Author's Notes

In case you're confused about the spelling, I can explain. According to the credits of season 3 of Get Smart, his name is spelled "Larrabee." According to the credits of seasons 4 and 5, his name is spelled "Larabee." I prefer to use the latter spelling.

Like "D.W. and Brain Haiku" and "Michelle and Joey Haiku," "Max and Larabee Haiku" is a part of my "Synchronous Twosomes Haiku" series. These haiku are arranged in chronological order. The haiku that have quotation marks are based on quotes from the show and often paraphrase conversations between two characters. The haiku that end with "Hints of Lucy R, " "Hints of Ricky R," "Hints of Ethel Mertz," and "Hints of Freddie Mertz" mean that they are possible allusions to I Love Lucy, the haiku that end with "Hints of The Beaver" and "Hints of June Cleaver" mean that they are possible allusions to Leave It to Beaver, and the haiku that end with "Hints of Lisa D" and "Hints of Eb Dawson" mean that they are possible allusions to Green Acres. Apparently it's a television tradition for pairs of characters who have a lot in common to have a lot in common with other pairs of characters who have a lot in common. Did you get that?

I think that season 5 had so many great moments that it was difficult for me to decide which moments to write haiku about. But then I decided that my haiku would consist of specific things that Max and Larabee have in common, Get Smart moments that were very likely inspired by sitcoms I Love Lucy, Leave It to Beaver, and Green Acres; any funny moments involving Larabee; and moments that were very likely the inspiration for plots and gags for TV shows Green Acres, Full House, Arthur, and Monk. Each haiku is numbered, so you can read them at your own pace.

In memory of Robert Karvelas (1921-1991) and Don Adams (1923-2005)

1 Max in "Pheasant Under Glass" 1

Max promised that he

Would teach his son lots of sports

Hints of Ricky R

2 Max in "Pheasant Under Glass" 2

"Know what this mean, Max?"

"This means no Hawaii, right?"

Hints of Lucy R

3 Max and Larabee in "Pheasant Under Glass"

"Bring it in here, please"

"I need help lifting my desk"

Max offers to help

4 Max in "Pheasant Under Glass" 3

"Play the piano"

"All I can play is 'Chopsticks'"

Hints of Ethel Mertz

5 Max and Larabee in "Pheasant Under Glass" 2

"Your picture's good, Max"

"Larabee, you've made my day"

The Chief is not pleased

6 Max in "Pheasant Under Glass" 4

Max's face falls off

On account of the heat lamps

Hints of Lucy R

7 Larabee in "Ironhand" 1

"Show me your hands, please"

He reveals a bowling ball

"It's my bowling night"

8 Larabee in "Ironhand" 2

He broke the hotline

He shouted out the window,

"Mr. President!"

9 Max and Larabee in "Ironhand"

Two of the sixteen

Agents trading the buggies

Hints of The Beaver

10 Max in "Valerie of the Dolls" 1

At the airport, Max

Let the girl with the doll free

He's no little girl

11 Larabee in "Valerie of the Dolls" 1

"Hi, Chief; Larabee"

"How do you know the number?"

"It's in the phonebook"

12 Larabee in "Valerie of the Dolls" 2

"Get him here right now"

"We have to capture him first"

"No, the cab driver"

13 Max in "Valerie of the Dolls" 2

"Why'd he use our phone?"

"Maybe the first floor's empty

"Or he had no change"

14 Larabee in "Valerie of the Dolls" 3

"Didn't you wonder

"Why those people carried dolls?"

"Now that is quite strange"

15 Max and Larabee in "Widow Often Annie" 1

"I know that's it you"

"Even with the carnation?"

"That did not fool me"

16 Max and Larabee in "Widow Often Annie" 2

"I got your message"

"But I didn't leave you one!"

"How do you like that"

17 Larabee in "Widow Often Annie" 1

Max tells Larabee

To hide out on the terrace

The Chief shows him where

18 Larabee in "Widow Often Annie" 2

Ann revealed her scheme

Larabee's tape recorder

Wasn't recording

19 Max and Larabee in "The Treasure of C. Errol Madre" 1

"The bank's a false front"

"Why that explains everything!"

