Remembering Alec

Author's Note: Okay, so I have written a depressing oneshot about Alec dying and Magnus commiting suicide (called Pain and Loss). It didn't get many reviews. And it makes me sad. So, I decided to write another sad one that turns happy, exept in this one Magnus does not kill himself. Enjoy.

It had been 76 years since Alec had died.

Magnus remembered that day as cleary as if it were yesterday. He remembered getting the call from Isabelle, the frantic sister, and he remembered the feeling of his heart being in his throat as he created the portal that took him to the front door of the Institute. He remembered barging through doors, knocking over objects and not giving a damn; he had to get to Alec.

However, most of all, Magnus remembered rushing into the room, seeing his love lying on that bed as still, pale and fragile as a porceline doll. That feeling in his entire being when Alec looked at him and they both knew that this was the end, that there was nothing Magnus could do to save him.

It had been 76 years since Alec had died, and Magnus still wasn't over him.

The time after Alec passed was the worst of Magnus' entire life. The Lightwoods and friends had tried to help him, to comfort him, to take him into their care, but to no avail. Magnus distanced himself from them, distanced himself from the world. Everything around him reminded the Warlock of Alec or of things they had done, experiences shared.

There was a time where he wouldn't even look at Chairman Meow, he just abandoned him, because he remembered how well the cat and Shadowhunter had gotten along. Every time his pet would walk by, Magnus would get a sudden and painful vision of Alec snuggling with the cat on the couch, and he would just fall apart all over again.

Someone had taken care of Chairman Meow over that period, but no one took care of Magnus. He tried everything under the stars to get rid of the pain, everything he could think of without killing himself.

Killing himself seemed like a wonderful option at times, but Magnus could never bring himself to go through with it. Even though he could barely think straight through his mourning, Magnus knew that Alec would have been dissapointed in him if he commited suicide; he knew Alec wanted him to live.

But, what Magnus was doing was not living. It could barely be considered 'getting by'. The Warlock was absolutely miserable and everyone could see it. He was a shell of who he used to be.

Eventually, everyone who Magnus had a connection to through Alec died as well; Jace, Clary, Isabelle, and their parents and friends-all dead. Well, exept for Simon, but he wanted nothing to do with the Warlock. And Magnus was left alone with his cat, who had returned to him and was now his only source of companionship.

Not that people hadn't tried to approach him. No; by nature Magnus was well sought-after, but he continuously turned every person down. It didn't matter if they wanted to be his friend, lover, or client; he sent them all away. Magnus' money supply started to deplete and, if the owner of the building didn't pity him so much, he would have lost his home. It was a new place for him to live in, since he had moved out of his flat; too many memories lingered there.

Magnus simply didn't care anymore, even though Alec had told him never to stop living...and he was doing just that.

Lying on his deathbed on that fateful day, Alec had brought his love close to him and wiped the tears away with a soft and gentle touch. "Magnus," he had whispered, "We both know that I'm going to die soon." This statement only brought more tears from Magnus as he took in the sight of his Shadowhunter, at age 29 and calmly confirming his own death. Attempting to hush his Warlock, Alec had continued, "When I'm gone, I want you to do something for me, Magnus."

"Anything." Magnus had replied through his tears. He could remember Isabelle crying at the back of the room as she and the rest of the Lightwood family took in the heart-wrenching scene. The Warlock had learned later that Alec had already said his goodbyes to his family beforehand. But, at that moment, those details were the last things on his mind.

Alec's lips were blue from the spreading poison in his system and he parted them to speak, "Don't ever stop living, my love." He had said, locking gazes with tear-filled cat eyes. "Don't forget me, but get over me and move on; find love, find happiness. If you promise me that, then I can rest in peace."

Magnus had shaken his head in despair, "Oh Alec, I don't know if I can."

"I believe in you, Magnus." Alec's weakening voice was a caress, "I believe in your strength." The Shadowhunter had placed his scarred, pale hand on Magnus' chest, over his rapidly beating heart. "Please, promise me."

"I promise."

After 75 years of anguish and misery, Magnus had met Jason and finally started to fulfill his promise. They had encountered each-other at a beach. Magnus had been sitting on the sand, staring at the water and remembering years ago when Alec had helped him overcome his fear of it. He had been letting the sound of the waves wash over him, but repressing the memories from doing so. Because, happy memory or not, letting himself get lost in one always resulted in a fit of tears.

Jason had, literally, fallen into his lap. While running down the beach, the young man had tripped and ended up sprawled over Magnus' long legs. The flustered blush that appeared was the only Alec-like thing about him and Magnus was glad-he just couldn't handle himself around black-haired/blue-eyed boys anymore. Jason, on the other hand, had sandy-coloured blonde hair and chocolate-brown eyes. He also had whiskers on his face, which were covered by a glamour-this boy was a Warlock as well.

Almost as soon as they had started dating, an impressive step for Magnus, Jason could tell that the other Warlock had a history that oppressed him constantly, plaguing everything he did. The young man never asked about it, never over-stepped his self-built boundaries; he only did what he could for Magnus until the greiving man felt like he could confide in him.

Now, a year after meeting the sandy-haired boy, Magnus finally felt like he was keeping his promise to Alec. He looked down at Jason, lying in his arms on the bed, with his light hair strewn across the pillow like a fountain of gold. Magnus felt something tug at his heart, a beautiful feeling that he hadn't felt since Alec. He was falling in love.

The realization made him shed a tear, but smile as well, as he leaned down to kiss the young Warlock in his arms. Jason stirred, smiled sleepily at him, then frowned at the moisture on his face. "What's wrong?"

Magnus shook his head, "Nothing. Jason...I love you."

The smile lit up his dark eyes as he replied before kissing him. "Oh Magnus, I love you too."

Magnus buried his face in Jason's yellow hair and held him close. Remembering Alec, he knew that this was what his Shadowhunter had wanted, that this was the start of Magnus actually living life once more.

It had been 76 years since Alec had died, and Magnus was keeping his promise to him and was on his way to being happy once again.

Author's Second Note: Don't kill yourself. It gets better.


Take care.
-Patricia Sage