fuzzily in the nearest furniture. Wolfram slightly pouted in disappointment when he saw the light fading, but then Yuuri extended his arm and put his hand just in front and to a side of the light, Wolfram saw how the stars reflected on Yuuri's fingers and palm, appearing and disappearing as he moved his fingers. "You wanna try?"
Wolfram mirrored Yuuri's movements and saw the stars in his hand too. For a while they just stood there, hypnotized by the light that attracted them inexplicably. There was a dash of peace in it, in the middle of that big and cold room a soft light stood in front of them, making them able to see nothing but each other and the light itself, and that was enough, for some reason, it felt whole and warm.
"I've missed seeing you smile like this Wolf. I miss your fire" Yuuri's voice was soft and calm, sad but still, the smile remaining in his face and his eyes still on the light. Wolfram felt his heart skip a beat, but he didn't move away from the spell, he let himself be wrapped by the warmth of the light and the calmness in Yuuri's voice.
"I have been thinking it may be time for us to end our engagement Yuuri" he said in the same tone as Yuuri.
Yuuri had seen this coming, although hearing it from Wolfram's lips made his chest tighten. He made a pause, focusing on the light, this was going to happen sooner or later, and in this moment he was bewitched by something greater than himself, both of them were. There was something in their proximity to each other that had never felt so right before, something in that light reflecting on each other's hands that were so close that their fingers would softly touch every now and then, something in the feelings of seeing only each other, of being the only two people in the world. They felt safe, the kept talking, they released the burden in their hearts, without looking away of the light, or each other's hands.
"Is that really what you want Wolfram?"
"Of course it isn't" he replied with a sad chuckle
"Then tell me why..."
"I've been living a lie Yuuri. I've been telling myself that someday things would be different, that someday you would see me differently, if not as a husband, if not as a fiance, at least as something more than a friend. But I can't lie to myself forever Yuuri, and I know you are too kind to brake off our engagement, you would never hurt me if you can't help it, not only me but anyone, and maybe that is the problem in itself Yuuri... maybe I could even ignore my pride telling me to leave you every time you look at me with pity in your eyes, if that pity was only for me... but it's not, you would do the same for anyone... I'm not even special to you like that"
Wolfram felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders, and off his heart, as a single tear fell down his had to bite his lips to stay calm, and listen to Wolfram confirm all of his deepest fears.
"You're wrong Wolf, you are special to me, you are my best friend and a very important part of my life..."
Wolfram felt his heart twist when he heard the word friend coming once again out of those lips. He had had enough of that damned word. He put his hand down and looked at Yuuri firmly, although for some reason the growing anger was dampened by the spell still on him, and when he spoke he didn't rose his voice, which didn't stop his tears from falling, though.
"I don't want to be your friend Yuuri, can't you get it yet? I love you, I fell in love with you! I've done anything I could think of, to make you love me back, I use this ridiculous nightgowns, I keep anyone who could still your heart away, I share your bed and you haven't even expend two glances at me!"
"You are the one who doesn't get it Wolf"
Yuuri smiled, he even chuckled, but in his voice you could hear the hurt and the sadness, his tears also about to fall.
"I was tossed in this new world I never knew about, not only did I have to become the Maou, not only did I have to save the world from an imminent end, not only did I found myself facing the possibility of never seeing my family again, but I also got engaged, somewhere in the process. Can you imagine how I felt Wolfram? I was fifteen!... In my world, same sex relationships are not normal, they can't even get married in most of it. I grew up thinking so many things that turned out not being true. Everything I ever believed in was gone before I knew what was happening..."
Yuuri had to stop, as his tears began to fall, he tilted his head and was about to bring his hand up to cover his face when he felt a warm touch on top of it. Wolfram was holding his hand and looking at him with a gentle smile while tear ran down his cheeks too. He smiled back and then continued.
"How do you think I felt the first time I saw you in one of those ridiculous nightgowns?"
