Author's note: I hate texts without paragraphs, but I wasn't able to do it here. Sorry! ;) No beta either, just one hour of wanting to write something on a sunday morning.
The last few days were a pure emotional up and down. From being drugged, experiencing the insensibility, the blur of surrounding, to the fear and knowledge to have to go, to leave Cologne, to leave Emma, to the exhilaration of running away, being in love, so completely in love that running away seemed the ultimate perfection, only to wisen up the next day and see what it really would mean, stealing Emma's life, making her give everything up for me, even thought it was something I don't know if in the end I could have given her as much of a complete life, and with giving up on that idea, experiencing the resignation about having to go, seeing no other way, to being a bit proud about stepping up, about growing up and seeing that it is not always just about me, about wanting to clear things up, to hope to then come back as a better person for Emma. Whereas resignation, sadness, anger and hurt about leaving definitely won out in the end when I sat in that plane. And then something happened that I never could have imagined in my wildest dreams - Ben's mustang swivelling over the airfield. I remember the brief happy smile about seeing his car, then the dull horror about what it meant. He was getting himself into trouble for a hopeless situation and Emma, too. As much as I loved them for fighting, I hated them for only delaying the inevitable, and additionally angering my parents making them think even worse about the surrounding which apparently couldn't give me hold but let me relapse again. Why did they have to be so stubborn? I would come back eventually. No, I definitely would. Emma hurried to our plane once we came to a stop and I wanted to smack and kiss her at the same time when I opened the Cessna's door. And then with her next words I only wanted to kiss her and jump in her arms, because somehow she managed to do the impossible. Did I mention I love that girl? Well, I do, so much so that it's impossible to put it into words. Emma is the best thing that ever happened to me and if racing on a airfield to stop a plane hasn't proven that yet then it's definitely her pulling us away from school, wanting us to celebrate me being still here instead of falling back into the school routine just yet. My pure Emma being not so pure and innocent always is such a turn on when being that way for me. Finding Emma was definitely like winning the lottery, she just proved me that I didn't have to worry about anything anymore, she could take care of it and I loved it. I could let myself fall and she would catch me. It was such a nice feeling to not have to think, to not have to care, but let her pull me on the dance floor and let her lead me to the music, let her spin me round and round, falling into her love and laughter and letting the warmth of it surround me. I never felt so free and happy without a worry in the world. She made me able to do what I hadn't been able to do in years, letting go. Really letting go, not forcing it, not pretending to, not having to take anything for it, but just slipping into it before even noticing that I did and I'm so thankful to her for that. I never felt so light. And when we kissed the wings of my heart fluttered and when we touched the mass of emotions overboiled and submerged my body in pure bliss and all I could feel and all I could think was, Emma.