Inspiration for this story came from an awesome song that I am obsessed with at the moment, and listening to the lyrics made me want to put thoughts to paper (more like ) and this is what I came up with.
I want to thank Carly Cullen for being my beta, and Kimbo Cymru for pre-reading this puppy.
Also to all my awesome FB friends...you know who you guys are, and I love you!
How long was I meant to stay in the 'friend zone'? Until he realised he was in love with me? Until he realised I was in love with him?
I couldn't make him love me, he said that he did in a 'best friend' kind of way, but I wanted more from him. To see him every day and to have him hold me and kiss my forehead was worse than any torture I could envision.
I had loved him since the moment I realised what love was, he was my friend for many years before that, but as my hormones changed, so did my feelings for him.
Unrequited love was a fucker, plain and simple.
I knew that heloved me in his own way, he would call me whenever he and his girlfriend had argued, or when he had a shitty day in work. He would call over with pizza and beer to cheer me up, he would hold me and let me cry on his shoulder when I missed my parents.
He was wonderful and amazing, but what I had from him wasn't enough, it would never be enough.
I wanted it all from him, I wanted Edward Cullen to love me.
Not in the 'best friend' kind of way, but in the 'I can't eat or sleep without you, I need you like I need air to breathe' kind of way.
That was not to be, so I made the hardest decision I had ever made and it was to walk away.
"Bella, seriously...I can't understand you sometimes!" Edward shouted at me, while I packed my bag.
I quickly wiped the falling tears before he could see them.
"What is there to understand Edward?" I sniped at him.
I could see him pacing back and fore in the corner of my eye, as I pretended that my heart wasn't breaking into tiny pieces.
"You're leaving...just like that! Without good reason...just leaving!" Edward said, waving his arms up and down in exasperation. If it wasn't for the fact that I was dying inside, I would have laughed at his arm gestures.
"I do have a good reason Edward, my Grandma is ill and she is the only family I have left...so I'm going to her." I told him for the umpteenth time.
I walked over to my dresser and grabbed the few remaining items that were left in there.
"There's nothing here for me anyway." I grumbled quietly to myself, but Edward with his super hearing, heard me.
"NOTHING HERE FOR YOU!" He shouted. "WHAT THE FUCK AM I THEN?"
We had been having this argument for the last few days, since I made my decision to leave Florida.
"You are Edward." I sighed. "My best friend...but I need more..." I trailed off.
"And you're going to find it in bumfuck Forks?" Edward shouted at me.
"I don't know that I won't!" I told him, I pivoted on my feet and faced him head on.
"I have no idea what's in Forks, I have no idea what I might find there Edward, but I know that what I need..." I trailed off.
"What Bella? What do you possibly need that you won't find here?" Edward asked, he took the two steps that would lead him directly to stand in front of me.
He slowly placed one of his hands on my shoulder and the other one went to my chin and he used his fingers to tilt my chin up so he could see my face.
I stared back into his forest green eyes and I could see hurt hiding there. I was hurting him with my leaving, but I knew that I had to go. This wasn't healthy for me and Edward was happy with her, so why would I stay and watch the man that I loved with all my being slowly drift away from me?
Things with Edward had changed since he started dating her, she hated me. Hated me beyond all reasoning. She was telling Edward how I loved him and that she could see that I was trying to take him away from her.
He would try and placate her as much as he could, while trying to keep our friendship going, but it was only a matter of time before we drifted apart and our friendship would cease to be, at least this way, it was on my terms.
So it shouldn't hurt as much...I said shouldn't, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't.
"Tell me why you're going Bella, the real reason and then I'll let you go...I'll even help you finish packing." Edward pleaded with me.
I could see his jaw tick with tension as he tried to get a read on my expression.
This might have been my last chance of telling Edward how I felt, maybe this time he would actually get what I was trying to tell him. Maybe he would actually hear me when I say the words.
I swallowed my fear and looked directly into his eyes and told him.
"I love you Edward." I said softly, trying to get the true meaning out along with the words.
Edward cracked a smile and pulled me close to his chest.
"I love you too Bella...now tell me why you're leaving." He asked me with a slight chuckle in his voice.
He didn't get it, he would never get it. I could feel anger and frustration begin to replace the sadness of my decision. All the pent up hurt of being second place in his heart dying to be released.
I pushed myself away from his chest and brought my hand up and slapped him across his cheek, hard.
"YOU JUST DON'T GET IT EDWARD!" I screamed at him.
His face conveyed nothing but shock, and he slowly raised his hand to cup his now red cheek.
"I LOVE YOU!" I screamed at him. "As in I fucking would run to the end of the earth for you, as in I want to marry you and have your babies...As in...I FUCKING LOVE YOU!"
Edward just stood still, his mouth opening and slowly with no sound coming out.
"You don't see it do you? The way my heart belongs to you, has always belonged to you. You just look at me and see Bella, your best friend, whereas I look at you and compare every man I have ever met to you, and they always come up short."
I took a step away from Edward, and closed the zip on my bag. The rest of my things were already in my truck and the majority of my stuff was already on its way to Forks.
I turned my back to him and took a deep breath.
"Say something Edward, I'm leaving, so now is the time to say something." I pleaded with him, looking at the floor.
I never quite understood the phrase 'The silence was deafening' up until that point, then I knew exactly what they meant.
