A/N Not trying to give excuses, I just don't want you all to think I blew this off.
I literally have had the craziest few weeks in my life. I was super close to getting it up before shit went down.
New tumblr: miss-zenno (don't ask why i changed it so slightly, it's complicated)
Thank you all so so so so so much for the lovely reviews, I don't deserve it for how shitty I've been updating :(
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee
"Are you sure?"
"Kurt. You don't sound sure."
The pale boy sighed, his head falling back onto the pillow of his bed. He was painfully hard and goddammit, Blaine needed to touch him somewhere soon. "Blaine. Just do it… Please? I want you to," he mumbled out quietly, bringing a hand to run over his boyfriend's chest.
Blaine opened his mouth as though to respond, but just nodded instead. This was different. They'd done everything that was touching and tasting and rubbing, but only when it involved…their cocks. Fingering was…uncharted territory.
He coated a finger in lube and bent over Kurt's body, resting on his side as he slowly brought his hand down to skim over the area, watching the pale boy's face as he did so and pressing a kiss to his neck. He felt his boyfriend tense beneath his touch, and saw him clamp his eyes shut, so he paused. "…Keep going?"
"Mmm," Kurt nodded shakily, not opening his eyes. "Keep going."
Blaine pressed against Kurt's hole, feeling the skin and muscle there clenching, not opening up for his finger at all, even though it was, by then, wet with lube. He didn't want to force the goddamn thing in. He didn't want to hurt him. "Babe… Relax," he pressed a few kisses to Kurt's collarbone and chest where he could reach, and felt the body beneath him ease, if only slightly.
Pressing in the first wasn't as hard as he'd thought it would be, as he was soon able to move it around, stretching him out.
Kurt seemed mostly relaxed, though let out a few stuttered breaths every now and then.
It wasn't until he had two fingers in and was pressing around to find Kurt's spot that something went wrong. He stilled his hand immediately, but kept his fingers inside.
Kurt was saying something under his breath, hot and fast and unintelligible.
"Kurt?" But the pale boy wasn't responding. He continued to whisper under his breath. "…Babe, do you want me to stop?"
It wasn't that he couldn't tell the difference between Blaine's gentle fingers and the cocks of the men who violently raped him. He knew they felt different. He knew it wasn't the same and that he literally asked Blaine to do this.
But after Kurt had two fingers in him—enough to actually feel a filling sensation—he couldn't help but be brought back to that night.
It was different. He knew it was different. But…
He felt Blaine pull back slightly and the fingers inside of him moved just so and—
Kurt flinched, seeing the face of one of his attackers in his mind, his eyes flying open. The words of quiet encouragement he had been chanting inaudibly now stopping, instead replaced with a scream, "STOP! PLEASE! GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF!"
Blaine leapt back, drawing his hand away like it had been burnt, stumbling into a stand beside the bed.
Kurt scrambled up to the headboard, his eyes wide and scared and wet and his breath coming out in harsh panting exhales. He looked to his boyfriend, seeing the curly-haired boy's face, completely heartbroken and hurt.
"Kurt… I—I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—"
"No," Kurt mumbled wetly, trembling as he got off the bed and pulled his boxers on.
"Get out," the pale boy sniffed, a couple tears now finding their way down his cheeks. He began picking up articles of clothing from where they had been carelessly tossed to the floor, against Blaine's protests.
"Get out, Blaine," he shoved the clothes into the boxer-clad boy's arms and all but threw him out the door, closing it loudly after him, causing a resounding bang! to rattle the building. A few heads poked out of their doors to see the commotion, but quickly realized it was something they'd most likely rather not be involved in. Wes and David were just exiting their dorm to see Blaine being shoved out into the hall, and turned immediately back around, not wanting to overhear something that wasn't their concern.
The curly-haired boy stood speechless, underwear-only-clad, hair rumpled and clothes bundled up in his arms. "…I… Kurt," he said finally, leaning up to the door, hearing shuffling around inside. "Kurt… Please don't…be mad. God. I'm so sorry. I should have stopped, I just—"
The doorknob fumbled and Blaine stopped, watching as it cracked open just so, a sliver of Kurt's red, tear-stained face visible as he spoke quietly. "I'm not…mad, Blaine. I'm humiliated."
And he closed the door again, and Blaine just blinked soundlessly.
"Nice legs, asshole!"
The curly-haired boy jumped about a foot in the air, turning to see Nick and Trent snickering at his expense, coming up to pass him in the hallway. He just sighed, defeated, and blinked passively as they walked by, still laughing.
One of them slapped him on the ass, and he flinched, then let out a small growl of annoyance.
"Rejected, B?" Trent smirked as they began entering Nick's room next door, the dark-haired boy watching him as well with an amused expression.
"Seriously, you guys. Not now."
"Someone has blue balls," and they continued into another bout of laughter, closing the door behind themselves and leaving Blaine again alone in the hall, still upset.
He'd head over a few doors and talk to Wes and David.
Clearly some of his friends were more mature than the others.
It was an hour or so after the attempted sexual advance that Kurt made his way out of his room and down to the lounge.
He had come to realize two things in the time he had with himself.
The first was that the physical act of fingering itself—well, any act that really involved…penetration, he supposed—was easily the most uncomfortable thing he'd experienced. Any time he'd come in contact with something that involved something going up there was just plain difficult.
He needed to be completely relaxed and decide this kind of thing thoughtfully, not in the heat of the moment like he had earlier.
Second was that he had to keep his eyes open if he and Blaine were going to ever try that again.
The only memory he had of being penetrated was his rape. Which was, for obvious reasons, not a pleasant one. If he was able to see Blaine, hear Blaine, smell him, anything—he'd be able to create a new memory. Separate the sensation from his attack.
He considered avoiding the act entirely—fingering, which would inevitably lead to intercourse. He could be the one to top, and he wouldn't have to deal with this at all.
The only problem was that any time—before and after his rape—he'd imagined himself being with a man, he'd been the one receiving. He didn't know if it was something a gay man was born knowing, or if there were any who didn't have a preference, but he was certain that this was what he wanted.
He needed to make it work for them.
Kurt stopped dead in his tracks, startled, as he rounded the corner to the lounge, hearing angry, muffled voices being thrown around. Upon realization, the pale boy sighed and rolled his eyes, stepping into the room and shooting glances at an upset-looking Nick and Jeff.
"Hey, Kurt," David greeted him hesitantly as he sat down on the floor, and the pale boy waved just slightly, catching the look on the dark-skinned boy's face and realizing Blaine had probably told him about what had happened earlier.
Kurt's eyes scanned the room and found David and Wes both trying not to look at him, Thad with his nose in a book, looking completely absorbed as read, sitting in a leather chair, and of course, a hostile Nick and Jeff with papers scattered between them and probably regretting the project they'd agreed to work on together months before.
They'd gotten worse.
Kurt doubted either of them really remembered the reason they were mad at each other, that it was just frustration and being upset, but they'd done less talking and more shouting in the past week than ever before.
"No, Nick. You can't do that part first. Wait until I finish number three. Besides, we have to do that part together, remember?"
Kurt glanced over to them, seeing Nick keeping his mouth shut with a determined look on his face and practically radiating anger.
It was then that Blaine walked into the lounge, a dark, thin article of clothing of some kind in his hand and his face scrunched in a grimace. "…Is this what you were talking about?" He held the thing out to Wes tentatively, whose face broke into a grin as his hand shot out to snatch it.
The Asian boy held it up—a long-sleeved, black, spandex turtleneck—and hummed approvingly. "Perfect," he murmured, exchanging a somewhat disconcerting glance with David.
"Oh," Blaine breathed suddenly as he turned around, and he and Kurt made eye contact, the curly-haired boy's face looking honestly surprised, not having seen the boy when he walked in earlier. His voice softened, as did his eyes, and he took a step towards the pale boy, "Hey."
Before he could say anything, Kurt stood and approached him, taking his hand. "Babe, I'm sorry I freaked out," and Blaine's face pulled into an understanding expression. "…I really wasn't mad at you, I was just…upset about the whole thing… I hate that I'm like that with…that kind of stuff. But…I do love you, okay?"
Blaine returned the statement and sighed as his boyfriend pulled him into a hug, and he closed his eyes as he tucked himself into Kurt's neck. "And I know. These kinds of things…need to go slow for us," he hummed against his pale skin. "I would never push you."
Kurt nodded against Blaine's curly head and pulled back as he heard David laugh, sounding eerily mischievous. "Please tell me Wes isn't experimenting with fashion spandex… David seems to be encouraging it."
Blaine's eyes widened and he grimaced, shaking his head. "No… He wants a spy-like outfit for next week to…fulfill some kind of devious plan he and David have been working on all year." At Kurt's confused expression, he continued. "They do this every year during the camp week."
