A/N: Oh, I suck. I'm not having much luck updating my in-progress stories, so I took a break and wrote this. Sorry. It's a total pwp, sexy but not explicit. Contains references to sex and male anatomy. Please review-maybe I'll get back on track with my other stuff.
Hey, check the Chit Chat forum for a new challenge-All the Colors of the Rainbow! It's a good one!
It was a beautiful, sunny spring morning when Derek Morgan came bopping into the BAU with a broad smile on his face and a warm, personal greeting on his lips for each and every one of his coworkers. His flirting with Garcia went way beyond their usual banter-Hotch thought he was going to French kiss her right there in the bull pen-then, he practically smacked JJ on the rear when she handed him a file folder, and he did actually kiss Gideon on the top of his head as he passed him on the way to his chair in the conference room.
Hotch watched Morgan's antics with narrowed eyes. There was nothing wrong with a little good humor, of course. God knew there wasn't enough of it in the BAU most days, but this was ridiculous. If Derek Morgan was this... happy... there was a good chance he'd have a hard time concentrating on his work, and Hotch didn't want that. He needed his team focused and prepared to be plunged into the intricacies of a case on a moment's notice, and Morgan did not have the appearance of a man who was prepared to get serious about anything, any time soon.
He glanced over at Reid. Now, that was better. The young man had a subdued, studious expression on his face that suggested he was already thinking about weighty matters such as bullet trajectories and geographic profiles, or maybe even wind resistance, at the very least. In fact, he was so focused, he had the look of someone suffering some sort of pain or discomfort who was determined not to let it interfere with his work. Hotch wondered if the boy might not be struggling with a bit of a headache. He didn't expect his team to be martyrs, but he did admire that sort of stoicism.
He'd have to remember to give Reid a word or two of praise, later on.
As it happened, the team received no new cases that day, and Hotch insisted that everyone take the opportunity to catch up on their paperwork. Most everyone groaned at the order, except for Morgan, who seemed fine with the normally onerous task. In fact, Hotch was mildly irritated to note that Morgan's solar-powered good mood was not only lasting, but seemed to be increasing as the time wore closer to five o'clock.
Later that afternoon, Hotch decided he needed a strengthening cup of coffee.
He found Gideon seated in the break room, his glasses low on his nose, reading the paper. Hotch poured his coffee and joined him at the table.
Gideon peered at him over his newspaper. "How you doing?" he asked.
"Fine. But, not as well as Morgan, apparently."
"Ah-yeah." Gideon snickered slightly, then went back to his reading.
"What does that mean?"
Gideon raised his eyebrow. "Hm?"
"That laugh. What do you mean?"
"Don't you know?"
"Uh-nothing. Never mind."
"Gideon-don't I know what?"
Gideon pulled his glasses off of his nose and let them dangle from his fingers as he scratched behind his ear. "I'd rather not say. You're really better off not knowing."
"What are you talking about?"
Gideon smirked. "You really are oblivious, aren't you? That's a good thing."
"Jason-tell me what's going on."
"Have you really not noticed the, uh, shall we say, interaction that's been going on between Morgan and Spencer Reid lately? Like, for the last six months or so?"
"Interaction? No, I haven't. To what are you referring?"
"Aaron, Spencer and Morgan have been dating."
"You know, going out. Romantically."
"Yeah. Wow, they've done a better job of being discrete than I thought. You really have no clue, have you?"
"Thankfully, no. It's against BAU policy-I can't believe they're taking such a risk. Now that I know-"
"You don't know anything. I'm a notorious gossip. Ignore me."
"Aaron-I'm sure you'll do the right thing with this."
Hotch turned his gaze to the black swill in his coffee cup and was quiet for a long moment. Then...
"So, you say they've been dating for months?" he asked. "Then, why is Morgan so elated today?"
Gideon gave him a pitying look. "Think about it, Aaron."
Hotch frowned. Then, a light dawned, and his eyes widened. "Oh, God. You mean-"
"Up until last night, young Spencer was a virgin, at least, in terms of one particular... act. Today..." Gideon shrugged. "...he isn't."
"Oh, my God."
"Mm. Nature does take its course, eventually."
"I'm going to have to talk to him."
"It's my responsibility-"
"Maybe so, but, still-"
"You know, they're both totally professional. I can assure you this will not affect their work. Don't create an issue where one doesn't exist."
