A/N: Ok, so here's my first chapter of my entry to the OhMyGalex challenge thing. Hope it fits the criteria as there is a secret, although it's probably not very obvious yet. Also, this was going to be a one-shot, but i wrote this whole chapter last night (at about midnight, hell yeah!) so I wanted to get it up as quickly as possible, so you guys can tell me if it's any good and you want me to continue ;) I'm going to anyway, as much as I can (though it may be sporadic), but every review goes towards repair for the poor ol' mighty Quattro :'( Thankyou to XTimeGirlX and Jazzola for coming up with this brilliant challenge!

Oh, and the title is from lyrics to the song 'Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf' by The Killers. Yes, I am obssessed. ;)

This is set during mid-series 2, but is slightly AU (how AU I haven't decided yet). Haha, it's an alternative universe of an alternative universe! Ain't that funny? Isn't it? No? No. Ok, just me then :P

Disclaimer: I do not own Ashes to Ashes, or any of the characters. All is owned by Monastic and BBC, apart from Gene, who obviously can't be owned by anyone, 'cause he'd probably beat them up if they tried to claim they did ;)

Anyway, enjoy!

Alex was pissed off. She was pissed off at Gene for being so totally bloody obnoxious and so unbelievably obtuse about the case they were working on at present. She was pissed off at Chris and Ray for not using what little brains they possessed and following the Guv's every order, obeying his every whim without question. She was pissed off with the doctors, whoever they were – why couldn't they hurry up and take this bloody bullet out so she could go home? She was pissed off with Martin Summers (that was his name, she had found out just last night) for following her around like a crazed stalker, giving her hints about Operation Rose, but not the whole truth, never the whole truth about anything. Wasn't she owed at least that, by someone? She was even pissed off at herself, for being so pissed off in the first place. Yes, Alex was pissed off with everyone and everything, and the world (both of them, in fact) in general, but most of all, she was pissed off with Gene. He just sat there smugly in his stupid little office all day, with that ridiculous picture of 'The Manc Lion' still stuck to his door (honestly, it had been there since she had arrived in 1981) doing God-knows-what, because they hadn't had any leads on this bloody case for days, and he certainly wasn't talking to her about anything anymore. I mean, she was his DI for God's sake, you'd think that –

Alex's train of thought was interrupted by Gene rising from his chair and emerging (at last) from his office. Alex looked down quickly and pretended to be filling in some paperwork (what a joke) so he wouldn't notice and make crude remarks about her irritation, but her frustration crept through as he sauntered towards her desk, and as his shadow loomed over her, the pencil in Alex's hand snapped at the same time as her patience, and she let out a tiny sigh of exasperation. She looked up to see him smirking at her, as well as Ray sniggering in the background, the bastard.

"What's the matter, Bollykecks, you saddling old Rusty again?" Bollykecks in question simply glared at him.

"I reckon it's 'cause she's not gettin' any," said Ray, winking suggestively at Alex, while Chris tittered, earning him a heartily disapproving scowl from Shaz, who was getting the tea. But what riled Alex most was not Ray's comment (annoying as it was, that was just Ray, and she was used to his Jurassic attitude by now). No, what annoyed Alex most was the way Gene wiggled his eyebrows and gave an approving grin, as if he agreed with Ray. That pissed off Alex more than any of the rest of them put together, although she didn't quite know why. So she said, in her most haughty and disdainful voice, "Actually, not that it's any of your business, I have got a boyfriend."

That wiped the smiles of their faces. Off his face. In fact, it was silent in C.I.D. 'Finally, some peace and quiet,' thought part of Alex wryly, while she waited with bated breath for Gene to break the silence, all the while a mischievous little smile playing on her lips.

"What," said Gene finally, recovering from the shock of Alex's unexpected revelation, "the senior citizen, O.A.P., Boris whatshisname?"

"Johnson? No. But I did meet a lovely young guy at the Duran Duran concert I went to the other week." Alex had in fact been to see them last Friday – well, if you're stuck in the 1980s, you might as well make the most of it, right?

"So he's a poof," surmised Gene.

"Not judging by what he did to me that night, he isn't, no," grinned Alex, waggling her eyebrows evocatively in a cruel imitation of Gene earlier. Now it was Shaz's turn to stifle a giggle behind her hand, and, switching roles, Chris frowned at her, although really he was finding the tension between Gene and Alex as hysterical as she. Gene went pale. Ray wolf-whistled and said "My bloody Aunt Norah!" under his breath.

"What about your Aunt Norah?" Chris whispered back, confused at the turn the conversation had taken. He didn't understand where Ray's aunt came into it, didn't understand at all, unless Ray's Aunt Norah was a tranny and also the Ma'am's new boyfriend.

Four faces turned around to stare at Chris disbelievingly. Alex giggled, Ray said "You're such a pillock, mate,", Gene rolled his eyes, and Shaz ruffled his hair, barely suppressing her hysterics as she said "Oh baby," and suddenly the spell was broken and Gene stalked back to his office, while the whole of C.I.D. seemed to let out a collective breath that they didn't even realise they had been holding.