~Behind These Hazel Eyes~
Elizabeth is a seemingly normal girl, living a normal life. Except she is anything but normal. Her best friends, Edward Cullen and Jacob Black, are that of myths told—a vampire and a werewolf. Her past is so dark that even Death itself fears her; she cannot stop existing no matter hard she tries.
Because she was already killed. Literally. Not physically but within. If that weren't enough, a Cullen has something to with it—one member who, later on, she will grow very fond of. When she discovers who he is, what he has done, will their friendship be strong enough to keep her from taking her revenge? Will they have a chance at their happily ever after? slightly OOC and AU.
This story will explore the developement of a friendship, dealing with a messed up past and about the effect the lies we tell have on us.
This is a story about learning to trust people and learning to be brave enough to show who you really are.
WARNING: This is a story that contains violence along with bad language and future lemons, so if you're not comfortable with any of this, you shouldn't be reading the story. Rated M for a reason, not suitable for younger readers. In this fanfiction self-injury will be mentioned a lot, and depicted graphically a few times, just in case any readers are sensitive to the subject.
The first two chapters take place before Bella's appearance with 36 years, and then, because the whole Twilight thing takes place in two years, so by the time Nessie is born we are in 2038, the next chapters of the story take place after Breaking Dawn with 10 years. But, the first chapters take place in 2000 and Bella only appears in 2036.
Also, there are a few things I'd like to change in Twilight. When Jacob first appears in Twilight, he is already a werewolf, so there is no Bella's Jacob or Sam's Jacob, we have an only one Jacob. In Breaking Dawn, Jacob never imprints in Renesmee. Elizabeth is Jacob's imprint.
It's complicated, but it has to be this way, if I want the rest to make sense.
Most of the story will be told from Elizabeth's POV, but there will be a few chapters in other character's POV.
I will put a quote at the beginning of every chapter, only 'cause it's cool :)
Thank you to the wonderful ladies from Project Team Beta, along with Askthemagic8ball and Cosmom from Sparkly Red Pen for making this readable.
Sorry for the impossibly long A/N, but some things need to be said.
Disclaimer: I'm no Stephenie Meyer, I don't own Twilight, or the characters. Only Elizabeth.
Some people just choose the wrong path. Whether they start doing drugs, they become alcoholics or they want to die.
Regardless of what they do, it is wrong. But there is always something that leads them to something like that.
It can be because of their parents, because of their physical appearence or just because they don't see the point of life.
Some people – a very few of them, actually – don't do drugs and don't attempt suicide. They don't do anything drastic. And most importantly, they don't do it conspicuously.
They become addicted to something, they change their personality, without anyone noticing it.
Around people, they build walls and they show masks instead of themselves. They aren't rude and they smile, to make the parents happy or to keep the others from worrying.
But inside they're screaming. Inside, in their soul, they feel lost and in pain, like they don't belong there. And all of this because, sometime, something happened.
Their dog died, they moved to a new town; small-looking things, but with a great impact.
While most of the time, the walls those people build around themselves end up not only hurting them, but trapping them inside.
This story explores how a person – one of those who are constantly hiding – learns to be brave enough to show who she really is, how she learns to let the walls down and trust people.
*Chapter 1: She Wants It*
"Don't tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results."
George S. Patton
24th February 2000
"I want to die, Edward. I'm not happy. Deal with it," I said as my vampire friend angrily grabbed my shoulders. I was angry, too. This was one thing I truly wanted, and he, being a stubborn son of a bitch, refused to let me do it. I was seriously reconsidering our friendship.
He growled. "Elizabeth, you are not going to die any time soon, as far as I'm concerned."
I smiled a sad smile. "What are you going to do to stop me? Yes, you are my friend, but this is my decision and you cannot change it." I looked into his black eyes. I could practically hear him reading my mind, and judging from his expression, he didn't like what he found.
"I won't let you hurt yourself." His grip tightened on my shoulders, and I tried to get away from his touch, but he didn't release me.
I let out a humorless laugh. "Why is it you never let me do anything I want?" I questioned. "Ever since I've known you, we've done everything you wanted, but whenever I asked for something, I was the stupid little human. Well, it's over now." I took one step back, and he released my shoulders. "One way or another, I will get what I want, and you can't do anything to stop me." With that, I left. In that moment, I was the one who left him back there, angry and confused, like he'd done with me so many times before.
I heard him yell after me, "You know this will kill Jacob, too!" Like that could do anything to change my mind. I didn't fucking care if I ended up killing every human on Earth with doing that, so I clearly didn't care if I killed Jacob. I could either kill or save two people. No big deal. No one would miss me anyway. I got in my car and knew exactly where my next stop would be.
To my other friend, who was a werewolf. I seemed to have a thing with these mythical creatures.
In a few minutes, I was in La Push, and Jacob came out to greet me with a huge grin plastered on his face. As I watched him and as he came closer, I found myself smiling, too. He was cute when he was grinning like an idiot, which happened all the time I was around him, but his contagious happiness didn't make me forget all the thoughts that were flying through my head. And it didn't make me forget the real reason I was there.
Jacob gave me a big hug but immediately frowned when he pulled back and saw my face.
"What's the matter?" he asked me.
"Another fight with the leech?" The corners of his lips twitched a little as he fought back a smile. The bastard was amused.
I threw a dirty look at him.
I folded my arms across chest. "That, and I have something to tell you." I wasn't nervous, not really. I was feeling… I didn't know. I didn't think I was feeling anything at all. I just wanted him to know what I was about to do, so he wouldn't be caught by surprise.
He watched me curiously. "Spit it out, Lizzie."
"I want to die," I said simply.
His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "You… What? Why?"
