Summary: The Glee kids are real, and so is their fanbase. A machine that can predict the future gets used to create a new reality show, and the glee kids are the stars. The problem? The things you see on tv haven't actually happened yet. Severe AU. Sort of RPF, but not really. Klaine. Meta as you can get while still being a fanfic.
Retroactive Reality, they called the phenomenon that came after it. They had built a machine that could show the future. Kurt ignored it when they first started talking about it on the news, thinking that it sounded like it was something out of a science fiction movie and leaving it at that. He was in the ninth grade—he had more important things to worry about, like what to wear and how to avoid being thrown in a dumpster.
The problem with it, from a government standpoint, was that it was unreliable and completely unpredictable. It worked by showing the day of someone's life. The problem was that you had no way of knowing ahead of time who or what was important; fifty years ago, September 11th was just another day. Five hundred years ago, the name Adolf Hitler meant nothing. If you didn't know who or what to look out for, then you wouldn't find anything.
The second problem was that it was completely unreliable. The future was in a constant state of change; the police once tried to use the machine to predict a man killing his wife. Only, it never happened: the man the machine showed killed his wife because she cheated on him, but in reality the woman never cheated on him because she—for some reason—drank coffee instead of tea that morning, and so never met her future lover, never cheated with him, and so was never killed by her husband. The man was innocent, and the courts decided that until the machine could be used to accurately show the future, it wouldn't hold up in a court of law.
Naturally, the entertainment industry decided it could use the machine to its advantage; anyone's life was interesting if you could record and edit out the boring parts. A new genre of television was born: speculative fiction, so called because it hadn't happened yet, and it probably never would, but the possibility had existed at one point and that was where the entertainment was at.
(That was America for you: a machine that could predict the future, and they used it to make television.)
Kurt didn't pay much attention to it because he really didn't think it mattered much, and, well, reality tv was reality tv, whether it had happened yet or not.
Then they announced their plan to make a show about a glee club from Ohio, and Kurt Hummel started paying attention.
The way it had happened, Ryan told him, was simple; they had been flipping through random people, and they had come across a girl-Rachel Berry-while she was singing, and thought she sounded beautiful. So they followed her perspective future for a little while and found her and her future-friends fascinating, and wanted to do a show about them. Of course, the Rachel Berry Show sounded terrible, even to them, and so they decided to follow Rachel and all of her friends, recording bits of their lives and editing it into a show they planned on calling Glee.
Kurt Hummel, apparently, was one of their planned "characters."
(They were originally going to follow another boy named Raj, Ryan told him, but Kurt and his future story had moved them, and they wanted to show him off. He had too much talent to be wasted in Lima Ohio, and Kurt had almost cried because finally, finally, someone understood that.)
The legal aspect of it was pretty simple: all Kurt had to do was sign a piece of paper granting them executive rights to showcase his life via the machine, to edit and record what they saw fit, and to broadcast it on public television. There were boundaries of course—he was under aged, so there would be no nudity shown, and he had to share screentime with twelve other people, and his father had to sign, too—but overall, Kurt was thrilled. He was going to be on television. He was fifteen years old, and he was going to be on tv. Well, his future-self was going to be on tv, at least.
And worse case scenario-even if he just swayed in the background while Rachel Berry sang—he still got a pretty paycheck every month, enough to buy him name-brand, designer clothing, and still have enough that he could put back for college. Assuming the show didn't get canceled, at least.
He signed the contract without a second thought.
The show was…quirky.
Overall, he liked it, even if he wasn't in it as much as he had hoped to be in the first episode. It mostly focused on Mr. Schue and Finn, and wasn't that a laugh and a half? Watching Mr. Schue blackmail Finn would have been funny if it wasn't so illegal, but even then it was funny because no one could do anything about it. Technically, Mr. Schue had done nothing wrong yet; the show was under speculative fiction for a reason.
But the show was funny and he liked the Kurt he saw on it—a talented fashionista only slightly taller than he was now, who could deliver dry wit like nobody's business. That, and the digitally altered music (Autotune was a wonderful thing, Ryan told him) made listening to Rachel Berry…actually sort of enjoyable, if he was honest.
It was less fun watching it with his Dad, however.
"She's cute." Dad hummed when Ms. Hudson came on the screen; Kurt looked like he threatened to throw up.
