Ok, My Dears! I told you I'd see you soon and I meant it! Enjoy and see you about the bottom! BTW: This ended up being almost as long as my other chapters. I thought I'd cut it off before EPOV but I just couldn't do that to you. Love me, I deserve it! ;)
No. No. No. The word kept echoing in my mind as I ran out to the parking lot as quickly as I could. Just like the look in Edward's eyes... Pure pain, and I'd caused it for both of us. Thankful that I'd grabbed my clutch as I'd ran from our room, I pulled out my phone as I started walking off campus.
I'm so sorry but I just can't do this.
It's not fair to either of us.
Thank You for being a friend.
I hoped that Liam would get my message before coming to pick me up. There was still 20 minutes before our scheduled pick up time. I felt the weight of my decision to go out Liam lift after I sent the text. I hadn't realized how much strain I had put on myself when I made the promise to myself to go. And Edward... It's hard to know how to describe how I feel about him/me/us. My heart feels lighter knowing that he feels something for me, but my whole being is weighed down with the possibility that's he's only feeling anything towards me because he's jealous. I don't want him to claim me as his toy. ...No, I just want to be claimed and his Toy. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge... I'm so stupid! I always let my insecurities get the best of me. Edward literally begged me to be with him and I said no and then ran from him while he sat in the floor next to my bed, his eyes showing immeasurable hurt and his face showing his shock at my speeding departure. ...God, I'm such a bitch... But at the same time a part of me still felt I did the right thing, ok well maybe I should have handled it better and actually talked to him. ...But as I've said I'm a bitch. An insecure, scared, bitch...
I decided that I needed to distract myself and have some time to myself before I went home to face the music with Edward. I walked to the closest Starbucks and ordered a Tall, Toffee-Nut Latte (my favorite drink) and some coffee cake. ...Comfort food. Yum!...
I claimed a corner of a comfy over-stuffed couch when my cell buzzed.
Just talked to Eddie!
Shit, shit, shit... I'm a total idiot and a huge fucking bitch. There really wasn't a better way to describe my actions... The guy I'm crushing on begs me to not go out with another man, begs me to tell him that I want him, and begs me to be with him. And what do I say, "No." That's right Bella Swan said no... For all Edward knows I'm out having a great time with said guy, while he's at home waiting for me to come home. ...Or he could have been pissed by your refusal and gone out to find some willing and ready skank to 'mend his broken hear'... Oh, god... Why do I do this shit to myself?!
Yeah, I know. Just call me Super Bitch
Be home soon. Please don't let
him do something stupid!
Hey FYI, I didn't go out with Liam!
I grabbed my cake and cup and took off out the door as quickly as I could. I'd made it about halfway back to school before the sky became overcast and a lite mist began to fall. ...Great just what I need... Just as I had that thought the heavens opened up and it started to pour. I remember when I was little my Mom used to tell that when it rained like this that the Angels in heaven were crying. I'd never believed it more than in that moment. The only other time I'd cried so hard as when I found out my mom had died...
The funny thing is I didn't care about the rain, or anything else for that matter... I just had to get to Edward right now. All I could think about were Edward's words right before he kissed me:
"Tell me you've thought about this."
"Tell me you want this."
"Tell me you want me."
And I did; I wanted all of it. I wanted him so bad. I started to realize in that moment just how much I wanted Edward and everything that went with that. What was even more terrifying was I came to the realization while running down the sidewalk, in heels and a dress, through the pouring rain that no matter what Edward already had the power to hurt me, because I was in love with him. Hopelessly, Helplessly, and Recklessly in love with Edward Cullen.
...But maybe if I give him a chance we could be happy. Neither one us would have to hurt. Just be brave for once!...
After I talked to Emmett I stripped down to my boxers and crawled into my bed. All I wanted to fall asleep so I wouldn't notice the time passing as Bella went out on her date... After I literally got on my knees and begged her to stay, begged her to be with me...
After what had felt like hours but was only a few minutes I finally pulled myself up off the floor and fell onto the couch where Bella had so loving cared for me not twenty minutes before. ...So much had changed in such a short amount of time...
"Hey Man. How ya holding up?", Emmett said breaking through my thoughts.
"I'm awful Emmett.", I told him. My voice was rough my unshed tears. I couldn't believe how much of a pussy I was being.
"Dude, what's going on?!"
"Bella and I had a major fight... and I told her I didn't want her to go, Emmett, I told her I wanted her to be with me. And we...God, Em... We kissed and it was like nothing I've ever felt..."
