And now I do the one thing that the little voice in the back of my head (or all of you, I'm not really sure) demanded from the getgo. At least I have a plot with it, so shush. For all you diehard Germany x Italy Veneziano fans running around…yeah, this isn't for you. Turn around before you get yourself extremely disappointed.
He was never really supposed to be there at that moment.
But he had been.
It was all during a World Meeting in Germany. All Rizal was doing was walking around the building trying to find the poor German because for sure he had been talking to his Germaphobic sister and she gave in to her crazy fears and started screaming out of the room. What he ended up getting instead was finding him in his private study singing quietly to himself about loneliness and the fact that people are always scared of him.
At first, he couldn't help but think of it as highly ironic. This was Ludwig. He was raised with loving care by Gilbert (of all people, why him…?), created an entire empire TWICE with so many other countries, and was now perhaps the strongest country in the world (if it hadn't been for America). His relations with other nations are extremely positive. He treats people with respect, even Ivan, and he was the one who separated him from his brother. And how in the world did Rizal go through this explanation without mentioning Feliciano at least once?
On the other hand, Rizal was raised completely different. Not only was he raised into fear from the get-go, he was raised by humans. He was born with enough hatred for Spain that it carried on to this very day. And unlike most of the other colonies he and his sister only saw the bad end of things. England tried taking over, but failed. America freed them from Spain after so long, only to be captive by him and his leaders. Then Japan took them over before America finally freed them…this time for good. Never mind the fact that Kiku and Charice are now good friends. And never mind the fact that he knew the reason why Charice was scared of Germans…
No. Don't think about it. He wasn't involved with it. No country can directly affect every single man and woman they house. He can't be blamed for this.
The both of them were raised in two completely different scenarios. More than anything, Rizal should be the lonely one of the two. So how in the world was Germany out of all people the one abandoned by everyone in the end? He didn't deserve it. Especially since he was the victim, not the criminal, of the world wars he had faced…
That was when he wondered something: when did he start caring so much?
Maybe it was because Ludwig was the embodiment of a nation that should be running the world. He's serious, puts the duty of the nation on his shoulders and actually takes it to heart instead of whatever the hell the other people are thinking, and is a soldier more than anything else. But the only problem is that he has a hard time trying to state out his emotions…kinda like Rizal, really. Only except he had people to talk to. God forbid he told Charice that he was weaker than what he looked like. He was the solid rock of the two and he shall remain that way.
Maybe it was because he felt a strange connection to Ludwig as the serious and powerful younger brother to the rather crazy older sibling. In his case, it was a woman. In Ludwig's case, it had to be Gilbert. Rizal had no idea how Ludwig handled him. He would've been suicidal if he had a brother like him. God, he would've been like Lovino. That was scary to think. But no, that can't be it.
So what was it?
Halfway through his singing, he realized that Ludwig was saying the same thing over and over again: Einsamkeit. He kept singing of his loneliness. He never once said that someone was taking him out of that hole. He kept saying how alone he was. Instantly, Rizal felt something powerful run through his blood. The last time he felt pain like this, he had seen his namesake executed right before his very eyes. He didn't get it. What was this…?
"…hindi ka nag-iisa…du bistnicht allein…" He found himself sliding to the ground. "You're…not alone."
The pain was coming at him almost as if it possessed his body, wrenching him down like he had some form of disease. His body temperature was at five billion, he could barely hear anything past the pounding in his ears, and his mind was racing. What was all this? Was someone attacking the building? Crap, what about…?
"Ve~~~there you are, Ludwig!"
Rizal's heart stopped as he heard familiar footsteps enter the room from another doorway. It had to be Feliciano. No doubt about it. He felt another pain in his stomach, and this one he knew: jealousy. But what for?
"Ve~? What's wrong?"
"…nothing." He heard Ludwig answer. "I was just sorting out some files."
He knew that Feliciano knew how big of a liar Ludwig was, but he made no say in it. The pain continued as they sounded so casual with each other, his legs refusing to move. It was then that he remembered Charice's words from a long time ago from the back of her head.