"Dad, that's Finn's mother."
"I know," Dad grinned. "She's still cute. How come I've never met her before?"
"I don't—I don't really hang out with Finn, Dad."
Dad smiles, pointing at the screen. "Oh yeah? Well, when you do, can you make sure to introduce me to her?"
Kurt rolls his eyes, but still manages to hide a small smile. "Maybe, Dad. We'll see."
The show is an instant-hit: everyone thinks it's funny and entertaining, and the whole school is talking about it, laughing and giggling about their lives put on display.
It hasn't made them cool or popular, but it has made talked about, which is almost as good. It plays like clockwork every Tuesday, and it starts to feel like he might get out of Lima someday after all.
FOX agrees to showcase another three years of their lives by the time the second episode premieres. Contracts are renegotiated almost immediately; Rachel Berry insists on singing at least once an episode or else she's quitting. He's getting paid more, and they're trying to figure out a way to put the music they sing in glee club up on iTunes in order to sell even more.
It's all Kurt Hummel has ever wanted, and he doesn't have to do anything but live his life: it's the best deal he's ever made.
It doesn't really occur to him until four episodes in that this is real life. No, it's his life, and that's what makes it scary.
In the fourth episode, he joins the football team, and, more importantly, comes out of the closet to his dad.
His dad doesn't say a word the entire episode; he just sits there, quietly holding Kurt's hand, and Kurt watches in awe as his father—on television—claims to love and accept him no matter, that he's known what Kurt is since he was three, that Kurt doesn't have to hide who he is inside.
The Kurt watching the show sobs into his father's arms, and feels a heavy burden fly off of his chest without ever having to say a word.
The next day, he gets slushied and thrown into a dumpster three times.
That episode is also the first time Kurt realizes that the show is having real world effects on more than just him.
Finn Hudson is shouting at Quinn Fabray from the top of his lungs in the middle of the hallway—everyone in school can hear them yelling at each other.
"You cheated on me!" Finn screams. "You cheated on me with Puck, and you got pregnant, and then you tried to trick me into thinking I was the father! How could you?"
Quinn is absolutely sobbing, a completely mess of a once-pretty girl. "But I haven't. I haven't cheated on you. I'm not pregnant. I'm still a virgin! Please, Finn, I haven't done anything!"
Finn slams his locker. "But you will." He accuses her, tears in his eyes before storming out of school, leaving a crying Quinn behind.
And that's the thing, isn't it? She will cheat on Finn, because she's seen it. She knows what will happen: will she try to change it? If she does, her child won't exist. Anyone with eyes knows Quinn Fabray doesn't want a baby, but would she actually go as far as to avoid conceiving the baby? Is it murder if she changes things, decides not to get pregnant? How fucked up is that?
Can any of them change things? Will they? Have they entered some sort of weird self-fulfilling prophecy, or will things change?
What have they actually agreed to, here?
A couple of days after The Episode, as Kurt has come to call it, he receives an email.
It's the first real piece of "fan mail" that he's gotten, and it moves him to tears.
The boy who writes to him is his age, a fifteen year old gay boy from Westerville, Ohio, a boy named Blaine. And he's so sweet and polite and, apparently, thinks the world of Kurt. His email is long and emotional, so full of life that it makes Kurt burst into tears. This boy has been hurt because of his sexuality, too. He's been teased and made fun of, bullied and beaten. Unfortunately for him, his parents haven't been nearly as accepting as Kurt's dad has been, and Blaine thinks of how lucky Kurt is that his dad loves him so much. He ends the email by saying that he hopes this isn't too creepy, but he's so glad Kurt is on the show because Kurt makes him feel like things will get better someday, that Blaine has something to look forward to someday.
Kurt cries; Kurt cries his eyes out, and then he writes him back.
He's not sure why; maybe it's because he's lonely, or maybe it's because Blaine's from Ohio, or maybe because Blaine's gone through so much of the same things Kurt has gone through. He writes to him, and he tells him all the things Kurt has gone through that doesn't end up on Glee, and how grateful he is to hear from Blaine, and how he wishes Blaine went to his school because then he wouldn't feel so damn alone.
Blaine writes back, and Kurt responds, and then Blaine responds, and for two weeks they write these deep, heart-felt emails to one another that eventually leads to them friending each other on facebook. So we don't have to be alone anymore.