They both choked a laugh and looked at each other for a few seconds before Yuuri's glance went back to the light, to gather courage, to continue speaking
"I was driving myself crazy Wolf, the more time we spent together the more I would torture myself. Since the first time I saw you I realized how beautiful you are, I'm not blind. But I thought that was it, I truly hoped for that to be it. Everything I was ever taught kept telling me that I could not like a boy, I wasn't supposed to. And whenever I started to think about is seriously there was something: endless paperwork, endless noblemen, towns burning, box hunting, worlds ending... so I pushed it to the back of my mind and somehow hoped it would go away... but it didn't..."
Wolfram's grip on Yuuri's hand softened and he interlaced their fingers giving Yuuri a reassuring smile, he wasn't sure if what he was going to hear was going to break his heart beyond repair, but it didn't matter, he needed to hear it and Yuuri needed to say it. Everything is going to be fine, he thought, he was sure.
"Once I had finally brought myself to accept that I was looking at you like... more than a friend... I realized something, a lot of things actually... I was afraid of hurting you, I knew how you felt about me and I didn't want to give insecure or weak feelings in return. Gods, even now I know I'm still not ready to get married... so I waited... and as the feelings grew stronger so did my doubts... you deserve so much better you know? I was afraid of what could happen to one of us eventually, I already thought I lost you once... I couldn't imagine how it would feel to lose you, after knowing how it felt to really be you fiance, neither did I wanted you to go through it with me, if something happened to me... and then it hit me... I didn't know if I was gonna age like a human or like a mazoku Wolfram... If I married you and then... I couldn't do that to you..."
They just stared at each other, looking through those eyes, at how much damage they had done to one another, knowing that they were doing it, but having been to afraid too see it until that moment. Tears kept on falling quietly, painfully but slowly lifting the shadow that had been covering their hearts for the past two years. Still holding hands, still looking at the light, but now reflected in each other's eyes.
Wolfram could feel Yuuri's anguish been transmitted to him through the hand they were holding, he had been suffering just as much as he had. All that time, looking at him and knowing something was wrong, misinterpreting every glance, every smile, every frown, every touch... He should have told me, he thought, and then he realized, much to his shame, he hadn't told Yuuri either, not a word about how he truly felt, even now there was so much still left unsaid.
"I don't care if I can have you for a week or for eight hundred years, I don't care if we get married tomorrow or in ten years, Yuuri, as long as I can call you mine and know every letter of the word speaks the truth... You know my heart is already yours to take..."
There was conviction in every word, but also nervousness, Wolfram felt his body shaking when he put his heart on the line once again, but it didn't matter, it was the truth, and he was not going to make the same mistakes again, no lies, no facades, no omissions.
Yuuri had his own heart on his hand, all that time torturing himself with denial, all those late nights worrying, rolling around in bed to find Wolfram by his side, and biting his lip to keep himself from running his fingers through those golden locks. Could it really be that easy to claim happiness?
Wolfram saw the doubts raising again in Yuuri's eyes and, as if he had been just pushed by a hidden force, he leaned over and placed a short, chaste kiss on his lips. Wolfram only realizes the extent of what he had just done when he pulled back, and he was about to gave in to panic, when he felt Yuuri's hand pulling him back. Yuuri kissed Wolfram this time, it was short, a bit clumsy and shaky, but it came from both of their hearts, and for both of them, it tasted like they thought a smile would taste.
"I love you, I really do..."
Yuuri said when they broke away, the sun was starting to make its way through the clouds as the a new day began, hours had passed without the couple realizing it, or caring. That night, only two people had existed in the world.
"I know... I love you too wimp"
They both laughed, and made their way up to the bed holding hands and once there, they cuddled together in a tight embrace, an embrace they had both been looking for for so long.
"You know, you don't look that different from when I meet you"
Wolfram said as he started to doze off, and didn't stay awake long enough to hear the reply that came along with Yuuri turning his fingers through his hair, like he had craved so many times.
Wolfram was smiling in his sleep, smiling from the bottom of his heart, he felt how the wounds made in those two years of hopelessly waiting, slowly began to heal, every piece of his broken soul gathering, for now it wasn't hope he was holding on to, it was reality, the promise for a new beginning was there, dancing along with the soft starlight.
I actually mixed some of my own experiences into this story, I've learned that, for some unexplainable reason, it becomes easier to talk from your heart when staring at a single light in the middle of the dark.
And in case you didn't notice, this couple's main problem is the same as the one of most of the couples out there: lack of communication.