The Silence of His Love
Kurt entered the large oak doors of Dalton Academy on his first day at the school. He was welcomed by a large crowd of boys who all seemed to be heading in the same direction through the wide halls. Kurt furrowed his eyebrows. He knew he had to go to the main office which was in the other direction, but his curiosity overpowered him. Kurt flowed into the crowd, letting them carry him to where ever they were going. He looked around and took in the marble structures and fine paintings. The whole school seemed to smell like old books and musky cologne.
He straightened his striped uniform tie for about the hundredth time that day. Honestly, he was nervous. He didn't know anybody at this school; he left everyone back at McKinley.
He couldn't think about McKinley; it brought back too many unpleasant memories.
Thinking of them, Kurt's hand flew to his neck, massaging lightly. Realizing what he was doing, the hand dropped lazily to his side. Kurt looked around, wondering if anyone saw the strange action.
Karofsky hadn't meant to damage Kurt like this, but he had.
Images flooded into his brain. He squeezed his eyes shut as he tucked his chin to his chest.
Kurt had been putting his books away when Karofsky slammed him into his locker.
"'Sup, homo?" He had said, blowing him a mock kiss.
Kurt stared, frozen, thinking about how Karofsky had really kissed him only a few days ago. He couldn't take it. He couldn't let someone control his life out of fear.
He chased Karofsky, just as he had before Karofsky had kissed him.
"Hey!" He hollered as he grabbed the jock's shoulder and whipped him around. Several people in the hall looked over at the two.
"I am sick of you!" Kurt spat. Karofsky raised an eyebrow. "I am sick of you tormenting me just because you are afraid!" He didn't know exactly where this was all coming from, but he couldn't stop now.
"Kurt-" Karofsky warned.
"You are just afraid someone will find out! You're afraid because I know! Sometimes I think I should just spill it so you will stop torturing me!" he yelled. Everyone stopped and was looking at them.
Karofsky looked at him hard, fear obviously wide in his eyes. "Shut up!" the bully shouted.
"I can't help it that you're gay, David! But do not drag me into your problems!"
Everything seemed to stop. The words lingered in the air. No student said a word, everyone was in shock. Kurt hadn't even realized what he said; his hand flew to his mouth. Karofsky's fear was instantaneously replaced by anger.
He lunged towards Kurt.
Karofsky tackled him down to the floor with all his strength he had learned from football. Karofsky threw punch after punch into Kurt's delicate neck. Kurt couldn't breathe and struggled to let any air in through his nose, but all he could feel was the immense pain growing after every hit. After punching Kurt for nearly a minute, the Neanderthal's meaty hands grabbed around the injured neck and squeezed. He squeezed all his anger and fear away. Now Kurt couldn't breathe at all. He felt his face turning bright red. His eyelids slowly started closing. Karofsky's death grip on Kurt's neck loosened just slightly and he took the biggest gulp of air he could in his situation.
Nothing had ever hurt him more.
The last thing he saw before he blacked out was Finn and Mike desperately trying to pull Karofsky off of him.
Kurt woke up in the hospital.
Karofsky damaged his vocal cords with all the punching, the doctors had said, and ruined all chances of them ever being able to be fixed or replaced when he strangled him. Kurt could no longer speak. He couldn't sing. He couldn't do what he loved.
He quit glee club and isolated himself from all his old friends. He and Mercedes were still friendly, though. When they saw each other in the halls, they would smile or give a small wave. Their lockers were still right next to each other, so he always saw her between classes.
Hardly anyone else noticed him. The jocks didn't touch him anymore, but Kurt still received hateful glares from some. Once in a while he would gain looks of pity from a random student. He hated that.
Finn was the only one he would ever try to communicate with. When the two families were together, Kurt would take out his notepad and pen and write to Finn. Finn was okay with it; he answered all his questions and still joked with him. Kurt never smiled outside his home, and he usually kept his head hung low.
His father and Finn's mother got married and it was wonderful. Kurt stared longingly at the glee club as they performed their number. He so wanted to jump up and sing with them… but he couldn't, and he never would be able to again.
"Kurt," Burt said as he approached his son the day after the wedding, a month after the incident.
Kurt turned around and slowly raised his eyebrow.
"I found this really amazing school. I want you to transfer there, where you can stay safe. Just to make sure nothing like this" he gestured to his son's throat "will happen again."
