I wrote this because I've been missing my Alpha Pair lately. ;(

Warning: Random crap, me having weird ideas of what the inside of Rikkai's school building is like, OOC-ness in which Sanada is terrified of Yukimura, everyone being spazzy, many objects being thrown around, Sanada's gruesome imagination and shattering butts.


Sanada had been expecting nothing to go wrong that afternoon. He was helping out at Yukimura's house, possibly to get Yukimura in a good mood for later.

"Sanada, be careful with that box. You can put that one on my bed." said Yukimura before turning around and running back to the car and getting another box.

Sanada was helping Yukimura and his mother unpack. Yukimura was finally coming back home after months of being in the hospital. Yukimura had kept a lot of things, mostly precious items, books and movies, at the hospital and they were now bringing everything back to Yukimura's bedroom.

As Yukimura fetched another box, Sanada walked upstairs with the heavy one he was currently holding.

Unfortunately, the door to Yukimura's room was closed. Instead of putting down the box, Sanada had the brilliant idea to try and balance the heavy box in one hand and open the door with the other.

He understood that it wasn't a smart idea when the box came tumbling down, along with a glass shattering sound from within.

Panicking, Sanada looked around; making sure Yukimura was still outside before barging inside the bedroom and frantically opening the box.

He looked inside at the contents, making sure each item was okay.

DVDs? Okay.

Tennis trophies? Okay.

Stuffed bear named Mr. PoofyPants? Okay.

Precious Glass Figurine Yukimura's great-grandmother had given him before she died? NOT OKAY.

Oh god no. Sanada looked at the glass figurine of a lovely girl wearing a kimono, knowing it was an important and very valuable object.

The figurine's butt had shattered.

Why is it always the butt that shatters? Sanada had once had a tennis trophy from elementary school with a tiny tennis player on top. He had accidentally dropped it last year and the butt had broken.

Oh no. This is bad. Really bad. Sanada had been counting on getting Yukimura in a good mood because Yukimura being happy means Sanada gets laid. And after doing it in the hospital for months, Sanada had really been looking forward to tonight. But it was now impossible because this glass figurine was mocking him with its broken butt. Yukimura was going to be so angry when he found out!

Suddenly, Sanada heard the distinctive sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. He had no time to think. Sanada carefully stuffed the glass figurine and the broken pieces in his pocket. He'll just have to fix it later.

Yukimura entered the room holding another box.

"Well, here's the last one." said Yukimura, smiling.

Sanada tried smiling back awkwardly, taking the box from Yukimura's hands.

"Good work today, Sanada." said Yukimura.

"A-Ah, yes. I hope you didn't overexert yourself. You just came out of the hospital afterall." said Sanada.

"I'm fine. I'm looking forward to finally going back to school tomorrow." Yukimura then smiled, prowling closer. "Sanada… my mom's leaving soon. Will you be staying a while longer?" he purred suggestively, dragging a one up Sanada's chest.

Sanada did a full body shudder. And then he remembered the glass figurine. In his pocket. And Yukimura was very close to pressing their bodies together.

"Ummm, m-maybe some other t-time and then we'll-" said Sanada.

Yukimura only smiled wider, pushing their hips together. "Don't lie to me, Genichirou." he whispered, tone husky. "I can feel your hardness."

The vice-captain didn't know whether to be relieved or not at the fact that Yukimura thought the figurine in his pocket was something else. Either way, it would only be a matter of time until Yukimura discovered the truth if this went on.

Sanada grabbed the bluenette's shoulders and held him at an arm's length.

"I'd love to stay, Yukimura b-but I have a lot of homework due tomorrow a-and I want to be well rested for tennis too. So yeahI'llseeyoulaterbye." Sanada said before practically dodged around Yukimura, leaving the room and vanishing at a breakneck speed.

Sanada hit his side on the doorway as he left, making a glass shattering noise ring across the room. Sanada swore, leaving the house in a hurry.

Yukimura blinked rapidly, wondering what that was all about.

Sanada stayed up all night, equipped with a dried up glue stick and tape. Of course, now that both the arm and butt of the glass figurine was broken, Sanada felt like it was impossible to repair it. Nonetheless, all night he stayed awake and worked.

Sanada's mother showed up in the morning to wake up her son. She opened the door, took one look at a glue soaked and tape covered Sanada, and left without saying a word.

