I Will Never Care Again

August 27, 2011

By: Sian Young

"Hawk! Hawk, please…please be OK, PLEASE!" I held her in my arms and could feel the life draining out of her.

"Silverstone…" She lifted her hand and touched my face and smiled. "I missed you…so much…uhh!" She seized in pain, tears falling from her eyes. I was crying too, some from pain, some from anger, but mostly, from guilt.

"It's all my fault, I never should have…I shouldn't have…" I was crying to hard to finish, I sat there and held her as the poison slowly killed her, and I was helpless to save her, just like he'd planned.

"I'm sorry…I'm so so sorry…this is all my fault, you got hurt because of me…I…missed you…too…" Tears fell silently from me as she smiled and slowly closed her eyes, going still. I thought that maybe if I could pretend, then she'd only be sleeping and not…and not…

How did things spiral out of control so quickly, one minute were best friends and never closer. Then the next we were arguing about nothing and I said something hurtful and stupid. I saw the pain in her eyes as they filled with tears, once I had recovered from her slap she was gone, and I thought I would never see her again. Until I got that call, and I rushed to her side in time to catch her as she collapsed, but, I knew it was too late. She had already been poisoned, she was going to die and I couldn't save her…not this time…I'd failed her, failed everyone…I was a failure…

"I missed you so much Hawk, and I'm so sorry about what I said, I never meant to hurt you, you're the best friend I've ever had or ever will have…and im so so sorry…" I held her close to me and closed my eyes against all the pain, and sadness, and tears, until I couldn't anymore and exploded.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" I choked on my tears and sobbed uncontrollably, and rocked her back and forth.

"I will never care for anyone like I cared for her…never…"

5 Years Later

"Hey, what's wrong with him?" An agent walking by my door asks her partner.

"Don't you know who that is? That's Silverstone!" Her partner replies.

"Really? That's Silverstone! What happened?"

"Well, his partner Hawk, was poisoned by a criminal Silverstone had let escape because he'd forgotten to lock the cell door, out of revenge he poisoned Hawk…" The second agent shakes her head sadly.

"Revenge for what?" The first asks, confused.

"For getting the criminals partner killed, so he told Silverstone he was going to go find Hawk and poison her and let Silverstone watch her die slowly…"

"What happened? Did Silverstone believe him?" The first asks, looking at Silverstone.

"No, he thought the man was bluffing, until she died…in his arms…" The second agent sighs.

"That's terrible…and so sad…"

"Yeah, he never forgave himself…he just shut down…been like this ever since…" They both sigh and walk away, and I wipe away the tears that I'd sworn to myself I would never shed again.

"It was all my fault…I will never care again…" I close my eyes as more tears leak out and land on a photo of the two of us smiling and laughing.