I have about 20 other things I could be doing or writing right now... but instead I wrote this.
For those of you who are unaware, there is a blog on Tumblr called "Castle Confessions." It's where you can anonymously post confessions about the show and the lovely mod will turn them into a graphic that you can reblog and such. Anyway, there was a confession a few days ago that said "I hope Castle is the first person Beckett sees when she wakes up in the hospital." Well, a ton of people reblogged it saying that they want that to happen as well, but I don't necessarily want that to happen.
This is what I want to happen.
Also, on a completely unrelated note... 107 of you have added me to your alerts. And 79 of you have added me to your favorite author lists. That's amazing. Thank you all so much. I never expected that kind of response when I posted Details in the Fabric back in March (I think... maybe April, lol). I'm so glad you all like my writing seeing as I was always so hesitant to share it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. I do own some luggage though that is begging to be packed with stuff for college, seeing as I move in on Saturday.
Kate Beckett's world was dark when she heard a sound. A steady beeping could be heard getting stronger and stronger, as if it was moving closer to her. She breathed in through her nose and inhaled the scent of plastic and something strong like bleach. There was something in her nose. It tickled. As she breathed, she felt an ache in her chest that she knew didn't belong there. It was then that she realized her eyes were still closed. Kate tried to open her eyes, feeling ridiculous. But Kate couldn't lift her eyelids. No matter how hard she focused on it, she could not get her eyes to open.
She took inventory of the rest of her body, the panic bubbling up in her chest as she realized that something was definitely wrong. She started down at her toes. She moved each of them individually, reassuring herself that there were ten of them down there. She moved up, flexing both of her ankles. They both moved. She bent her knees slightly, one at a time. Kate shifted her hips from side to side, before settling them back their original position. She continued to move upwards, satisfied that everything from the waist down was still attached and functional and not encased in any sort of plaster.
She took a moment to arch her back slightly and the ache in her chest erupted into a throbbing pain. She inhaled as sharply as she could manage and settled back down onto the bed. At least her spin was still intact. She moved to her hands. She rolled her right shoulder infinitesimally, bent her elbow just a tad and then squeezed her hand into a loose fist. She repeated the action on the left side, immediately noting somewhere in her mind that something was different than the right side. She rolled her shoulder and bent her elbow, but her arm felt much heavier and the actions were much more difficult.
It was then when she realized there was something in her hand.
The object was warm; it warmed her hand like the heat emanating from a perfectly brewed cup of coffee in the middle of a blizzard. It was comforting, especially seeing as the rest of her body felt like it was freezing. She focused more on the object, trying to figure out what it was. It was quite large, and was wrapped gently around four of her fingers, her thumb slightly off to the side but still resting on something solid. She softly swiped her thumb across the surface, her thumb pad feeling the solid groves and bumps, the very tip of her thumb just below her nail rubbing against something cold that felt like metal. Whatever was in her hand tightened its hold on her fingers slightly, almost as if the action had been done unconsciously. That's when it finally registered in Kate's mind.
Someone was holding her hand.
From the size, she was guessing it was a man. The cold metal she felt must have been a watch. She tilted her head to where she assumed the man was sitting and breathed in again. She still smelt the same thing, but this time there was an underlying scent that she knew immediately. She recognized it as easily as she would recognize the sound of his footsteps as if he was walking towards her. She knew it like she the pattern his fingertips would drum on wood; the sound of his breathing.
She knew him by heart.
She wanted to open up her eyes. She wanted to see him so he could reassure her that she was really okay, because while she hadn't noticed the pain when she focused on his hand she was certainly feeling it again and she was confused and albeit a little frightened. Kate tried to open her eyes again, but they seemed even heavier than they had before. Her thoughts started to become hazy. She didn't know what was happening. She gave Castle's hand a squeeze (well, as much of a squeeze that she could) to let him know she was there and faded into darkness again.
Kate's world was dark when she realized that the pain in her chest had increased significantly. She tried to calm down. She tried to control her breathing, but nothing was working. She heard a commotion coming from above her; the steady beeping she had heard earlier beating faster and louder. She heard voices. She heard phrases that she didn't understand what they mean. She tried to open her eyes. This time though, she was able to.