Kurt blinked, pausing for a few seconds. "The what?"
Blaine raised an eyebrow. "The—You know, the camp week. It's something Dalton does every year, not just this one… Wes and David always figure out something to do to fuck with everyone. It's terrifying to hear them plan it, but it's generally hilarious to watch play out—Why are you looking at me like that?"
Kurt's eyes were huge and his mouth just slightly open. "You say camp week like…like we have to camping, or something."
Blaine smiled a little confused, and chuckled. "Well, yeah, Kurt. We're going to Camp Kern over in, like, Dayton by Little Miami River. Remember the assembly we had at the—oh, yeah, I guess you weren't at Dalton then. But we had an announcement a few weeks back? About how the kids on certain probations can't go?"
The pale boy sighed and blinked. "…A few weeks ago? I was probably in treatment."
Blaine's eyes darted around in thought before he nodded slowly. "Right… Well, it's next week. And Renny won't be there. He's on level three, so…"
Kurt breathed out after a moment. "Camping… Will there be tents?"
"No," Nick spoke up, closing the textbook he had open, earning a nasty glance from Jeff in doing so. "It's like a cabin-mess hall-campfire-type of summer camp deal. It's actually really fun, Kurt," the dark-haired boy assured him.
The pale boy nodded slowly, pursing his lips in thought. This was going to be interesting.
"I thought we weren't going to tell Kurt about the camping trip until the day of? I thought that was the plan?" Thad inquired out of nowhere, keeping his place in his book and looking up at the boys in the room.
Everyone just gave him confused looks, no one responding.
"No…? Was that just my plan? Because I think that would have been hilarious."
Kurt narrowed his eyes at his roommate, but Blaine brought him out of his thoughts by placing a hand on his shoulder. "We're getting cabin assignments tomorrow in group. We usually have the group to our own cabin, since only, like, 12 or 14 people are in one."
The pale boy considered this, his chin rising haughtily. "I need to start stocking my sunscreen supply."
He had woken up knowing he was ready.
It was three days after the fingering fiasco, the Saturday before their camping trip on Monday, mandatory meals and group were cancelled for the weekend, and Kurt woke up to the feeling of sun on his bare back, the warm wind fluttering in the windows and the trees rustling softly.
He didn't know if it was because of his treatment, but aside from the situation three days before, Kurt felt his sex drive had increased immensely. And it wasn't only that. It was the way he felt about sex. He thought about what his father had told him. About using it to connect with someone.
He'd always enjoyed what he and Blaine had done sexually. But it was a new kind of clarity and feeling since he'd been cleared of his depression. It was like he had a magnetic draw to Blaine that went so far beyond lust. Something in him wanted Blaine and him to be completely together.
Kurt rolled onto his back and stretched his arms over his head, his hands pressing into the headboard. He heard his roommate's bed creak and blinked his eyes open, turning to see Thad, holding a book about six inches from his face and looking completely wrecked, a limp cigarette hanging from his lips as he halfheartedly puffed on it, blowing the smoke from his nose.
"Did you sleep at all last night, Thad?"
The dark-haired boy jumped slightly, eyes darting to Kurt. He dog-eared a page and set the book down, putting his smoke out in the mug beside his bed. His hair was sticking up every which way, and his eyes were squinty and bleary. He hummed quietly, pressing his hands over his face. "No," he murmured, yawning shortly after.
"What are you reading, anyway?"
"The Hobbit," he answered immediately through another yawn, slumping down into his bed and turning to face Kurt, pulling the covers over himself, up to his shoulders.
"Again?" Kurt asked him, his lips pulled up in a smirk, amused.
The pale boy watched as his roommate nestled down into his bed for a good day's sleep. "Before you pass out… Can I ask you something?"
Thad just continued eye contact as confirmation, his face understanding and serious.
"…Have you ever…slept with someone, not just for the sex?"
This seemed to momentarily bring Thad out of his tiredness. He blinked thoughtfully a few times and then shrugged, trying for nonchalance. "Yeah… You mean, like, because I actually cared for her? Yeah, there was one girl that I, well… I cared about her, at least."
Kurt just looked at him. "Was it before Dalton?"
"No… She was… She came here to visit Wes. She's his cousin. She visited him a lot before her and her family moved somewhere, but… We got to know each other and," he shrugged, "you know. It was difficult and messy while it lasted, but it was a thing, I guess."
"You loved her?"
Thad didn't reply immediately, then frowned. "I don't know about that. But she was my—well—fuck, I don't know why I'm telling you this. Why are you asking this?" The dark-haired boy looked suddenly suspicious, and ran a hand through his messy hair.
Kurt shrugged, sitting up to come to the edge of his bed, facing his roommate. "I just… I don't know."
Thad took in a deep breath and sighed, his eyes finding the ceiling. "She was my first. I wasn't hers, but, I don't know. After she stopped coming here, I guess I just started sleeping with anyone I could," he paused. "…Hooking up isn't bad. It's just…less…" He hesitated, eyes roaming as he tried to phrase his words, "It's less lasting. Like you fuck a girl and then the next day, you might as well fuck a different one. You can't enjoy it after it's done because the girl's gone. And then it's just girl after girl."
Kurt watched as Thad spoke, and waited a few moments before talking. "Can you tell the difference between…wanting someone for sex and because you care about them?"
The dark-haired boy looked at him a little strangely then, nuzzling further into his pillow and regaining the sleepy look in his eyes. "Yeah…?"
Thad's eyes fell closed, and he made a sleepy shrug. "Come on. It's, like… You want her with your dick or you want her with your heart… Or him in your case, but whatever…" He cracked open an eye when Kurt hadn't responded and found him blinking at nothing in thought. "If you see him after he OD'd on heroin, when he was vomiting every two minutes during withdrawal, after he wakes up with that fucking ridiculous mop of hair he has—and you still want him, I think you're fine, Kurt."
The pale boy smiled as Thad's eyes shut and his face relaxed. His mouth fell open just the slightest amount and Kurt sighed fondly. "Thanks," he mumbled to his roommate, though he was sure the dark-haired boy was asleep after his long night of being taken by words on pages.
…He wondered how many books Thad had read, and how many times.
What did the boy gain out of reading? Whose lives did he live through as he turned every page? What was he trying to escape from?
Kurt realized something as he headed slowly out of his room and headed down to his boyfriend's. Regardless of the assholes that called themselves students that he had to deal with daily, and the sadist bastards, as Thad had so tastefully called them once, that ran the place, Kurt realized that he was damn glad he was sent to Dalton.
Blaine woke to the sight of a pair of ocean-blue eyes that matched the ones he had been looking into as he slept.
Kurt smiled down at him, his grin widening fondly and crinkling the corners of his eyes when the curly-haired boy let out a small grunt with his stretch. "'Morning," he brought a hand to run through his boyfriend's curls, his fingers stopping when they reached his neck.
"Mmm, 'morning," Blaine murmured in reply, his voice positively low and raspy from not using it while he slept. He blinked his eyes a few times, clearing them from sleep, just staring at Kurt before he spoke again, his voice soft. "I was dreaming about you."
The fair-skinned boy's eyebrows rose just slightly, his face taking on a mild expression of surprise. "Is that so?"
Blaine just nodded, pressing his palms into his eyes and letting out a yawn. He paused then, pulling his hands away, staring intently at them as he wrung them together, his face contemplative. "Yeah. We were—driving around somewhere on a long road, just the two of us. In one of those…old convertibles," he turned his eyes to Kurt's then, watching for his reaction.
His lips quirked up into a soft smile, and he tugged Blaine's hand gently, pulling him onto his feet. "Then what happened?" He led them into the bathroom, and started running water in the shower, bringing it to a comfortable temperature. They both began getting undressed.
"We just…kept going to all these amazing places. Everywhere. I think they were in different countries, maybe even—continents—even if that's not really possible by car."
"Hmmm," Kurt hummed out thoughtfully as they stepped into the spray of the shower and began rinsing themselves.
The two boys gently washed each other, exchanging kisses and light touches, nothing more. Kurt ran his hands down Blaine's broad shoulders, pressing where his body wash was still lathered and digging his thumbs into the tight muscles, knowing it had been far too long since he'd given his boyfriend a massage. They spent the time in silence, aside from small sounds of pleasure and quiet chuckles.
It wasn't until they had dried off and thrown on boxers and were lying comfortably in Blaine's bed that Kurt spoke again. "I'd like to do that, you know."
Blaine dropped his head in the other boy's direction, watching him for a moment. "…Do what?" He ran a finger slowly down Kurt's pale cheek, waiting for his response.
It came after a thoughtful few seconds. "Travel," he all but breathed out, "Just be on the road. Not have any permanent address for a while. Maybe get a van or stay in crappy motels in different towns and cities."
