Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
I'm in love with Juda-as, Juda-as

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
I'm in love with Juda-as, Juda-as

Each time Hawke entered the Chantry, she felt as if all eyes were on her. All eyes were on her sin and on her mind. The intimidating statue was what terrified her the most. Feeling small and insecure, Hawke scurried into the building and started up the stairs. She could hear the faint voices of Elthina and Sebastian. As she continued up, the voices got clearer. Hawke was not sure what they were talking about, but she did not listen closer. They deserved their privacy.

"Oh, Hawke, Elthina and I were just talking about you," Sebastian smiled as he took notice of his soon to be bride. Of course, this was a presumptuous stance, seeing as he had not proposed to Hawke. But he did love her and it would seem like the inevitable next step.

Hawke put on a smile as she made polite conversation with the Grand Cleric. She was always uneasy around the woman. This feeling stemmed from one night long ago. Elthina knew Hawke when she was making repentance to the Chantry for the sins she committed. She knew everything about Hawke's sins. And Elthina made it clear to Hawke that she did not feel well about letting Sebastian stay ignorant about Hawke's past. As far as Sebastian knew, Hawke was a virgin. He knew nothing of what she had done. Whenever Elthina caught Hawke alone in the Chantry, she would bring up the topic. And each time she warned Hawke that if she did not tell him, she would.

After the Grand Cleric left, Hawke smiled as she walked closer to Sebastian, "How has your day been, love?"

Sebastian sighed as he put his hands on the railing and stared at Hawke with a more heartfelt smile on his face, "My day has been better than usual...I can feel something stirring in Kirkwall. I am sure you can, too."

"...I know what you mean. All this mess with mages and templars...Just when the Qunari issue has finally blown over. It would be nice to see Kirkwall in a normal state. Then again, it is not a normal city," Hawke sighed as she looked away from Sebastian. As she turned away, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned back around to see that the hand belonged to Sebastian. Hawke fell into his touch and moved closer to him.

He removed the hand and he proceeded to wrap his arms around her. He pulled her into this hug, resting his hands on her stomach. With peace, Hawke sighed in content as she leaned back into him.

Hawke appreciated the simple things. She appreciated Sebastian's calmness. She appreciated how he did not think of her as a sex object

But she would throw them away for euphoria. She craved Anders's energy. She craved his want, his desire, his lust.

Judas! Juda-a-a! Judas! Juda-a-a!
Judas! Juda-a-a! Judas! GA-GA!

What brought Hawke out of her sleep was the sound of a low growl. In her lethargic state, she recognized this as her mabari, Silver. She paid it no mind, thinking that her blissful sleep was more important than whatever her dog was whining about. As she tried to doze back into her dreamland, she heard the door to her room open. At this, Silver started to up the volume of his growl. He then went into a full-fledged bark. He barely got two barks out before Hawke heard a strange noise. It sounded like a shot of energy going through the room. Hawke then heard Silver whimper in pain and confusion before a large thud fully woke Hawke up.

Hawke sat up in her bed and tried to adjust her eyes to the darkness in the room. It was an unnecessary effort, for only moments passed before she saw a small ball of light in the corner of the room. It brought enough light in the room for Hawke to see. She looked down from her bed and found Silver lying there. He was not moving and his eyes were open and pitiful. "Silver?" Hawke questioned, concerned over her animal. The light went away, leaving Hawke in darkness once more.

"Don't worry. He is fine. I just stunned him. He'll be back to normal in the morning," was the sound that made Hawke jump. She recognized the voice at once and felt her body relax. "I told you…I'm a cat person," Anders said as Hawke heard the sound of footsteps. She heard them become louder as Anders approached the bed.

She then felt the added weight on her bed and she could smell Anders's musk. It was intoxicating. As her eyes adjusted to the dark she saw the outline of Anders's face. The face got closer as he leaned in and kissed her softly.

