The Insanity of Orihara Izaya

Disclaimer: I do wish I owned these stories. They're both so amazing that I might actually have fans!...Besides Lilly-chan…


I glanced at Itsuki as the other brunette had entered our shared hotel room shooting me a smile. "So?"

"I called the man and he said that he'd meet us at a place called Russia Sushi at midnight." Koizumi explained. "He said his name was Orihara Izaya-san and that he'd be wearing a black coat."

"And?" I pressed.

"That was about it. I told him that he'd be meeting with you and me and gave him our names and descriptions but that's about it. He did explain that the prices vary depending on the type of work and that it is usually always expensive."

"Do you really have enough on you for all this?" I asked him.

Koizumi just smiled at that making me roll my eyes at him. "Well what now?"

"I guess we just wait a bit, hopefully Suzumiya will be asleep when we leave so we don't have to worry about her coming knocking while we're gone." He replied taking a seat next to me on the bed. "I asked Nagato to send me a message when she's asleep."

Why do I get the feeling that Suzumiya knocking on our door in the middle of the night was actually plausible. "Maybe one of us should stay here."

"Well, you did say it yourself. These info brokers aren't necessarily the good guys. It might be a smarter idea for us to go together. Besides, Nagato will probably warn us if something happens."

"Yea whatever." I agreed. "Are you even sure this plan will work. This guy might not know anything about this."

Koizumi just smiled at me again and I decided to let it drop. After a moment he pulled out his phone and sighed. "She's asleep." He commented looking over at the clock. "And just in time too."

"Let's just get this over with…" I finished pulling on my jacket. I really hoped I wasn't the only one feeling like this was a bad idea. But then again as we walked to the designated meeting place I chanced a glance at Koizumi the smile missing from his face. Yea, he didn't think this was a very good idea either and his smile at me when he caught me looking did not reassure me.


"Found you~!" The voice rang out making me jump slightly not expecting it after the silence that Koizumi and I were sitting in at the booth. "You would be Itsuki-kun and Kyon-kun correct?"

"Yes, that would be us." Koizumi smiled. "And you are Orihara-san, yes?"

"Correct!" The man slid into the booth next to me. Now I felt even more uneasy I was trapped in the booth with an info-broker. I didn't see any good outcomes to this. "Sorry for being so late, I had business to take care of." That smile of his reminded me almost of Koizumi only ten times creepier.

"That's alright." Koizumi assured him.

"Now, what is it you'd like to know?" Orihara-san asked before adding. "And I'll tell you the price."

Koizumi smiled for a moment before opening his eyes to show a look of all business. "We would like to know where we would be able to meet the Headless Rider."

"Who?" Orihara-san asked a creepy smile on his face but a gleam in his eye that assured us he knew exactly what we were asking and was just playing around with us.

"Celty-san I believe is her name."

I didn't bother saying a thing during this conversation. It seemed like it was almost a battle of wits between an esper and an info-broker and I (being the normal teenage boy I was) did not feel the need to get involved.

"You already seem well informed. But I can't give you her address without any information on yourselves. After all I do consider Celty-san to be a good friend of mine." He smiled. "So let's have that be your price. You answer every question I ask you truthfully and I'll give you her address."

"We're only asking one question." Koizumi shot back. "To be fair the amount of questions you ask should be limited."

"An address is a big question. With just that you can do quite a lot of dangerous or…" He glanced at me for a second. "Not so dangerous things. If we're being fair. The amount of questions I ask should be as many as the possibilities of things you can do."

"You can ask each of us a question. That's a fair amount."

"Oh~!" An arm fell around my shoulder suddenly and I froze slightly looking stiffly at the information broker. "But do you agree to what your friend says, Kyon-chan?" I mentally flinched at the degrading name he'd addressed me by. The man's redish-brown eyes flashed towards Koizumi but it seemed his attention never really left what I was doing as he looked back at me at the slightest twitch of my finger. I felt even more uneasy at that. "Five questions directed at whomever I wish. I get to ask an extra question for every time you lie."

"Fine." I looked over at Koizumi in shock as he agreed. Did he really just agree to that? He caught sight of the glare on Koizumi's face and decided against voicing his questions. Especially while Orihara-san's arm was still wrapped around my shoulder in what seemed like a friendly way, but in fact was actually so much more dangerous then that.