"Hey, look at this! It's a romance novel I got from Spain!"
He leaned forward.
"You see, the couple in here are in love but they don't know it, so the evil bad guy comes in and takes one of them away while trying to convince them that they're in love, right? In the end, the hero comes in and saves the day!"
Was that what it is? Was he in love with Ludwig? The same way that couple in that novel was? But wait, everyone was saying how Ludwig and Feliciano were in love. Wouldn't that make him the evil bad guy…?
He was never supposed to be there at that moment.
But he had been.
And it had changed his life forever.
For the second time in his life, he openly wept.
He had no idea how in the world he got in this situation. Just a few hours ago, he was openly crying about being in love with a German who was openly in love with an Italian. Now here he was, in the middle of some drunk man's game, being pinned onto the wall by the very same man that captured his heart so. And he wants to kiss him. Unless he heard wrong. And god pray that he did.
He was whispering something to him, but he couldn't hear through the endless pounding in his ears. The sweat was running through his brow. His muscles were telling him that he shouldn't run in a situation like this. This was going to be the moment that will change him, they seemed to say. Rizal was no longer going to be the man that lived only to protect and fight and shun the world for what it had done to him. After this moment, he was just going to be Rizal Pacquiao…an ordinary sixteen year old boy going through the trials of teenage life and falling love all the same…
The fact that they were touching lips no longer mattered. The screams and cheers of the boys and girls no longer mattered. All that mattered was that he was trying not to cry…or hold his face…or try to kiss back…this moment was for him to take in, not to give back. His sister was watching, and she was sober. Any indication that he liked this would scare her. No…let him sink into this moment…this was something only for him. She should understand…
They parted, and Rizal forced his muscles back. Ludwig was drunk, no doubt about that. He was not going to remember this, but nonetheless he shouldn't remember Rizal holding him too. That would not only destroy their friendship, but Rizal's only chance to back away if he had to. A smile had formed on the German's lips.
"…zis vas my first kis, you know…you should be lucky…"
He froze. That cannot be happening. Please tell this boy that he was lying. Please. Please.
"Hm…you too, eh? Guezz my choice vas correct…"
Ludwig jumped away and pulled a hero pose, allowing more people to cheer for him and for Rizal to finally drop to his knees in shock. Never mind the fact that he had just been kissed by the man he was having a crush on. The fact that it was a first kiss…
"…I'm going to need a beer…a lot of them…"
The beer did nothing to erase his memory of that moment from his mind, but fortunately for him it did to everyone else (especially his sister…thank god). As he entered the room the next day, he saw to his surprise that no one was saying anything about him kissing the German, not even Ludwig himself. That was a great moment for Rizal, seeing as how he nearly dodged a bullet on that one. He sighed and sat next to Charice in relief, a smile drooping on his face.
"What's getting you on the happy meter?" She asked, laughing.
"Oh, nothing." He answered, pulling out his yo-yo. "Just in a good mood."
"Oh, well that's awesome!" A familiar voice rang out. "Who'd you bang?"
"I can get out of the mood just as quickly, you know…"
He shut up, but Rizal was too happy to start fighting people now. It was the first day that he was a new man, and he had to admit that he wasn't really expecting to start the new day acting more like Charice. He was actually in the mood to jump Italians today. Seems creepy, but true.
"He seems so happy today~!" Elizabeta chirped from next to Charice. "Wonder what he did yesterday?"
"I'm not really sure, but I'm glad that he got a little happier~!" Charice chirped. "Speaking of which, did you get the pictures?"
"They're still intact…albeit a little blurry…"
"Better blurry than nothing!"
Rizal quietly turned his head to see that Elizabeta and Charice were looking in the camera for their pictures. Fortunately, he saw nothing of him kissing Ludwig but he did see the flirting between the drunk Ludwig and Feliciano. And the both of them were squealing.
"Aww…aren't the both of them so adorable~?" Elizabeta chirped.
"I know, I know!" Charice answered. "Ludwig and Feliciano deserve to be together!"