I couldn't love a man so purely
Even prophets forgave his crooked way
I've learned love is like a brick you can
Build a house or sink a dead body

"Anders, stop it," Hawke told him as she moved away from the mage. But even as she said these words, she kissed him back. She smiled as she felt the sweet taste enter her. Any thought of Sebastian left her mind as she fell back on her bed. She gasped softly as she felt Anders get on top of her. And as she looked into those soft eyes, she was reminded of Sebastian once more. Yes, Sebastian. The prince. The archer. A brother of the Chantry. The man that she was suppose to love and stay fateful to. That Sebastian. Overwhelmed, she stared into his dark eyes and told him, "Anders, you have to stop. I can't...We can't do this. Sebastian-"

"Sebastian does not exist tonight," Anders told her, "We exist. I do. You do. We can be the only people in the world tonight." Hawke felt his hands on her own hands. Palm to palm, Hawke felt a twinge of electricity go between the two. Or at least, that's what she thought it was. She felt herself lose her breath as he continued to kiss and touch her. Sebastian would never do this with her. He would never break his vow for her. And she hated that.

"Let me take you tonight," Anders said, his voice slurring in a mixture of lust and affection. It was a sickly sweet sound. But Hawke couldn't get enough of it.

To the Void with Sebastian.

"Yes..." she sighed as she allowed both him and herself to do whatever they pleased that night.

Ahh ah ah ah ah Ah ah ah ah
I'll bring him down, bring him down, down
Ahh ah ah ah ah Ah ah ah ah
A king with no crown, king with no crown

And when Hawke woke up the next morning, she would find herself alone. Her only company was Silver, who was still woozy over the events of last night. The mabari was curled up in the corner of the room, still wary of any intruder. Anders had left. Hawke could feel her heart hurt and crack under this realization. She was alone. Anders did not stay with her. She sighed as she sat up in her bed. She stretched her limbs and when she did, she saw the note on the end table. She picked it up and read it.

Dearest Hawke,

If last night is an indication of what is to come, I would be the first to tell you that I warned you. I'm not a gentle man. I'm a liar and I'm a monster and I'll only live to hurt you. But no one will ever doubt the fact that I love you. I love you, I'm in love with you, however you want me to say it I will say it. But Maker help me when I tell you to get yourself as far away from me as possible. It's selfish of me to do this to you. Last night should not have happened. I was being guided by the darker parts of myself. You have done so much for me. You helped me when no one else has. I don't deserve you, your protection, or your love.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm doing something you won't like. But some things are more important than you or me. You need to go, to be happy.

If that's what being with Sebastian means, so be it. If it means being with me, I'm happy that I've been granted one wish.

Love forever and always,


Hawke smiled at these words. She ignored all the contradictions in his note as she read it over and over again. It was all she needed to feel happy and loved. She folded the note and tucked it into a small drawer before she got out of her bed. She went to change her clothes and start the day, but she was interupted by a loud knocking on her door. She sighed as she called out, "Yes? Who is it?"

She then heard Orana's meek voice. "Mistress, there are some flowers here for you."

A large jump went through Hawke's heart as she heard this news. She went to the door and opened it. As she opened it, she saw past Orana and saw dozens of large vases planted over the house. The tall white vases held large exotic plants that looked more beautiful than the next. She watched as the delivery men put down the last vases before they went on their way.

"Oh Maker...they're beautiful," Hawke cooed as she looked at the flowers.

Orana cleared her throat and brought Hawke's attention to the vase she held in her own hands. It was quite smaller and it held only a single white rose. There was a note attached to the stem.

"Thank you," Hawke smiled as she took the vase and took a look at the note. Her heart was still beating wildly. Did Anders-

And within the moment of reading the note, her heart dropped.

Dear Hawke,

I hope you like the flowers. They're almost as beautiful as you are.



"Do you like the flowers, Mistress?" Orana asked. She smiled at her mistress, knowing that the usual sweet Hawke would soon gush over the gifts she had recieved from her admirer.

Hawke did not respond to Orana's question. She just stared at the note with a frown on her face.

"Get rid of them."

"Pardon me?" Orana questioned, not believing that she heard her mistress correctly.

"Give them away, burn them, keep them. I don't care. Just get them out of my sight," Hawke ordered as she took the vase she was holding and threw it to the floor, "NOW!"

Whimpering, the abused elf scurried away from her angry mistress and went to "get rid" of the flowers.

I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby, it's so cruel
But I'm still in love with Judas, baby
I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby, it's so cruel
But I'm still in love with Judas, baby