Soli Deo gloria

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Phineas and Ferb, that wonderous cartoon series we all know and love.

"Mom! Mom! Mom! Dad's built an evil machine and you have to come and bust him!" Vanessa yelled into her cellphone as Perry lay the beatdown on Doofenshmirtz.

"I'm sorry, what was that, Vanessa?" Charlene asked. She was stuck in miles of traffic full of blinking lights and yells from unhappy drivers.

"Dad built a evil ray that he'll use for evil purposes and you need to come to his evil apartment that has its own evil jingle and bust him!" Vanessa yelled as Doofenshmirtz started battling Perry with a wooden spoon and a TV remote.

"You won't thwart me again, Perry the Platypus!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz yelled as Perry forced him to walk back into his inator and hit the self-destruct button. The machine (which you shall never know the name of) blew up, causing the air to fill with soft white ash and Doof's back to catch on fire. Perry, being the good guy, blasted him with a hose.

"Why do I even have a hose in my house?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz sighed. "Oh, yeah, I remember, in case I blow up! My insurance was right about something."

Vanessa sighed in annoyance as she said to her mom, "Yeah, forget all that, the machine blew up. Yeah, bye." She sighed as she folded her cellphone and slipped it into her pocket and muttered, "Figures."

"Hey, Vanessa, do you want to curse Perry the Platypus?" asked Dr. Doofenshmirtz as Perry prepared to leave.

"No," she muttered as she opened the door to her room and slammed it shut.

"Okay, suit yourself," Dr. Doofenshmirtz shrugged. "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!"

"Hi, Phineas, whatcha doin'?" Isabella asked as she opened the gate to an empty yard. The boys were hiding behind their beloved tree in the backyard. She looked around for wild gophers and crazy machines running around before she peered behind the tree. "What are you doin'?"

"Oh, hi Isabella," Phineas smiled as he peered around the tree. "Come quick!" and he grabbed her arm and yanked her behind the tree. The three of them sat cross-legged and Isabella asked, puzzled, "Why—"

"Sshhh!" Phineas quickly hushed her as he again looked back at the house.

"Why are we hiding?" Isabella whispered.

"Candace is on a rampage this morning," Phineas explained. "She and Stacy got into a really big argument last night, and now she's stomping around the house and yelling at everyone."

"Wow, that's bad, even for Candace," Isabella said quietly. Their heads stuck out one by one as they looked back. "My mom says sometimes Candace might need therapy."

"Isabella! That's it! Ferb, I know what we're going to do today!" Phineas exclaimed as they resumed their hiding postions. "We'll make a therapy office for Candace!"

"The Fireside Girls and I do need to get our 'Helping the Mentally Insane' patches," Isabella smiled. The boys gave her a look and she quickly said, "Though I'm not saying Candace is mentally insane. She's fine, she'll only need a few minutes of therapy," she giggled weakly.

"Okay, Isabella, call the Fireside Girls! Ferb, call the lumberyard, Me, ask where Perry is!" Phineas shouted happily.

"You already did that. He was on Candace's bed, and she threw him down the stairs," Ferb quickly reminded him.

"She really did that?" Isabella gasped.

"Let's just say we're glad Dad is good at lacrosse," Phineas explained.

"How does your dad know lacrosse? It's a Canadian sport," Isabella asked curiously.

"I . . . don't know!" Phineas answered. They sat thinking in silence for a minute before Phineas cried happily, "Let's get started!"

Vanessa was typing on her laptop when her cellphone rang. She quickly picked it up, flipped the lid, and said, "S'up?"

"Heya, Vanessa, why no chatting on the cell 'o late?" Vanessa's best friend Lacey asked as she filed her pink and black nails while she propped the cellphone on her shoulder.

"Ugh, it's my dad," Vanessa said disgustedly as she closed her laptop. She grunted as she kicked the wall sending her swivel chair sprawling around the room.


"Yeah, again. He built another evil contraption and it blew up before Mom came home," Vanessa moaned.

"Yo, girl, I have an idea. Why don't you build some evil thingie-muhos and watch it until yer mom gets home and blame it on your dad?" Lacey said.

"You know, you're right, Lacey! Heck, he'll probably even help me build it! Rock on, Lacey! See ya!" Vanessa tossed the phone onto her bed, "Won't be needing that!" and marched out of her room.

