Stupid Pet Tricks

Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Hasbro. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis.

One Shot

Carol Danvers, the blonde powerhouse teen Avenger Miss Marvel, was putting the finishing touches on the camera and what was considered her set. Sam Wilson, the African-American teen hero Falcon, and Leon Maxwell, the blonde teen swordsman Crisis, were watching. Leon groaned,

"Carol, do you really have to do this?"

Carol looked up at nodded,

"Yes, Leon. I do. I cannot believe you and that disgusting hairball are still together. Well, if this video doesn't convince you to leave her, I don't know what will."

Sam smirked,

"Come on, Carol. It was kind of funny when Farrah made that announcement all over the Net." (1)

The Air Force brat snarled and Leon blinked,

"Uh, Falcon. You may want to stay quiet now. I don't think Carol is going to be talked out of doing this."

Carol smirked,

"That's right."

Redwing, Sam's pet Falcon and partner, swooped in and perched on his owner's shoulder. Carol cleared her throat and turned on the camera,

"Ladies and gentlemen, to whomever can hear the sound of my voice; I present to you today something I'd like to call…Stupid Pet Tricks. Here, we are going to witness the follies of animals in action. Here's the first clip."

The scene changed and it showed Redwing was perched on a chair, maintaining its feathers. Farrah Willows, the white-furred cat-girl Persiana, trotted in and noticed the bird on its perch. She then walked around the kitchen, taking bread and spreading mustard all over it. Then, she carefully placed Redwing in-between the bread and said,

"Hello, lunch!"

Sensing full well what was about to happen, Redwing bolted, his wings still slightly covered with mustard. The chase resumed with Farrah drooling,

"Come back here, lunch! I'm hungry!"

The scene ended and Farrah roared,

"BARBIE, YOU'RE DEAD!"

She tried to make her way to Carol, but Leon held her back,

"Farrah, no!"

Falcon groaned,

"Did you really have to open with that? Redwing is still traumatized by that."

Redwing had seen the white-haired acrobat coming and immediately flew to the ceiling and stayed there. Carol continued,

"And, another thing is this; pets are stupid enough to do anything you want them to."

Another scene showed Jester, the Malibu Joe prankster, and Rahne Sinclair, the West Coast Misfit Wolfsbane, on the base. Jester held up a steak and said,

"Want it, girl? Want it?"

Rahne is in her wolf form and she immediately jumps up and down excitedly. Jester said,

"Go get it!"

The jokester Joe threw the steak into Hardcase's office. Hardcase was in there, listening to the baseball game. Suddenly, the window was smashed with the meat and Hardcase yelled,

"JESTER!"

Rahne jumped through the window in her wolf form and dove for the steak, which was on Hardcase's face. Hardcase roared,

"AAAHHH! GET OFF OF ME, WOLFSBANE! I AM NOT A CHEW TOY!"

There were several moments of destruction and explosions, and, finally, Hardcase came on camera, yelling,

"JESTER, I KNOW YOU TOLD RAHNE TO MESS UP MY QUARTERS! GET BACK HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU!"

Jester was laughing maniacally as he ran, and Rahne was busy enjoying her steak.

At the Malibu Base…

Rahne was watching this and snarled,

"That little bitch is dead when I find her."

Back at the West Coast Avengers Compound…

Miss Marvel continued,

"And, I just found out cats are extremely flexible Watch!"

The scene changed and Falcon looked on in shock,

"Huh? Since when can Farrah bend like that?"

Leon looked on in stunned silence. He had to take his dark glasses off and tilt his head to find out if what he was seeing was anatomically possible. The red-eyed teen looked at his girlfriend, but his girlfriend was determined on getting by him and throttling Miss Marvel. Sam said,

"Has Farrah ever considered taking a yoga class? Hell, I bet she could even teach it."

Farrah snarled and glared right at the avian teen hero,

"I'll deal with you later."

Carol shrugged,

"I guess that Greek girl that writes in is gonna have something new to write about. Right, hairball?"

Persiana roared,

"You're ass is dead, Barbie!"

Leon asked,

"Doesn't that hurt?"

Farrah shrugged,

"Not to me. It's really quite comfortable."

Carol continued,

"But, contrary to popular belief, cats are not clean animals as they should be."

The scene changed again and, this time, Farrah, her hair dyed in pink, roared,

"BARBIE, I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE!"

She was dripping the shampoo all over the house.

Then, the scene changed to when Greer Nelson, the teen Avenger Tigra, was trying to make cotton candy in the mansion. She looked at the recipe and followed the instructions. Then, as if by some mysterious quirk of fate, the cotton candy machine exploded, creating a messy kitchen and covering the young cat-girl in the sticky substance.

Then, the scene changed again, this time to Todd Tolensky, the East Coast Misfit Toad. Toad noticed a fly on the wall and shot his tongue out to try and catch it. However, as soon as put the tongue on the fly, the fly grabbed the tongue and threw him through the ceiling.

Next, the scene changed one more time, this time to Sharon Smith, the Hellion Catseye. She was busy watching television and, when she saw a cartoon mouse on it, she jumped for it. Instead, she hit the screen and blacked out.

Finally, the scene changed once again back to Farrah. Natasha Romanoff, the teen super-spy Black Widow, was busy playing with her gun,

"Check this out! I finally got the laser pointer I always wanted."

She turned it on and a red dot appeared on the wall. Immediately, Farrah was drawn to it and pounced at the wall. However, she hit her head and fell unconscious.

Carol then smirked,

"And that concludes our broadcast of stupid pet tricks. Be sure to check in with me again sometime!"

Farrah slipped out of Leon's grasp and roared,

"DIE, BARBIE!"
And the feud, and cat-fight, began again. Sam looked at his teammate,

"You know, you're really lucky to have a girlfriend like Farrah. How many other women are out there than bend the way she can?"

Leon sighed and held his head,

"Sometimes, I wonder what I see in her."

End of One Shot

(1) This happened in Blonde Moments.