At that moment, Rizal stopped.
"They really do. They were so close during the second war, that it's not even funny. I'm surprised that they haven't kissed each other yet!"
"I don't think they kissed anyone yet!"
Rizal tried not to cough.
"They belong with each other…two star-crossed lovers, yet to unite…"
"Yeah…whoever tries to break them up must work with the Devil or something!"
He couldn't take it anymore. All his happiness popped like a bubble, but then again this was all really his fault. Sorry if he had been sent by the Devil. Curse his own soul if they have too. Still, he kept that smile intact and moved on…however hard it was.
It had been a long time since that incident happened. Rizal had turned back to normal, the happiness high officially over, and life moved on. He and Ludwig never really talked past what they had to say to each other, and Rizal forced himself to continue suffering. Then again, when his own sister unwittingly called himself a servant of the Devil…
Never mind. Don't think about it.
He forced himself to focus on the yo-yo in his hand as he kept his mind as far away from it as it could…but he couldn't stop thinking about it. Ludwig kept coming back with a vengeance, as well as the image of him smiling and saying anything nice that he could think about.
"You know, I never really noticed how serious you are all the time."
Keep the yo-yo constant…
"You're different than the other nations that I have seen."
Don't think of anything else…
"I'm glad to have known you…"
A clunk shocked him. He looked down and realized that his yo-yo had fallen from his hand and had crashed on the ground. Rizal stared at it like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. He hadn't dropped a yo-yo since the days when he was just learning how to use it. This was a first…he never dropped them…not this easily…
"Are you all right?"
He paused, turning his head and seeing a rather surprised Ludwig standing just a few feet away from him. Rizal's mind immediately decided that it was not going to work and before he knew it he had no idea how to speak English.
"Are you sure you're all right? You're not saying anything."
"…" Oh, there's the English part of his brain. "I'm fine…I was just thinking about something."
"Really?" He sat down next to Rizal. "Is it anything…I can help with?"
"…not really…" At least, he hoped not. "Um…it's something that happened a long time ago…"
"You're talking about Jose Rizal."
"…" He turned his head away. "It's been a while since that day, you know…"
"When that actually happened? Or when we had a meeting in your land just a few months ago?"
He said nothing. Sad to say, it was a nice distraction from thinking about Ludwig…but not really. He wished for Jose's forgiveness.
"I see…" Ludwig looked away. "Though I have to say…it's probably for the best."
"Facing the past." He sighed, leaning on his leg. "I still haven't tried thinking about it."
"Well, it was still fairly recent." Rizal tried to sound normal. "The scars are still fresh…but then again, you're going to have to face it one of these days…"
"Yeah…" Ludwig stated. "I do…"
"…well, not now." Rizal blinked. "It took me over 300 years, you know…to face my demons."
"…I guess so…"
The boy had nothing to say as he looked down to the yo-yo in his hand. It was made out of the strongest wood out there, the very same one he used to save his sister from four nations and fight the Second World War. For some reason, it hasn't chipped but has been caked a thousand times in blood. There was actually one stain that he was never able to remove…the one that happened when he was being tortured. That was his own blood. It was strange seeing it-
Wait, was Ludwig leaning on his head?
Holy crap, he was.
"Hm?" He lifted his head…and then realized what he just did. "Oh! Um…I-I'm…I'm sorry."
The two of them sat there in silence, trying not to look at each other, looking in front of them and mumbling stuff to themselves in their own languages. After a few minutes of that, Ludwig turned toward Rizal, who was barely aware that he was looking at him. His golden eyes slowly moved up to him.
"Do you…have something to say?" Rizal finally found himself saying.
"…no…but…" Ludwig shook his head. "No…I have something, but…"
"…well?" The tension was awkward. "W-what is it?"
"…I'm worried for you."
His brain stopped.
"Charice said that you've been quieter more so than usual, and that you're hiding something from her." He stated. "She said that she's worried about you."
"…she shouldn't be. I should be worried about her." Rizal stated back. "I've been watching over her for so long…"
"Why? You're the younger brother."