Withdrawal before ten

20 Max and Larabee in "The Treasure of C. Errol Madre" 2

Max wanted to know

Where Larabee was hiding

Elevator roof

21 Max and Larabee in "Smart Fell on Alabama" 1

Larabee wanted

Ninety-Nine to hurry up

Because he's tied up

22 Max in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 1

Maxwell Smart wants to

Tell Ninety-Nine the good news

It is a through street

23 Larabee in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 1

The Chief is surprised

To see Larabee at work

He's twelve hours off

24 Larabee in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 2

"I can't hear a thing"

"You're holding it upside-down"

"Chief, you're a genius"

25 Max in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 2

On the telephone

Max asks the Chief to hang up

Just for Ninety-Nine

26 Max in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 3

The Chief says, "Knock-knock"

Naturally, Max asks, "Who's there?"

The password's a joke

27 Max in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 4

Simon spilled coffee

On Max; Max stared at Simon

Max said he was cold

28 Max in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 5

Simon and Max hung

Their coats in the coffee shop

But Max grabbed Simon's

29 Larabee in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 2" 1

Ninety-Nine's mother

Asked where Larabee is from

He has no idea

30 Larabee in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 2" 2

Larabee wanted

To go into the gift shop

Before Simon leaves

31 Max and Larabee in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 2" 1

"You are outnumbered"

But Larabee gets knocked down

And then Maxwell Smart

32 Larabee in "Physician Impossible" 1

He stepped on a nail

He refused to take it out

He must stay in first

33 Max in "Physician Impossible" 1

Max thought he was out

Of bullets; he dropped his gun

And shot Big Eddie

34 Larabee in "Physician Impossible" 2

Max is impressed with

The trophy Larabee won

Hints of The Beaver

35 Max and Larabee in "Physician Impossible" 1

Larabee has won

A trophy just like his wife

She is a wrestler

36 Larabee in "Physician Impossible" 3

"Big Eddie is gone

"So are Max and Ninety-Nine"

"What do you not like?"

37 Max and Larabee in "Physician Impossible" 2

"I know where they are

"Six miles south of Berlin"

Missed it by that much

38 Max and Larabee in "The Apes of Rath" 1

"'Postal worker ape?'

"That is so ridiculous"

"Not for Christmas rush"

39 Max in "The Apes of Rath" 1

"How is it that ape

"Could slip past Control agents?"

"What do you not get?"

40 Max and Larabee in "The Apes of Rath" 2

"Pst, Max, it's your wife"

"So, why are you whispering?"

"Are you in trouble?"

41 Max and Larabee in "The Apes of Rath" 3

Max had the idea

That Larabee was the man

As well as the Chief

42 Max in "The Apes of Rath" 2

He must feed a twin

He fell asleep right away

Hints of Ricky R

43 Max in "Age Before Duty" 1

Carruthers told Max

He was only twenty-eight

"Well, you don't look it"

44 Larabee in "Age Before Duty" 1

Ninety-Nine was so

Thankful for the baby gift

(The Beaver and June)

45 Larabee in "Age Before Duty" 2

Ninety-Nine did not

Know the gift was delivered

By Larabee's wife

46 Max and Larabee in "Age Before Duty" 1

There's a change of plans

They won't golf on Saturday

Checker tournament

47 Max and Larabee in "Age Before Duty" 2

Larabee's accused

Of aging all the agents

No way was it him!

48 Larabee in "Age Before Duty" 3

"Seal off every door"

"I will do just as you say"

"Open, Larabee!"

49 Larabee in "Moonlighting Becomes You" 1

"There's an important

"Call for you on Line Four, Chief."

"That's the line you're on!"

50 Max in "Moonlighting Becomes You" 1

Max put his hand in

A lemon meringue pie slice

So did Ninety-Nine

51 Larabee in "Moonlighting Becomes You" 2

Did Chief mean "shut-up?"