Hotch stared reflectively at the senior agent. "All right. I won't. I think I can say what needs to be said without... doing that."
He finished his coffee and strode off to find Reid.
"Reid-my office." It wasn't a question.
Reid frowned. That tone... Oh, this was going to be so not good. He gave Hotch time to return to his office, then made his way there seconds later. He tapped on the door frame.
"You wanted to see me?" He came in and sat down, and Hotch couldn't help but notice that the young man winced as his bottom hit the chair's seat. Winced! When was the last time Hotch had actually seen anybody wince? He shook his head tiredly.
"Yes." Hotch handed a document over to him.
"It's the BAU's policy on fraternization and sexual harassment."
Reid stared. "I'm familiar with it, Hotch. I can quote it word for word. 'The Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI takes inter-departmental fraternization very seriously. It is an infraction of Section 17, Paragraph 342 of the Code of Ethics for two agents to-"
"I know you know it, I just feel it's important to remind ourselves of it, periodically."
Reid cleared his throat and gave him a suspicious glance. "Why? Why me, why now?"
"Let's just say that, sometimes, in any work group, rumors go around. As the supervisor of such a group, if I were, hypothetically, to become aware of a particular, uh, situation-say, for instance, a situation involving an intimate relationship between two of the team members-and, please note, I'm not saying that I am-but, if I were-I would be obligated to go over the details of departmental policy with those individuals to make sure they have a good understanding of the risks inherent in such a situation."
Reid blinked, but his expression didn't change. And, his voice cracked a bit when he said, "I see," but his tone remained calm and unaffected. Hotch approvingly took note of this before continuing.
"For instance, it would be remiss of me not to point out that such fraternization could result in one or both team members being transferred to another unit."
"And, I would also want to be assured that the behavior was, uh, consensual."
Reid glanced down at the papers in his hands. "Consensual?"
"Yes. I would want to be assured that there had been no coercion or intimidation on the part of either party to... indulge in such behavior. If, indeed, I were aware that such behavior had taken place. Which, of course, I am not."
"Right. Well-if it had... and you were... I'm sure both the team members in question would be very quick to assure you that said behavior had been, um, mutually agreed upon and was, in fact, completely consensual." Reid smiled slightly. "Perhaps even welcome."
"Yes, I would expect so. And, I would then make a point of not asking one of those team members why he was limping, and wincing every time he sat down."
"Hypothetically, that would be... very kind of you. Although, possibly, that team member might be amused to point out to you that a certain other team member is, perhaps, hung like a horse and might be blessed with an amazing, even daunting, amount of sexual stamina. A factor the first team member very possibly might have failed to take into account prior to a first key sexual experience, but which he, or she, will now be certain to allow for when planning any such future intimate encounters. If, indeed, such were ever to take place again. Which, of course, they would not. Hypothetically."
"Of course. And, I would then congratulate that team member on a hypothetical lesson well-learned."
The two grinned at each other for a moment.
"Is that all?" Reid asked.
"Yes. Thank you, Reid. I'm glad we had this hypothetical discussion."
"Me, too. I feel strangely... unburdened." Reid shifted into a standing position, and a grimace of pain flashed across his face.
"Everything all right?" Hotch asked.
"Excellent. Everything is excellent." Reid nodded. He paused at the door. "Shall I send Morgan in?"
"Why?" Hotch asked innocently.
"Oh, he's been in entirely too good a mood today. I have to say, I'd enjoy seeing it tempered with a bit of a hypothetical discussion regarding good ol' Section 17, Paragraph 342. It would be... poetic."
"I'll see what I can do. Send him in."
Reid flashed a cheerful grin at his boss, then zipped on down to the bull pen to put a little damper on his lover's good mood.
Later that afternoon, Hotch made a small resolution. He needed to stop working so much. At the very least, he needed to start delegating trips downstairs to pick up office necessities such as toner and Post-It Notes to someone else.
Otherwise, he might have to start asking hypothetical questions regarding why he thought he might have seen two of his male agents engaged in what appeared to be, but almost certainly wasn't, a long and tender kiss in the supply closet.
Which, clearly, he knew he had not. Because, such behavior would be in blatant violation of Section 17, Paragraph 342 of the BAU's Code of Ethics.
He went back to his office, toner-less. He made a list and went to hand it to Garcia. He didn't think she'd mind the added task.
She might even think of it as a perk.