Ouch! It has been way too long since I updated. I'm so sorry, Minna-san. Bad me !
Anyway, here is the latest chapter of Kowareta Ita Nani No Tame Ni. Enjoy &hearts
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I merely own the plot :)
Kowareta Ita Nani No Tame Ni
A Long-Waited Chance
The room was sharply lighted. The walls seemed so murderously blank. The curtains were pulled down roughly to prevent fresh air from greeting the room. Kouji wanted to run away from the dominant suffocating atmosphere in the room but couldn't once his eyes found their aim.
Kouichi was asleep. Less paler than before and more constraint as if he was tied to this world which was literally and figuratively true. He trembled when the sight of the wrapped bandage around the patient's wrist caught his attention. And for a second, what had happened earlier repeated itself in his mind. He felt like throwing up. The flashbacks were so painful that he felt dizzy. In and out, he breathed heavily and shook the thoughts away. It wouldn't do him any good to collapse here. He wouldn't give himself such a comforting pleasure by falling unconscious to the world. He didn't deserve relief…not when the one who needed it the most was prevented from sleeping forever.
No. That's not what he should think about. Kouichi was alive. His mother hadn't taken him away. She had listened to Kouji's pleas…And that meant more than the world to him.
Approaching the bed hesitantly, he leaned closer. Their foreheads touched lightly. Kouichi's forehead was cold and sweaty. The ghost of a smile danced on his lips when he felt he felt other's tingled breath against his cheek. He leaned closer and hugged him tightly, burring his face in the other's hair and smelling it deeply. The dry hair smelt so good. It was calming, tempting to fall asleep. Just then, he felt how tired he was. He just wanted to close his eyes and sleep. His twin's breaths quickened dangerously but he was so dizzy to register that. They turned to gasps so quickly that he was sharply awakened from his pleasant doze.
'S-stay away.' the gasps were accompanied by a hoarse, terrified plead. Fragile arms tried to push him away in futile attempts. Kouichi fought uselessly to get free from him.
It hurt. It hurt so much to feel how scared the other was. Scared of him. Of his hesitant embrace. Kouji bit his lower lip so harshly before undoing the hug with a heavy heart.
Kouichi was trembling beneath him. His eyes were watering as his gasps became scarier than ever. He stared at Kouji as if he was still dreaming.
Kouji fought not to bruise his lip any further by biting it mercilessly. 'It's me. Kouji.' As if his confession would make the world much better, he laughed mentally at his idiocy.
Ironically, that had calmed Kouichi instantly.
'Yes. No one else is here. Don't be scared.' Kouji spoke so softly to the point of surprising himself. It was so natural to speak nicely to Kouichi. For a moment, Kouji realized that he was forcing himself to sound harsh around Kouichi before. It was way easier and more comfortable to be himself with Kouichi.
Kouichi blinked before recognition made his eyes go so wide. He looked around him as if he was a bird in a cage. Words betrayed him. He couldn't even question where he was.
'A hospital.' Kouji answered shortly, saving him the trouble to ask.
The fearful tears that stood still in his eyes rolled down his cheeks solemnly. 'Why?' He sobbed harder. 'I should've died. W-why?'
Kouji clenched his palms into fists and whispered quietly. 'It's so early. You entered my life without permission. You can't just leave that easily.' He had been so cruel in his words but that was the only thing he could think about. It didn't matter how selfish he looked. It was true. Kouichi had walked into his life so suddenly. He had no right to leave his life without even a goodbye.
'Y-you asked me to. You wanted me to die. I've made it so easy for all of you.' Kouichi yelled. His words turned into burning fire.
'I didn't mean it…'
'You don't have to feel guilty.' Kouichi's eyes darkened accusignly. 'You stopped me. It must be you. No one was home except you.'
Stopped not saved, Kouji noted bitterly.
Kouji didn't ask how he knew it. He just looked away. 'I don't want you to die.'
'Stop playing with me!' Kouichi screamed. 'I' m not your toy to choose when to let me die!'
It didn't look real. Kouichi was too pacific to shout or to look angry but he was burning with fury in front of him. His breaths weren't controlled and he looked as if would collapse any minute.
'W-what do…you want me to do? Why didn't you let me go?' He gave up shouting and gazed at Kouji's identical eyes. 'Didn't you have enough, Mianmoto-kun?'
Kouji wanted to just disappear. It wasn't fair to imprison Kouichi in his life. Kouichi didn't want to live with them.
'I wanted a life and a family.'
No. Kouichi wanted a normal life. He had struggled so hard not to lose hope. Kouichi didn't want to die. They had led him to that edge and it was their responsibility to save him.
' 'Kaa-san wouldn't want you to give up.' Kouji said quietly. 'She wanted you to live happily. You can't give up on everything because you grow tired of fighting.' He didn't really knew from where the words were coming but he couldn't stop as if some unknown force was inspiring him. 'You wanted a normal life and we failed to give it to you yet you can't run away. There are people who still want-need you in their life.
'Takuya had saved you and I'm sure as hell that he's going insane now because he doesn't know how you're doing. He wants to be your friend at any cost. Satomi wants you a part of her family-'
'They pity me. They don't want to feel guilty if I died.'
Kouji sighed at how their conversation was going. He allowed himself to sit on the end of the bed, startling Kouichi.
'Not true. ' Kouji said confidently. After all Takuya had wanted to be Kouichi's friend before what happened.
Kouichi didn't comment. He just pushed himself up to lean against the bed but dizziness prevented him from balancing himself. Before he fell on the bed, Kouji helped him settle, putting the mattress behind him.
'Stop pretending to care.' That was harsh but Kouji didn't mind. He had been awful to him after all.
