Edited: July 5, 2012. Revised a few details, fixed a few mistakes.
A/N: I'm starting yet another Teen Titans story. I'll be doing this one alongside To Clean a Tower. It originally wasn't supposed to be a journal, but somehow, without my permission, made itself into one.
'Italics' are Beast Boy's writing. 'Normal' is the story. Hopefully it's not too confusing. Hope you enjoy. ~
Disclaimer: I do not own.
Summary (of this entry): "Complete and Absolute Pandemonium, or The Day the Titans Decided to Add a Second Bathroom."
Beast Boy's Crazy Journal of Wacky Events
Entry #1: Beast Boy and the Paper Training Incident
First off, I gotta say that the title was not my idea; Raven suggested it!
These days, I've been noticing the crazy amount of wacky events happening around this Tower. So I decided to go out and get a journal. Yeah, I'm actually going to write here, Robin. I can write, you know.
This week, in terms of weirdness, was off the charts. What happened? We decided to add a second bathroom to the Tower. Even though at first it seemed like a good idea, at the end, we learned that it wasn't.
This is what happened…
After a long and quite agonizing afternoon hopping outside the locked bathroom door, Beast Boy had an idea he should have had a long, long time ago: Titans Tower needed a second bathroom.
In his opinion, they needed four more, so nobody would ever have to wait, but he was pretty sure the other Titans wouldn't agree. After all, they never had to wait long. When it came to bathroom lineups, Beast Boy was always dead last. He didn't know if it was due to his being part animal or seemingly lack of hygienic habits, but Beast Boy didn't care. He wanted equality, and if equality came in the form of a second bathroom, Beast Boy would deem it fair enough. Now he just needed the other Titans to agree. It wouldn't be that hard, right?
It wasn't supposed to be hard at all! Everyone was supposed to agree immediately and say it was an awesome idea and congratulate me for thinking it up—
Raven, gimme back my pen! And stop holding me upside down with your magic!
—except that's not what happened.
"You've been pretty quiet all night," Robin commented, looking up from his mashed potatoes and steak to Beast Boy. "Is everything all right?"
"A miracle," Raven said dryly. "Beast Boy quiet all night." She smirked.
Beast Boy ignored her. This was the moment he had been waiting for. A small smile spread across his elfish face, and then a large grin blossomed. "Dudes," he declared loudly, standing up to better commemorate the announcement, "we need a second bathroom." He looked around for a moment, and then continued. "No waiting, no line-ups, no hopping in agony all day long. It's a great idea!"
Cyborg barely managed to contain himself from spewing his barbecued ribs all over Starfire. "BB, you just had to go and say that!" he complained, waving his arms. "We're eating! I'm eating!"
Beast Boy shrugged, the grin still plastered on his face. "Rob just had to ask," he mimicked.
"No," Robin said firmly. He put down his fork and stared Beast Boy in the eyes.
The changeling blinked in confusion, his mind still trying to comprehend Robin's response. "Wait... Did ya seriously say…?"
"No—I mean, yes, I did say 'no'," Robin repeated stubbornly, masked eyes never wavering. "We don't have time or space to add a second bathroom. One's plenty enough."
"How can you say that," protested Beast Boy, "when we have to wait all the time? I mean, today, I was waiting for hours!"
Raven sighed and set down her cup of tea on the table. "Guys, are we really having this conversation at dinner? Some people are eating, you know."
"That's what I said!" Cyborg exclaimed. Pushing his empty plate aside, he grabbed a larger-than-life meat-filled sandwich and started happily chomping on it.
Beast Boy made a face.
It was disgusting. Really, it was one of the most horrific meals I have ever seen. All those dead animal bits sticking out—eww.
Starfire was the only one who had not spoken. Looking at the leader of the Titans with thoughtful green eyes, she said, "Friends, I believe Beast Boy is correct."
"Huh?" Beast Boy asked, turning to her. "I mean, you do?"
The alien princess nodded. "His points are valid."
"Great!" The green Titan pumped a triumphant fist in the air before taking a large bite of his tofu sandwich. "So who else is with us?" he mumbled through a mouthful.
With delicate fingers and a slight scowl, Raven picked bits of half-chewed tofu off her cloak, depositing them in a neat little pile next to Beast Boy's plate. "Much as I am reluctant to say this, I agree with Beast Boy."
The shapeshifter grinned, then turned to the last Titan he could appeal to. "You agree, too, right, Cy?"