The curly-haired boy couldn't help but crack a smile. He placed his hand flat on Kurt's chest and looked at him. "Kurt Hummel? Wanting to stay in crappy motels or—a van? What happened to the Upper East Side and a walk-in closet? And didn't you say you used to want to be on Broadway?"
Kurt smiled after a while, his eyes a thousand miles away, a kind of building excitement behind them. "I still do want those things… I just realized lately that I want other things, too. And I want the things I want differently… Not to mention, after being here for so long, it'd be nice to be completely free, wouldn't it?"
Blaine's eyes changed, losing any trace of amusement that they had and growing fond and serious. His face softened and he brought himself closer to Kurt. "…Yeah, it would."
Kurt felt a bubbling kind of nervous anticipation, knowing he was ready, what he was ready for, and knowing Blaine didn't.
There was suddenly a lot of electricity in the air, and they both felt the thickness in the space around them. Something was happening, and if there was a time that they had a magnetic pull, this would be it.
Someone kissed someone, then, and it was like setting off sparks.
Undressing was easy, and hot hands roamed over each other's young bodies, touching and feeling with a sense of longing and need that they'd never had before.
Blaine rested in between Kurt's legs, just pressing their bodies together and kissing his neck, and the pale boy curled his hands under his boyfriend's arms and over his shoulders, his eyes falling shut as he felt the muscles of his biceps and back. "You're so strong, Blaine," his voice was a breathy mess, and his head was spinning with what would happen next. "Touch me."
Blaine snaked a hand between them, moaning at the intensity in the air and heat of their bodies.
"Not—" Kurt grabbed his boyfriend's hand as it began rubbing it teasingly over his cock, and he moved it lower, spreading his thighs. "Please…"
"Remember what I told you? I'll just…keep my eyes on you. And hear your voice…" He brought Blaine's hand that was near his entrance up by his stomach, tangling their fingers together. "You're beautiful…and gentle…and I trust you, Blaine. Please… I want to feel you so bad…"
And so Blaine dug out some lube from his bedside drawer and spread it onto his fingers, and pressed them slowly into Kurt, one by one.
There was no yelling or panicking or stopping, only gentle hands and two boys in love, one keeping his eyes locked on the other for reassurance, and the other watching his boyfriend fall apart under the touch of his fingers.
Kurt moaned into the quiet room as Blaine pressed against the spot inside of him, and his eyes clamped shut against his hardest efforts to keep them open, to watch Blaine. But it was past the point of being reminded of his attack. This was all them. This was all sex and sweat and good.
"B-Blaine," he whispered out brokenly, his body writhing with want as his boyfriend continued working inside of him. "I want more, Blaine, please," his voice was lower than he ever remembered hearing and felt funny coming off his tongue.
The curly-haired boy paused, looking down at his occupied hand and seeing three fingers were already inside. He could put in the fourth, but was that what Kurt meant?
"Blaine…" The tone of Kurt's voice made him look up and he gently removed his fingers. The pale boy pulled him up so they were lying beside each other, partially overlapping, both of them still hot and hard and needy. "I want… I want to go all the way…"
Blaine's breathing hitched and he felt his body reacting physically to the statement. He dug his face into Kurt's neck and exhaled shakily. "Oh, Kurt…"
"Do you… Do you want me like that?" Kurt asked tentatively, trying not to feel dizzy at the way their cocks brushed together.
Blaine sat up suddenly, placing one hand on Kurt's hip and bending over him so he could look into his eyes. "God yes. Kurt, I've wanted you since the first time I saw you… But I… I don't want you to do something you don't want to…"
Kurt shook his head, staring up into the other boy's hazel-gold eyes. "I love you."
The curly-haired boy nodded, moving aside and making to grab a condom from his drawer.
"W-wait—Blaine?" The boy stopped, looking back to Kurt, who was kneeling beside him. "Do we…? Um. Can we not use one…?"
Blaine deflated slightly, looking almost apologetic. "Babe… It's just being safe. We've both been with other people and—"
"I'm clean… You're…clean, right? They tested you when you were in critical care…" Kurt's eyes were big and hopeful, if not a bit anxious. He wanted this to be perfect. He wanted to feel Blaine. All of him.
"Okay," Blaine agreed softly, turning and pressing into Kurt in a kiss, his arms wrapping around the pale boy. After a few minutes, he pulled away breathlessly. "Do you wanna? Or do you want me to?"
Kurt was confused for a moment, before—oh. "…Is it wrong that after…everything, I still want to bottom when I'm with a man?"
Blaine breathed out against Kurt's skin, shaking his head lightly, his golden eyes blazing. "No. Of course it isn't…"
They continued to kiss and were growing excessively aroused. Blaine worked his fingers back into Kurt and looked at him. "You're so gorgeous, baby…" He paused, hearing the soft breathing of his boyfriend. "…You doing okay?"
Kurt nodded with a small smile. "Y-yeah… Just…a little nervous. Don't really know what I'm doing, you might have to…talk me through this a little bit…"
Blaine's eyebrows pulled together a little in confusion. "…What do you mean? I mean, you've…been with other guys?"
Kurt's eyes fell shut when the curly-haired boy's fingers moved in him and he seemed distracted from the conversation. "Yeah, but… I didn't really do anything but…lay there…"
It all hit him at once.
The way he acted when they were together.
The fact that he'd never had or given oral before him.
Blaine had assumed that the way Kurt was and looked that he'd have had a boyfriend before, but…
That was all assumption.
Kurt said he wasn't a virgin, but he was referring to the rape.
That was the first time he'd ever been with anyone.
"Kurt…" Blaine's voice came out thicker than he remembered it sounding. "The only…time you ever were with someone was…your rape?"
Kurt sat up slightly as Blaine pulled his fingers away. "…I thought you knew."
"Babe… You said you weren't a virgin, but…that doesn't count," he pulled Kurt in for a kiss, feeling the pale boy practically cling to him, their breath shared between them even as they pulled apart. "…Being raped isn't losing your virginity… Losing your virginity is when you…give yourself to someone…"
The pale boy's eyes were wet at that point and he had a soft expression on his face as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders, pulling them to be horizontal again. "I've never given myself to anyone…in any way…until you…"
They kissed and Blaine pressed open Kurt's pale legs and positioned himself there, holding his throbbing cock and pressing it gently against Kurt's entrance. "Kurt," he breathed out, his voice trembling. "I want you to know…I've never topped before."
Kurt's eyes were watching and lust-blown and widened slightly at the information.
"This is new for both of us, okay?" Blaine had never looked more vulnerable and beautiful than he did at that moment, his eyes huge and shining, eyelashes so close to Kurt's face, he might be able to count them if he tried. "I-if you still want this, I want to be the one you let have your virginity…"
Kurt whimpered, nodding his head and digging his nails into Blaine's tan shoulders. "I love you."
"…I love you."
And Blaine took him right there.
The air was hot and filled with warm breaths and their searing bodies, slick with sweat and drowned out by the heavy panting and small noises of pleasure.
Blaine slipped in and out of Kurt gently, his hands shaking as they gripped the pale boy's hips, his face long ago buried into his smooth chest.
It was hot and slow and love.
After the initial awkward movements and thrusts, they got to a point where they were completely in synch, and yes—holy fuck, because—
It was exactly what Kurt had thought it would be. It was satisfying some deep need that longed to be fully connected to Blaine, and this was it.
He was a cloud of electricity, and Blaine was the spark that set him off, causing this blinding bolt of lightning as they connected, something he had no idea was possible, but he had always somehow known he wanted. This was his it.
This had to be making love.
He wasn't sure when Blaine's shaking hand had found its way to his cock, but he suddenly felt everything building up, in his body, his skin, his bones and veins, in his heart. It was almost terrifying.
"Blaine," it came out more as a moan than anything intelligible. "I'm gonna—oh god!"
His mouth fell open as the pleasure rolled on in waves. He thought at one point that he had perhaps died.
Kurt hoped this was what dying was like.
It wasn't long after that he heard Blaine's panting getting faster, and his hips jerked messily and sporadically, moving around in all the places that Kurt was still so sensitive and he felt warmth inside of him, in hot pulses, and when Blaine fell on top of him, every inch of his skin burned where they touched.
He knew it was right.
"Kurt… Oh my god, Kurt… Kurt," Blaine pulled out achingly slowly and was rambling into his neck as he collapsed beside him. The boy's lips were wet, and his own neck was wet with sweat, and Kurt felt like he did when he was too high, except with more clarity and love.
After a few moments of loud breathing, Blaine turned to Kurt and mouthed his way to his lips, pressing them softly together and exhaling harshly though his nose against the pale boy's skin. "Kurt… Tell me something before we both fall asleep…"
Kurt hummed out a noise in response.