Kurt wanted to tell his father that no one paid him any attention anymore, nor would anyone dare touch him. But he couldn't so instead he grabbed the brochure Burt was extending out to him. 'Dalton Academy' it read in bold red letters. He flipped it open and the first thing he saw was a marked bullet reading 'zero-tolerance bullying policy'. He looked up at his father and blinked once.
"Finn told me about how you act at school. He says you always look scared. Like you're always looking over your shoulder," Burt explained.
Kurt looked down at his shoes. It was true. Every shout down the hall made him jump. Every touch made him flinch. He would never feel safe at that school again- even though Karofsky was expelled.
Now here he was, in this safe haven, being guided into a large common room. Boys in uniform were pushing aside big leather couches, clearing out the center of the room. The crowd spread out around and Kurt found himself standing front and center, right in front of the doorway. That was when he noticed the group of about twenty boys huddled in the middle of the cleared floor. Kurt took one step back, getting prepared for whatever he was about to watch.
In the next second, the group of twenty started harmonizing. Kurt had read there was also a glee club here called The Warblers. This must be them, he thought. Then a shorter boy with curly black hair stepped out of the circle and stole the lead vocals.
"You think I'm pretty without any make up on," he sang, his voice floating around the room.
He was absolutely beautiful, Kurt decided. His hazel eyes sparkled as he danced around. He smiled radiantly as he sang. And his voice was the most stunning thing Kurt had ever heard.
He was automatically jealous.
At one point in the song, the boy's hazel eyes locked on Kurt's blue. It was only for a moment, but Kurt's heart swelled and he smiled.
The boy's grin grew a little wider, too. Then he looked away, and just like that the high was over. The song ended and everyone applauded widely, including Kurt.
Kurt and the boy locked eyes once more before another student stood between them. Kurt's chest shuttered a little. No one had really made him feel like that before. Except last year when he was in love with his stepbrother.
Kurt wanted to approach him so badly. He wanted to tell him how amazing he sounded, find out his name, and learn more about him, anything he could possibly know.
But he couldn't.
Kurt's hand flew to his neck again. He rubbed it a little, and strained all the muscles in his throat. He opened his mouth a little, willing for a word to come out- any word at all. Nothing did. Instead, a slightly strangled noise was made that sounded like a moan mixed with a cry.
It felt horrible.
Kurt ducked out of the room.
Kurt left the main office of the school. He had gone to find out where his locker was and his combination. This task had been proven difficult, being the secretary didn't know about his situation. He had to take out his notepad and write everything out for her. She looked at him confused, thinking he was just shy.
That's what most people thought of him. That he was shy or he was sick.
He found his locker and emptied some extra books and notebooks he wouldn't need until later from his bag. He looked at his schedule; he had French now. He grabbed his needed materials and sped down the hall. He admired how fancy the school's decorations were, a lot classier than McKinley.
He rubbed his neck.
He found the room and pushed the door open. The teacher and all twenty-five student's eyes focused on him. It took him a little by surprise. He held up the pass the lady in the main office had given him. The teacher, a skinny man of around fifty, looked satisfied. Still, every student looked confused.
"You must be Mr. Hummel," the man said with a crisp, welcoming voice. "I am Monsieur Bramsey. Everyone, please welcome our new student, Kurt."
A series of 'bonjours was said throughout the class.
"Please, you can sit over here," Bramsey said, directing Kurt to a desk in the back of one of the five rows.
When Monsieur Bramsey made his way back to the front of the room, most every student's eyes turned away from Kurt. Kurt himself looked at his teacher until he felt a pair of eyes on him. He looked around and saw the boy from the earlier performance; the one with such beautiful eyes. They stared at each other for a few seconds, neither wanting to look away first. Kurt felt himself start to blush so he looked down at his pencil. He still felt the pair of eyes resting on him.
A sharp bell rang, signaling the end of class. Everyone stood up and grabbed their bag. Kurt pulled out his schedule and checked which class he had next.
Kurt looked up from the paper and saw the beautiful boy standing in front of him. The corner of his mouth twitched up into a small smile. He nodded.
"I'm Blaine," Blaine said, reaching out a hand. They shook hands, Kurt's own slightly electrified by the touch. "I saw you in the senior commons earlier today. I knew I hadn't recognized you!"
Kurt licked his dry lips a little then gave a small nod.
"So did you like the performance?" Blaine asked eagerly, following Kurt out the doorway.
Kurt looked at Blaine and took in a sharp breath of air. This was going to be difficult, he thought. Kurt gave a wide smile and nodded.
