Concluding Author's Note

You guuuuuuyyyys. Thank you all—so much. Destructive Desire is finally over. FINALLY. I got the idea back in, like, May of 2011, didn't publish it until four months later, and finally completed it over a year after that. I never thought I could do it, but I did. Now here is my concluding author's note, which includes some of my motives, a few letters of acknowledgment, a full list of songs (!), and more, I think.

To be honest, the only things I regret while writing this fanfic were not choosing a better title (because NOW I realize that the title is ridiculous), not writing Jacob and Bella's first time having sex (because NOW I realize that I probably could have done it well and it could have really came together [haha, "came," get it?]), and taking so long to finish the story (because NOW I realize that this could have ended like half a year ago).

And I admit it. This has to be the most unpopular Bella/Edward completed fic on the planet. At least it was fun, though. A lot of readers came and went, and applause to them, but these next few letters are for the people that have been here since the very beginning:

For Dream Of Rose Petals,

You are incredible. INCREDIBLE. If it weren't for you helping me come up with an opening line for the story, imagine where this would be now! Haha, it would be nowhere but my imagination, and maybe a document that gets deleted over and over. But it's here. It's finished. All thanks to you, for not only helping me in my many times of need, but staying here the entire journey and giving me the feedback that a suffering writer like me needs. You've made me both a better reader and a better writer, since you are a perfect example of both. Scarlet, you're crazy-amazing, and so inspiring. I think I've said this before, but you are still my utter writing heart and soul. You are. I will never, ever distrust or unlove you.

For LavendaBrunette,

Okay, taco harlot bitch. I love you. It's safe to say that I fear your opinion the most, I think, because I know if I mess up the stuff I write specifically for you, it won't be able to die down. THAT SAID, thank you. Thank you so much. You've been keeping up with this crazy shitfest that some like to call a fanfic since the dawn of time, and I owe you. I owe you a lot. I'll write one-shots for you if I have to. Edward/Eleazar smut until you puke. I promise. And that's only half of what I owe you, Kel.

For Jaz08,

Okay, girl. THANK YOU. Thank you SO MUCH. You've been reviewing and reading chapter after chapter after chapter. That's crazy! How could any sane person keep up!? Haha, thank you, thank you. Everything you've said means a lot.

For Darkward Darling,

I have loved everything you have ever said in a review. Everything. You're fearless, and you tell me when Bella's annoying and Edward's this or that. Honesty is the only thing I could ever ask for, and you gave that. Thank you so fucking much.

For those that have started the story and ended up stopping somewhere between chapters twelve and seventeen,

Thanks for trying. If this story was stupid enough to drive you away, then sorry. But thanks for trying.

So, I thought I'd talk about the early elements of this story. One, because I can. Two, because I realized that the stuff from the early versions of this story was… weird. And three, this fanfic took forever, so I feel the need to have special features. Call me Veronica Roth.

Some things that didn't make the final cut (aka the version):

-A preface at the beginning, foreshadowing Bella's death

-Bella ending up in the hospital in the beginning of her and Edward's relationship

-Edward recording him and Bella having sex, leaking it, and then leaving

-Some Edward stuff while he was gone

-More Cullen stuff

-Bella and Edward's child being named Aria

-More present Bella and Jessica action

-Bella discovering Leah and Jacob dating via her finding Leah at Jake's house in a bathrobe

-Jake and Bella smut

So, yes, the original version was a bit grittier, but way more rushed. Would you have rather read the original version?

Okay, on OCs. Everyone hates original characters. I know. But seriously, I was not going to risk using existing characters and digging myself into a hole. OCs exist in this story simply so Bella and Edward have friends and some more early history. In canon, they didn't have many friends, separately. I wanted to change that. Bella's Phoenix history required her to have friends, haha. That's where the OCs come in, though they're not THAT original. Bella had two main friends (introduced in Blur, the prequel to Destructive Desire), childhood friends Kelly and Carlie, who are named after and somewhat based on two people named Kelly and Carlie, whom I actually know. Then, as Bella fell into her pot addiction (since, ya know, this wouldn't be a story of mine without drugs), she eventually lost her friendships with Kelly and Carlie, but had formed a new friendship with Lucy. They met through Benjamin, one of Bella's love interests in Blur, and of course, pot. How their friendship grew wasn't explained, but it started as just them being stupid, getting high, partying, and eventually getting into a lot of trouble. However, their friendship did grow, which was why Lucy was really the only one of Bella's friends in Destructive Desire to understand why Bella was crazy, but also still accept her. Lucy had been there.