"Because I'm fucking done. I don't think my life will ever get better. I just want to get the fuck away."
He nodded slowly as he considered my words. Then a little smile appeared on his face. "But you know if you choose this, you're signing my death sentence, too?"
I chuckled. "Yeah, I'm aware of that. It's not going to stop me, though." He stroked my arm and ran a hand through his hair. He did that every time he was nervous.
Jacob moved and wrapped his arms around me. There was so much emotion in this simple gesture. I loved it when he hugged me, and I could feel his heart beat and the way his chest moved when he breathed. I could feel the radiating warmth of his skin. It was comforting. It was home. He'd always enjoyed the fact that he made me feel like that, because Edward couldn't hug me like that if he tried.
We stood like this for five minutes, and then he finally released me. Yeah, even though I loved his heat, I was sweating.
"'Kay. I guess it's time for both of us to say goodbye to this world," Jake smirked.
"When are you going to do it?" I asked, my voice lower than I intended to be.
He looked at me. "The second your heart stops beating. I have ways of doing it. I could even ask your blonde leech friend. She always said she would be glad to kill me." I couldn't help but chuckle. Rosalie had never liked him but somehow had managed to tolerate him because of me.
"I suppose you're right."
I spent a few hours with the other wolves. We ate, we laughed, and we did stuff we enjoyed, and then I drove back to the Cullen house. Edward was already at my door before I could get out of the car.
Here comes another fight, I thought, not even bothering to try to hide my talk with Jacob.
"I don't like this," he said, crossing his arms. I walked past him, intending to ignore his little comment, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut, so I turned on my heel and faced him.
"Why do you fucking care if I fucking live or die? It's my damn life. These are my decisions. You have no-fucking-thing to say!" I was getting more and more pissed with every word.
He sighed and looked at the sky. "Elizabeth, please, language." What? He had to be joking. I stared at him like he had just grown a pair of extra heads.
"Oh, you don't like how I talk?" Yes, I'd always talked as dirty as possible, and he kept pointing it out, but it wasn't a good moment to bring it up.
"No, I don't. A beautiful young lady like you shouldn't use such foul language." I couldn't believe my ears. Was he really that dumb? He should've gotten used to it already.
"Fuck you, Edward. I want to die, and you're worried about my language?" I felt like exploding, and my voice was rising, showing my annoyance. Edward opened his mouth to protest, but I didn't give him the chance to speak. "No, don't even say anything. Just… Leave me the hell alone." With that, I turned around and walked with heavy steps into the house. I didn't even bother to look around as I walked to Rosalie's room. I was too pissed to give a damn about the others.
"I'm so fucking tired of this," I mumbled, throwing myself on the bed. A few hours passed, and I found myself imagining how I'd do it. I knew exactly what would happen. And no, I wouldn't jump in front of a car. Then I would be the only one to blame for my death, but that wasn't my goal. I wanted one of them to do it – one of the perfect Cullens - so they would be ones to blame. I needed someone who thought about himself as the center of the universe, as the most perfect thing in the world. Someone who would blame himself forever after he killed me. Someone who wouldn't be able to stop after tasting my blood.
And that someone was Carlisle Cullen.
I didn't want to risk anything; I wanted to know for sure that it was the end. That was why I'd chosen him, because I was his singer, and a vampire couldn't resist the calling of their singer's blood, right? And although he'd managed not to kill me in the past few months, it was pretty difficult for him to be around me, and frankly, I'd always enjoyed that. I'd noticed he'd considered himself so perfect, just because he was a vampire who'd never killed a human and was actually helping humans. Well, dear Carlisle, you're not as perfect as you think.
And he'd be so devastated. Not like I cared.
It was a little risky to think all these thoughts with a mind reader in the house: he could hear them anytime and tell Carlisle, but if he did that, I would find a way to get what I wanted; with or without his help.
Clearing my thoughts, I went to the living room. Emmett and Jasper were watching a show on the TV, and Rosalie was reading.
"The others?" I asked.
Rose looked up at me. "Alice, Esme, and Edward are hunting, and Carlisle's in his study. Why?"
I shrugged. "Just asking." I turned around and walked up the stairs. I had to smile at Edward's stupidity. He was just so stupid. Did he really think that I wouldn't try anything when he was not there? He could read my mind, and yet he left, making it easier. The only thing I had to do was to drop a little blood, then call Carlisle and that was it. I entered the bathroom and searched under the sink until I found a pair of scissors. Not perfect, but good enough. I found a spot on my left wrist before slicing the scissors across my skin. I didn't have a problem with the pain. I'd done it enough times to get used to it, and I was slightly surprised that, although my wrist was covered in scars, I still had some unblemished skin. Quickly, I made two more cuts, deep enough to start bleeding very badly. With a satisfied smile, I watched the red droplets as they leaked down my wrist. I'd never had a problem with blood, but now it was making me sick. This whole world was making me sick.
I was watching TV with Emmett when we heard Elizabeth's voice calling for Carlisle.
"Carlisle, I need your help!"
I raised an eyebrow, not understanding why she would need Carlisle. Emmett's expression mirrored my own, showing that he didn't understand either. Something's wrong, I thought as I stood up and quickly ran up the stairs to see what had happened. I tried to think of possibilities of what was going on, but what I'd imagined was nothing compared to what I did see. Carlisle was in the bathroom, watching Elizabeth with black, hungry eyes. And she was bleeding.
She was fucking bleeding.
Elizabeth, what have you done?
A/N: How do you like Elizabeth?
It may seem pretty silly in the beginning, but it'll get better; I have some really good ideas.
I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading.
Reviewers will get a sneak peek of the next chapter, for those who want it. If you don't want, just mention in the review.