The Blaine Anderson he finds on facebook is a small boy, absolutely tiny compared to the other boys he stands beside in his profile picture. His glasses hide his pretty hazel eyes, and his hair is curly and wild and in desperate need of a cut. Kurt's surprised this kid gets bullied because of how absolutely straight he looks; he doesn't look like Kurt at all. He looks masculine—a little tiny, a little nerdy, but manly. He doesn't look gay at all.
Still, fifteen minutes of facebook stalking later proves his new friend's sexuality, as well as the intense bullying he receives on a day to day basis. At least Karofsky and Puck never tried to friend him on facebook. The boy can't seem to catch a break from anyone, and it seems like anyone who used to be his friend stopped once he came out of the closet. Kurt can't help but shake his head because really, how could anyone be so mean to this guy? He's so sweet and easy to talk to, so genuinely kind that Kurt's heart aches just thinking about him.
In fact, he's actually kinda cute, in the whole "desperately needs a haircut and a wardrobe change" sort of way.
I feel misled, Kurt writes via private message. You didn't tell me you were so cute.
He presses send before he can talk himself out of it, then logs off and runs away blushing, glad that Glee shows off his future and not the mess he's making right now.
After Ballads airs, Finn Hudson shows up at his house unexpectedly.
(The only time Finn has ever been to Kurt's house before has been to nail lawn furniture to Kurt's roof.)
The first thing Finn does is apologize. "I'm so sorry, man." Finn says once Kurt lets him in the house, closing the door behind him. "I didn't mean to treat you so badly. I guess I just did it because everyone else did, and that's not cool, dude."
Kurt shrugs. "It's okay. I'll forgive you eventually." The room goes quiet, and then: "What are you doing here, Finn?"
It's Finn's turn to shrug. "I don't know. I just wanted to talk, I guess."
"Talk about what?"
"Anything." Finn laughs uneasily, taking the offered soda from Kurt's hands. "I can't talk to Puck because he's going to sleep with my girlfriend, and I can't talk to Quinn because she's going to sleep with my best friend. And I don't want to talk to Rachel—she's been so damn stalkerish since this whole Glee thing started, it's hard to talk to her."
"That sounds like Rachel alright." Kurt grins. "Why me, though?"
Finn shrugs. "I don't know—you seem pretty cool on the show. I mean, you're the only one on the show who ever gave me any halfway decent advice."
"That backfired completely, remember?" Kurt raises his eyebrow.
"Yeah, well, it was still better than anyone else's." Finn snorts. "That, and my mom has this ridiculous crush on your dad, so I've seen the episode where you come out like a bazillion times, and I guess I feel like I know you better than I actually do."
Kurt just smiles. "My dad was asking me about your mom in the very first episode."
Finn makes a face. "That's so gross."
"Oh come on now. It's kind of sweet. They like each other."
"They've never even met!"
"Maybe we should set them up?" Kurt teases. "Introduce them, make them go out on a blind date…"
Finn snorts. "That'd still be weird though, man. I mean, don't get me wrong—you're dad is awesome, it's just, what if they got married? We'd be brothers."
"Stepbrothers, Finn." Kurt says fondly. "Not the same thing."
"Yeah, but you fall in love with me eventually, and that'd just be all sorts of weird."
The house goes silent.
Finn sets his glass down, the sound vibrating through the table, into the air of the house itself. "You shouldn't do that, by the way."
"Fall in love with me," Finn says, completely serious. "I don't know what the rules of this are, if we're supposed to just let the future happen like we've seen it, but I don't want you to get hurt, either." He pauses. "I'm straight, dude."
Theoretically, Kurt already knows this: he knows this because every time Finn is on screen, he's flirting with a girl. He knows this because Finn has never shown any interest in him whatsoever, knows that Finn is probably destined to spend his life with Quinn or Rachel or maybe both of them.
It's still hard, though.
"I'll try not to." Kurt says softly, and Finn smiles so largely it lights up the entire room.
"This is so weird," Finn laughs. "Before this whole Glee thing, I didn't even know I could sing. Now I'm on iTunes, and the guys in the locker room ask me to sing like, all the time. Mind you, they still make fun of me because of the whole glee club thing, but I think they secretly enjoy it."
Kurt smiles. "I've always known I could sing, I just didn't think anyone else would know or care before I graduated high school."