"Alright then. Question number 1, Kyon-chan are you mute?" Orihara-san asked smiling innocently at me. He wasn't taking this seriously.

"No, I'm not." I mentally patted myself on the back for not sounding as scared as I actually was.

"Aha~ so that's what your voice sounds like!" Another smile. "Question number 2, Kyon-chan, what are the two of you doing in Ikebukuro?"

Why was he only asking me these questions? "Uh…a club field trip." I answered truthfully.

"Question 3, Itsuki-kun, why do you want to know about Celty?"

He studied Orihara-san for a minute and that smile reappeared on his face. "Our club is interesting in the supernatural or anything unusual. We'd just like to know if she's real or not."

"Question 4, are you single Kyon-chan?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked for once actually voicing the nagging question in my head.

He smiled at me. "Well I had to ask something. And that seemed like a fun question. So please, go ahead and answer it."

"Yea." I answered looking at my hands. I really wanted out of here.

"Good. Question 5, Itsuki-kun." He smiled at him that same innocent smile he used on me earlier. "Are you psychic?"

I stiffened slightly at the question. Why would he even ask something like that? And…how the hell was Koizumi supposed to answer this?

"No." He answered.

Orihara-san smiled. "Question 6-" What? How the hell had he known Koizumi was lying? Did I give him away or something? He looked like he was just stating a simple fact. "Where are you staying?"

"How would you know if I'd been lying?" Koizumi asked simply playing out his bluff.

"Well, you don't seem surprised about any of the questions I've asked. You glared about me about a millisecond before I put my arm around your friend here, and…you shifted slightly before answering my question. I'd suggest answering this last question truthfully, I get bored when people lie too much and sometimes decide to make my own fun with them." He smiled as if he said something good naturedly, but the click of the switch-blade and the feel of cold metal on my arm suggested otherwise. His voice lowered a considerable amount. "The vein there runs along the inside of your forearm. If I were to cut it open, you would bleed to death quickly."

And this is why I thought this was a bad idea.

"The hotel three blocks west." Koizumi stated stiffly. The moment Orihara-san's blade left my skin he seemed to relax.

The man grabbed a napkin and pulled out a pen from his pocket scribbling down an address. "This is where Celty lives. Consequently she also lives with a man named Shinra Kishitani. He's a doctor." He handed the napkin to Koizumi. "It was nice doing business with you." He smiled getting from the booth and walking away and out the door with his hands in his pocket a half-skip in his step as if he'd just had the friendliest chat. "Good night boys~!"


"Sorry." Koizumi offered as we were walking towards the address on the paper. "I didn't know he had a knife on him."

"You're an esper and you couldn't figure out that there was an armed psycho sitting next to me?" I replied.

He smiled at me but it wasn't as carefree as usual. This smile was more strained. "I don't know why, but I just couldn't read him. I couldn't sense anything about him. Almost as if everything he was doing, was just on the spot. Like he wasn't even thinking about it." He looked ahead as we walked for a bit.

"It's alright, nothing bad happened in the end." I replied feeling a little guilty about that strained smile. I failed to voice aloud my concerns about him knowing where we were staying but I figured Koizumi would have those same concerns already. "Let's just get this over with so that we can go home."

"Yea." He smiled at me again this time a little more like usual.


"Bored~!" Masaomi's voice filled the room as he flopped backwards into a laying position on the floor of his friend's apartment. "I wanna do something Mikado!"

"It's the middle of the night Masaomi, there's nothing we can do. Should I take it that you're spending the night since its past midnight and you haven't yet made a move to leave?"

The blonde tsked bolting upright and giving his raven haired friend a look that suggested an oncoming lecture. "Mikado, we're not in the middle of nowhere anymore. The city never sleeps, and neither do I!"

"You do too I've seen you."

"It was hypothetical buddy. And stop watching me sleep you pervert~!"

"Minus thirteen points."

"Why thirteen? Mikado!"

