Chapter 2: Two Days Before 'B-Day'

The next day, Lampwick went to school as usual, only he looked sad. The reason he looked sad was, obviously, the braces that were to be put in his mouth that Saturday.

Alice, Pinocchio, and Alexander came up to Lampwick, concerned about their friend and wanting to know what was up.

"Lampy, what's up?" Alexander asked.

"Yes, you look upset," said Alice.

"And you usually skip school," said Pinocchio.

"I'm only here 'cause the stupid truant officer, a.k.a. "King John", won't get off my butt about it," said Lampwick. "And as for why I look upset, the dentist said I have to have braces put in on Saturday afternoon. That's my whole afternoon! Plus, I'll look butt-ugly!"

Alexander leaned towards Alice and whispered to her. "Too late for that."

"What was that?" Lampwick asked.

"Uh, we said too bad," Alexander lied and grinned.

"Oh," said Lampwick. "Man! Stupid dentist and his stupid braces."

"C'mon, Lampy, I'm sure having braces won't be that bad," Pinocchio said. "My father had to wear a retainer for a while when he was a kid, and he turned out okay."

Lampwick imagined, for a second, Geppetto at Pinocchio's age with a retainer and started having a laughing fit. It took Alice, Alexander, and Pinocchio to haul him into the classroom once the bell rang. Unfortunately, Lampwick kept on laughing until he ended up having to stand out in the hall next to a girl named Melody.


"What'd you do?" Lampwick asked Melody.

"I put my pet crab, Sebastian, on the teacher's head," Melody explained. "Well…Sebastian gave him a haircut and pinched his finger." She held out Sebastian for Lampwick to see.

Lampwick chuckled. "This little guy doesn't look so tough." he started laughing again, until Sebastian grabbed his nose and wouldn't let go. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Now he was running back and forth, Melody running after him, warning him not to throw Sebastian. "GET 'IM OFF, GET 'IM OFF! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH, THE LIFE I LIVE!"

Finally, Melody managed to get Sebastian off Lampwick's poor, throbbing nose. "Why did you have to make fun of Sebastian, Lampy? He's a very sensitive crab, you know."

"Really? Because of the way he attacked me, I would've never guessed, Mel," said Lampwick.

"Don't call me Mel!" said Melody. "Mel Gibson ruined that name."


For the rest of the day, everything was a little better. At least Lampwick didn't get thrown out again for laughing in class, and he didn't get attacked by anymore crabs or other marine animals.

But, one thing still bothered Lampwick as the day ended: Saturday, the day he would get his braces. Also known as "B-Day".


"Hey, Pinokey, do ya think you can help me get out of getting braces?" Lampwick asked Pinocchio, in hopes that his friend would help.

"Sorry, I don't think I can," said Pinocchio. "I couldn't get out of getting glasses before Father got me my contacts, no matter how much I didn't want to wear them. I don't know how I can get you out of B-Day."

"Oh, man!" Lampwick whined. Then he went to Alexander.


"Alex, you've gotta help me!" Lampwick said desperately. "I can't get braces! They'll destroy my reputation!"

"What reputation?" Alexander asked. "And I'm sorry, but I can't help you. My mama wouldn't be happy if I got you out of an important appointment."

"Oh, figlio di una cagna!" Lampwick said. Then he went to Alice's house.


"Please, please, please, please, PLEASE!" Lampwick said to his other friend.

"Sorry, Lampy, but you have to get your braces," said Alice. "If you don't, your teeth will become all crooked and messed up. Just get your braces, Lampy. It's not that bad. My sister Margaret had braces, and it didn't ruin her life."

Lampwick cried in despair and trudged back home, where he awaited another day, which brought him closer to B-Day.


Author's Note: Figlio di una cagna!- Son of a bitch! (Italian)