"That sucks, dude. I don't get why. You're really good. You totally should have gotten that Wicked solo instead of Rachel."
Kurt blushes. "You think so?"
"Totally. Hey, listen, do you think you could help me practice some? I was reading online about these people saying how I'm one of the weakest male singers on the show, and I wanna fix that."
They spend the next three hours singing and laughing and talking, and Kurt thinks that life is so unfair, because it's way too easy to fall in love with Finn Hudson when he's like this, all smiles and laughter and beauty.
"The thing I don't get is why, though," Finn says late at night, when they're too drunk on companionship to care much anymore, a few old episodes of Glee playing in the background. "They have the technology to project the future. Why aren't they using this to save people's lives rather than watching us perform show tunes?"
Kurt snorts, watching as Rachel kills yet another ballad. "Because this makes them more money in the long run, and that's all they care about."
Finn frowns at the tv, a little disgusted with himself. "But they shouldn't."
"No, they really shouldn't."
He's shopping with Mercedes when he gets the text from Blaine.
You have to check this out! I just found Glee fanfiction!
Kurt groans. You're writing some right now, aren't you?
His phone buzzes three seconds later. I'm totally writing some. I'm shipping you with Puck until someone better comes along. His phone vibrates again. Maybe Mike instead. Asian solidarity and all.
I hate you so much. Kurt texts back.
You wouldn't be saying that if I shipped you with ~Finn~ 3
Kurt's face flushes bright pink. I hope you die in a fire.
Blaine only texts him back a field of hearts. 3 3 3 3 3 3 3
After Laryngitisairs, Blaine doesn't talk to Kurt for a week.
Kurt thinks that he's angry with him, that he hates him and is disappointed in him for pretending to be straight with Brittany. Kurt wouldn't blame him; Kurt's a little disappointed in himself at the moment, if he's completely honest. He's already gotten emails from fans asking for him to stop pretending to be something he's not, that they liked him a lot more when he himself, that his Dad will love him no matter what.
(Also, from a dance teacher in New York: I like your version of Rose's Turn better than the original, which warms him deep inside his core.)
It turns out that's not the case at all; Blaine hasn't even seen the episode yet.
Blaine's been in the hospital since Friday.
What happened? Kurt texts furiously, sad and angry and afraid all at the same time.
Sadie Hawkin's Dance, Blaine texts, and the wheels in Kurt's head click. Blaine's been excited about that dance for weeks, if his facebook is anything to go by. I made the mistake of going with a boy. They beat the shit out of us.
Kurt almost drops his phone. Are you okay?
Broke my wrist. Cracked a rib. Got a concussion. A pause. No, I'm not okay.
Kurt's heart stops as he thinks of Blaine, bright eyed, dorky Blaine, lying there in a hospital bed, miserable and broken because of the hate in this world. Is there anything I can do?
Sing to me. Blaine texts back, and Kurt dials his number, pressing the phone to his ear.
"Hey," Blaine answers softly, sounding drugged and not entirely awake yet.
"What do you want me to sing?" Kurt whispers, phone clutched to his ear.
"Something happy." Blaine whispers. It's the first time they've called each other before—they've usually just text or facebook one another. Kurt's surprised at how pretty Blaine's voice is, like he could just listen to him talk forever.
Kurt stays on the phone with Blaine well into the night, singing every Disney song he knows until he can hear Blaine's gentle snores on the other end.
Can't deal with this anymore. Blaine texts him during lunch. I'm leaving Westerville.
Come to McKinley, Kurt teases gently. You could be on Glee with me.
Tempting, Blaine texts back. My parents want me to go to Dalton.
30 min closer to Lima.
Kurt frowns. So still an hour away?
Yeah. It's a private, all-boys school.
Kurt smiles. Fancy. Sounds like fun.
They have a zero tolerance, no bullying policy. Blaine writes back. I'm…I'm thinking about it. He pauses, counting his breaths. Am I a coward for thinking about it?
After Theatrically airs, he gets a text from Finn.
I am sorry for calling you a fag. Idk what my future self was thinking.
Kurt chokes back a sob. It's okay. I forgive you. He pauses, and then texts I'm sorry for being such a creeper.
