For my dearest Misaki,
I know it's been a while and for that I am truly sorry. I know you said I shouldn't contact you after what happened between us, but the time we've spent apart made me realise just how much of a mistake I made letting you go.
I know we've here a few times before, and without you I'm quite aware that I'm dying.
'I love you' is simply just not enough any more.
When you said goodbye I couldn't look you in the eyes, not when your hands were shaking so much; with hatred, anger, pain or sadness I do not know, maybe all you were feeling all of them.
I wish so much for you to still be here, to let me hold you, touch you, feel you, taste you, always. But you're not, and that brings me much more pain than I could have ever imagined.
I do hope that you're keeping yourself well, if you need any help I am always here and willing to give you anything.
But for my apology to be sincere, you have to understand where you went wrong. And if you'd have me, I'll take you back. Here I am, trying. You know better than anyone that my apologises need work, even though this is the fifth draft of this letter. I just can't seem to get it write, even though writing is the only thing I'm good at.
I suppose what I miss the most is your laugh, your smile. They were the most brightest and most beautiful things I have ever had the pleasure to gaze my eyes upon. You may not have realised, but the times when I made you smile are the times I will forever treasure in my heart and your laughter has been burnt into my soul since the first time I heard it.
To be completely truthful with you, I was sick of all the fights. I hated them. I just want us to start over, for real this time. Completely honest with everyone, your brother knows everything and we can tell the people who read my novels. If people don't like who I love, then they don't matter to me.
When you receive this letter, I want you to do something simple. If not for me, then for the love you used to have for me, because I know you loved me even if you were too embarrassed to say it.
I want you to go to the window in your bedroom of your new apartment, and look down onto the street below. That's easy enough, after that you can do as you wish and I will stick to my promise of never contacting you.
You will always be my everything, my dearest, sweetest Misaki.
Misaki screwed the letter up, threw it in the bin and walked over to the sofa and collapsed on to it. He tried forgetting about the letter, but the last part kept floating around in his head. Finally, he got up and walked through to his bedroom. He already knew what he was going to see, or at least he had a pretty good idea of what it was.
He had his window open, so he heard the sirens outside. It was nothing new though, he lived in the centre of a busy city and sirens could be heard all the time.
But when he reached the window he saw something that made his heart drop, stomach churn and head spin. It was all too fast for him and before he knew it the ambulance was speeding off to the nearest hospital.
He could already tell that the person who was in there wouldn't make it, and what made it worse was that it was Usagi in the back of that ambulance.
He felt the tears fall down his face and went into the kitchen and grabbed the letter out of the bin, mentally thanking himself that he took the trash out earlier that morning so the bin was empty apart from the letter.
He arrived at the hospital and told the receptionist who he was there to see, the look on here face told him everything he needed to know. He was too late. She told him where to go, and he tried to remember the directions the best he could.
Once he found the room, all he saw was the bed with a white sheet covering the body, his body.
Misaki felt his knees shake as he made his way over to the bed.
He knew better than to pull back the sheets, he had seen Usagi as he was being put into the back of the ambulance. He wanted to at least remember him how he looked before, his silver hair always perfect and his lavender eyes with that lust filled gaze always looking at him.
He wanted to remember his cold hands just how they were, with that underlying warmth to them, not hands that felt like stones with no life to them at all.
He sank down into the chair next to the bed and looked down at the letter still in his hands.
Re-reading the letter he realised that no matter how hard he has tried to, he was still hopelessly and madly in love with Usagi. And he hated how he realised it all too late.
If you couldn't tell this was loosely based on some of the lyrics out of 'Always' by Blink-182.
Hope you enjoyed reading it. It ended completely different to how I thought it would, there was so many different scenarios I could have ended it with but I thought that ending it there was best.
Reviews and criticism are welcomed and wanted. :)