Author's Note: This is a fanfiction that a fellow fanfiction.net author, Brian Marcelo, said I should try. He gave me the basic plot (Claire and her romantic struggles was what he offered) and I tried to convey it. This fic a different style for me and it's filled with angst, Claire and romance. I hope 'yall can take it. I doubt there will be anymore chapters unless I'm begged multiple times and threatened by Tyrant. As always, reviews = loved. :)

Little disclaimer: I personally didn't like how this fiction turned out, so flaming me would be utterly useless. Thanks :E

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Giving up on Love

Both of them worship me; I know it. I can see it in the puppy-dog gazes Steve sends my way and I can feel it as Leon opens doors for me, offering a smile. The problem isn't their love because there's no doubt I have that. The dilemma rather, is that I can't and won't choose between them. Making the final choice and casting aside one of the males would be like losing an important organ. It would break, demolish really, two hearts: mine and one of theirs. In otherwords, I'm undecided and it's voting day. Guess what? My vote is the tie-breaker.

And as I sit here, analyzing my relationships in this dingy bathroom, Steve Burnside lies in my bed. "I have to freshen up" was the line I gave him, but in reality I had to think this over. You see, he's waiting for me and he's just a few doors down from where I stand, writing this. I know you're shocked by this news and it's not as if I could (or do, for that matter) expect you to understand. There are lots of things about me that you will never get despite how much you care. Weren't you the one to tell me that tomboys can't love? Well screw that. What I'm saying here isn't asking for your support nor is it said with intentions of causing you grief. I'm telling you because someone needs to know. Someone needs to know what a mess Claire Redfield has gotten herself into and someone needs to save me. I'm a mistress caught between her knights, I'm a fly trapped in the web of love..

I must tell you, before I forget, that my intentions were never to fall for either. I had no feelings aside from those of friendship for Leon when I left Raccoon City and I had no emotions towards Steve Burnside until the showdown in Antartica. That was when it clicked and hit me in the face like a round from a loaded glock. Maybe I'm being hyperbolic, but it ended up hurting as much as a shot in the face because in the end.. he died. He simply fucking died and left me with an empty I love you for me to carry on my shoulders. I love you can only get you so many places in this bleak world and this particular I love you only reinforced the world's unfaitness. In retrospect, I almost wish that he hadn't uttered those three words because without them I would be better off. Way better off. But alas he did say those words. And those words followed you and I home to the United States like a barrier between siblings. It embodied all of Antartica's events and more. Every time I closed my eyes, it was those words that ran through my head. It was those words, not Steve, that gave me nightmares which caused me to scream. It was those words that became the source of my depression and it was those words that gave me reason to turn to another person. Enter Leon Kennedy.

Leon was the fall back boy; hell I'll admit, he fit the role well. Damned well. He was made to be the repair man and that was exactly what he did. He pulled me out of my loss and I pulled him out of his; which was mainly the death of Ada Wong. Leon managed to succeed where all others had failed; he stitched me back together. He brought back the fiesty female Redfield but at what cost? Why, love of course. Despite the fact that for the longest time he was just someone I used to show you guys that I was over the events that happened at Rockfort Island, it eventually became love and my lies faded to truth.

A few months after that occurance, Steve came back. One day when I was typing up a college term paper he appeared on our doorstep. I think you were out with Jill, but in any case he was there. Same red hair, same Burnside style. Dead people don't suddenly pop-up out of the grave and that was primarly the reason why I invited him in to talk, but I should have known better. That was my fatal mistake and it allowed me to fall into this mess, this fucking love triangle. In the course of a hour with Steve, I discovered that old love never dies and that it can be brought back in the snap of fingers or in a simple hug. One embrace and I was hooked back on my Steve. My drug. However.. I still had feelings for Leon ...

And quite the feelings they were. Because of these emotions, the facade has continued and I have dug myself deeper into the grave. I guess what I'm asking you is for your support? I feel like I'm using you as an outlet, but isn't that what family is for? I suppose what I'm asking for brotherly advice and you're the only one who can give it.

xoxo.

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I briefly examined my letter and folded it over, adding the trademark CR to the outside. Then, walking out of the bathroom, I kicked it gently under my brother's door and headed down the hall to my room. I knew that Steve would be there, waiting for me. But the whole scene didn't scare me as it had before because somehow, writing my thoughts down had made it feel all right..