Because watching his future self stalk a boy he now considers a friend out of a desire for love and acceptance is painful, and it hurts him right down in his soul. He didn't know. His future self, he didn't know how uncomfortable Finn felt. He was just trying to—he was just trying-
It takes over an hour for Finn to text him back. It's alright. Let's make a deal—you promise not to be a creeper, and I'll promise not to call you a f—names. We know the future. We can avoid this.
And that's the best thing about this, isn't it? They do know. They can avoid the really hurtful stuff.
Blaine always calls him at the weirdest times to talk about fanfiction.
"Oh God!" Blaine squeals in his phone at ten o'clock at night, right in the middle of his moisturizing routine. "You've got to read this-I'm sending you the link right now. I've had it all wrong—it's not Puck/Kurt or Mike/Kurt, its Artie/Kurt! Best. Thing. Ever."
"Blaine," Kurt says in his sweetest voice possible. "Stop reading fanfiction about me. It's creepy."
Blaine laughs into his ear. "I'm not reading the dirty stuff! Just the fluffy, romantic stuff. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."
Kurt blushes slightly. "Why do you have to read the stuff about me? Why can't you read an embarrassing story about Finn instead?"
"But you're my favorite," Blaine teases, and sounds—almost—flirty. The problem with being friends with Blaine is that almost everything he says sounds flirty. It wasn't this bad when their relationship was based only on texts and emails and facebook, but now that they've added each other's voices to the mix all Kurt can focus on some days is the beautiful subtext layered in between the words Blaine says. "Why wouldn't I read all the good stuff about you?"
Kurt wills his heart to stop beating so fast. "Go to bed, Blaine. It's late. I'll—I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Alright. Sweet dreams."
Kurt hangs up the phone and breathes. Retroactive reality is a good term for it; there's no way he's going to let what he's seen come to life. He won't humiliate himself for Finn; he won't let himself get hurt.
But he's grateful for it, too. After all, without it, Blaine wouldn't be in his life, and that would be a damn shame.
"Dude, did you know people like, write stories about us and stuff?" Puck tells him after class. Puck has never actually ever talked to him before, but he has stopped throwing Kurt into dumpsters, which is a plus. "The Puckzilla is not gay, but if it got chicks to be all into it like they are online, I'd totally make out with you on camera. Just saying."
Kurt's face turns so red it reaches his ears. "Go away, Puckerman."
"I'm just saying, dude, I would take one for the team! Especially if it meant chicks would put out!"
The season finale comes during the last week of school, showing them in March of the next year.
They lose at Regionals; Quinn has a baby who she gives to Rachel's mom; Figgins disbands the club, but Sue of all people convinces him to give it back to them.
It's a lot to take in, especially since it will be a whole summer before he sees any more of it.
(And it will be a whole summer before he's expected to start living it, before the stuff he's seen starts becoming his reality.)
"Man, hiatuses suck," Blaine complains over the phone as Kurt leaves his last class for the year. "It's going to be forever before I get to see you again."
Kurt wills his ears to stop turning red. "You know, you don't have to just see me on tv. We could hang on sometime. In person."
"Really?" Blaine asks, awed, like he can't really believe it. "You want to hang out with me? For real?"
The disbelief in his voice makes Kurt laugh. "Of course I want to hang out with you, Blaine! You're one of my friends."
He can almost hear Blaine blush through the phone. "…I don't have a lot of those."
"Me either." Kurt admits, which is true. Fans, yes, he has a buttload of fans, but actual friends he can count on one hand and still have fingers left over. Blaine is something of a mix of the two, but Kurt likes talking to him and he likes the way the thought of Blaine makes his heart pound in his chest. "We should hang out."
"Cool." Blaine breathes in. "We can go shopping: Westerville has a pretty nice mall. Not that I really need new clothes—Dalton has a uniform, apparently."
Kurt frowns. "That sucks. I can't imagine having to deal with a uniform."
Blaine laughs. "I know, right? But it's worth it to get away from…everything, you know?"
Across the parking lot, Karofsky and Azimio crack their knuckles and watch.
Kurt gulps; Glee may have made him famous, but it hasn't made him popular. "Yeah," he breathes. "I know."
"Quinn slept with Puck yesterday."
It's a late May evening, and inside the house their parents are busy flirting over dinner. They figure that since they are going to date in the future, it's okay to start dating now. Finn's been quiet all evening, but he hasn't said anything until they were alone outside, and to hear it like that—so blunt and so cold, makes Kurt wince.