The half-robot paused in his eating long enough to look up and blink in confusion. "Agree to what?"
"Having a second bathroom," Beast Boy explained. "What we've been talking about for the last ten minutes. What you responded to earlier. That."
Cyborg mentally accessed his memory banks. "Oh. That. Bathrooms at the dinner table. I was eating barbecued ribs. Right."
"So do you agree?" He hopped up and down. "No more long bathroom lines! No more fights to use the bathroom! No more restricted access!" he chanted while skipping around the room.
"'Restricted'," Raven droned, following him with her eyes. "What a hard word."
Beast Boy stopped long enough to childishly stick his tongue out at her. "I checked the dictionary!"
Robin swallowed the last bite on his plate and got up to put it in the sink while trying not to collide with the still-skipping elf. Along the way, he told Beast Boy, "You make it sound as if two bathrooms between five people will never result in lineups."
"Dude!" Beast Boy cried, finally crashing onto his seat. "Why are you so set against the idea, anyway?"
"He never has to wait," offered Raven as she sipped the last of her tea, "and he takes long gelling his hair."
"I agree," Cyborg said suddenly, responding to Beast Boy earlier. "There's an old storage closet we can empty out and use. I shoulda done it while I was designing the Tower, but I don't think it's too late now. What do you think, Rob?"
The Boy Wonder looked at the four Titans facing him and exhaled loudly. "Don't I get veto powers or something?" he muttered under his breath.
"Nope!" Beast Boy cried gleefully. "So it's settled! Titan's Tower is getting a second bathroom!"
Cybrog nodded in determined agreement. "I'll design it, BB, Star, and Raven can move everything because of their powers, and Robin… Rob, what job do ya want?"
The leader of the Titans slipped into his seat, put his head into his hands, and moaned softly. This was not going to go well.
It doesn't matter what he thinks. I won that round, anyway. So by now Cyborg was ordering the materials online, and me, Star, and Raven had started to clean out the closet, and let me tell you, it wasn't pretty.
"Dude!" Beast Boy exclaimed, as he came out covered in dust and holding another Bird-a-rang. "How many of these does Robin have stashed in here?"
"That's only the fifth one," Raven reminded him, equally dusty.
Coming out into the hallway, Beast Boy threw the Bird-a-rang into the pile that had already amassed high in to the air. It rolled down to rest where Starfire was sitting cross-legged, sorting the pile.
"The tip is broken," she noticed, fingering the cracked edge as she inspected it with critical green eyes. "That is most likely the reason why friend Robin has thrown this into the closet."
"So it's like his personal garbage can?" Beast Boy wailed. "I want one!"
Raven raised an eyebrow. "Isn't your room your personal garbage can?"
"Hey!" he defended himself. "My room is not a trash can!"
It's not, really! I have valuable stuff in there!
Like what? Um…well… stuff. You know. Stuff.
Just then, Robin walked around the corner. "You guys done yet? Cy sent me to check up on the process."
"Almost," Beast Boy replied cheerfully. "Just about two million more trips back and forth and we'll be finished."
"He means, we're nowhere close to finished," Raven interpreted, coming back with another armful of junk.
And so it went. Each day Robin returned, asking about our "progress", he called it. Seriously, how could he expect us to finish that fast? I mean, the closet was like never-ending, stretching back and back and back and—
Okay, I'll get to the point. And it was filled with loads of junk (old and forgotten, Raven adds). Often, I discovered lost treasures.
"Hey, look, a picture of us at the beach!"
"You took that, didn't you?"
"Serves you right."
Mostly, though, the contents were junk and assorted garbage. Me an' Rae—
Fine. Raven and me—
Stop correcting me, Raven!
Raven and I—there, it's grammatically correct now—Raven and I took out the items and delivered them to Starfire, who sorted them into a few piles. I named them 'Junk', 'Treasure', and 'What the Heck Is This'? The last category was the coolest. I loved going through it at the end of the day.
"That's what Cyborg uses to screw on replacement body parts."
"Yeah, you shouldn't have asked."
Except for that one time. Other than that, it was awesomely fascinating!
So we did this every single day for half a week, until one day, a miracle occurred: The closet was empty. Cyborg took away the three piles, and then we all came to inspect my—I mean, our—hard work.
They peered in through the doorway. Cyborg shined a flashlight into the darkness, illuminating the… emptiness. There was absolutely nothing in the closet.