"Where do you want to go…more than any other place in the world when you travel…?"
"…I want to go to Paris… I want to take a boat across the Seine at…sunset…"
Blaine closed his eyes and wrapped an arm around the boy's naked torso, pressing a kiss to his shoulder and winding his fingers of his other hand together with Kurt's. "I want to make a promise…right now. We're going to go there. I'm going to take you there."
Kurt was so close to sleep, the only response he had was to tighten his fingers where they were holding Blaine's.
Two boys fell asleep that late-morning after giving each other something no one else would ever get.
"Shit!" Jeff stumbled back and nearly fell onto his ass, eyebrows furrowing together angrily when Kurt giggled next to him. "Shut up."
Kurt stepped past him, still amused, and swept up the ball of hair that was living on the floor into his trashcan. "Sorry. I didn't clean up after I did Blaine's hair."
Jeff watched his actions with a disturbed expression on his face. "I thought that was a large rat… Did you shave his head? How much hair can one person have trimmed off?"
The pale boy's eyes widened and shook his head slightly. "You'd be surprised… It hardly looks different… Anyway!" He clapped his hands together once he finished quickly cleaning the floor. "Just…a trim again? You're looking slightly reminiscent of a blonde Briard…"
Jeff's mouth twitched up on one side and he pushed his long bangs from his face. "Yeah… Well, can you get it back to how it looked when it was a good length?"
Kurt smiled and nodded, gesturing to the seat that was in front of them with a sweeping gesture of his hand. He fastened a towel around the blonde's shoulders and unclasped the dog tag from where it was around his neck, sliding it into the boy's hand. "So we don't forget about it again…"
"Right," Jeff smiled, and the two fell into a comfortable-enough silence as Kurt snipped his hair. A few minutes passed and the blonde caught sight of a small piece of dark, straight hair on the floor beside his foot. He knew Thad and Wes both had very dark hair as well, and everyone sans David was letting Kurt cut their hair that day, but he wondered. "Did you cut Nick's hair before this…?"
The short pause before Kurt spoke was enough of an answer. "Yes. I cut his before Blaine's," Kurt replied casually, turning Jeff's head slightly to get a better angle.
"Did you…talk to him about anything?"
Kurt hummed, shrugging a little. "Of course. We talked about a lot of things," he exchanged a glance with Jeff through the mirror in front of them, raising an eyebrow. "Though if you were trying to subtly ask if we talked about you—which you failed at, by the way—then, yes… You did come up in the conversation."
Jeff waited for Kurt to elaborate, but when he didn't, he sighed. "He hates me, right? He pretty much snaps at everything I do, and even though he says he isn't, I can just—tell he's super uncomfortable that I'm gay and that I like him. Like, we live together, and—and he must just hate that it's gonna be for another whole year—"
"Stop. Jeff, stop," Kurt warned, stopping the cutting and crossing his arms over his chest, giving the other boy a stern look through the reflection. "…We were talking about camping and he got sad because he said it would be weird going now that you two were fighting," Kurt paused, shaking his head a little. "He does not hate you."
Jeff just fell into silence, staring ahead and eventually Kurt continued working on his hair.
Nick had said they were fighting.
Jeff had always sort of seen it as they weren't friends anymore, that their friendship was over, not just on the rocks.
Maybe there was more to come of this.
"There, all done…" Kurt's voice sounded sort of quiet, not bright with the usual enthusiasm he tended to have after finishing a masterpiece of a stylish haircut. "Like it?"
The blonde drew his eyes up to the mirror and looked at his reflection.
His face was solemn and his eyes looked tired and sad. This whole deal with Nick took so much out of him. Nick was his routine, his best friend, his go-to, his life. Having him not there so suddenly was making him akin to ill.
But right, his hair, that's what he was supposed to be looking at… Flawless, of course.
"It's perfect, Kurt, thank you," Jeff mumbled with a smile, seeing his friend's smirk through the mirror.
"Oh, I know," he waved a pale hand dismissively, turning on his heel and moving to sit down on his bed, relaxing back into the pillows. "…Have you finished packing yet?"
Jeff removed the towel from his shoulders and brushed himself off thoroughly, returning his dog tag to its rightful place and running a hand through his freshly-cut hair, lazily flopping down onto Thad's empty bed, an expression of puzzlement on his features. "…For what?"
Kurt's face showed shock. "For camp week. It's tomorrow, Jeff. Please tell me you've started, at least."
The blonde blinked for a few moments, then shrugged. "I just have to throw in some shorts and t-shirts and stuff. And some swim trunks."
The pale boy raised a delicate eyebrow, trying not to show his horror. "If you're going to be gay, you have to understand the reality of the importance of fashion when outside of uniform dress code. I've given up on Blaine and his hoodies and jeans, but there still may be time to save you," Kurt's eyes were distant and he began mentally planning, but he stopped dead in his tracks and whipped his head to the other boy in the room. "Wait, did you say swim trunks?"
Jeff chuckled a little, folding his arms on his stomach and lying flat on his back. "Relax, Kurt. It's not mandatory. We're right by Little Miami River and the water feels amazing this time of year."
Kurt huffed, shaking his head. "We'll see…"
Jeff smiled at him, his expression falling to shock and his eyebrows shooting up when he watched Kurt shift on his bed, being careful with his movements and wincing just slightly. "Kurt… Oh my god, Kurt! Did you have sex?"
Kurt inhaled sharply, his eyes darting quickly around him. "What?"
"I'm right, aren't I?" Jeff grinned at his achievement of figuring it out, but then he paused, his face pulling a small grimace. "…Wait …It wasn't, like, today, was it?" He eyed the bed Kurt was sitting on with a wary expression.
"No, it was not today. It was yesterday…in Blaine's room," Kurt raised his chin haughtily, raising an eyebrow at the blonde and feigning nonchalance.
Jeff's teasing expression slowly dropped and his face softened slightly. "You're okay, though? After… Well."
Kurt nodded, an involuntary smile tugging at his lips. "Very much so okay. Blaine is a gentleman and gentle lover for that matter. Like, at first, when we were—"
"Oh god, Kurt," Jeff clamped his eyes shut, placing a hand on his face. "Virgin ears, remember…? I don't want to know this. I hear enough about everyone's sex that I can't relate to. I don't need to know about your sex life now, too."
The pale boy's face burned with a blush, and he blinked a few times. "Right. Well. Let's get you packed, hmm? I'm not letting you fall prey to the nightmare that is oversized t-shirts and cargo pants," Kurt stood and gestured for his friend to follow him, heading out the door. "With your body-type, we could do great things with fitted tees and cut-offs…"
Jeff rolled his eyes good-naturedly, allowing Kurt to lead him into his own room, and presumably tackle what was his limited closet.
"We have to do something," Thad announced calmly but seriously to his three friends once they had been on the bus for a few minutes.
Next to him, Trent raised an eyebrow, and Wes and David leaned back from the seat in front of them. "About…?" Trent prompted, sharing confused glances with the other two.
"That," the dark-haired boy simply nodded his head forward, his eyes trained on the seats a few places up, where Nick and Jeff sat beside each other, making great effort to avoid eye contact and interaction of any kind. "It's disgusting. They're giving me migraines with all the depressing shit they've been doing lately."
"Dude, why are they even sitting together? They're torturing themselves…" Trent frowned.
"They're, like, attached to each other, regardless of whether or not they're fighting. It's pissing me off."
Wes's eyebrows pulled together. "Why do we have to do something about it? They need to figure their own shit out."
Thad sighed. "That might have worked when it was Kurt and B, but that's because neither of them are as idiotic as these two. Jeff's too scared to do anything, and Nick's just…Nick…"
"So what's your plan, sir?" David rested his chin on his arms folded over the back of the seat, looking at Thad intently.
"Well, here's what I thought…"
The lot of 14 from group therapy walked into their cabin, most of the guys there already having seen the camp the year before, absently tossing their bags and belongings onto random beds and bunks and leaving to the mess hall, where they were to have their first meal. Kurt wandered in cautiously behind Blaine, scanning his surroundings with distaste.
"It's dirty in here, Blaine."
"Babe, it's not dirty. It's a cabin."
Kurt sighed in defeat, spotting an empty bunk-bed near the back of the room of space. He tugged the back of Blaine's shirt. "We should claim those beds."
Blaine blinked at him. "Do we need two beds?"
David snorted at his comment as he walked past, sitting down on one of the other empty beds in the room.
"Blaine, just put your stuff on the top one… The Warblers are great and everything, but I'd rather have both beds than one of them sleeping and snoring above me… We have enough places, anyway."
Blaine smiled and leaned forward, giving Kurt a soft kiss on the lips before chucking his bag onto the top bunk while Kurt placed his on the bottom.
Blaine laughed internally at the irony of it.