"It's really happening then, isn't it?"
Finn nods. "She said she couldn't not do it. Not now, not since she's seen Beth. She said it wasn't fair to her baby, that she didn't deserve to…I don't know, not die? Not exist, I guess, just because her mom couldn't take care of her."
Kurt puts his hand on Finn's shoulder. "How are you feeling?"
Finn folds into himself. "I thought one of the perks of knowing the future was that you got the chance to change it. I didn't—I knew this was going to happen, and you know what? It still hurts."
Kurt doesn't say anything, but he does hold Finn's hand while he cries and he wonders, not for the first time, if any of them really knew what they signed up for.
That summer is the first time Kurt leaves Ohio. They want to do a photo-shoot with the gleeks in LA, so Ryan flies them all in. He gets to wear designer clothes and have other people fuss over his hair, so it's sort of like a dream come true, in a way.
It's also the first time all the glee kids have been in the same room with each other.
Surprisingly, it's a lot of fun. Puck is less of an asshole when he's in a group, and Santana's snark is very, very real, but also hilarious. And Brittany is adorably dumb, almost frighteningly so, but he absolutely adores her and calls her boo, which makes her happy. Then there's Mercedes, and Tina, and Artie, people he already likes, and his heart is ready to burst with warmth.
These people are his friends.
Not yet, though, not really. But they're going to be, and he can tell. He's like, ridiculously fond of these people, and he's only just seen them on tv. But they're ridiculously fond of him as well. They're famous, yes, but they are also people. And they are all in this together.
That summer in LA, spoilers fly. Ryan is a troll, obviously, and Kurt takes every spoiler he hears with a grain of salt. There's a lot of talk about different things that are supposed to happen: a new transfer student named Sam joins New Directions, a rumor about a closeted football player, about Kurt getting a boyfriend, and the internet being what it is, somehow all three rumors become one and everyone assumes that, at some point in season two, Kurt's going to date Sam.
"Lucky you!" Mercedes teases him in their hotel room, browsing through tumblr because it's late and she doesn't have anything better to do. "Of course, the spoilers also say that I'm supposed to get a boyfriend, too, but I don't believe them. Ryan, Brad, and Ian hate me."
Kurt rolls his eyes, but lies down next to her. "They don't hate you."
"Sure they do! I take away from the Rachel Berry (and Kurt Hummel!) Show!" Mercedes grins, poking him in the ribs. "Don't worry, they hate Tina, too. And they really hate Mike Chang. And Matt, poor baby, they hate him so much he's not even coming back for season two!"
Kurt frowns. "Yeah, but he's moving. It's not like they planned that."
Mercedes looks at him oddly. "Sometimes, I wonder if they don't plan certain things, knowing that we'll react to them in certain ways." Before he can respond, Mercedes begins to fume, furiously typing on her laptop. "Another bitch called me fat again. I swear, I could hurt these people."
"They just don't what real beauty looks like, sweetheart. Besides, isn't that part of the whole being-famous package? People talk about you on the internet." Kurt laughs, but kisses her on top of her head. "You'll get over it; I know I have."
But the fame thing is new, too. It's interesting, and just a little bit odd. People notice him when he walks down the street; they stop and they talk to him, gushing with praise. They send him long winded emails, telling him how he's inspired them.
And he knows this, knows it's not just a figment of his imagination, but to see it is a whole new world. Los Angeles isn't Lima, after all. People aren't nearly as homophobic here. He feels like he's a celebrity, the way people stop him and ask for his autograph, and ask to take his picture. It's weird because, technically, he hasn't done anything yet, but here he is, reaping all the benefits. He's even up to win a Golden Globe, for Best Supporting Male in a Speculative Fiction (Comedy). He doesn't think he'll get it, but it's amazing just to be nominated.
What he's learning is that there is a whole big world out there, outside of Lima, Ohio. It's a big world, but it's one that adores Kurt Hummel.
And he can't wait to see more of it.
A/N: I hope to God this makes sense. I have never written anything this meta in my life. I sat down and wrote almost half of this well over a month ago, and it's been slowly building ever since.
There will be a second chapter, dealing with the gang watching season two while season one is happening and, of course, the consequences. I can't tell you when, though.
(And yes, Blaine is totally a Promoted Fanboy. He just doesn't know it yet.)