"No, wait! Mom!" yelled Sanada, dragging himself across the door because he had somehow managed to tape his hands and feet together two hours previously. He lay there, rolling around the floor uselessly and tied up until his nephew showed up and set him free, calling him a bondage freak.

"Ha! You thought you could defeat me, you diabolic sticky tape! But no, I was stronger!" yelled Sanada, throwing the roll of tape as hard as he could against the wall, effectively making a hole in his samurai wall scroll before it bounced back and hit him on the head and leaving a bruise.

Sanada turned to look around him, seeing the mess of glue and tape he had left. On the table was the glass figurine… with a decapitated head.

And he had somehow managed to glue the head to the broken butt.

Sanada broke down in tears.

Sanada was in class, sitting next to Yukimura and looking very uncomfortable about it. Yukimura kept on shooting worried glances in Sanada's direction, wondering why the vice-captain was so jumpy that morning. Even during tennis practice, Sanada had been extremely agitated.

Even so, they both tried to focus on the class presentation Yanagi was giving in front of the class.

"The biggest conspiracy of all is obviously pocket lint." said Yanagi, reading from his colourful powerpoint. "Why do our clothes continue to fall apart? Because corporations want to make more money. So they design clothes to 'degrade' by losing their material in the form of what we know as 'pocket lint'."

Sanada's thoughts were running wild. Did Yukimura know about his missing figurine? Oh god, he hoped not. Sanada's breathing got faster in sudden panic. Yukimura kept on glancing at him suspiciously. Sanada put his knees up against his chest and began rocking back and forth on his chair. Yukimura totally knew. His life was over.

"How does this benefit the environmentalists? Furthering the environmental problem of course. More energy into making cloths, and more lint littered about means the symptoms of an earth under stress will be stronger, and the people will be in higher need of environmentalists…" said Yanagi.

Sanada pulled out his pen and a fresh new piece of paper. He might as well write his final wills and testaments before Yukimura murders him. Let's see… his favourite kendo sword would go to his nephew…

"This of course gets politicians involved, making the population concerned and ready to go to extremes in order to help the planet." continued Yanagi. "The population will then spend large amounts of money on alternate sources of energy, which is of course extremely expensive. This then fuels the economy and-"

Who should his family stone go to? Perhaps his brother. Yeah, that was fine. Should he leave something for Yukimura? Probably. He wouldn't want an even more painful death because he had excluded Yukimura from his final will.

"And that is why pocket lint is the cause of both pollution and global warming, thank you." finished Yanagi. The classroom clapped politely.

Sanada then decided that he would give Yukimura his tennis racket.

"Is it just me or does Sanada look…"

"Scared for his life?"


Niou and Yagyuu turned around, looking at Sanada, who was standing in an isolated corner, trying to make himself invisible by the crouching down into a ball. Students who were passing by gave him weird looks but said nothing.

Niou walked forward, tapping Sanada on the shoulder. The vice-captain must not have seen him because Sanada jumped up in shock, instantly slapping Niou so hard that he stumbled back against a first year girl, causing her to fall to the floor.

"Sorry, that was a reflex." said Sanada, still looking around the hallway suspiciously.

"Sanada-kun, why on earth are you trying to camouflage yourself against a wall?" asked Yagyuu.

"Yeah. I haven't seem you this scared since the last time we went to Home Depot and Yukimura went into his crazy Plant-mode and injured half the people in the store." said Niou. That sort of thing was normal whenever Yukimura went fanatic about plants. There was also Art-mode and Tennis-mode Yukimura, but none was as dangerous and frightening as Plant-mode.

If people thought Yukimura was scary when playing a tennis match, then clearly they had never been with Yukimura in a garden, seeing his passion for plants explode.

"This might be even worse than that." said Sanada. "All I can say is… Niou, Yagyuu… I was happy to be your vice-captain. Tell my parents I love them."

Niou and Yagyuu said nothing as they watched Sanada walk off along a deserted hallway. Well… it was not really walking. It was more like stealthily sliding against the wall in a poor attempt to be sneaky.

"Should we follow him?" asked Yagyuu.

"No. That's the art hallway." shuddered Niou.

No one ever went in the art hallway. That was because paintings and sculptures were on display everywhere over there. And most were Yukimura's works of art.