They made their way out of the cabin and towards the mess hall, which was on the other side of the camp.
Thad stood near the door, his arms over his chest, watching as most of the boys had left the cabin, looking bored. Just as Nick was about to pass him and exit, he grabbed him by the front of the shirt, and dragged him over to the bed he had claimed, pushing him and causing the boy to fall back onto it.
"What the hell, Thad? What are you doing?"
"I think we should have a chat…"
Nick sighed exaggeratedly and pressed his palms against his eyes in distress. "Okay. Talk, then. Chat."
Thad raised an eyebrow, leaning against the post of Nick's bunk-bed, one hand moving to tangle into his hair, thoughtful. "…You need to stop being a fucking idiot,"
Nick growled, scoffing and rolling his eyes and springing to his feet, attempting to escape the area. "Don't I always? You're an ass."
The other boy sighed long-sufferingly, turning to see Nick standing still, facing away from him. "Obviously. Doesn't change the fact that what I said is true. This shit with Jeff is pissing everyone off. You and him aren't the only ones suffering from this crap."
Nick spun around quickly, his eyebrows furrowed together in frustration. "Don't fucking get pissed at me for that. He's the one who's been—"
"No," Thad scolded, his voice taking a tone, "You've both been doing this. He loves you. He freaked out. You got mad that he freaked out. It's all stupid shit and now you're fighting over every little thing."
The other boy's face softened as his anger fell. He didn't say anything, the room felt quiet.
"And now, you need to fix it. It's seriously pissing me off that it's gotten to the point that I need to sit you down like a child and tell you how to clean up your own mess. Are you stupid, or something…? I mean, Nick…" He said the boy's name with a lot of heart and with a sudden gentle quality to his voice, "I don't…befriend just anyone, you know? You're a fucking fantastic guy, and so is Jeff. I'd know. I'm the one who decided to steal you two into our group the day you moved in next door to me… But you've got to get your shit together, man. It's getting ridiculous."
Nick's face showed no emotion, his eyes avoiding Thad's. "What do you expect me to do, Thad…? I've told him a thousand times that I don't care that he's gay—that he feels that way about me. He's the one who…freaked out."
Thad kept his gaze steady, watching the boy closely who wasn't looking at him. "…Which freaked you out…?"
Nick shrugged quickly with one shoulder, his eyes blinking as he thought. "Well, yeah, I guess… I hate the fact that he's freaked out with the idea of being in love with me…"
The other boy tilted his head, his words coming out slow and careful, "And why is that?"
When Nick's eyebrow knitted together and he trained his gaze back to Thad, his face was lost, confused. He tried to respond, but couldn't.
Thad glanced down to the watch on his wrist, then jerked his head in the direction of the door, taking a step towards it, "Come on, let's go."
He'd give him some time to think about it. They'd talked enough for that day.
"Jeff," David called out to the blonde, "Wait up!" This caused him to turn around sharply, his face melting into understanding as he saw the dark-skinned boy and Wes trying to catch up with him.
"Hey, Jeff," Wes greeted sweetly, his face scrunching up in a smile as they flanked the boy on each side, stepping back into a steady pace. Jeff's face fell slowly, his eyebrow rising in suspicion.
"What do you guys want?" Jeff asked hesitantly, eyeing the Asian boy with a disturbed expression. Wes acting this nice and friendly to him had to mean something.
David sent a pointed look at Wes, frowning that he'd given them away so quickly, but he recovered quickly. He turned kindly to Jeff, his face sincere. "We wanted to talk to you about Nick."
Jeff looked ahead intently as they walked. "Well, I don't want to talk about…Nick."
Wes furrowed his eyebrows together. "Listen, man. It's just—you guys have been so hostile with each other and—"
"I just said I don't fucking want to talk about it, okay?" He tore away from both of them harshly, spinning around and facing them as they all stopped walking. "You guys have been such assholes about all this. You've been fucking with me and giving me so much shit about liking Nick. It's like—this is really personal, and I knew you guys would find out after I told him, but you could have been more understanding…" He took a breath, "I know neither of you have ever been in a—a serious relationship, and—I don't know if you've ever been in love, but it fucking hurts a lot more than it feels good."
Wes and David exchanged a hesitant glance and silence fell over the three boys briefly, Jeff's words heavy in the air before they turned back to the blonde who just stared at them, looking hurt but slightly expectant. "You're right," David shrugged, shaking his head a little to himself. "We've been dicks. But…things have escalated and you guys have been pretty much verbally abusing each other lately. And all joking aside, we care about you. Both of you… And…I just have one thing to say before we drop this: You need to calm down—You need to calm down and you need to give Nick some credit. I mean it's Nick… Just remember that."
Jeff blinked a few times and turned, starting to walk again. The other two boys looked at each other and followed him, coming up and taking the places beside him, and the three walked in silence to the mess hall.
When they reached the building, the two roommates made brief eye contact with Trent, who sat at a table with Kurt and Blaine, and the larger teen nodded subtly, flashing the smallest of thumbs-up. He had completed his part of informing the two boys on their plans. Wes and David returned the thumbs-up.
If Thad had successfully talked to Nick, all was falling into place.
"Where's Ms. Webber?" Wes frowned, his eyebrows knitting together as he and the other boys entered the small clearing after their camp counselor, seeing no one else waiting there.
"She's not here," their leader said brightly—Brian, the annoyingly enthusiastic redhead who was probably only a few years older than they were. He still had acne and wore his hair at a short length that seemed awkward for his face shape.
Trent exchanged a look with Blaine, wide eyes rolling, and huffed over to where a few other boys had sat around the logs in the clearing, taking a seat himself. "She was here last year. And freshman year… Are we not gonna have group?"
Brian gestured for everyone to take a seat, and the boys did, the group of eight near each other, though Jeff and Nick on opposite sides of the boys. The redhead sat down as well, clapping his hands together once before speaking. "We're all friends here, you guys. You've all known each other since you were sent to Dalton, right?"
The boys all rolled their eyes, giving halfhearted affirmative responses and hums. Blaine sighed, glancing at his boyfriend, who just shrugged. The curly-haired boy slid to the ground, pressing his back against the log and sitting between the pale boy's legs. He let his eyes travel to the leg on his right…
Kurt was wearing tight denim shorts, stopping just above the knee. Blaine ran a hand down his bare shin, earning a raised eyebrow from the boy.
Sometimes he just had to remind himself he wasn't dreaming.
"Right! So we're gonna be talking for a while about what's going on, but it's just gonna be us. Don't think of this as—as group therapy, just as us all hanging out and talking. No different than any other time," Brian was saying, though no one really looked too into the idea.
Thad slowly raised his head from where he had been resting it in his hands, eyeing the camp leader with a narrowed expression. "…Ugh. I hate you."
Brian held his hands up defensively, "Hey, kid, come on. What's your name?"
"Thad, right. Well, hey, Thad, what's making you angry? Are you pissed about something?"
The dark-haired boy scoffed, crossing his arms tightly across his chest, pausing for a long moment before he spoke. "Yeah. I'm 17, I'm at a gay summer camp—" he cut himself off, wincing at his own wording, "No offense, Kurt, Blaine," he turned to the two boys, then hesitated, looking thoughtful "Jeff," he added with a shrug. "I'm at a lame summer camp. I've been at reform school since I was 14. My twin brother died this year. I haven't gotten laid in six months, and two of my idiot friends here have been pissing me off for a while now too," he narrowed his eyes at Nick, who was sitting right beside him.
Everyone in the clearing was silent, shifting around in the summer heat, and Brian rubbed his hands together. "Well, Thad, I'm sorry to hear about your brother. We all go through losses and I'm glad you're getting through it… And all you can do to get through being in reform school is to be on best behavior and keep going to classes. Next year is your last year, and then you're a free man."
Thad shrugged indifferently, smirking to himself that the counselor sounded nervous as he tried to talk through his problems. The dark-haired boy had doubt that the guy knew what he got himself into signing up for the job.
"And what's been going on with your friends?" Brian asked him, his voice dripping with the most likely fake, over-the-top kind of concern that made Thad's skin itch. The redhead eyed the boys surrounding him, trying to make guesses at which ones he was referring to.
"Really. You're gonna bring this up now, Thad? God, you guys have problems respecting other people's business," Jeff crossed his arms, his face contorting in frustration at the situation. Nick let his eyes fall on the blonde, his eyes worried and longing, though still with hurt present.
"You guys have problems keeping it your business. I've heard so much shouting through my fucking door in the past two week—"
"Okay, fuck, Thad. When Jeff and I get our shit together isn't your concern. Bringing this up in group isn't cool."
"Oh," Thad started, his voice overly sweet, "this isn't group therapy, Nicholas. This is just a bunch of us, hanging out and talking. Right, Brian?"
