Disclaimer: It may surprise many of you to find out, but I do not own BBC Merlin. Queue gasps of disbelief.
A/N- This was inspired by Ch.98 of my drabble collection, Fractions. I wrote most of this on my phone while in the car and transferred it to my laptop yesterday. I've never written a story and published it so soon after...hopefully it doesn't show.
The words written in italics is the list.
Gaius looked through the steam of his experiment at the prince standing in front of Merlin just before the stairs to the warlock's room. A smirk took up residence on the old man's face and was unnoticed by either of the young men who were loudly arguing. Well, Merlin was the loud one- Arthur was as cool as one of Lady Millicent's glares.
"You can't lock me in my room Arthur!" Merlin scowled and crossed his arms, refusing to budge as Arthur tried to glare him into taking a step backward to his room.
"I can do anything I want," Arthur said haughtily, "you remember what happened last time you decided to go chop a tree down?"
Merlin blinked and both Gaius and Arthur could tell that the warlock did not remember, prompting both to roll their eyes. He took a while to think, falling silent and letting the sound of the sizzling bubbles in the many bowls, dishes, and basins in front of the physician to fill the chambers. Merlin's expression suddenly cleared as he remembered and he immediately rounded on Arthur with narrowed eyes.
"But that was three years ago! And how was I supposed to know the rabbit hole was there? If we didn't have the tree down, I wouldn't have hit my head on it. That wasn't my fault."
"It never seems to be does it?" Arthur rolled his eyes. "If you read the decree, you would know that chopping down a tree is on there. But since you clearly misplaced yours again, here's another." The prince reached into his coat pocket and handed Merlin a folded sheet of paper. The warlock reluctantly grabbed it and opened it, dismayed to see that it had been updated. Merlin huffed as he started to read over it.
Forbidden Activities That Merlin is NOT Allowed to do. In no particular order.
By Prince Arthur Pendragon, first in line to the throne, knight of the realm, champion of every tournament held in Camelot, the people's hero, member of the brotherhood of the Round Table, etc.
1. Under any circumstance you are not to go out drinking with Gwaine. As good as your voice admittedly is Merlin, singing about how big of prat your crown prince is, is not acceptable.
2. Swimming in Gadfly Stream. I don't care what you say, the water gave you that cold because you are a complete girl.
3. Arm wrestling with Percival. Pulled muscle notwithstanding, no one likes a moping Percival and it's your fault he felt guilty.
4. See Number 1. Professing your love for me and the knights is also not acceptable.
5. Even if a noble is being an idiot, you are absolutely not permitted to tell them so. It was thanks to your tactlessness that nearly got you a flogging that one time, which your good luck charm (me) saved you from.
6. Hiccupping in my presence.
7. Disobeying my orders. I don't care if it's for my own good. And for the last time Merlin, this clause is not subject to change, so get used to it already.
8. See Numbers 1 and 4. Giggling at everything I say is not amusing.
9. Sharpening my sword when you are half asleep.
10. Confessing that you are a sorcerer.
11. Which brings me to this one. I know it's difficult for you, but you are to cease being an idiot at once. That includes all forms of idiocy by the way:
12. Including going drinking with Gwaine.
13. Going on suicide missions without my knowledge even though you always come back.
14. Being clumsy.
15. Generally being you.
16. Putting buckets of water outside my door along with all of your other silly little pranks. I may not be able to prove it but I know it was you who put itching powder in my shirt when Princess Olivia came to visit. I should thank you for that by the way since she thought I had fleas and wouldn't go near me.
17. Use a mace.
18. Mimic Gaius. I suffered for laughing and it's your fault that he was angry with me as well.
Merlin made an offended noise at this and looked up at Arthur irritably. "How was I to know he was right behind me?"
"You should have realized he was there," Arthur maintained. Neither young man paid any attention to the subject of their conversation who was now focused back on his experiment and had his face closer than was safe to a vial he was inspecting.
"Me?" Merlin asked aghast. "You were facing the door, you are the one who should have known he was there!"
"I was far too busy laughing," Arthur said in a slightly raised voice, his inflection dictating that it was Merlin's fault.
"Can't I cross this one off?" Merlin asked with a pout.
"...Alright, but we have to be vigilant," the prince replied in a hushed tone.
"Excellent!" Merlin grinned but then frowned when Arthur gestured back to the list. The warlock sighed and began to read again.
19. Waking me up at dawn unless otherwise stated.
20. Say, "Let's have you lazy daisy."
21. Slack off on your portion of my reports.
22. Do anything because Gwaine did it first or told you to.
23. Be influenced by Gwaine.
24. Go drinking with Gwaine. Always make sure someone else is with you when he drags you away, because hearing of your antics third hand is a humiliating experience.
25. Climb trees. You may weigh as much as a small female child but climbing to the very top is just asking for the branches to snap. You idiot.
26. Attack gits like Cedric. You look absolutely ridiculous.
27. Tell Guinevere untrue stories about me.
28. Tell Guinevere true but humiliating stories about me.
29. Gossip with Guinevere about me. I can tell when you two do because you immediately shut your mouths when I come into the room.
30. Make Guinevere angry with me.
32. Beat me in a horse race. That one time did not count, and you can't deny it.
33. Skip meals. Or I will have your head.
34. Out drink me. I trust I will not have to enforce this clause too hard as I'm sure you remember the experience.
35. Chop down trees.
36. Seemingly read my mind, because it is unsettling no matter how useful it appears to be.
37. 'Study' in broad daylight. Honestly Merlin.
Merlin glared at Arthur. "Well what else am I supposed to do if I can't leave my room?" He asked, referring to the last item on the list.
The prince smiled and reached into his coat pocket once more. He brought out a small stack of letters. "You can go through these and tell me about them later."
Merlin groaned. "But I could be doing something useful."
"This is useful. To me," Arthur said and pushed past Merlin, dragging him into the servant's room. He took the list from him and stuck it to the door so Merlin could see it when he left. "Have fun Merlin!" The prince called and left the room, slamming the door shut behind him.
Merlin frowned before sniffing. His first order of business was pulling away the loose floorboard and getting his spell book. He plopped onto his bed and sighed contentedly, the letters all but forgotten. The list was ignored like it always was. And Merlin was particularly happy with doing something that was on the dreaded list.
Hopefully I made someone laugh! Thanks for reading :D
I love reviews by the way...just sayin'.