Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran in any way shape or form.
He watches all but does not see me. He is closed off, he doesn't seem to care. But I have seen that side of him. The side that is kind; the side that cares. I must have, to fall in love with the Shadow King. My Demon Lord. He taunts me. Giving me a reason to stay yet, at the same time pushing me away, towards that idiot Tamaki. Is he blind? Can't he see that it is his touch I crave, his kisses I dream of. That no-one else will do. I do my best to tell him but everyone gets in the way. Tamaki, the twins, even Hunny with his constant cries of 'cake'. I get so angry I want to scream, so frustrated it makes me tear out my hair and cry into my pillow. Every night he haunts me in my dreams, I close my eyes and he is there, saying the words I long to hear.
It gets to the point where I can't take it, and I turn to blades and blood. I gasp at each line I draw but I feel so much better afterwards. I laugh at the thought of the Host club seeing me like this, drawn to this by one of their own. My fantasies have gone into overdrive; I want them so badly that they start to feel real. At school it gets harder to see him and not act that we are together. Soon it gets hard to see him at all. The way he acts brings back the fact that he isn't mine, even though my thoughts and dreams scream that he is. So, out comes the blade.
The Host Club watch as Haruhi says goodbye to her last customer that day. They had been watching their female host for several days now and were very worried. She frequently dozed off during hosting sessions and, according to the twins and backed up by Kyoya, had started failing in some subjects. If she carried on like this she would lose her scholarship. They couldn't figure out what it was that would bother her so much and why she wouldn't tell them. She left for the bathroom and the hosts started their meeting. "Anything guys?" asked Tamaki. "I've talked to Ranka and he's worried too. Apparently, she's been locking herself in her room for hours, rarely eating and she completely refuses to talk to him about it" reported Kyoya. Why Haruhi, what is so bad that you can't tell us? He thought.
I smile as the blade draws another line, spouting crimson over the white of the sink. I rinse the bowl when the bleeding lessens and wrap the bandage back around my wrist. I'd been wearing it all day, saying I'd sprained my wrist the night before. They hadn't noticed anything strange about my frequent toilet trips. I made sure I drank lots of water around them so they wouldn't think anything of it. They could be so dense sometimes. I walked out of the bathrooms and see the guys having a meeting. I force myself not to look at him. I gather my things, "bye guys" I say, walking to the door.
"Haruhi, wait" calls Tamaki. I sigh and turn to find him looking at me with a serious expression on his face. I feel Mori and Hunny come and stand beside me. "We need to talk" I try not to gulp, "about what Senpai?"
"This." I feel a hand wrap around my bandaged wrist and force the sleeve of my blazer up. I don't fight him, not even when he rips off the bandage and displays my raw wounds. I wince as I catch the hosts' expressions. Tamaki's eyes are dulled, lifeless. The twins are staring, mouths wide open. Hunny's eyes are glistening. I think I catch a hint of pain in Kyoya's eyes but I blink and it is gone.
"Why?" Whispers Tamaki. I throw up my mask, hiding my inner anguish. I knew it would happen eventually so I already have the answers embedded in my memory. "Bored" I shrug. I feel Mori's hand tighten on my wrist and I wince. He spins me round so I'm facing him, "You're lying. Our Haruhi wouldn't do this?" he growls. I'm shocked by the anger in his voice and my composure falters and breaks. I let the tears flow.
"I'm not yours. I'm mine." I say calmly, pulling my hand from his grasp. "Whatever I choose to do with my body is no concern of yours" "It is when you're hurting yourself" Kyoya yelled. I turned to him slightly stunned. "But I'm not. I'm hurting you, all of you. And that's why you care." I whisper, tears dripping down my face.
When I see the lines of red I feel my heart stop. What has she done? It takes all my will power not to run to her, wrap her in my arms and promise her she'll never feel like she has to do it again. But how can she feel the same? She belongs with Tamaki. I hear her tell us that she was bored. I see the anger in Mori's eyes and I watch her composure snap. I see her fear but fear of what? And I grow angry when she says it's not our concern. I can't stop myself from yelling, "It is when you're hurting yourself" My heart dies a little when I hear what she says next. Is that really what she thinks of us?
"How can you think that?" yells Hikaru, anger clouding his judgement. "We love you" Kyoya whispers. With those words he seals my fate. I know I can't take it anymore. I know I have to leave, for good. "How much is left of my debt, Kyoya?" the question catches him off guard. "About 200 yen, why?" I walk towards him, "you once said I could pay you back with my body" I murmur, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.
It was only meant to be a peck. I just wanted to kiss him once, a silent goodbye. But that all changed when he responded and began kissing me back, his lips as hungry as my own. It was everything I had imagined and more. The feel of his lips on mine, the smell of his hair. I was drowning in contentment. His tongue stroked my bottom lip, begging for entrance which I gladly gave. Our tongues danced, delicately exploring each other's mouths. I didn't want this to ever end. I dimly registered that my hands were fisted in his hair, pulling his lips to mine. His arm was around my waist and one hand was cupping my face, gently stroking my cheek with his fingers. He kissed with a passion I had only dreamed of and I hoped that it would remain when we broke apart for air.
When we pulled apart I stared in wonderment at the girl in my arms. She felt the same, that kiss had spoken volumes. "I love you" I gasp and my heart melts when she beams and says, "I love you too"
I knew when I gazed into my true loves eyes that I could never leave. I had meant to give him a peck on the lips, say, "then consider that my last payment" and walk out the door, never to return. But I hadn't counted on the fact that the Shadow King, my Shadow King, wanted me as much as I wanted him.
He led me to a couch and sat down. He then pulled me onto his lap and enveloped me in his arms. I curled up against his chest and sighed, content. I heard the others say their goodbyes and exit the room, leaving us alone. His fingers stroked my bloodied wrist, "Why?" he asked. I hang my head in shame, "I did it to make the pain go away. The fact that you weren't mine, it was killing me. I had to do something to make it stop." He gasped, "You did this" he stroked it again, "because of me." I nodded, hating what I was making him feel. "I'm sorry" he whispers, "I never wanted to hurt you. I never meant to drive you to this." I look up to see tears running down his face.
"Please, please don't cry. I'm sorry Kyoya, I'm sorry." I start crying myself. Reaching up, I remove his glasses and brush the tears off his cheeks. "I don't want to make you cry, I want to make you smile, laugh. I want to make you happy, Kyoya." I tell him, gazing up at his perfect face, his eyes locked with mine. "Then no more of this." He says turning to my wrist and stroking it again. "Please." I turn his face until we're eye to eye. "Never, as long as I have you." I whisper.