The redhead looked scared for his life. The rest of the guys in the clearing sighed at the drama. When Brian didn't respond, Nick breathed out loudly, calming down from his mood. "Whatever, okay? Don't get all pissy just because you haven't been fucked in half a year."
A few of the guys laughed at this.
Thad shrugged, giving up the fight. Clearly, the talking earlier that day hadn't helped as the two roommates were still hostile towards each other, but apparently bringing it up during group wasn't helpful either. He'd have to think of some other way to get them to resolve their differences. "Hell. You haven't gotten any since then, too, you know. And at least I didn't get an infected dick from it."
More quiet bubbles of laughter. Kurt began carding his fingers through his boyfriend's curls, hearing Blaine making thoughtful humming noises. The pale boy stopped his hands' movements as Blaine spoke. "Okay, this is gonna sound weird…" He addressed the entire group, his voice tinted with amusement.
More than one person in the area was glad someone was changing the subject.
"Okay," Blaine began again. "So, I mean—obviously, I'm gay," he gestured vaguely between him and Kurt, "so—and we're dating—but. So I get sex stuff, like, whenever I want," Kurt raised an eyebrow at him when the guys in the group chuckled, "And even before, well, you know. I hooked up with guys because it's what I'm into and they were around… So… Do you guys, like, ever get laid? I just can't imagine having to seek out people that don't go to Dalton to come visit and hook up. Unless you're dating someone from home, I guess."
Most of the guys had looks that fell between embarrassed and amused.
Blaine was thankful for the fact that he'd talked about his gay sex life with these guys before. They could be trusted.
"Dude," one of the boys—Alex—started, huffing out a humorless laugh. "I literally haven't even gotten a handjob in two years. I'm really sexually deprived."
"Not a lot of girls want to drive out to Dalton to screw some criminal loser," Trent agreed, shrugging sadly.
The conversation turned towards lighter topics and soon the talking hour was over.
In times like those, the boys were happy for the group they got put into—or moved into—as it was clear how easily they could talk. The Warblers didn't meet anymore. They wouldn't until competition season the next year, but they were all still friends. They depended on each other more than they usually realized.
Next it was time for what Brian called 'teambuilding exercises'.
They set out to hike past the clearing, coming across a varying series of physical, cliché-looking activities and set-ups. One was some kind of wooden dock that was high above the ground, made up of panels of wood, leaving gaps. A rope course along the ground, probably for tangling feet, next to something that looked suspiciously similar to the chicken wire ditches they used to train those going into the military, except without the dangerous barbed wire.
"Please, no…" Kurt came to a careful stop as they reached the area, causing Blaine and David to look back at him, curiosity present on their faces. He blinked at glanced between them. "Tell me those are just coincidently there, and we're about to walk right past them and go talk about our feelings more."
The two laughed, and Nick approached them as he overheard, making to open his mouth and respond, but Kurt cut him off.
"Don't you dare tell me it's 'actually really fun'," he used air quotes. "That's what you said about this whole trip in the first place. I've already gotten two bug bites and the sun is melting the soles of my shoes to the ground. I should have just gotten put on probation on purpose to avoid this whole disaster…"
Nick rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Oh, come on, Kurt," he patted the pale boy on the back as they all moved towards the rope course. Just as Blaine wrapped an arm around Kurt, Nick leaned into him quickly. "It's actually really fun!" And he darted away, hardly missing Kurt trying to smack him in the arm.
"Alright, guys!" Brian addressed the group. "We're going to divide up into two groups. Most of you have done this before and know the rules. We're starting with the rope course relay," he held out his hand, opening his palm to reveal two small marbles, one red and the other green. "The marble will be passed to each member of each group, but the one with the marble will be blindfolded. This is about listening to your peers and trusting them. They have to give you directions on where to go, making sure you don't trip over the ropes, and who to give it to."
They got divided easily, halving the groups where they stood, David, Jeff, Nick, Blaine, and Kurt all together with two other boys. The course was equivalent to a random and messy spider web of rope stretched over an area of ground, and ropes hung from trees above, for support.
The activity started off rather simply, and to Kurt's surprise, the groups of boys got rather enthusiastic, especially considering they were cheering about the relay of a marble. After one member passed, they had to be blindly directed to the next, and so on.
It wasn't until Nick had the marble on team Red that things got difficult.
"Okay! Okay—step to your left!"
"Grab the rope in front of you! It's right in front of you!"
It wasn't the first time someone had taken a fall. The dark-haired boy caught his left leg on a line and reached out aimlessly with his hand, searching for a support rope, but to no avail. He toppled over and landed gracelessly with his face hitting the ground.
"Oh, shit! Nick, you okay?"
"Come on, reach up! There's a rope above you to help you up!"
The boy tore off the material around his eyes with a growl, causing the rest of both groups to hesitantly stop their actions. "What the fuck, Jeff?"
The blonde blinked in surprise, taking an involuntary step back, not saying anything.
"Oh, Nick! You're bleeding," Kurt hopped over to him, his careful footing winding around the rope course. He bent down and grabbed the boy's blindfold, pressing it onto his face where his nose was bleeding. "Are you okay?"
"What the hell is your problem, Jeff? There was literally nowhere I could go right that I wouldn't have tripped on something."
Jeff looked shocked, shaking his head. "I—"
"I recognize your voice, you know. I'm not an idiot."
"I—I know. I didn't—You know I have problems with my lefts and rights, I—"
Nick tore away from Kurt, stomping over to the blonde, causing him to back away slightly, something akin to fear present behind his eyes. "This shit is getting so old, Jeff. I've apologized, I've tried to talk it out, I've done fucking everything. And now am I pissed? Yeah. I'm pissed because you can't just let it all go!"
"Nick, I wasn't—" Jeff tried to cut in, his voice growing with frustration, but Nick continued.
"I can't buy your bullshit anymore! If this is what it's gonna be like—"
"Enough! Guys! This has gone too far!" Brian stepped between them, holding each by the bicep. "I'm calling in Ken to come get both of you. I want you both to go back to your cabin. Instead of getting to be outside with everyone else, you're gonna be stuck back at camp. Nick, because you're the one to start this, I'm scheduling a session with Ms. Webber for you."
"Wait! But why do I even have to go at all? I didn't do—"
"Enough!" Brian cut off Jeff's attempt at defending himself, and promptly called another counselor to find their site.
Once the tall, dark-skinned man arrived, he began leading the two roommates back to their cabin. The two boys said nothing to each other, simply walked in silence until they reached the building, the sound of the leaves and earth crunching beneath their feet.
"Don't start anything," the tall counselor warned them as he began leaving. "We're just letting you get changed and clean up," he gestured to the dried blood on Nick's face. "After that, you," he pointed at Nick, "head straight over to Schiewetz Assembly Hall to meet Ms. Webber and you stay out of trouble in here. I have somewhere to be… Behave," he said one last time before closing the cabin door after himself. There was an eerie silence following his exit.
Nick broke it by sighing loudly, turning to find the sinks at the back of the cabin and running water, beginning to scrub at his face. "Fucking… Ugh," he mumbled to himself, his eyebrows knitted to show how upset he still was.
Jeff sat hesitantly down on a nearby bed, folding his hands together as he watched the back of Nick's head.
"You know," Nick spat out as he turned the sink off, finish cleaning, causing the blonde to jump in surprise, "If you wanted to hurt me, you didn't have to trick me to fall down."
"Nick. I seriously didn't mean to—"
"You could have just pushed me, you know? Punched me, whatever." Nick turned to him, his arms folded.
Jeff's face scrunched in anger. "I didn't fucking mean to."
Nick rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Fuck you, liar. Just admit it. You hate me because I don't feel that way about you. That's what this is all fucking about."
The blonde let out an audible growl, rising to his feet and coming up to Nick, getting into his space. "I don't fucking hate you! I'm pissed, but you—ugh! Why are you being like this?" He narrowed his eyes, getting closer to the dark-haired boy.
"See? God, you're so fucking angry. Hit me, then, huh? Fucking hit me!" He shoved Jeff in the chest, causing him to stumble back a step, but still kept his harsh expression.
"Quit it, Nick!"
"What? Don't wanna hit me? What the fuck do you want, then? Just punch me, Jeff! Maybe you'll feel—"
Nick stumbled back at the blow, his hand going up to his chin, his face still full of rage. He didn't hesitate a second before pouncing on the blonde, throwing a hard fist to his shoulder.
The two began throwing blind punches at each other, finally Jeff tackling the shorter boy to the ground, leaning over him. "You're a fucking dick, you know?" The blond breathed as he brought his fist down against his roommate's cheek.
Nick grabbed his arm, twisting it down harshly, earning a moan of pain. He pushed Jeff onto his stomach and crouched above him. "Me? You're the one who—fucking—ruined everything!"
