This is a continuation of "The One With Regrets", chapter four of "I Dreamed A Dream" by anxioussquirrel, a simply beautiful collection of Klaine drabbles. I thoroughly recommend you read it if you have't already. Obviously, doing so would help this to make more sense as well...
As such, all credit goes to anxioussquirrel for writing something so wonderful. I'm just borrowing the idea, with permission.
I also don't own Glee, strangely enough: I'm a British teenage girl and am therefore unlikely to be Ryan Murphy.
Blaine pulled up outside Kurt's apartment and climbed out of the car. It was still so early, only 7:30am, and the only sound was the chirping of birds in the park opposite. There were no cars, no people. It was almost eerie, the silence. Like a foreboding. You're not welcome here, it screamed; but Blaine wasn't going anywhere. Kurt needed him, and that was enough.
Kurt pulled the door open with a bang before Blaine even had a chance to knock. His eyes were red and puffy, and tear tracks still glittered on his cheeks, pulling the skin stiff and taut. Without thinking about what he was doing, Blaine pulled Kurt into a tight hug, holding him close as Kurt broke down again, sobbing quietly into his shoulder.
Somehow, Blaine managed to get them both inside and up the stairs to Kurt's apartment without letting go of the taller boy even once. They half-fell onto the couch in the front room and just sat there, Blaine holding Kurt until his sobs began to subside, turning into hiccoughs that racked his slim frame. Even then, Blaine still didn't let go, somehow knowing instinctively that Kurt still needed the comfort that human contact could bring.
It was Kurt who eventually pulled away, and Blaine tried to ignore the slight stab of pain he felt at the loss of contact. Even after all these years, Kurt could still cause him pain and pleasure in the same breath.
"I-I'm sorry," Kurt said shakily, standing up. "It wasn't fair of me to make you come all the way over here."
Blaine smiled slightly. "Hey, I volunteered, remember?" Kurt nodded, but still looked worried, concerned. "Look, I'm your friend," Blaine said, taking Kurt's hand and squeezing it, the brief contact the most he would allow himself. "If you can't count on me then who can you count on?"
Kurt nodded again, smiling a little and drawing in a shaky breath. Then he bit his lip and his face crumpled, tears sparkling in his eyes again. Blaine was by his side in a second, ghosting a hand over Kurt's back as he comforted him.
"It's just, I thought I c-could count on h-h-him, you know? He promised...he p-promised he'd always be here."
"It's OK, it's OK," Blaine said, repeating it over and over, like a promise. It would be all right, it had to be.
After a while, Kurt calmed down again, disentangling himself from Blaine's arms. He shook visibly, but insisted that he was fine.
"OK, if you're sure," Blaine said, relenting at last. He knew it would be pointless to argue with him: Kurt had always been stubborn. "At least go and lay down, try to get some sleep. You must be exhausted." Kurt barely managed to nod. "Go. Sleep. It's the weekend, you don't even have to worry about school."
Kurt just said, "Mmm-hmmm" and walked slowly out of the room into the hall. Blaine heard his bedroom door click shut and exhaled deeply. This hurt, far more than he'd expected it too. He didn't know if he could stand to see Kurt in this much pain...
But he had to. He wasn't going to be the one to let Kurt down for the second time in twenty-four hours. That would just hurt them both even more, and he didn't want to hurt Kurt or keep on hurting himself. But maybe he would have to sit through the pain one more time. They needed to talk, he knew that. He had to say something or he never would, and he'd never know if they even had a chance. No more regrets.
Blaine didn't sleep at all, though he'd been up since three; and he knew Kurt didn't either. He could understand that - sometimes, he didn't want to go to sleep, for fear of what (who) he would see.
As he heard Kurt stir across the hall, Blaine stood up and crossed to the tiny kitchen, clutching Kurt's empty glass in his hand. He refilled it with milk and slid it into the microwave as Kurt stumbled into the room, hair mussed and looking shaky.
"Warm milk," he whispered, a small, sad smile playing around the corner of his mouth.
"Yep. It's delicious, didn't you know?" It was a cheap shot, not said with any enthusiasm, but it worked: Kurt laughed. Only a dry, raspy sound, almost silent, but a laugh none the less. It gave Blaine hope.
"Thank you," Kurt murmured as Blaine pulled the glass out of the microwave and handed it to him.
"You're welcome." Blaine cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. "Kurt...what happened? I mean, you can t-tell me if you want..." he added hastily, catching sight of Kurt's expression.
"No, don't worry. I'm going to have to talk about it sometime, right?" Kurt said, waving away Blaine's hesitance. "It was...the stupidest thing that started it. He got mad at me for leaving my clothes all over the place. You know what I'm like." Blaine smiled a little, remembering their time at Dalton. "We fight about it all the time, but this time it was like a...a dam had burst, or something, and all these things just came p-pouring out." Kurt's voice caught at the end of the sentence, and he took a deep breath before continuing.
"I didn't even know he was thinking all of these things, how he hates it when I sing in the morning and he doesn't understand why I still stay in contact with you and Nick." Blaine frowned, eyebrows knitted tight together. "You know, he thought I was cheating on him? With my Literature professor, of all people!"
