Chapter 1: Bad News, Lampy!

One day, Lampwick was with his mom and brothers and sisters at the dentist. He was sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting room, pouting. Just then, he felt something hit him on the head. Something liquid.

"Yuck!" Lampwick exclaimed as he wiped the stuff off the side of his head. He smelled what had been on him: baby formula! "Alright, who's the wise guy who—" Lampwick then saw his little brother, Gilberto, laughing at him, holding baby Eufemia's bottle in his hands. Gilberto squirted Lampwick again, this time along with Loreta and Domenico. He gritted his teeth and made a fist. "Gilberto…you little…"

"Ew!" Loreta said. "Gilberto, that's gross!" The toddler just laughed.

"Gross," said Domenico.

"Ma, Gilberto squirted baby milk on me!" said Lampwick.

Stefania looked over to her kids, then saw Gilberto laughing and playing with Eufemia's bottle. "No, Gilberto, no. That's Eufie's bottle." She took the bottle from the child and gave it back to a now hungry and crying Eufemia.

"Ma, why do I have to see the stupid dentist?" Lampwick asked his mom.

"Because, Romeo, dental hygiene is serious," Stefania replied. "If you go to the dentist, then he'll find something if there's a problem."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said Lampwick. "Stupid dentist. Bet Pinocchio doesn't have to come here."

Just then, Pinocchio came out of the dentist's office, along with Geppetto and Jiminy. The boy looked happy.

"That's great, my little Pinocchio," said Geppetto. "No cavities at all."

"Yeah, Pinoch!" said Jiminy. "Another perfect record."

Pinocchio noticed Lampwick being poked and prodded by the twins, Vincente and Rina. "Hey, Lampy!" He waved to his friend.

"Pinokey? You, too?" Lampwick asked.

"Yeah," said Pinocchio. "Guess what? I've got perfect teeth."

"Hey, what happened to those dumbass glasses?" Lampwick asked mockingly. He was then poked in the head by the twins. "Yow! Vincente, Rina, cut it the hell out."

Pinocchio looked irritated. "I have contacts now. And my glasses weren't dumb."

"Come on, Pinocchio," said Geppetto. "We have to go now."

"Okay, Father," said Pinocchio. "Bye, Lampy." He and his father walked out, Jiminy riding on Pinocchio's head.

"Romeo?" the dentist called. "Is Romeo here?"

"Yes, he's here," said Stefania. "Romeo, come on, hon."

"Fine," Lampwick mumbled. He stood up and followed the dentist into his office.


"Okay, Romeo, why don't you sit in the chair, and we'll get started?"

"Yeah, yeah," Lampwick said in a bored manner. His mother was right next to him, making sure he didn't do anything stupid. "Hey, it's Mr. Thirsty." Lampwick started playing with the mouth cleaner, putting it in his siblings' faces.

"Hey, cut it out, Lampy!" Rafaella complained. "Moooom!"

"Romeo, stop it," Stefania said firmly. She took Mr. Thirsty out of Lampwick's hands and put it back where it was. Lampwick pouted again. The dentist took a look at Lampwick's teeth for a bit, then wrote something on the chart.

The dentist looked over at Stefania. "Well, Mrs. Bruno, your son's gonna need braces."

"Oh my," said Stefania.

Lampwick stopped playing with Mr. Thirsty, then looked at the dentist. "What the hell? I'm not getting any damn braces!"

"Romeo Bruno!" Stefania scolded her son.

Lampwick literally shrunk in the chair. "Sorry, Ma."