"So what happened, yo?"
I chuckled at his retarded verbiage, "She said...no...", I laughed again this time it sounded bitter even to me. "She said no, Em and then she got up and ran out the door like this place was on fire to go on a date with that English douchebag!"
"Wow... Holy Shit, Dude. That's fucked up...", he sounded almost awed.
"Yeah, don't I freakin know it...", I muttered.
"Want me to come hang out, Eddie? We could play CoD or watch some tv maybe a movie?"
"Naw. I'm good, man. I'm just gunna go to bed."
"Um, alright. Talk to ya later.", he said sounding extremely uncertain.
A little while later, I was still laying in my bed when my phone buzzed. Groggily I rolled over and grabbed it.
Don't go anywhere and
for the love of god don't
do anything stupid!
Not knowing what the hell he was talking about I just shrugged and texted back "ok".
I must have fallen asleep pretty quickly after that because soon I startled awake by our door slamming open. I rolled over and saw someone standing in the doorway. With the lights all being out and from what it sounded like a storm roaring outside, I couldn't see well. But with the small frame I knew it couldn't be Emmett. I felt my heart racing but not only from adrenalin but from...hope...
Just as I started to sit up the figure moved. Standing there completely soaked and crying hysterically was Bella.
"Bella! Are you ok?!", I yelled as I jumped out of bed.
As soon as I moved a large sob broke free from her chest and she ran at me. I caught her roughly against my bare chest; I hissed and shivered at the feel of her cold body and clothes. She had yet to say anything and I was about to burst with anger. That bastard must have done something to her! I'll fucking kill him for hurting the girl I'm in love with! ...What the Fuck?! I'm in love with Bella? Huh. I'm in love with Bella. Guess Emmett was right when he said I was into her. I'm about as far 'into' her you can get. Well relatively speaking that is...
I reached my hand up and started to run it over the back of her head, I could feel her wet hair and dress clinging to the skin all over my body. Her little fists clenched together behind my back.
"Please, Bella, Baby, tell me what's wrong?"
She finally pulled back to look at me and tried to talk, but she was so cold and upset that the only sound that came out was her teeth chattering.
"Baby, you need to get warm. Do you want to take a shower?", I asked her as gently as possible not wanting to upset her more. I'd find out what that Son of a Bitch did to My Bella soon enough.
She shook her head no in response to my question. "Ok... Well you need to get out of these clothes. Do you want me to get you something to wear and you can go change in the bathroom?", again she shook her head. ...Ok, what am I supposed to do now...
"Yes...", she hissed out while looking into my eyes.
Confused I asked, "Yes, what?"
She nodded yes head this time, "Y-Yes, E-e-dward." Stuttered from the cold or her quieting sobs I wasn't sure. She was just staring at me, apparently willing me to understand since she couldn't get out all of what she wanted to say. Suddenly the conversation and kiss that had been running on repeat through my mind all night popped up in front of my eyes again.
"Tell me you want me.", I begged before pulling back swiftly and pulling
her in to kiss me urgently. After a time I pulled back looking into her
eyes, hoping to see my happiness reflected there.
But I didn't. All I saw were her tears. "No."
As the image faded I felt the faint pain of rejection flare before my eyes widen as I thought about what she could mean. When she saw my expression she started nodding again, "Yes." She tried to smile but was still having trouble with anything other than shivering and chattering.
"Bella... Really?", I asked, half afraid to hope and half completely elated. I realized tonight that I'm in love with this girl and if there's the slightest chance she wants me I'll do whatever it takes to convince her I'm worthy of her. Or at least I'll love like she we meant to be loved.
So, I wanted to Thank everyone for their support of this story and for your kind words and thoughts about my Ruby Doll. Believe it or not but she's 5 1/2 months old and just said "M-m-m-om" while I've been sitting here uploading this chapter. I about crapped my pants! I looked at my husband Isaiah and was like, "Please tell me I didn't just imagine that!" and he said "Nope, unfortunately I heard it too..." (He wants the kids to do everything for him first... I think if I grew them, birthed them, and take care of them all the time I deserve some perks too!) ;)
I've decided in an effort to get more reviews that I'm going to start sending out teasers. I would REALLY like to hear your thoughts on my writing, on the story, and I even want to hear your griping when things don't go the way you want! I just really need some feed back! PLEASE! :) I'm already working on the next chapter but it'll take me a bit longer to post it since I already had this one mostly written. So, see you soon and REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!