"What's wrong, can't you speak?" Blaine joked.
Kurt's face fell. He looked straight into Blaine's eyes. He shook his head 'no'.
"Oh," Blaine said, suddenly looking very embarrassed. "Uh, I'm sorry."
Kurt rested his hand on Blaine's shoulder reassuringly. He quickly took it back and looked around. A move like that at McKinley and a string of slurs would follow immediately. No one paid any attention here; no one seemed to care.
"I was just going to ask if I could help you get to your next class," Blaine said, trying to change the topic.
He knew where his next class was. He took a tour of the school a few days ago for that very reason. Kurt's eyes lit up and he nodded anyway. Blaine smiled brightly at him. Kurt showed Blaine the slip of paper.
"Room 115," Blaine said when he looked at it. "That'll be upstairs in the first hallway to your left. That's the same hall I'm going to now, so I can show you where."
Kurt followed Blaine up the stairs and really took in his face. His nose was round and low. His lips were light pink and perfectly shaped. Some slight stubble was forming around his chiseled jaw. His eyelashes were long and dark. His honey hazel eyes seemed to change color as they went toward his pupil. His hair looked slightly wavy, but was masked by a shell of hair gel.
"Here it is," Blaine said as they stopped at room 115.
Kurt looked at Blaine and mouthed 'thank you'.
Blaine's facial expression seemed to warm.
"No problem. I'll see you around!"
Kurt looked desperately around the crowed cafeteria. He was about to settle for sitting alone when Blaine came up behind him with two other boys.
Kurt turned around and smiled at the shorter boy.
"Wes, David, this is Kurt, the new student I told you about," Blaine said, looking over at his two friends. Both Wes and David understood.
"Ah. Yes. Hello, Kurt. My name's Wes," the Asian boy said, reaching out a hand.
Kurt shook it.
"And I'm David," The black one said, also reaching out a hand. Kurt also shook it.
"Do you wanna sit with us today?" Blaine asked, turning back to Kurt.
Kurt was surprised, but nodded his head and followed the boys as they made their way to the lunch table. Once he sat down he noticed these were almost all the boys who had performed earlier. They were all introduced and Kurt started to eat his salad.
"So Kurt, where'd you move from?" the boy known as Nick said from across the table.
Kurt looked over at Blaine who was sitting next to him. Blaine stared at Nick, obviously full of anger and embarrassment.
Kurt stayed calm and took out his notepad. He flipped past all the pages he used for when he talked with Finn, his dad, or Carole and opened to a new, clean page. He took out his favorite pen from his pant pocket and began to write. Everyone at the lunch table followed his every move. Kurt looked up again and handed the book to Nick, who took it. The boy sitting next to him, Jeff, also looked over.
The note read: I moved from Lima, Ohio. I used to go to William McKinley High School.
Nick handed it back and looked at Kurt as if he were crazy. As did every else at the table except Blaine, Wes, and David.
Blaine leaned over to whisper in Kurt's ear. "Can I tell them?"
Kurt's ear tingled from the sensation. He looked over and nodded once.
"Nick, everyone, Kurt can't speak."
Everyone looked completely confused.
"Can he hear?" someone asked.
"Are you an idiot?" Blaine snapped, turning to the boy.
Kurt did what he now considered a chuckle. He smiled and tucked his chin as his shoulders shook.
Everyone continued eating; only keeping up conversation with the person next to them.
"Kurt," a boy named Thad started. Everyone looked between Kurt and Thad. "Why did you move here?"
Kurt looked down and his hand found its way to his neck. He took out his notepad. The note simply read: Bullying.
Blaine, who had seen the note, looked over at Kurt who smiled sadly at him. He took the pad and pen from Kurt. Under the table he quickly wrote a message. Kurt stared at the one word written on his notepad. It meant so much to him for some reason. He looked up to see Blaine smiling at him. Kurt weakly smiled at him before looking back down at the paper.
It read: Courage.
"Come in," a deep voice said quite lazily after Kurt knocked on the man's office door.
Kurt poked his head in to see an older man with a round belly sitting behind a large wooden desk, his nose in a newspaper. A small sign on the desk read 'Mr. Stead'. Stead, the dormitory advisor, looked up because Kurt had not made a sound once he walked in.
"And you are?"
Kurt already had his notebook and pen out. Kurt wrote as neatly as possible, he liked to impress more important adults.
I'm Kurt Hummel and I am a new student here. I need a room to board in.