The first thing she saw looking up was a bright light that was shining almost directly in her eyes, she flinched away from it. She refocused on the voices she heard above her head and found five different face, two men and three women all dressed in scrubs, moving hurriedly above her. It made sense: the bleach, the plastic, the scrubs, the uncontrollable pain.
She was in the hospital.
Kate's hazy mind went into overdrive as she tried to sort out how she had ended up here. She remembered a funeral. Montgomery's funeral. She was speaking… Giving a eulogy. There was a flash of light that she caught just before she hit the ground. She was… shot. Kate had been shot and the last thing she saw was Castle's face hovering above hers.
Kate couldn't look anywhere but up as the doctors and nurses were still checking her eyes with that stupid white light so she squeezed her left hand to show him that she knew he was there.
But there was nothing holding her hand anymore. Castle wasn't there.
She started panicking. Where was he? He was just here. She wasn't making it up, was she? What if he had never been here, and she just imagined his hand and his scent. Maybe whoever had shot her came back after she lost consciousness and went after Castle. What if he was hurt and lying somewhere in a hospital bed like she was? What if he wasn't lying in a bed, but rather on a slab somewhere in the morgue?
"Castle," she breathed, inaudible to everyone that was bustling around her. "Castle," she said a little bit stronger this time, her heartbeat increasing. "Where's Castle?" she asked a nurse that was hovering over her. The nurse ignored her. Kate made a move to sit up when everyone around her started scolding her and pushed her softly back down onto the bed.
"Where's Rick?" Kate nearly screamed, the fear creeping into her words without her consent like the moisture she felt building up in the corner of eyes. She knew that she wasn't quite acting like herself, but she couldn't stop now. She had to know he was alright. His hand had felt so real in hers. What if he wasn't okay?
The medical staff looked at each other worriedly, concerned she was going to hurt herself. One of the nurses slipped out, but Kate hadn't noticed. She kept asking the doctors where Castle was, her monitors going crazier by the second.
The doctors kept trying to get her to calm down, but she couldn't. He was here, right? He had to alive. She couldn't lose anyone else right now, especially not her partner. She didn't think she'd be able to handle it. He had to be okay…
"Kate?" The voice broke through her reverie and her eyes immediately snapped up to the voice in the doorway. The beeping on the monitors sped up momentarily before slowing down slightly.
The doctors watched in amazement as Rick Castle nearly ran to the woman's bedside and gently leaned down grabbed her left hand in his, avoiding the IV that was stuck in the back. Kate's heartbeat returned to a safe level.
"Castle?" she whispered again, her eyes meeting his.
"I'm right here, Kate," he whispered back. "I'm here."
Kate tried to lift her right hand, but it was tangled in some wires and tubes so she couldn't raise it very far. Rick understood though. He leaned forward so their noses were almost touching. She placed a hand on his cheek.
She took a deep breath, feeling his scent escape through her lungs and spread all the way down to the tips of her fingers that were still in his hand.
She released the air shakily. She felt absolutely ridiculous. "I'm sorry," she murmured so only he could hear. "It's just I felt you here before… holding my hand, but I couldn't open my eyes… And then when I could I looked for you and you weren't there… I just… I just thought that something happened to you, Rick..." By the end of her admission, her voice was almost inaudible. She lowered her gaze to look at her lap in embarrassment.
She felt his other hand come up and cup her other cheek, sweeping under her eye to brush away the moisture that had formed. "Hey, I'm here," he whispered warmly. "I'm here and I'm alive and what really matters is that you are, too." She lifted his gaze back to his as the emotion choked his words.
She whispered her next words with a slight smile, trying to lighten the mood.
"You can't get rid of me that easily."
Rick gave her a small laugh. He removed his hand from her face and leaned away from her, settling himself into the chair beside her bed that she hadn't noticed before, his eyes never leaving her.
"I'm so happy you're okay," he whispered again, his eyes shining with happiness.
She did the only thing she could think to do.
She squeezed his hand, letting him know that she was still here.
He smiled at her and squeezed back.
They knew without saying anything, that they were saying the same thing.
Thank you for being here.
I think Beckett asking for Castle is much sweeter than Castle being there when she wakes up.
I tried to keep it as in-character as possible, but I'm exactly sure if I succeeded.
Regardless, I actually kind of like how this turned out. It was an interesting exercise to try and explain everything without being able to say how it looked.
Love it? Hate it? Let me know what you think!