"Oh, HI, Vanessa! Can I interest you in some pickled goat brains? Shipped straight from Gimmelshtump!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked as he offered some smeared on a piece of pumpernickel bread.

"Oh, is that cottage cheese?" Vanessa groaned as she examined the food in question.

"Soy cottage cheese. Ya can't forget my allergies," Doofenshmirtz pointed out as little bits of goat brain flew out of his mouth.

Vanessa cringed. "I'll pass on the creamy organs and fake dairy. What I really am interested in is where you keep your evil blueprints."

"Oh, you're finally getting into the family business!" Doofenshmirtz excitedly exclaimed as he quickly stood up.

"Dad, Mom's an economist," Vanessa pointed out.

"Yeah, yeah, but evil is where the money is!"

"Then why does Mom have to pay you alimony?"

"Divorce stuff! You wouldn't care! The point is . . . you're turning evil!" Doofenshmirtz squealed as he jumped up and down.

"I'm not turning evil!" Vanessa protested as she slammed her hands on the kitchen table. She sighed when she noticed he couldn't hear her because he was chanting, "Vanessa's turning evil, Vanessa's turning evil!"

"Where are the blueprints?" she shouted loud enough to be heard over her dad.

"Well, I. . ." he mumbled as he stopped jumping about. "I don't have any. I usually get them at Blueprint Heaven or just make them up as I go along. Maybe that's why Perry the Platypus can defeat me so easily. . ."

"Ugh!" Vanessa groaned. She went to a desk and threw the contents of a drawer about until she found some blue paper. She marched to the kitchen table and laid it out with some chalk.

"Oh! Oh! Plan-making!" Doofenshmirtz squealed as he sat down. "Why is the blueprint paper always blue?"

"I . . . don't know," Vanessa bit her lip. "Maybe it pops out more?"

"I dunno. Keep going." Doofenshmirtz slurped at a soda as Vanessa determinedly drew out a plan. Surprisingly, she was a very good artist and had an eye for detail. With one final swipe of the chalk, she laid it flat on the table and they both examined it.

"Oh! What is it?" Doof asked curiously.

"It's a contraption that when an object is hit by it, the object will have a self-destruct button stamped on it. Therefore, we can blow up all of Danville if we wanted to," Vanessa smiled.

"Wow, wow, wow! Ohhhhh, can I name it?" Doofenshmirtz asked eagerly as he clapped his hands.


"Okay, okay, let me think. Something complex, yet sophisticated enough to plant fear in the hearts of unsuspecting citizens. Ah, I know! We shall call it, The Self-Destructinator!" Doofenshmirtz yelled.

"Wow, that's real original," Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Let's get to work."

Phineas and Ferb and Isabella were quietly setting out supplies when Buford, with Baljeet under his arm, came through the gate as usual.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DINNERBELL?" Buford yelled as he dropped Baljeet.

"Ow," moaned Baljeet.

"Ssshhh!" Phineas and Isabella shushed together.

"Why are we's whispering?" Buford asked as Phineas showed him the blueprints.

"We're making Candace her very own therapist's office. She's in a bad mood," Phineas patiently informed him.

"I always knew your sister needed a shrink!" Buford said when Isabella gave him a punch in the arm. "I mean, it'll be good for her to get it all out."

(The Quirky Worky Song starts playing)

The boys along with the assistance of Isabella, the Fireside Girls, and the bully and the nerd, quickly built the therapist's office in the backyard. They built up walls and painted it orange, Candace's favorite color.

"Say, what's that music in the background?" Phineas asked and the group stopped working. "Ferb?" Ferb shook his head indicating that he didn't know where it was coming from.

"Have we heard it before?" Isabella asked.

"I heard it a couple of times, like when we made Perry into an inaction figure and when we crashed on that island when we encountered that storm," Phineas said. The group put down their tools and looked around.

"It's not coming from here," Buford announced from the garage.

"It's not coming from here," Isabella declared from the front yard.

"It's," "Not," "Coming," "From," "Here," the Fireside girls called as they one by one popped out of the large tree.

"Huh. Well, we'll find it later. Come on, guys," Phineas called and they all resumed building.

He he he, I felt like breaking the Fourth Wall.

Thanks for reading! Review?