He thought of another, "closed"

He can't take a hint

52 Max in "House of Max, Part 1" 1

Max went on and on

Wiggs said that he would confess

As long as Max stops

53 Max in "House of Max, Part 2" 1

Maxwell Smart handcuffed

Himself to the inspector

Hints of Lucy R

54 Max in "Rebecca of Funny-Folk Farm" 1

Max is on a plane

He's the only passenger

He blows up his phone

55 Larabee in "Rebecca of Funny-Folk Farm" 1

The Chief's balloon phone

Escapes from Larabee's mouth

"Just use a real phone"

56 Max in "Rebecca of Funny-Folk Farm" 2

Body in the clock

"I guess Sebastian could not

"Live a normal life"

57 Max and Larabee in "Rebecca of Funny-Folk Farm" 1

"It is not good for

"Him to be inside the clock;

"Where's his family?"

58 Max and Larabee in "Rebecca of Funny-Folk Farm" 2

"Hey, are you all right?

"You tripped and fell down the stairs!"

"Well, I told you so!"

59 Larabee in "The Mess of Adrian Listenger" 1

"I'll be at the lab

"You'll know where to contact me"

"No, I don't know, where?"

60 Larabee in "The Mess of Adrian Listenger" 2

"What lunch date with Max?"

"The message is on your desk

"All desks look alike"

61 Max in "Witness for the Execution" 1

"BUG IN ROOM" paper

"Who is it you're calling, Max?"

"Exterminator"

62 Larabee in "Witness for the Execution" 1

"There's a bug in here?"

"Just a listening device"

Bug spray can explodes

63 Max in "Witness for the Execution" 2

The box was ticking

So Max tossed the box into

Earl Kibbee's hideout

64 Max in "How Green Was My Valet" 1

Doctor Harper's lunch

"This drink tastes really sour"

"That's the rocket fuel!"

65 Max and Larabee in "How Green Was My Valet" 1

Maxwell Smart will be

The ambassador's valet

"Take my hat and coat"

66 Larabee in "How Green Was My Valet" 1

The note was in code

All that he could understand

Was to swallow it

67 Max and Larabee in "How Green Was My Valet" 2

What is Larabee

Whispering in the Chief's ear?

Babysitting fees

68 Larabee in "How Green Was My Valet" 2

Larabee could not

Find any baby powder

So he brought cornstarch

69 Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 1

On her fingernail

Ninety-Nine called Larabee

Wanted: thesaurus

70 Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 2

The twins can play in

The sand in his apartment

The vacuum's broken

71 Max and Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 1

"Why didn't he just

"Sweep the sand out with a broom?"

"You're not related?"

72 Max in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 1

The fake Ninety-Nine

Wanted Max to eat her food

So that he would die

73 Larabee in "And only Two Ninety-Nine" 3

"Go to the store now?"

"There's no better time to go"

"Tomorrow's the sale"

74 Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 4

"Gun down and arms up"

Larabee does as he says

"Not you, Larabee"

75 Max and Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 2

Which one is his wife?

Max is so dizzy that he

Points at Larabee

76 Max and Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 3

Where is Larabee?

He is sitting down eating

Lemon meringue pie

77 Max in "Smartacus" 1

Larabee is not

On the phone; he's at the door

Hints of June Cleaver

78 Larabee in "Smartacus" 1

It is both the gift

And the thought that worries him

Japanese dagger

79 Max and Larabee in "Smartacus" 1

Larabee asks Max

What he should do with his gift

(Lucy and Ricky)

80 Max and Larabee in "Smartacus" 2

Larabee knew what

Was in the Chief's envelope

Hints of Ethel Mertz

81 Max and Larabee in "Smartacus" 3

"Someone called for you"

"No, Larabee, that was me!"

(The Beaver and June)

82 Max and Larabee in "Smartacus" 4

"This is a Code Four"

"Are you sure it's not Code Five?"

"Not you! Ninety-Nine!"

83 Max in "Smartacus" 2

Max had an idea

He made pillars and busts fall

On Centurion

84 Larabee in "Smartacus" 2

Montague was shot

In the arm and dropped his gun

Larabee was mad

85 Max and Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 1

Max has no idea

What he thinks of the breadstick

Lists do not taste good

86 Max and Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 2

"You don't understand"

"But, Chief, Max does have a job"

"He does, but you don't!"

87 Max in "What's It All About, Algie?" 1

Which part of Japan

Did Max say that he came from?

Eh, the Orient?

88 Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 1

"Tell me, Larabee,

"What you do not think will help"

"Watering this plant"

89 Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 2

"I am forty-two"

"Forty-two? You don't look it"

Hints of Freddie Mertz

90 Max and Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 3

"If you fire me,

"Larabee gets promoted"

"How soon after five?"

