The world felt unstable, it hurt to take a breath. I sat in the bathroom looking at the test that was bought earlier at the corner store. But the words read loud and clear: PREGNANT. The tears came first; they were silent as I stared at it. How in the world could I do this? Be a mother?
Peeta wanted children; he talked about it all the time. It was one night, one night without being careful. I picked up a glass that held the soap and threw it at the wall, watching it shatter into a million pieces.
"Katniss?" asked Peeta's voice panicked, his loud footsteps approaching.
I curled into the corner and buried my head in my knees. Peeta knocked on the door. "Katniss, sweetheart?" he asked, over the years that name just stuck. Sweetheart.
"Just go," I replied quickly.
"Katniss open the door, please," he pleaded. I did not respond, choosing to let my mind race. "I will break down the door, please Katniss," he said his voice panicky.
I slowly got up, for Peeta's sake and opened the door. I was wearing a ratty old shirt and my hunting shorts my hair messy along my face. In my hand was the test, tears running down my face. It took him seconds to realize. He smiled then realized it was what had upset me. "Oh, Katniss," Peeta said as he took me into his strong arms.
"I can't do this, I can't Peeta, I know…that…this…is what you want but," I said, trying to control my sobs.
"You can do this, you would be-," Peeta said but I cut him off all too soon.
"I can't," I said, already convinced. I felt sorry for this life, this person that might have me as a mother.
"Katniss, don't say that," Peeta said, I was soaking his shirt with my tears.
"Peeta, I never wanted this," I continued. It only took a second for me to see the hurt register on his face. He wanted this. He has wanted this for forever. Should I let him have this, after everything he gave me? After all this love and comfort after all these years of never giving up on me?
"Katniss, what are you saying?" Peeta asked, his face turning red.
"I don't know. I just don't know," I replied, as I fought my way from the bathroom to the bedroom. I sat on the bed holding my head. I owed him. I owed my husband for everything. I always will. Could this be a way to get rid of the debt? I am not completely heartless; of course I would love my child. It's just the world is always so messed up.
Peeta took a seat next to me; put a hand on my back. "Please, Katniss think about this. Please," Peeta said, almost desperately.
When I looked up it broke my heart to see tears in his eyes. I wiped them away with my thumbs and put my head on his strong chest. He leaned me down on the bed and kissed my head. He held me there, I felt safe and protected. "Because I love you," was all I said before drifting to sleep.
When I woke up Peeta was still there, still holding me. His eyes were closed too, he was smiling. Did I really just agree to this? Suddenly, the all too familiar wave of nausea flooded through me. I got untangled from Peeta's arms and ran into the bathroom. Emptying my stomach of the cheese buns I had this morning. Peeta was there in seconds, holding my hair. When I was done, I washed my face then turned to Peeta and cried, again. "I'm scared," I admitted.
"I know, I am here," Peeta assured me. My breath must have smelled like throw up but he kissed me anyways. He kissed away my tears and hugged me to him. "I love you," he said.
"I love you too," I replied. Because that was the one thing I was completely sure of. Peeta was the one I loved all along. Peeta is going to make a great father, just like I thought all those years ago.
Please review to let me know if I should continue. I hope you liked it, thanks for reading!