"I wanted your heart to belong to me like mine belongs to you Edward, but I can't go on anymore...the way you look over me, girl after girl...It kills me inside to see you with them, to hear you having sex with them in my spare fucking room...I can't do it anymore." I felt my shoulders sag at my declaration.
"Bella... I heard Edward say softly.
My heart fluttered in my chest at hearing Edward's soft voice call my name.
I turned around to face him and his arms were at his side, fists clenched and a torn look on his face.
"I do love you Bella, you're my best friend..."
As soon as 'best friend' left his lips, I put my hand up to stop him.
"I get it Edward, I do...Take care of yourself." I said with a cracked voice.
I gave him one last sad smile and walked out of the bedroom and ran as fast as my small legs would carry me to the front door and out to my truck.
I threw my bag onto the passenger seat and barrelled out of my parking space without a backwards glance.
I could hear Edward's voice shouting at me as I made my way onto the main road, and I quickly wiped the tears that were falling and blurring my vision as I high tailed my way to the high way and as far away from Edward Cullen as I could get.
I could hear my cell phone ringing from my handbag and chose to ignore it, knowing it was going to be Edward.
I took a deep breath and shuddered with pain and the sobs tried to leave my chest, I struggled to breathe and opened the windows of the truck and screamed.
Screamed all my pain and anguish away, screamed all the hurt and loss I was feeling, screamed at the memory of the look of devastation in Edward's eyes when he actually heard my true feeling for him.
The drive would take me a few days, but the way I was feeling it was probably for the best. If my Grandma saw the state on me right now, she would grab her trusty shotgun and be aiming it at Edward's nut sack right now.
I drove for hours and when I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, I found the nearest motel and made my way inside.
The room was basic and generic as motels go, it had a slight damp smell, but I didn't care. I just wanted somewhere to rest my head and try and forget about the shit storm I had left behind with Edward.
I decided to have quick shower, and as I grabbed my toiletries from my hand bag I could hear my phone beeping.
I swallowed my trepidation and grabbed the stupid bit of technology that was making my stomach do summersaults.
There were seventeen missed calls and twelve answer phone massages, all from Edward. There were also over twenty text messages, some from Edward and some from his sister and my best friend, Rosalie.
I decided to read her messages and ignore Edward's, Rosalie knew about my feelings for Edward, she knew how much I loved and adored him.
Bella, I swear to all that is holy that if you don't call my brother back that I will do something I won't regret. He is crying, full on crying here...he said you told him. Ring me Bella, please, I need to know you're ok xx
There was another text from Rosalie that came through ten minutes ago.
Edward is drunk, as in he can't see for shit. Keeps going on about how he's lost his best friend and that you love him and he never saw it. He is a mess Bella, I have never seen him like this, it's like you died or something...please call him. He needs to speak to you, I'm worried about the state of him Bella, I have never seen him like this, Dad is talking about giving him something to knock him out...he's screaming and breaking things. Please Bella xx
Hearing the mess Edward was in made me crumple onto the floor, my chest wracked with sobs and I could feel myself getting sick. I just made it to the toilet before I threw up, the thought of what I had done to Edward was exactly what he had put me through for the last ten years, but the difference was, he didn't know what he was doing to me, I knew what he was going through right now.
With a shaking hand I texted Rosalie back.
I never wanted to hurt him Rose, he asked for the truth and I told him.
I couldn't face writing more than that to her, I thought that she would understand where I was coming from, she had been telling me for years to spill my guts to Edward about my feelings for him, but he was her brother and blood is thicker than water, so I understood her taking his side over mine in this.
He's not hurt Bella, he's fucking broken right now! Call me back or consider this friendship over. You've hurt him more than I've known to be possible...you say you love him, well then fucking ring him RIGHT NOW!
Right then was when I knew that my friendship with Rosalie Cullen was over.
There was no way I was going to call Edward back, as far as I was concerned everything that there was to be said, had been said.
If I was to ring back and hear his voice, it would make my resolve falter, and we would both end up suffering more, me for knowing that as much as Edward loves me, it wasn't enough, and for Edward losing a friend, because in all reality after him learning of my true feelings for him, there was no saving our friendship.
He would always be wondering if I was pining over him, and I would always be wondering if he was only friends with me out of pity.
It would be easier on us both if I made the break for us, I would no doubt become the villain, but at this point I was all for self preservation.
Edward didn't deserve to be hurting from my departure, but I couldn't see it ending any other way for us.
The kind of love that I wanted and needed from Edward wasn't there, and as far as I knew, it never would be.
I grabbed the television remote and turned it to some random channel, and the song that was playing made me collapse in tears onto the bed.
My chest heaved and my heart shuddered as tears upon tears fell down my face, wetting the pillow case.
'Cuz I can't make you love me, if you don't
You can't make your heart feel, something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power
But you won't
No, you won't
'Cuz I can't make you love me, if you don't...
So, what are your thoughts on this? Want to slap Bella? Or Edward? Or Both?
Please leave me a review, would love to know what you guys think of this little ditty.
Just incase you didn't get the song at the end, it is the Bon Iver version of 'I can't make you love me', it was this song that gave me inspiration to write this. Look them up on youtube, you won't regret it.
I know that this chapter isn't very long, but I do plan on updating quite often.
Thank you again to my ladies, and see you guys soon x