Unfortunately, the sculptures Yukimura made had special properties. They actually possessed the power of the Yips. Whoever walked along the art hallway had their senses taken away by the Yips Statues. Some first year had gone in there last week and only came out several days later, shaking uncontrollably. That first year was now in the hospital for brain trauma and he apparently had a permanent twitch in his eye.

The trickster and the gentleman watched as Sanada continued going down the hallway until they could no longer see him.

Niou walked forward, but the gentleman's hand on his shoulder stopped him. Yagyuu shook his head and said, "There's nothing we can do now. He's gone."

Sanada woke up and blinked rapidly at the light overhead.

And then a tennis ball hit him on the forehead. Hard.

He looked around rapidly, questions immediately whirling inside his mind. Why was he lying on the floor in the middle of a tennis court? The last thing he remembered was thinking that the line of statues around him was coming to life to suck his soul and drag him down to hell for shattering butts of precious figurines.

So how had he gotten here? And why was he wearing his tennis uniform? And why were tennis balls hitting him in the face?

"Ah, captain! Sanada's awake!" someone called out.

Blinking some more, Sanada could see that tennis practice was well under way. On the other side of the court he was lying on, a bunch of first-years were practicing their serves. Balls were bouncing all around Sanada, only a select few managed to actually hit him.

"Everything okay, Sanada?"

Sanada turned and saw Marui and Jackal looking at him from the side. Another tennis ball hit him on the head.

"What happened?' asked Sanada, frowning at his foggy memory.

"Well, Yukimura didn't want you to miss practice. So he told us to dump you here and let the first-years use you as a target for their serve practice." explained Marui.

"No… I mean, how did I get here? I don't remember anything after lunctime..."

"Oh. I believe Yanagi rescued you from the art hallway after he heard you had gone there." said Jackal. "And now he's telling stories about having fought and conquered the Yips statues."

"I did conquer them!" came Yanagi's voice from a distance.

"Well… it truly is a historical day in that sense." said Jackal. "Yanagi's now the first person to have survived the art hallway and lived to tell the tale of what he had seen. But his stories are getting a little…"

"Exaggerated?" said Marui. "Yeah, I have to agree. He told Akaya that the statue of a bicycle nearly killed him with a hammer."

Sanada frowned as another ball hit him on the stomach. "That's impossible. Seiichi has never sculpted a bicycle."

"Stop doubting the truth!" called Yanagi from a distance. How could Yanagi even hear their talking from so far away?

This time, a tennis ball hit Sanada on the nose. He turned around and his eyes found Akaya's.

"Akaya! You are not a first-year! Go to your own practice!" shouted Sanada.

Akaya yelped at having been discovered and ran off, yelling something about how Sanada now looked like a giraffe because of the many tennis-ball-sized bruises coating his skin. No wonder so many balls had managed to hit him; Akaya was the one serving them.

Marui laughed. "Akaya! Run before Sanada gets up and kicks your ass!" he yelled.

Oh. That reminded him. Ass. Kicked. Shattered and broken asses. The figurine's broken butt.

Sanada got up in a flash of panic, looking around frantically. He found Yukimura in the far corner of the court, talking to Yanagi.

He had to get out of here before it was too late.

But… tennis practice. He couldn't just leave tennis. Even if his life might be in danger, skipping tennis practice was unthinkable. He looked back and forth between his captain and the tennis court. Was it just him or was Yukimura glaring at him from the corner of his eye? That look was so full of disappointment and contempt (actually, it was all in his imagination) that Sanada felt colder.

In reality, Yukimura was not even looking at Sanada. The bluenette was engaged in an intense conversation with Yanagi in which the data master was trying to convince Yukimura that they should rename the art hallway in his honour since he conquered the Yips statues.

Really, Yanagi deserved some type of reward for this.

As Sanada was busy taking his shower after practice and thinking about how to survive Yukimura's inevitable wrath, he realized a little late that everyone else had left and that he was now alone in the large tiled room.

Or at least he was alone until Yukimura showed up at the entrance. Of course they were alone. Yukimura would not want any witnesses. And the showers would leave no evidence of blood. Truly, this was the ideal place to commit a murder. Sanada gulped. This was it.

"Genichirou, is everything all right?" asked Yukimura, concerned. "You've been acting so odd today."

"I'm fine!" said Sanada a little loudly. His voice echoed throughout the showers.