Jeff struggled and winced against the ground, his voice coming out muffled against the floor. "I fucking knew you weren't okay with me being gay, you asshole!" He tried to squirm, and was able to get a good kick into Nick's side, causing the boy to huff out a breath.
"I'm not—It's not that!" Nick tried, tasting blood from something or other on his lip. "It's just—I'm confused from it!"
Jeff twisted onto his back and kneed Nick in the ribs, and the dark-haired boy smashed his hands onto the blonde's wrists, pinning them above his head and straddling his waist.
In the position they were in, neither was able to throw a punch or make a move. Their breathing came out in harsh panting exhales, eyes still dangerously mad, bodies both shaking with anger. Nick tightened his grip on Jeff's wrists, seeing the blonde's face scrunch up in a wince of pain, his shoulders trying to curl in.
Nick felt a bead of sweat roll down his forehead and saw it drip down onto Jeff's red neck from where he was bending over him, hot and angry and pulsing with adrenalin and blood.
He surged down to the blonde, tilting his face to force their lips together in an urgent, shaky kiss.
That was it.
Nick felt Jeff arch his back up into the touch, and begin responding, but he pulled away, stumbling off of the blonde and up onto his feet, his eyes wider than he knew they could be.
Jeff was still panting, his arms still lying carelessly above his head from where they had been pinned down, his mouth red and wet. His dark eyes were staring so intently into Nick's that the dark-haired boy had nothing to say. The blonde finally calmed slightly, blinking a few times, his expression flickering something of relief and a little something smug, his eyes falling to be half-open.
"I, um," Nick tried again, feeling the heat creep onto his neck and cheeks. This meant a lot. This was something. He hadn't seen this coming from himself, and that made it all the more confusing and difficult to try to comprehend.
"You need to go to your session," Jeff breathed out, his voice low and soft, and Nick nodded for a good ten seconds before gesturing awkwardly to the door.
"I should, um… But," he motioned to the space between them slowly, and Jeff just stared at him, the calm, mild expression still in place.
"I'll be here when you get back."
With that, the dark-haired boy nodded jerkily and hesitantly fled the cabin, leaving Jeff still lying limply on the floor, his heart thumping madly in his chest and his head spinning. As he was left alone, he felt as though cold air hit him from every angle. Goosebumps broke out across his skin and he inhaled deeply, realization hitting him.
He let a smile spread across his face.
Jeff thought back to that time they were ten and they were walking home after school. When they missed the bus. The day it was raining.
"Crap! I'm getting my library book all wet!"
Nick rolled his eyes at Jeff's comment and tugged his arm, pulling them to a covered bus stop, both of them dripping and miserable.
"Maybe we should just stay here and catch the town bus," Nick suggested, watching as Jeff pulled out the contents of his backpack, frowning at the soggy edges.
"Okay," he replied softly, placing everything back in its place. He turned to Nick expectantly, staring at him with dark eyes.
Nick stood, looking to the bus schedule and bringing his finger up to drag over the numbers. "One doesn't come for another 35 minutes…"
"But it would take longer to walk home, anyway. Let's just stay here," Jeff reasoned, and Nick sat down next to him, both of them sighing after running and exerting so much energy.
They sat in comfortable silence for a bit before Nick spoke. "Jeff…"
"You never kissed anyone before, right?"
Jeff almost laughed, looking at his friend incredulously. "No. Who would I have kissed?"
"I don't know…" The dark-haired boy paused, sweeping his hand through his wet hair. "Are you nervous about kissing someone for the first time? Like, I think I'll suck at it."
The blonde blinked, then shook his head, shrugging. "I doubt it. Besides, you have to do it the first time before you're good at it, you know?"
"Yeah… You know Wendy told me that Allison and Cassandra practiced kissing together?"
Jeff raised an eyebrow. "Why? Are they, like, gay?"
"No. They just wanted to practice. I guess a lot of girls do it. So that when it's someone that matters, they'll be good at it already."
The other boy just nodded slowly, seeing Nick's expression. "Hmmm…"
After a moment of silence, Nick turned to Jeff sharply. "Come on. We should do it. Just because I'll be a total idiot if I don't kiss anyone before I date a girl or something."
Jeff didn't say anything, just nodded once, and before he could even think, Nick's mouth was on his. His ears suddenly were drumming with his heartbeat, and the rain crashing down made everything else seemed muffled and quiet and slow.
Nick pulled away and looked at Jeff, whose eyes were still closed. Finally, he opened them, making them wide and not saying anything.
"Now with, like, tongue," Nick told him, nodding. At Jeff's wary expression, he mumbled an explanation. "It's French kissing. Making out is French kissing."
They brought their lips back together and very carefully, Jeff slipped his tongue past the other boy's lips, meeting Nick's. They pressed them against each other and slid them wetly together for a couple minutes before pulling away.
"That was good," was what flew out of Jeff's mouth the second they were apart. His cheeks burned. "I think we're fine. You don't need to be worried about kissing a girl or anything."
"Nick," Jeff whispered to the dark-haired boy, from where he was, pressed on top of him, lying on his bottom bunk in the cabin, their bodies together and their lips centimeters apart.
"That time when we were ten… That's the only time I ever kissed anyone. Other than at that party in January…and today… You're the only person I've ever kissed…"
They kissed again. It lasted a while before one of them pulled away.
"Where did this come from? Was it always like this? Since back then, even…?" Jeff asked him, his breath quiet and airy.
Nick closed his eyes, shaking his head. "N-no… I… I don't know about back then, I just wanted to do it, but… I didn't think I was gay, ever. Well, until…"
Jeff let him pause and think, knowing how significant this was.
"I didn't even ever consider it. That I was gay… I just grew up and dated girls. I find them…attractive enough. I've never really been attracted to a guy before," he trailed off, and ran a hand down Jeff's back, "you." He paused again. "But maybe I wasn't looking…? I don't know… I just…realized this whole thing was me being upset that you…loved me…and you were trying to forget it. You hated that you loved me… I didn't get it at first, but…I loved that you love me. I didn't understand why, but I do now…"
The blonde watched him think, his voice coming out quiet. "Do you love me, Nick?"
He trained his eyes up to meet Jeff's, realizing how easy of a question it was. How had he ever thought anything else? If he had been able to look at his beautiful friend with his shaggy blonde fringe and long body before, and see him in the right light—in the romantic light, the answer would have been so clear. He'd wasted time, hadn't he? "Of course. Of course I love you…"
Jeff buried his face into the other boy's neck, breathing in.
Nick didn't know what to make of it all.
He'd slept with girls.
He'd enjoyed sleeping with girls, but…
This. This. Was so much more. Love.
Had he been in love with Jeff for so long that he didn't even know that's what it was? He'd always thought friendship was what they had, but could it have been something more from the start or had it turned into this?
Sex had always been a way to get off, that was obvious enough. But he'd been with girls, he'd never been with a girl. Not for more than one time around.
Maybe when it came down to it, it wasn't so much about who he could sleep with or who he had slept with, but about love. Maybe he hadn't noticed other guys because the only one he needed had been there the whole fucking time.
Jeff pressed a very soft kiss to his collarbone, making Nick's mouth fall open in a silent moan.
Besides, if this felt this good and he wanted it, what were labels, anyway? He didn't need to figure it out; he could be with whoever he wanted to be with. And he was pretty certain he knew who that person was.
"I want you," Nick breathed into Jeff's hair, his eyes falling shut and voice coming out in a tremble.
And like all those years ago when they were ten, all Jeff did was nod his head just slightly.
They undressed each other quickly, pressing hot kisses everywhere they went. When it got down to the end, the last step before actually moving towards sex, Nick panted against Jeff's mouth, "I can tell I love you because it's so different than with anyone else."
"…Like the girls I was with were just…things I used to—get off… With you I feel like we're both…equal parts of…us."
It was the first time he'd ever wanted to connect with another person through sex.
And he realized immediately that it wasn't anything like all the times he'd slept with girls.
It was deep, intimate, longing, craving. He didn't just lust and do what he thought he should do.
He knew. He felt what he needed from the other man he was becoming part of.
Maybe it was the sheer clarity and real need and connection of the situation that Nick found himself moaning out, "I want you in me," into the blonde's chest, without thinking twice about it.
It was just what was right for him. He figured if he wasn't supposed to be in this situation, nothing would have felt right. And he perhaps hadn't known what was right for him before due to the fact that he never tried to figure it out. Following what you assume you need is easy enough, but searching for what you actually need takes time.
Jeff slipped into him, gently and slowly, wet and prepared, maybe nervous, and if this was sex, Nick didn't know what he'd been doing for the past two years.