Aside from Bella's friends, there was also Benjamin's OC sister, Scarlet. I don't know, I just wanted ONE kid in her Phoenix days to not be an only child, and I love the Scarlet that I based the character from.

Edward's friends were an interesting batch. Because Kelly (the real Kelly, not Bella's friend) got me into that damn Showtime series Dexter, it had to have a sense of belonging in this story. Edward's friends, though they weren't really his friends, were named after a few serial killers from Dexter, because I think I'm funny. Art (short for Arthur, aka the Trinity Killer), Travis (aka the Doomsday Killer), Lila (aka the psycho that played with fire and was obsessed with Dexter), Miguel, Lumen, Bryan (changed from Brian aka the Ice Truck Killer [squee!]), and others were Edward's former partners in crime.

Using the names of people I know is just easier, ok.

You're probably wondering now, why did Edward do all of this? Why did Bella do all of this? How is Vanessa going to live now? Who destroyed the memorial? Who stole the bodies, and why were they taken in the first place? Where in the actual fuck is Jacob and how does he feel about this? Did Eleazar ever find tacos in an Italian restaurant? In the last few chapters, I really did raise even MORE questions, and if you're into this story, you probably want answers to these questions from me.

Well, here's an answer:

Who the hell knows?

These characters' endings and motives are left as open books. I wanted it to stay that way. Nobody should really be left that repaired. This isn't a happy story. This isn't your little sister's frilly, fluffy Twilight fanfic. I don't have the patience for fairy tale crap. That is how the cookie crumbles. So, go ahead, have fun. Figure things out for yourself. But if you really are wondering what happened, PM me and I'll tell you what I think. I'll answer anything—one hundred percent honestly. In a lot of the PMs I was sending, I was being really cryptic like, "You'll seeeee" or "I'm wondering that, too!" I am sorry. I'm an asshole. Anyway, if you don't want to ask me, then think about what you think.

There won't be a sequel to this in the near future (as if you guys want one, anyway), but another prequel's coming up, just focusing on Rosalie and the Denali coven characters. It'll be called Primadonnaland. Throwback Edward might make an appearance or two. If you're wondering why Bella's so messed up in Destructive Desire to begin with, read Blur, the completed prequel to Destructive Desire. Feel the Phoenix heat or something.

And almost last but not least, the complete list of songs that inspire this story. I don't even know, man:

Chapter 1: "Halo" by Beyonce

Chapter 2: "New Kid in School" by The Donnas

Chapter 3: "Stop Trying" by Sia

Chapter Four: "Love is Wicked" by Brick & Lace

Chapter Five: "Speechless"; "Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)"; "Poker Face"; and "Brown Eyes"…all by Lady Gaga

Chapter Six: "Broken-Hearted Girl" by Beyonce

Chapter Seven: "Criminal" by Britney Spears

Chapter Eight: "Criminal" by Britney Spears; "Pearl" by Katy Perry; "Off to the Races" by Lana Del Rey; and "Put the Radio On" by Lana Del Rey

Chapter Nine: "Monster" by Lady Gaga; "Toxic" by Britney Spears; "Off to the Races" by Lana Del Rey; "Blue Jeans" by Lana Del Rey; and "National Anthem" by Lana Del Rey

Chapter Ten: "Born To Lose" by Sleigh Bells

Chapter Eleven: "Sadness is a Blessing" and "Hanging High"…both by Lykke Li

Chapter Twelve: "Find Your Love" by Drake; and "Leavin'" by Jesse McCartney

Chapter Thirteen: "Lucky Ones" and "Born To Die"…both by Lana Del Rey

Chapter Fourteen: "Why Should I Be Sad" by Britney Spears; "My Prerogative" by Britney Spears; "Off to the Races" by Lana Del Rey; and "Hundred Dollar Bill" by Lana Del Rey

