Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or anything related to it.
The Doctor twirled a pen around in his thin fingers, trying to think of anything he could put on the piece of paper in front of him. Anything that he could write to River Song, or rather, anything he could muster the courage to write. But... what could he put in words that would justify his actions? Anything at all that would portray how he truly felt about her. He could only think it, words wouldn't come to his mind- though plenty of flashbacks did. Like when they first met, the way she had sacrificed her life for him and he had felt his heart break when he realized what she had done. Little did he realize how many times more his heart would break again whenever he thought of that. But he was at least a little bit relieved that he had saved her. He could only hope he could save her forever, so she could be with him forever. And the way they were constantly flirting, the time he had sort of proposed to her- he shook his head slowly, fondly. She was one of the few people to render him completely and utterly speechless on one occasion, let alone the countless times she had. She had made him stutter and look like a complete idiot as he had tried to take back his confused words of proposal, but she had stopped him, simply just agreeing. At the time he had felt moronic, but now he was grateful. Grateful because it meant... it meant he had a chance with her. Maybe... And when she had kissed him for the first time, his heart had skipped a beat, but still, he had just left her, alone. Nearly as bad as what he had done this time. He remembered speaking to his doppleganger when they were alone...
"So, you're me?" he had mused, intrigued. His doppleganger had nodded; like looking in a mirror.
"I believe so," he replied, smugly. The Doctor frowned- hmm, well maybe not exactly like him- he didn't sound that smug, did he?
"Interesting. You wouldn't mind telling me a bit about myself, would you?" He shrugged.
"I suppose not."
"Just to see if our memories are exactly the same."
"What do you want me to talk about?" He smiled a coy grin.
"Everything," he had said with flourish. The doppleganger then went on to recount everything that the Doctor had done, when he had first stolen the Tardis, his old family, all of his old companions, all of his adventures, his suspicions, his innermost thoughts.
"I think Amelia is still scared, and I'm worried about her-"
"Anything else? We should probably get going sooner rather than later..." The doppleganger considered this for a moment.
"Well, there is one more thing, something new that I have only felt recently." The Doctor grinned, enticed by this development- was he experiencing things that he himself hadn't known about? He couldn't think of anything too recent that'd be mentionable...
"What is it?" he demanded.
"I'm- well, I suppose we're- in love with River Song." The original Doctor felt his heart skip a beat for a moment.
"What?" He shrugged.
"We're in love... different than other love. This is... real love."
"What? No!" he insisted, his cheeks flushing red.
"Yes-" The Doctor's hand ran to his cheek which he scratched awkwardy- with regret, he remembered that was what he had done when River had kissed him the first time.
"No, you're wrong, that can't be!" The doppleganger leaned it.
"But," he had insisted, "I'm right."
Thinking back on it, the Doctor didn't know why he had even bothered denying it, it was true afterall. Now he wasn't sure if she would ever forgive him. He had left her. He had found out that she was Melody and after saving her, he had just... left. He had freaked out, scared. Not so much about her being Melody, but about how this was going to catch up with him. He knew he'd never be able to have a true romance, so he never had bothered, but now he was scared. He had done what he had never meant to do, and now there would be repurcussions. He remembered her exact words.
"We all have a past, sweetie, you of all people should understand... but I'm still here for you despite everything. Think about it," she had finished before leaving. So once again he was stuck with the impossible task of apologizing- how could he explain how he had overreacted, how he had felt? He played with the pen, scribbling out useless drabbles that he never thought he'd ever think let alone say. He had to write something though- she had sacrificed her remaining lives for him. And he had lied to make her, lied that it couldn't be fixed. True, he did love her, but he had still lied. The way he had overreacted, yelled... all because of her. He knew he would die now in April, but he found it hard to care without River there. He glanced at what his wandering mind had written. River, people do crazy things when they're in love, and I'm insane. I'm afraid I'll lose you, I don't want my heart to get broken again. I love you. He read over the useless lovesick words, chuckling to himself. God, these were insane- he ripped the paper off of the pad, tossing the crumpled sheet over his shoulder. Then he heard a voice he recognized all too well.
"Ah, what is this sweetie?" He turned around, shocked to see River Song's face.
"How did you get-"
"Time Lord, remember?" Then he noticed the paper in her hand, and immediately stretched out to snatch it from her. She held it just out of his reach.
"Not so fast, love," she purred before reading the letter. The Doctor stared at her mouth agape, monitoring her expression, humilated. God, what had he just ruined? But much to his shock, she smiled.
"Took you long enough," she muttered, leaning in and kissing him. He was shocked. "To admit it again, to my face." She frowned, unhappy with her phrasing. "Or at least, when I was aware it was to my face..."
"But, but what if this- we, get ruined? Time lapses, and-" She put her index finger over his lips.
"Shh," she whispered soothingly. "Darling, everything will be fine. Trust me-" she winked. "I'm the Doctor." He grinned back.
'You're not the Doctor, you're a doctor," he teased. "Not even a good doctor, an archeologist," he said, nose crinkling in mock disgust when he said archeologist.
"I'm Mrs. The Doctor," she mused. His jaw fell open.
"Wha-?" he began in shock. They... they got married? River Song grinned coyly.
"Opps, did I say that? Pardon me- spoilers." He grinned, realizing he wouldn't get the answer today... but someday, someday he would. "Besides, I lied too." The Doctor blinked, stunned.
"Yes, well, I told you I wasn't a wedding person," she said, smiling wryly, fiddling with her dress. "Well, I don't hate all weddings. I liked mine just fine." She noticed a glimmer of curiousity in his eyes; smiling, she merely winked. "Spoilers, sweetie." He just sighed and smiled.
"Spoliers," he agreed.