They fell against each other and could hear and feel one another's hearts beating, and at maybe some point they had fallen so in love with each other as friends—as best friends—that they really never stopped falling. At maybe some point, they needed more. And this was it.
It wasn't strange or awkward.
It was the most natural, most simple thing either of them had ever done.
When they had completely spent themselves, rocking against each other and letting out blissful noises, Nick curled himself into Jeff's chest, face to face, feeling their sweat and other fluids cooling and sticking them together and it was perfect.
Perhaps he'd lost his best friend there for a while, to confusion and hurt, but coming back now, he'd gotten so much more than he had ever even acknowledged to himself that he wanted.
"Jeff," he breathed, his eyes falling shut at the mere intensity of how familiar the boy smelled on his inhale.
"…You have gotten taller."
Thad stretched his arms over his head, letting out a sigh. "Hey, wait for me while I go change my pants."
"Thad pissed himself!"
"It's water, shithead," the dark-haired boy rolled his eyes at Wes before opening the cabin door, stopping dead in his tracks, blinking rapidly.
Nick and Jeff were sleeping hard on his bed, a thin blanket hardly covering any of Jeff, none of Nick, though it wasn't anything he hadn't seen before, being friends with the two since the end of freshman year. He took in the scene, easily putting two and two together. Two being the lack of clothes and cuddling, and two being the smell of sweat and sex in the room. Thad couldn't say he was surprised they fucked. He practically planned it. Counted on it…
"Assholes!" He yelled, followed by a deep growl.
They both shot awake, fumbling for the blanket and utterly delirious and confused. "I—crap!" Jeff murmured, his face heating up and flooding with color as he tried to blink his eyes awake.
"On my bed…? Really?" His voice was deadly.
Nick looked at said mattress. "W-what? No—this is my—oh. Oh," he picked up the pillow Thad had brought with him from under his back and grimaced at the sweat or something on it. "Er—Fuck. Sorry…"
Thad slapped a hand over his face. "You two fuck and I can't even celebrate it! Me! It's always me! What the hell did I do to you all?"
Nick and Jeff just exchanged an unsure glance as Thad continued mumbling to himself while changing out of his pants which seemed to have a wet stain of some kind on the front. He turned and left the cabin without another word in their direction.
"…Woops," Jeff tried, shrugging and grimacing, looking around the room, his eyes finding the bottoms Thad had changed out of. Nick caught his gaze and followed it, staring at the article of clothing, raising an eyebrow curiously.
"Did Thad piss himself…?"
The pale boy smiled lightly as he accepted the bottle, sitting up from where he'd had his head in Blaine's lap to take a small drink. His face twisted from the taste, but he blinked it away and gave the tequila to Blaine.
"You don't think they'll smell the campfire?"
David shrugged, dusting some remaining powdered sugar from his shoulders still present from his and Wes's prank they had carried out a few hours before. "Nah… We've done this before. Besides, it's the last day of camp and we're leaving in the morning. What are they gonna do, send us back now? It'll be fine."
The lot of eight surrounded the campfire in the middle of night, the smoke rising in clouds from the crackling flames. They passed around a bottle of cheap liquor, two packs of cigarettes already shared between the four that smoked.
Jeff drew in a hit from his smoke, blowing it away from Nick's face from where the dark-haired boy was sitting between his legs on the log they were on. The blonde tightened his arms around his chest, earning a small smile to spread across Nick's lips.
Blaine watched the two for a moment before passing over the bottle to Nick, his eyes lingering as he sucked in from his cigarette. He turned to the group as a whole as Kurt's head returned to his lap. "Did you guys ever think you'd be like this?"
He could see from Thad's expression that he considered making a sarcastic remark, but instead brought his smoke to his lips.
"Like, when you were sent to Dalton, did you ever think you'd have awesome friends that you hung with all the time?"
"No," Kurt murmured, looking up into his boyfriends eyes with a slight frown. "I honestly had no idea what to expect of the other students, but…it wasn't this. This is…friendship…"
Thad looked thoughtful. "I was there before any of you guys," he paused, scanning over their faces. "I hung with my roommate kind of, but well, obviously that didn't last too long… Not too long after Andrew, um, died, Trent came along," he made eye contact with the other boy, sharing some kind of look none of the others would probably understand.
Kurt furrowed his eyebrows at the information. He'd have to ask Thad about this Andrew guy. He'd never heard of Thad's roommate history.
"It kind of just started then, huh?" Trent mused, taking a swig from the bottle. "Like, David came, then Wes, and for a while it was us four, and we just totally hung out constantly like we do now. Same for when the rest of you showed up. It was, like…"
"Immediate," David supplied, shrugging, his large grin showing. "Nothing like making friends before Dalton, or any other time. It was like family that you were already permanently connected to…"
Blaine thought back to talking with Finn and Rachel at the hospital when they were waiting for Kurt to recover. He remembered how Finn had described their friends at McKinley as family and how he felt the same about his friends at Dalton. The only difference was that the kids in Lima had real families to go back to at the end of the day.
The reason the Dalton kids were so closely bound was because it was literally the only thing like family they had.
Blaine was grateful for it.
"We really are like a family," Nick laughed, sounding like the few swigs of tequila he had were kicking in, his cheeks red.
Wes raised an eyebrow. "I hope you don't mean, like, brothers. Because if that was the case, we'd have way too much incest for my taste."
Nick smiled at the joke as Jeff squeezed him from behind. He glanced briefly at Kurt and Blaine, seeing them smiling with amusement at each other.
"No, not brothers," Nick smiled, tangling his fingers around Jeff's where they were wound around his chest. "But still like, a proper loving family and that shit. Like the kind that none of us—well. Most of us don't have back home."
Wes smirked, but it was clear he was getting slightly emotional at the boy's words, as were the rest. "…You love us, Nick?"
It was in teasing, but the dark-haired boy shrugged, looking around him, his eyes searching the faces of the boys that saved him. The wind blew loudly for a moment and then died, leaving the surrounding air quiet and calm. He felt so far from being alone. "Yeah. Yeah, I love you guys."
"I love you guys, too," Kurt said quietly from Blaine's lap, his lips quirking up at the corners.
Wes raised an eyebrow, glancing over at Thad, whose face was serious and soft. The Asian boy blinked, sighing, "Yeah, okay. I love you guys. I really do."
The sentiment was shared throughout the group, each confessing their love for each other. The words were so obvious, even if not said out loud before, but it was something different, telling it to each other like this, beneath the moon and stars and the only real light to see being the flickering fire casting bouncing illumination across each of their faces. They each individually realized that it was surreal, having something so precious to hold on to.
The bus ride back to Dalton was far less stressful and the boys felt almost sedated. They bumped and bounced along the road, the low grumble of the engine and driving being tuned out in favor of relaxation.
Kurt sighed, leaning his against his boyfriend's shoulder, staring a few places ahead at Jeff and Nick, blissfully asleep against each other, faces tranquil and peaceful in slumber. "I'm glad they're okay," Blaine's voice sounded suddenly, and Kurt pulled away slowly to look into his eyes.
"Did you think they wouldn't be…? Have they fought before?"
Blaine looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged, shaking his head slightly. "Not really."
Kurt blinked. "Wait. Which question were you answering?"
"Both," he smiled.
They both turned back to the boys, smiling fondly almost akin to a proud set of parents looking at their children.
There hadn't been a single comment made about the two boys getting together; not to their faces, at least.
The group of eight knew they never kept out of each other's business, but if they were anything, it was accepting. Thad had stormed out of the cabin after seeing the two unclothed boys, disturbed, and told them what he'd seen, so when Nick and Jeff joined them at dinner that night, seemingly done fighting, hand in hand with a couple new hickeys and clinging to each other, nothing was said.
It didn't help that the rest of the group had been speculating about the nature of their relationship from the beginning.
In the end, they seemed to end up together and it was beautiful. That was all they made of it.
Blaine bent down to where his bag lay at his feet and dug through it, yanking out his cell phone and beginning to power it up.
"What are you doing?" Kurt asked him curiously, letting out a yawn afterwards.
"I want to ask Trent something," he answered absently, watching the phone light up. The other teen had been placed on the second bus along with Thad.
Blaine hadn't had his phone on all week. He hadn't really needed to. His eyebrows furrowed together as he scanned his screen, pressing a couple buttons and holding the device up to his ear. He listened for a few moments, and Kurt took notice, watching him with concern as the curly-haired boy's face continued to look confused and twisted as he listened.
Finally, Blaine put the phone down into his lap, just staring blankly at nothing in front of him, his face implying his mind was racing a mile a minute in thought.
"What was that? Was that your voicemail?"
Blaine nodded slowly, blinking his eyes a few times. "I got a message…" He paused, mouthing a few words before speaking again. He turned to Kurt, his eyes intense. "It was from my brother."