'I'm not pretending, Kouichi.'
Kouichi was shocked by the sincerity of the other's words and was even more mesmerized when he called him with his name.
Kouji sensed that and took a deep breath. 'Let's make a deal.'
'A deal?' Kouichi wondered.
Kouji sighed and closed his eyes tiredly. 'I'm an awful brother.' He ruffled his hair shamefully,noticing for the first time the lack of his beloved bandana but it didn't really matter then. He continued thoughtfully. 'If there is anyone who should die it should be me but I am so coward to do it. I-I can't face 'Kaa-san after everything I did.' He looked at the bed sheets as if remembering all the merciless things he had done to his brother. A shiver occupied his body as he stuttered, tears hidden behind a falling façade. 'She hates me.'
It was confusing to see Kouji without a mask. It seemed as if everything he was saying came directly from his heart. His stubborn logic had fled for now. He wasn't ashamed of showing his emotions and that startled Kouichi. Kouji was behaving normally. He wasn't faking his expressions even the small, tired small he had just given Kouichi was real. That made him secure and comfortable as if another Kouji was dealing with him. The Kouji who had comforted him during that stormy night.
No. Stop lying to yourself. He just feels guilty. He hates you. He doesn't want to be responsible for your death. That's all
His mind scolded him darkly. He shouldn't trust Kouji. It was dangerous. It wasn't natural. Kouji could never live without masks. He was faking his kindness out of guilt and pity.
'Kouichi?' He snatched him from his thoughts.
'What is that deal about?' Kouichi asked stiffly. He tried to be cold and to hold on as long as he can but he was tired. He must have lost a lot of blood. His head was pounding like a war's drum and he could hardly stop himself from closing his eyes. He had to be strong just a little bit longer to hear Kouji. Not that he would believe him…
Kouji swallowed his nervousness and muttered in a voice that was mixture between hesitancy and pleading. 'I-I want to be your brother. For real this time.'
Kouichi gazed at him as if he was talking in a different language.
'Don't trust me or anything. I don't deserve your confidence. Just let me try to be your brother. You know me well enough by now. I am cold, idiot, stubborn, coward, self-centric, emotionless and other bunch of adjectives that suit me well enough but…'
He made an eye contact with Kouichi and whispered. 'I want a chance. I know that I don't deserve it but I need it. Just don't try anything suicidal again. At lease till you find something or someone to live for.'
Kouichi avoided the other's eyes. ' A chance to hurt me again. You blamed me for believing into you.'
' I'm sorry.'
'That won't solve anything.' Kouichi rested his head against the headboard, barely able to keep his eyes open.
Kouji was about to mutter another apologize as giving up sign to be surprised by Kouichi's murmur. 'I won't lose anything if you tried.' Kouichi paused. ' I don't have anything else to lose anyway besides I don't think they'll let me try to hurt myself again in a hospital.'
Kouji's shoulders slumped as if a heavy burden had just vanished. A true smile brushed against his pale lips as he pushed his tears away. Words of gratitude for getting a chance vanished as the door was opened abruptly.
The young doctor along with two nurses entered the room. Mianmoto Kousei was behind them.
'Isn't that your son, Minamoto-kun?' Takashi Niwa asked.
Kousei nodded and addressed his son. 'What are you doing here, Kouji?'
Kouji ignored him and looked at the doctor who approached the room's only bed with a needle in his hand.
'Now, Kouichi-kun, let's see how you're doing.' The doctor headed towards his patient with a blank face.
Kouichi trembled. A gasp escaped him as fear came over him again. The white coat was sickening. It was clean but that didn't prevent the pictures of scary doctors in dirty white coats to blind him. He screamed and crawled like a small ball of fur. His mind shouted, asking him to move or even to shout for help but he was paralyzed. That doctor. All doctors are scary. Fake.
It wasn't his voice. He opened his eyes slightly to see who was shouting in his very words.
Kouji was setting beside him on the bed, eyes glaring so deadly at the young doctor. His hands moved slowly and kindly to envelop himprotectively.
'Minamoto-kun, what does that mean?' The doctor asked impatiently.
'He's scared. Can't you see it? You're scaring him. Damn it!' Kouji roared hotly, daring anyone to take another step towards them.
One of the nurses saved the doctor the embarrassment of responding. She took the needle from the doctor's hand and throw it on the ground, surprising everyone.
'Don't be scared, Kouichi-kun. No one will hurt you now.' She chirped gently and came closer to them. A motherly smile calmed Kouji slightly. From the looks of it, she seemed more used to children than the male doctor.
'I'll let you deal with him for now, Kanade-san. Inform me of anything new.' The addressed nurse was younger than him but looked so kind with wide blue eyes and long blonde hair. She gave the feeling of a responsible older sister.
'Hai, sensei.' She smiled
He marched outside and motioned to Minamoto Kousei to follow him. The other nurse hid her chuckles, exchanged looks with her friend before following the two males outside. The door closed behind them.
For a brief second, Kouji could tell that his father had given him a proud smile before leaving. The smile disappeared once Kouji looked at him, making him wonder if it was only his imagination.
Kouichi relaxed against his chest. Futile, his attempts were to remain awake as he continued fighting sleepiness but Kouji had kindly put an end to that battle. He whispered protectively, 'Go to sleep. I...I'm not going anywhere.'
To Be Continued
Poor Kouichi! He has every right not to believe in Kouji but he has no other choice. What matters is thatKouji is trying to fix the mess he caused. Good boy XD. Welcome back, dear*grins*
Please fell free to tell me what you think and sorry for the very late update! Thank you so much for reading ^_^~!