Stead looked very confused when he looked up from the piece of paper. "You will not last long at any school if you refuse to speak," he said quite rudely, handing back the paper to Kurt.
Kurt's anger bubbled up inside him, but he reminded himself to be nice. He looked at the man hard with his bright blue eyes. Stead had a crooked, pointy nose. His receding hairline staged the wrinkles in his forehead. His thin lips were bright red and in a perfectly straight line. His light brown eyes sagged on puffy cheeks.
I cannot speak. Are there any available rooms?
As Stead read this note, his eyes widened. "So sorry, Mr. Hummel. Yes, I will find a room for you. I expect you have the forms filled out and the extra check?"
Kurt pulled out said items from his designer leather messenger bag as Stead disappeared under his desk. He heard the sound of drawers opening and ruffling of papers then a loud bang sounded from under the desk.
"Ow!" Stead emerged rubbing the top of his balding head. "Yes, we have a room in the Northern dormitory; third level, room 30" Stead said. Both exchanged papers and Kurt stood. As he opened the door, he could hear behind him the crinkle of newspaper showing Stead had his nose once again buried in the daily news.
Kurt somehow managed to find his way to the Northern dormitory following different signs around the campus. He walked through the dewy grass and entered the tall building. Making his way to the sixth floor was easy, and once he stepped out of the stairwell, music instantly filled his ears. Somebody was singing in one of the rooms. Kurt followed the sound until his ear was pressed right up against door 37.
"My heart stops when you look at me, just one touch now baby I believe," the voice sang, accompanied by a strumming guitar.
Kurt suddenly realized it was Blaine singing. He knew he shouldn't eavesdrop any more, but his body wouldn't move. He stated glued to the door, listening to the amazing voice. Then the singing and guitar stopped all at once.
"David. I can hear you breathing," Kurt stood frozen, he had been caught. "I'm not deaf, you kn- Oh. Hi, Kurt," said Blaine once he'd opened the door.
Kurt gave a weak smile and he was blushing up to his ears. He started to turn and walk away.
"Kurt, wait!" Kurt looked over his shoulder. Blaine was smiling that bright smile that almost made his eyes crinkle. "Stay right here, I'll be right back." And with that, Blaine disappeared into what seemed to be his room. He returned a second later with a notebook and pen in his hand, scribbling something down.
Kurt's heart swelled and his belly fluttered.
Come in, we can talk in my room, Blaine wrote.
Kurt looked up and Blaine was already grabbing his wrist and pulling him in. Blaine's room was pretty ordinary. There was a messily made bed in one corner, a desk pilled with papers and books in another, a keyboard and a guitar next to the bed, a tall set of drawers with a television on top of it, a closet door on one wall, above the bed were several shelves, and branching off the room was a small private bathroom. On one shelf was a very old, battered teddy bear with a missing eye, some pictures, and a pair of bright pink sunglasses. It looked kind of perfect.
Kurt didn't realize that Blaine hadn't let go of his hand yet until he was being pulled over to sit on the bed. Blaine immediately started writing in the notebook again, his tongue poking through his lips.
It's really cool to see you, but what are you doing here?
My new room is in this hall. I just met with Mr. Stead.
Awesome! Blaine smiled radiantly at him again. I didn't know you were boarding here.
Well, Lima is a one and a half hour drive; I couldn't do that every morning and still keep up my moisturizing routine.
Blaine chuckled. Well, we can't have that happen, now can we?
Kurt read this and bit down on his bottom lip to keep from smiling too hard. Could you help me find my room?
Sure, what number?
Blaine read the message and stood up, once again grabbing Kurt's hand. It electrified his whole body. He walked him to the doorway and pointed directly across the hall to a door with a golden '30' on it.
"Just there," Blaine said softly.
Kurt realized he was still holding the notebook. I guess I'll be seeing a lot of you.
Apparently. Blaine winked at Kurt as he handed the paper back.
"See you around," Blaine whispered as he walked back into room 37 and shut the door.
Kurt's breath wavered when he exhaled loudly. The smile on his face wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. He turned around and inserted the small silver key into the lock, opening to a room with the exact layout as Blaine's. Everything was opposite, though, being that Kurt's room was on the other side of the hall.
Already in his head, Kurt was planning how he would decorate his room, but for now he put his small bag down next to his bed. Kurt pulled out sheets and made the small bed quickly. He changed into a pair of silk pajamas and set his alarm for 6 am. He would get the rest of his stuff from his SUV tomorrow morning because now he was too tried. Kurt didn't even mind if he missed dinner, all he wanted to do was sleep.
