The X Men Present: Jack and Jill


Jack, who for some reason had wings, and Jill, who was a not at all happy girl, went up the hill -


"This makes no sense," X23 said. "Isn't this supposed to rhyme?"

Yes, but rhyming is not my cup of tea.

"Why am I in this?" Warren asked, bemused.

Truthfully…there's no Angel/X-23 fiction.

"For good reason. How old is she, like twelve?"

"I'm fourteen, and age has nothing to do with skill."

"I'm not talking about skill; I'm just saying this is very awkward."

Do you want to be a duck, Warren?

"No."

Then stop ruining this classic re-telling of a much loved children's story. That's what I'm supposed to do.


-To fetch a pale of water.


"Is it even possible for a well to be made on a hill?" Warren asked. "Wells are drawn from ground water, and it would seem more difficult to build one up there, wouldn't it?"

What, you're askin' me? Dude, I just copy and paste this stuff. Except for this one, but I don't see how one can not remember something so elementary.

"Could you both stop interrupting the story? I don't need to stay in one place for too long."

Why? I thought you blew up HYDRA and Logan lied to Fury for you.

"I think Logan is trying to adopt me."

And that would be bad because…?

"Shut up! And you spelled pail wrong!"

What? I did no- Oh, that's embarrassing.


-to fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down.


"…"

Well? What are you waiting for, Jack? Throw yourself off the hill!

"First, this is a cliff."

I couldn't find a hill.

"And there are rocks at the bottom."

Duh! How else are you supposed to break your crown?

"I'm not doing it!"

"I do not understand," X said.

It's simple. 'Jack' here doesn't wanna do his job and take a header off the hill because he's scared he'll get a couple bumps and bruises. The big baby.

"Actually, I'm more concerned with the 'breaking my crown' part."

Whatever.

"This story," X said, "it doesn't say how Jack falls, right?"

Nope. I guess he was a klutz or somethin'.

"So he just has to fall?"

Uh-huh.

X-23 shoved Warren down the cli- er...hill.

Goodness, do you think he'll live?

"Pfft. As if I care."

Eh, I guess that's fair.

"Stop that."


…and broke his crown.


"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

Boredom, hunger, and irritation. You?

"It's Monday."


And Jill came tumbling after…


"Well, that was an experience."

X turned to talk away.

"YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GONNA PUSH HER OFF TOO?"

Are you insane? She'll jump through the computer and stab me. X, it was nice working with you. We should do this again.

The girl frowned.

"Not likely."

Well, you might –

"Never again."

X23 ran off without another word.

Okay, girl! I'll have my people call your people! We'll do lunch!

"WILL SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE? I THINK MY ARM IS BROKEN!"

Thought about it…still thinking about it. Darn my conscience. Don't worry, Blondie! Help's a-comin'!

"Wait up. If he's Blondie," said a man in a red and black costume, "does that make me Angel Eyes or Tuco?"

"NOT HIM! ANYONE BUT HIM!"

"You shouldn't say things like that. It's hurtful. And I hurt hurtful things."

Well, I think that's a good place to end this bit of idiocy, don't y'all?