"…I don't know why. But the answer I came up with was because I was born at the height of the Philippine Revolution."
"I…it means that I'm…not born like normal nations are." Rizal looked up. "Some nations are born with revolutions, sure, but…literally…I've been born to serve Charice's freedom. I knew nothing but fighting for freedom."
"Gay, I know, but…think about it. My nation has never been separated like any other civil war out in the Western Nation. Charice isn't supposed to be separated like Feliciano and Lovino."
"I'm not supposed to exist, Ludwig. I was supposed to die out the minute Alfred gave Charice her freedom."
Ludwig was silent.
"But after a while, I still haven't died out. I began to get worried. Why was I still alive. Was I borrowing time? If so, from who? What poor soul am I stealing someone's life from? Am I worth it?"
"Every life is worth it, Rizal. Especially yours."
Rizal knew that he was saying it just because he wanted to be nice. It was fine. Talking about something like that is bound to get mercy talks from other people. But being hugged by him was something else entirely. Five seconds later, he found his head leaning on Ludwig's shoulder and was having his arm rubbed like the back of a baby. He wanted to push him away, but there was no more energy for him to use.
"…I was created by the Devil…" He mumbled. "Made only to hate the bastard that used my sister…"
"You were protecting your sister. We all have blood on our hands, Rizal. We're not saints."
"I know, but…I'm not even a real nation, right? I don't fit into history. I was just Charice's other half…"
"God, listen to me. What the hell is wrong with me now…?" He stood up and sighed. "Here I am…I'm supposed to be this strong…this strong person, trying to protect my sister from god knows what, and here I am whining like a five year old about completely useless thoughts!"
"Geez…" He leaned on the wall. "I really must be made from the pits of hell…some fangirl hellhole or whatever…"
He turned around and was immediately pinned to the wall by the German. It had been so long ago since he had been like this (by the same person, no less), and he almost forgot how big his body was compared to the small Filipino…how his touch was completely draining him down.
"…what the hell are you…doing?" Rizal looked up in confusion.
"…" Ludwig sighed, his hand next to his face. "Do you…remember this, Rizal?"
"R-remember?" Rizal definitely did. "What?"
"…you don't remember…and you were sober, too…"
"What am I-"
The grip on his arm tightened as he felt hard lips crash onto his own. Instantly, his mind stopped until it forgot everything (what was his name again?) and allowed him to reach out and hold his collar. His skin was soft…almost like a baby. But nothing mattered at that point. He was so happy that this was happening again…almost like he was floating on a cloud…and when they parted the blueness of his eyes almost reached immortal levels…beauty that can't be touched…
His mind kicked in and he panicked. Rizal quickly tried to back up and instantly bashed his head into the wall. A few minutes passed of him complaining about his head before he looked up to a startled Ludwig, who still looked like he was expecting this.
"…why me?" His arm lowered off his damaged head. "I thought you had someone else…"
"No, I…I didn't…" Ludwig slowly approached Rizal and took his arms. "I…I…ich liebe dich."
Rizal said nothing.
"…I love you."
Again, Rizal said nothing. After a few minutes of worry the strong, independent Filipino man reacted in the most calm and orderly way that any person can react to a moment like this.
When he came to, he found himself on someone's lap and having his hair stroked. As his eyes opened, he saw that it was Ludwig, and he was wiping his bangs out of his eyes. A faint blush came upon his cheeks, making the German laugh quietly and hold his face in his palm. His heart skilled a beat.
"…how long was I out?"
"At least it wasn't forever…" Rizal smiled. "Or a dream."
"Why do you have to assume that all that was a dream?"
"It's just a reaction, really…"
"Well, you weren't."
Rizal laughed as he rolled over and fell asleep in his lap. Being how they were alone, Ludwig didn't mind that. He kept stroking his hair as the young boy continued to sleep, happy that a smile crossed his face again. Hopefully, he'll be able to help chase away all his demons…
"Hey bruder! Someone blowin' ya?"
"Shut up, Gilbert…"
And there's your GerRiz. Hope you're happy.