And sleep he did.
Kurt had decided to take Blaine to McKinley so he could meet Finn and Mercedes. As they walked down the hall (hand in hand) Karofsky jumped out of nowhere. Kurt nearly fell back in horror. His eye's bugged out of his head and he squeezed Blaine's hand so tightly he knew the other boy must be in pain. But he couldn't think about that now. Karofsky was right in front of him! And based on the dangerous smirk on Karofsky's face, Kurt knew nothing could go well from here.
"You're still here?" Karofsky had asked. He looked at Blaine, who was thoroughly confused. "Is he a fag, too? You guys boyfriends?" He turned back to Kurt.
"Not gonna answer me? Oh right. You can't." He laughed the most disgusting laugh. "I remember. It was because I did this!"
Kurt couldn't scream as Karofsky started to jump towards him, but immediately grabbed Blaine's neck instead. He squeezed and shook until Blaine had lost consciousness in the bully's grip. Kurt tried screaming; nothing happened. He tried to pull the Neanderthal away from Blaine, but Karofsky already let go of Blaine, letting him fall in a lump to the floor. The bully grabbed Kurt's arms so tightly, it would leave bruises. He started punching Kurt with everything he had left. Kurt slowly started only seeing blackness.
Kurt woke up, gasping for air. His breathing leveled out once he realized where he was. He was in Dalton, in his new room. Right across the hall from Blaine. Kurt looked at the small clock on the side table next to his bed. 2:54 am. It was a nightmare. Suddenly Kurt's throat felt very dry and he went to the private bathroom to get water.
Kurt leaned over the sink, letting water collect in his hands then splashed his face. He let some fall into his mouth. When Kurt stood straight again and looked into the mirror. What he saw nearly made him faint. There, in his own bathroom, was Karofsky standing in a dark corner. He gave Kurt an evil smile. Kurt turned sheet white and whipped around to see the large body figure coming closer to him. As he shut his eyes closed, preparing for whatever he was about to endure, he heard a loud and annoying bell from somewhere far off.
Kurt woke up to his alarm. He sat up so quickly in his bed, he nearly fell off. It was just another nightmare. The sunshine flooding his room told him it was the next morning and he would have to get ready for classes. Kurt gathered himself, taking deep breaths as he sat on the edge of his bed.
A knock on his door.
Kurt, still slightly shaken, walked to the door and opened it partially. Standing in the hall were David and Blaine, both looking worried.
"Kurt, are you okay?" David asked when Kurt opened the door wider.
"David told me he heard it sounded like you were thrashing around in here, like, sleep walking," Blaine added.
"My room is right next to yours, by the way. I think you pounded the wall a few times. Scared the hell outta me!" said David.
Kurt was deeply embarrassed and blushing up to his hairline. He waved for the boys to come in while he would get his notebook. They sat down on the edge of his bed nervously. Kurt sat down too and was writing quickly.
Nightmares, I think.
"Nightmares! We're you dreaming about wrestling a shark?" David chuckled at his own joke.
You could put it that way.
This caused both boys to look at Kurt, who suddenly found the edge of his comforter very interesting.
"Kurt, does it have anything to do with your bullying?" Blaine asked softly, meaning no harm.
Kurt's hand flew to his neck; it was becoming an instant reaction. No. He was not ready to tell his life story to two boys he hardly knew yet. No matter how cute, charming, and talented one was.
He hastily shook his head 'no' and began writing on the paper again. Could you please leave? I need to get ready and I haven't even had any coffee yet.
David and Blaine looked at each other, now both very worried about their new friend's mysterious past.
"See you later, Kurt," David said lowly.
"If you ever want to talk about anything- at all- I'm right across the hall," Blaine added, turning around in the frame of the door.
Kurt gave a pained smile from where he still sat on his small bed.
The click of the door shutting signaled them leaving the room. Kurt sighed and dramatically fell back on his bed. He wanted to tell Blaine. It was just a difficult topic for him to deal with. He hoped to get through the rest of the school year at Dalton without telling anyone, but already things seemed to be lining up differently.
Kurt finished getting ready and grabbed his messenger bag which was already packed with the books he would need for the day. He opened the door, and, to his surprise, a small coffee cup was sitting in front of his door. Kurt picked it up, and read the post-it note stuck to the side of it.
'Hopefully this will help your caffeine fix. ~B'