91 Max in "What's It All About, Algie?" 2

In Max's photo

He's on a birthday pony

Hints of Lisa D

92 Max in "What's It All About, Algie?" 3

Before Max gets killed

He expected to get payed

Hints of Eb Dawson

93 Max in "What's It All About, Algie?" 4

Algernon DeGrasse

Knows where the two agents are

"Heh, poison ivy?"

94 Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 3

"Take this plant away!"

"Where should I put the plant, Chief?"

"Put it by your desk"

95 Max in "Hello, Columbus—Goodbye, America" 1

"So the capital

"Is Columbus, Ohio?"

Hints of Ricky R

96 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 1

The idiot who

Smashed the front of the Chief's car

Has not arrived yet

97 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 2

New windshield wiper

Larabee keeps his lunch safe

The Vice President?

98 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 3

Driving on Taylor

Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, and Eighth

"Yes, Max, we passed Fourth"

99 Max in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 1

Thirteen-agent plan

That's when the Chief threw the book

Hints of Lucy R

100 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 4

The truck was dirty

Key-in-a-book-in-a-chest

Simply shoot the lock

101 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 5

"Why two bodyguards?"

"Because he needs protection

"From his employees"

102 Max in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 2

Maxwell Smart and Chief

Say that their lines are busy

(Lucy and Ricky)

103 Max in "Do I Hear I Vaults?" 3

"Is there anything

"I can do to help you, Chief?"

"Keep Max off the phone!"

104 Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 1

Twenty-four hours

Worth of air; Larabee breathes

Hints of Lucy R

105 Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 2

"A quarter won't work"

Larabee has a Plan B

Ten and ten and five

106 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 6

Larabee is trapped

In the vault a second time

Hints of The Beaver

107 Max and Larabee in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 1

"Did you contact Max?"

"Yes, I did; you know me, Chief"

"That's why I'm asking"

108 Larabee in "I Am Curiosly Yellow" 1

"Create a roadblock"

Larabee was in the trunk

Roadblock established

109 Max in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 1

The Whip hit the gong

Which hypnotized Maxwell Smart

The gun is not safe

110 Max in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 2

The Whip, on the phone,

Asked Max if he understood

Max could just say, "Heh?"

111 Max in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 3

Max would not allow

Ninety-Nine to wash dishes

Hints of Ricky R

112 Max and Larabee in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 2

Max and Ninety-Nine

Kissed, and Larabee watched them

Larabee said, "Heh?"

113 Max and Larabee in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 3

Whip cannot get through

Unless Larabee hangs up

The Chief hangs up, too

114 Max and Larabee in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 4

The Chief hypnotized

Called Larabee his master

Hints of The Beaver

Haiku Notes: One, Ricky in "Lucy Hires an English Tutor;" Two, Lucy in "Lucy's Hawaiian Vacation; Four, Ethel in "Ragtime Band;" Six, Lucy in "L.A. at Last!"; Nine, Beaver in "Beaver's Doll Buggy;" Thirty-Four, Beaver in "Ward's Problem;" Forty-Two, Ricky in "Lucy Hires a Maid;" Forty-Four, Beaver and June in "Forgotten Party;" Fifty-Three, Lucy in "The Handcuffs;" Seventy-Seven, June in "Beaver and Gilbert;" Seventy-Nine, Lucy and Ricky in "Homecoming" and "Building a Bar-B-Q;" Eighty, Ethel in "Drafted;" Eighty-One, "Beaver and June in "No Time for Babysitters;" Eighty-Nine, Fred in "Lucy in the Swiss Alps;" Ninety-One, Lisa in "The Birthday Gift;" Ninety-Two, General Eb; Ninety-Five, Ricky in "Lucy Gets Ricky on the Radio;" Ninety-Nine, Lucy in "The Black Eye;" One Hundred Two, Lucy and Ricky in "Fred and Ethel Fight;" One Hundred Three, Lucy in "The Freezer;" One Hundred Six, Beaver in "Price of Fame;" One Hundred Ten, Ricky in "Building a Bar-B-Q;" One Hundred Thirteen, Beaver in "The Hypnotist."