"Is that so?" Yukimura walked closer. "You know, you can always tell me if something's bothering you. You've been so patient and helpful towards me, especially after I spent so much time in the hospital."

Sanada felt cornered as Yukimura got closer and closer, practically pinning him against the wall. Normally, this would be his shower sex fantasies come to life. But right now, Sanada was actually very frightened. Especially now that Yukimura's body was pressing his against the wall. He began praying to his ancestors.

Sanada whimpered pathetically when Yukimura began kissing his neck. The bluenette pulled back slightly and frowned.

"Genichirou, what's wrong? Normally you are even more eager than I am to do this. You haven't even attempted to touch me since I came out of the hospital. Did I do something wrong?" asked Yukimura.

"N-No. Just… please make it be a quick death. I would really appreciate it if you stole my senses first." said Sanada.


"That way my death won't be painful." explained Sanada.

"First of all, we've been over this before. I don't steal senses. Saying it like that makes me sound like a bad person. I simply take them away temporarily and give them back later. It's like borrowing." said Yukimura.

"Okay. Can you borrow my senses please?"

"And second of all, what nonsense are you sprouting now?" asked Yukimura.

"Nothing! I did nothing wrong! It's your door's fault for making me drop it!" said Sanada. It was getting hard to breath. He hoped he wouldn't panic and start hyperventilating again.

"You dropped something?" said Yukimura, confused.

Oh god, Yukimura did know. How did Yukimura find out? He was so screwed now. He better get on his knees and start begging for mercy.

"I didn't mean to! I accidentally dropped it and it was made of glass and why does glass break so easily? If it were up to me, I would never make anything out of glass. All glass objects should be made out of wood. Windows should be made out of wood too that way they wouldn't break each time Akaya shoots a tennis ball at a window!"

Yukimura had a vision of Yagyuu's glasses made out of wood. What the hell was Sanada talking about? Had Niou drugged him again?

"Genichirou. Slow down. Start from the beginning." said Yukimura slowly as to calm Sanada's hyper state. "What exactly happened?"

"I-I killed your precious figurine." Sanada managed to choke out. "I killed it. I shattered it's ass by dropping it. Then I beheaded it. Then I somehow managed to glue its head in its crotch and now it's ugly and disfigured and keeps me from sleeping at night."

Yukimura blinked. He pushed the second part of what Sanada had said and focused on the broken part. "You broke one of my figurines? Which one?"

"T-The one of a girl wearing a kimono. Your great-grandmother had given it to you." said Sanada sadly.

Yukimura felt sad to hear that. It had been very pretty and a good memento.

"I see. Well, accidents happen I suppose. It was made out of glass and I did just stuff it into a box carelessly without thinking about its safety. It's alright, I understand." said Yukimura.

Sanada blinked rapidly at Yukimura as if he had trouble seeing what was in front of him.

"Wait… so no painful death?" asked Sanada.

Yukimura laughed. "Of course not."

"No bloody tennis racket?"


"No beheading of my head and shoving it up my-"

"No!" said Yukimura. "Honestly, what kind of disturbing things have you been imagining? It was only an accident. Don't tell me that's what's been bothering you this whole time."

Sanada blinked back again and took too long to answer with an unconvincing no.

Yukimura chuckled, bringing his head forward and breathing in the musky scent of Sanada's skin. "Oh, Genichirou. You worry too much." murmured Yukimura against Sanada's throat. "Of course I forgive you. Really, you were acting like you had just committed a criminal offence. It's not like you stole money or raped someone or anything because that would really be unforgivable."

"…I guess. But I still feel bad." whispered Sanada. His arms went around Yukimura.

"Well…" Yukimura's tone took a mischievous turn. "Since you broke my figurine's behind… I suppose it's only fair that you offer something equal." Sanada's eyes widened when he felt Yukimura's hands touching his ass. "I think your behind would be an equal exchange, don't you think?"

Sanada blushed. Yukimura giggled.

Sanada then took a deep breath and nodded, agreeing to let Yukimura be the seme for the first time.

Author's Rant:


I was listening to kpop the entire time I wrote this. Kpop does weird things to my brain.

This oneshot is dedicated to my glass piggy bank. Whose butt shattered when I dropped it. ;-; RIP Piggy bank

/oh god I miss writing alpha pair/