"It's empty," Robin offered.
"Well, duh, Captain Obvious," Beast Boy exclaimed. "We emptied it—and it took half a week!"
"It would've been faster if you hadn't taken the time to inspect every little thing," Raven reminded him.
"Friend Cyborg," Starfire asked, "may I inquire as to if you have completed the blueprints of the room of bathing?"
The metallic teen glanced at her. "I gave the job to Robin. He needed something to do."
The Boy Wonder nodded. "I finished them yesterday."
"Can we see them?" asked Starfire, coming to stand beside Robin.
Cyborg reached over her and closed the closet door. "How about after dinner? I'm starving!"
Don't ask about dinner. It wasn't pretty.
No, Cyborg, I was not referring to my tofu. It was your meat that wasn't pretty. In fact, it was downright disgusting!
I know, Robin, dinner isn't part of the story. But Cy started it!
After dinner… Well, that wasn't a good time either. You'll see.
"Raven," Robin said cautiously, coming up the reading empath. "Have you seen my blueprints?"
Her violet eyes widened imperceptibly, coming to a halt. "Where'd you last leave them?"
"On the top of the filing cabinet next to the washroom," he answered, scratching his head. "But they're not there anymore."
"Go ask Beast Boy, then," she replied quietly. "And don't yell at him too much."
As the Boy Wonder walked away, he wondered what Raven meant.
The dark hallways of the Tower were sparsely illuminated with flickering bulbs strung onto the ceiling. In the shadows, Robin almost missed Beast Boy. The green changeling was huddled next to the bathroom door, eyes looking down.
"Hey, Beast Boy," Robin greeted him. "Have you seen my blueprints for the next washroom?"
The elf regarded him blankly. "I've never seen them, dude, so how can I tell they're your blueprints? 'Cause Cyborg said you coded it or something."
Robin scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "It's a habit I picked up while being Batman's apprentice," he explained.
"So which code did you use?" Beast Boy asked curiously.
"Actually," Robin said slowly, "I used invisible ink. I found an old stash in my office."
Beast Boy turned an odd shade of colour. "Invisible ink? On what?"
Robin shrugged. "I used the morning newspaper. It's convenient."
"Don't tell me it was this morning's newspaper," Beast Boy rasped. He seemed to shrink into himself.
The leader of the Titans looked at him strangely. "It was. Why?"
Beast Boy muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "Raven, why?"
"'Why?'" Robin echoed. "Beast Boy, what's going on?" He sat down next to Beast Boy and glanced at him.
"Promise not to yell at me too much," he said solemnly.
Robin watched the short Titan slumped against the wall, and only muttered, "Okay…" before Beast Boy launched into an explanation.
"Okay," he said firmly, his voice having much more power, "this is exactly the reason why we need a second bathroom, but this probably the reason why we won't."
"'Won't'?" Robin echoed again.
"Yeah. So Starfire was using the bathroom today, and I was waiting for her but she was taking really, really long—"
Robin raised an eyebrow. He had a bad feeling about this.
"—and Raven passed by me and noticed me in my situation and said, 'I hope you're paper trained'—"
Yes, that is what you said! Those were the exact words!
Robin had a really bad feeling about this.
"—and after half an hour—dude, do you know how long that is when you really have to go?—I, uh, took today's morning newspapers and changed into a cat—it was a little one—and, um…" He trailed off, looking at his shoes. He fidgeted nervously, waiting for Robin to react.
"You know what, Beast Boy," Robin said tiredly. "I think we shouldn't add another bathroom. It's just too much work."
That's the summarized version of the story. If I told you every single detail of the encounter—well, let's say I'm not a big fan of handing out free blackmail material. Yeah, Cy, that comment was directed at you.
So there you have it. Our reason for only having one bathroom in the entire Tower, even though there's five of us living here—six at one point—and tons of free space and an empty closet—and… and... Well, you get my point. Anyway, Robin said 'no' and I don't think I can change his mind, although after this incident I don't think I'll try to.
"Done!" Beast Boy cried. "I'm done the first entry!"
He looked up to see that the commons room couch was empty.
"Hey, dudes?" he called into the silence. "Where'd you guys go?"
There was no answer.
Beast Boy shrugged and went to his room. In the darkness, he navigated his way over to his bookshelf, and pushed the journal to the very back, stuffed behind the torn-up comic books.
Thanks for reading. Reviews appreciated.
Next entry: To Be a Raven.