Blaine felt a surge of hatred he couldn't control. He didn't remember ever feeling quite that angry. "Is he...is he gay?"
Kurt nodded. "Mmm-hmm. He's been great, really supportive...of both of us. He...he kinda reminds me of you, when I first met you."
Blaine was silent for a second, not sure what to say. Eventually, he just asked, "So...he just left?"
Kurt's eyes filled with tears, but he held them back. "Yep. He just...walked out. I don't even know why he agreed to...to us, if that's how he felt."
Blaine hadn't ever heard Kurt sound that bitter. "He doesn't deserve you," he muttered under his breath.
"Nothing," Blaine said quickly, eyes widening.
"Blaine, I heard what you said," Kurt said, and for a moment Blaine caught a glimpse of the old Kurt, the one who was famous for his wide range of ice queen glares and snarky put-downs. "What do you mean, he 'doesn't deserve' me?"
Blaine sighed. "Look...I need to tell you something. This isn't really the time, or the place, but I might not ever get another chance. It'll be something else to think about, at least."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm...not really sure," Blaine said, wrinkling his nose a little. "Um...let's go and sit down and I'll try to explain. Don't forget your milk." Kurt gave him another little half smile and picked up the glass again before following him into the living room again. Even now, trying to work out how he could possibly tell Kurt how he felt, Blaine still noticed that Kurt walked slowly, deliberately, as if every step was uncertain - like he was going to fall over any minute. Blaine turned back to him and looped an arm around him waist to support him.
"I'm not an invalid, Blaine, I'm fine."
"No, you're not," was all Blaine said. Kurt didn't bother to argue (Blaine could be just as stubborn as he could when he wanted), and allowed Blaine to lead him back into the living room, where they sat down on the couch. Kurt waited for Blaine to start to speak, but he didn't say anything for a long moment. Kurt just waited, knowing he'd get there in his own time; and glad - if only slightly - for the chance to think about something else for a while.
Blaine ran his hands through his hair, frustrated and oddly glad that he'd given up the gel he'd been so fond of in high school. He'd never have been able to do that three years ago. He took a breath and opened his mouth.
"Kurt...I love you," he said, deciding that it was better to just say it.
Kurt didn't say anything, and Blaine wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, so he just carried on, not letting himself think about the words that were spilling from his mouth.
"I'm not sure when I fell in love with you, but I know I realised it when you sang Blackbird, remember, when Pavi died? I don't know what it was, but it just hit me like freight train or something. I was going to tell you, but then...I saw you w-with-" Blaine's voice broke and he stopped, trying to collect himself before continuing.
"With Nick," Kurt said softly, looking hard at Blaine, the expression in his eyes unreadable.
"With Nick," Blaine repeated. "And...I just couldn't. You were so happy, and I couldn't take that away from you. But I never gave up," he concluded, breathing quickly in short gasps, suddenly nervous. What if Kurt hated him for saying this? It was stupid: he'd just broken up with his boyfriend and then you turn up and tell him that you love him? Way to go, Anderson.
Kurt gently placed his hand over Blaine's. "Calm down, please? You're scaring me."
"God, I'm sorry, I should be comforting you, not scaring you even more..."
"I just want you to be OK. So calm down, and I'll be fine."
Blaine took several deep gulps of air, getting his breathing back under control. "OK, I'm all right. Now stop worrying? You shouldn't be panicking about me."
Kurt ignored him, composing himself to speak. "I..." He broke off and glanced at the floor. Blaine began to ask if he was all right, but Kurt interrupted him with a wave of his hand. "I need to say this, OK? I...love you, too."
Blaine couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as Kurt continued. "I always have done, but I gave up, around the same time you realised you loved me." He gave a brief, mirthless chuckle. "And Nick was so sweet, and kind and...I loved him too. Just not in quite the same way. And then Dan just swept me off my feet...but it was never the same, not really."
Blaine swept the hair off of his face with one hand and looked at Kurt, who was still staring at the floor. Blaine hesitated a little, but reached out a hand and tilted Kurt's chin so that he looked up at him. He heard Kurt gasp and shivered a little. No more regrets.
"We've kind of been idiots, haven't we?" Kurt nodded. "I'm so sorry."
Kurt looked a little confused. "Why?"
"Because you've just broken up with your long-term boyfriend and then I turn up, telling you that I love you. That should be something happy, and now's really not a happy time."
"Why can't it be?" Kurt asked quietly, before leaning forward and pressing his lips against Blaine's.
There were no fireworks, no explosions. Nothing special; just two people who had waited, their patience finally rewarded. And maybe, Blaine thought, as he felt the tears slowly slip down Kurt's cheeks, mingling with his own, not everything had to be divided into happy and sad. Maybe a moment could be both at once, just like this.
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it and that you'll let me know what you thought.
Goodness, I sound so formal in these author's notes...Anyways, credit and thanks, once again, to anxioussquirrel, for letting me write this :)