Chapter Fifteen: "Gimme More" and "Break the Ice"…both by Britney Spears

Chapter Sixteen: "You Know I'm No Good" by Amy Winehouse

Chapter Seventeen: "Heavy Metal Lover" by Lady Gaga

Chapter Eighteen: "Kids" by Sleigh Bells; "We Found Love" by Rihanna; and "Catch Me" by Demi Lovato

Chapter Nineteen: "Highway Unicorn (Road to Love)" by Lady Gaga; and "Road to Hell" by Sleigh Bells

Chapter Twenty: "Salt Skin" by Ellie Goulding; and "You Lost Me" by Sleigh Bells

Chapter Twenty-One (was originally three chapters but was eventually merged into one): "Dangerous Girl", "Jump", "Body Electric", and "Million Dollar Man"…all by Lana Del Rey; "Toxic" by Britney Spears; and "Treats" by Sleigh Bells

Chapter Twenty-Two: "Girl with One Eye" by Florence and the Machine; and "Bloody Mary" by Lady Gaga

Chapter Twenty-Three: "Question Existing" by Rihanna

Chapter Twenty-Four: "Too Close" by Alex Clare

Chapter Twenty-Five: "Scheiße" by Lady Gaga; "Be Calm" and "Carry On"…both by Fun.

Chapter Twenty-Six: "Photographs" and "Fading"…both by Rihanna

Chapter Twenty-Seven: "Fix a Heart" and "Falling Over Me"…both by Demi Lovato

Chapter Twenty-Eight: "Rich Kids Blues" and "I'm Good, I'm Gone"…both by Lykke Li

Chapter Twenty-Nine: "Boys" and "If U Seek Amy"…both by Britney Spears; "Delicious", "Blue Jeans", and "Video Games"…all by Lana Del Rey; and "Under the Sheets" by Ellie Goulding

Chapter Thirty: "Gone" by 'NSync; and "Rehab" by Rihanna

Chapter Thirty-One: "Breathe Me" by Sia; "Serial Killer" by Lana Del Rey; and various other Lana Del Rey songs

Chapter Thirty-Two: "Love Out of Lust" by Lykke Li; "So Happy I Could Die" by Lady Gaga; "Off to the Races" by Lana Del Rey (AGAIN); and "Only You" and "Figure 8"…both by Ellie Goulding

Chapter Thirty-Three: "Maneater" by Nelly Furtado

Chapter Thirty-Four: "Take a Walk" and "Constant Conversations…both by Passion Pit; and "Smarty" by Lana Del Rey

Chapter Thirty-Five: "Russian Roulette" by Rihanna; and "Paradise" by none other than Lana Del Rey

I really like Lana Del Rey! Haha, my life was a starless night before she came into my life (haha, get it? Twilight references).

In fact, I do have a lot of Twilight references in this story. It's crazy. I wanted this to actually be somewhat like the story. It had the cafeteria as a main setting; Edward leaving after her birthday; Jacob's garage as another main setting; the wolfpack traits still going on; an Eclipse era; a beginning-of-Breaking-Dawn era; and more. I hope you caught that stuff. It was fun to have that tongue-in-cheek stuff going on. And the Twilight mentions. Laaaawwwd. "What the actual fuck is a Renesmee?" "What a nauseating name." "What the fuck is 'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse'?" I had a ball with those.

And this leaves us here, at the end of this author's note, but this story as well. I didn't think I could do it. I was about to quit this story back around chapter seven, but I didn't. You guys kept me motivated. Music, Twilight, and love kept me motivated as well. My penname isn't that ridiculous now. You made it. I made it. We made it. This story meant (and still does mean) a lot to me. Now it can wreak destructive, desirable havoc as a completed story.

With never-ending adoration,

Your one and only MusicTwilightLove. xoxo