Disclaimer: Yep. I own it. I am, in fact Nicola Walker. Bet you didn't see that one coming! What? Oh, fine. I lied. I'm not Nicola Walker. And I most definitely don't own spooks. There, said it :(

Hey everyone :) I'm back from holidays, so there may be a large amount of stories from me... watch out!
This Fic is a side piece to my other fic, Without Ruth. It basically gives Ruth's side to the story, as it happens. So you should probably read the other one first, although you might be able to get away with it, it just might not make as much sense. This story however, only goes halfway…

Without Harry

I mean, what else can I do? I can't say anything more! It's not like I don't want to tell him I love him, but the team are all stood here, and all I can manage is "Harry". Lame, Ruth; real lame.

I've totally lost it now he's gone. Poor Tariq, I don't mean to make him uncomfortable-but I just can't hold in my tears anymore. And apparently, once you start crying, you can't stop. Well, I can't anyway. I haven't cried this much since Jo's death, and at least then I was able to control myself. This is like nothing I have ever experienced before; my heart breaking completely. My world crumbling down around me. A part of me dying with him. No. The whole of me, who I am, who I have become, who I can be-dying with him.

I have been crying for what seems like years, but I just can't anymore. I know Beth thinks this is an improvement, but it isn't. I want nothing to do with the cruel world that took him from me. Even if it kills me too.

I should probably make an effort to sort myself out, but I can't live without him! I had to do that once before and that was heart breaking enough. I know I can't-he's all I ever think about. I should have said yes. Should have been brave and selfish, like Lucas said. At least then he would have died knowing just how much I love him. I can't believe I didn't tell him. Tariq keeps telling me that he's back, and that he's alive, but they just want me to get up and sort myself out. I know that I've hurt them all, and I'm sorry that I have. I would never intentionally hurt them, they all mean so much to me. I know they just want to help.

I keep hearing his voice- but it's all in my head for sure. He can't be here. He can't be. This is just my mind playing tricks. Harry is not stood in front of me. I'm ill, I know it. But he looks so real, and that's his voice-really and truly this time. I have to be sure, I have to touch him.

He's alive. He's there and he's alive. I don't need to know anything else, my heart is whole again, my world strong. And I am whole again. I have a reason to live once more, because I know I can't live without him. I love him.

There you go :) I know that it's short, which some of you may not like…but that's what I came up with! I hope it was alright for everyone; please review and let me know! I need encouragement, or my life will be full of one-shots ;)

(and, if you are wondering where this stops in Without Ruth…I was aiming for when she faints ;) )

Thanks everyone :D xmxsx