The Worst Mission Ever (In Pooch's Opinion)
Author: Lily Zen
Notes: For fic_promptly. Losers, Pooch & Jensen, "Wow. You totally pull off that look."
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Pooch was fairly sure that this was their worst assignment ever.
Oh, they'd been through some doozies in the past in places that he was forced to sign non-disclosure agreements about, and there was of course the chopper crash; the damn job that ruined their lives.
He'd driven a flaming bus through the jungle, stolen a helicopter and gotten in an accident with a giant donut…he'd been shot in both his legs!
(And if Jensen ever called him Legless Pooch again he was going to fuck that kid's world up, team or no. There was only so far The Pooch was willing to let it go.)
But this…this was the hardest, he was sure of it.
He tottered on his feet slightly. His balance was still completely off.
Aisha cinched something up in the back, and suddenly Pooch had to take shallower breaths. This was like wearing a Chinese Finger Trap around your middle. He was never going to ask Jolene to…well…
Behind him, he heard a long, drawn-out whistle. Only Cougar whistled with such inflection. Without looking, he flipped his friend the bird over his shoulder.
"Stop wiggling," Aisha ordered as something sharp and pointy pricked him in the soft, sensitive skin of his side. Pooch cursed.
"What the hell are you doin' down there, woman?"
Jensen laughed. It said something that Pooch knew it was Jensen laughing without even needing to look.
A final tug, and Aisha got to her feet and stepped away. "Okay," she said, "Turn. Let me see."
With a heartfelt sigh Pooch wobbled around until he was facing the room. Aisha had a hand under her chin, and she was critically inspecting him with more attention to detail than any CO had ever shown his uniform.
Gathering his courage, Pooch decided he'd better just face the inevitable. He glanced up at Jensen and Cougar in the doorway. Their sniper was smirking, and Pooch shot him a glare that could curdle milk.
Jensen, however, ignored the look. Red-faced from holding it all back, the tech finally choked out, "Wow. You totally pull off that look."
Cougar silently slipped away, obviously sensing that retreat was the smartest course of action.
Pooch self-consciously tugged the dress down, and Aisha slapped his hand away. "Do not touch," she scolded. "The shape's perfect. I don't want you stretching it out."
At that, Jensen burst out laughing. "Oh, man," he cackled and whipped out his phone, "I'm totally sending this to Jolene." He got off one shot before Pooch's anger overcame his insecurity in high heels, and the queened-up transport specialist went after Jensen.
"I'mma kill you!" Pooch shouted.
Jensen squeaked and ran, and Pooch clattered after him, heels making a loud 'tap, tap, scratch' down the hallway.
After all, it wasn't his fault the mark had a thing for black transvestites!