Mikado sighed looking at Masaomi seriously. "You shouldn't go out this late no matter what you say. Ikebukuro can be pretty dangerous. You said so yourself."
Masaomi smiled. "Ah, yes, but that was advice out of my own expertise! I'm a veteran citizen of Ikebukuro and I can most definitely make it home without running into any color gangs." He finished standing up. "Or are you worried I might meet the dollars?" He smiled. "Better yet maybe I'll accidentally make an enemy out of the Headless Rider?"

"Don't even joke about that."

"Chill dude! I'm totally safe! I assure you, I can't possibly get involved in something dangerous if I keep my nose out of trouble, and my nose is pretty small and cute. Probably one of my best features don't you think?"

"Minus twenty."

Masaomi feigned hurt and for a moment as he stood in the doorway but it disappeared as quickly as it came. "Later~!" He called as he hurried out the door before Mikado could object anymore. Yes, there was a very good reason as too why he was not staying the night with Mikado, but he wasn't about to start thinking about it. He'd done a very good job so far avoiding that thought process.

He stuck his hands in the pocket of his hoodie fighting off the chilly air. Fall had finally begun and in only a month or so it would be winter. He was actually looking forward to it. His first winter with Mikado in a long time and this time he had Anri-chan (cute as she was) to tag along. Maybe he'd ask Anri-chan for a date on Christmas Eve. He smiled. That would definitely get Mikado going. Really the idiot should just suck it up and ask her soon or someone else will.

"We're in a good mood, aren't we~ Masaomi-chan~?" Izaya's voice rung out as he linked his arm with the younger male's.

"Not anymore…" The blonde mumbled.

"I've got a little something to do right now? Feel like tagging along?" He asked smiling. "It'll be just like old times."

"No thanks. It's already really late and I need to be getting home."
"You weren't in this much of a hurry to get away from Mikado-kun." The raven pouted. "It'll only take a few minutes of your time."

It seemed just like an innocent invitation to hang out, but Masaomi knew better. He knew so much better. "Fine." He gave in and followed the older male much against his better judgment. This bastard always had a way of getting him into trouble. "Where are we going exactly?"

"A hotel." He answered beginning to hum a tune as he walked with the blonde following shortly behind looking quite unhappy to be here. Izaya figured he knew exactly why that would be.

"What kind of business do you have at a hotel?" He asked curiously speeding up a bit. Yes, he really wanted to leave, but he knew better then to be rude to a guy like Izaya. He could storm off if he wanted and be justified in doing so, but he knew that Izaya would just keep showing up in his life no matter how much he tried to run away from that part of his past. Just like the man had said himself.

"I have some interesting clients staying here. And I figured I should have some fun with them before I let them go home."

Masaomi ignored that flashing light in his head warning him to shut up at this point. "Izaya-san you shouldn't do things to people who don't deserve it." He tsked letting himself sound more relaxed then he felt.

Izaya laughed at that. "Ah! That's what I love about you Masaomi-chan~! You're so silly!"

The blonde glared a little at that but said nothing.

"Besides, games are just games. They don't ever physically hurt anyone unless the occasion calls for it-"

"I'm serious, Izaya-san." Masaomi interrupted giving the raven haired man a look. "Don't hurt these people."

A smile spread across his features as his arm slipped around the blonde's shoulders. "And tell me, what would you do to stop me? C'mon, you can help if you'd like?"

"No thanks." He removed himself from the raven's seemingly innocent embrace. "I've got saner things to do."

"Your loss~!" He called after Masaomi as the blonde walked away from him towards a direction that would eventually lead him home. His heart went out to those people that had gotten caught up in Izaya's web, but there was nothing he could do for them. He no longer had the ability to put up much of a fight when it came to the older male. To just give into him seemed a much safer course. But he wasn't going to get involved. Not this time.


Koizumi rang the bell to the apartment. "A pretty snazzy place for a headless person…" He commented quietly.

"Orihara-san did say that she lived with a doctor." I offered.

"That's true." He smiled. "I do wander what she's doing living with a doctor though. It sounds a little off."

"Are you okay?" I asked narrowing my eyes a little at him. That smile seemed a little more crooked then usual.

"Are you sure you're not an esper?" He smiled but his eyes were a little sad.

There was a buzzing noise that indicated the door being unlocked and we hurried inside the apartment building and up the stairs to find the specific apartment in which this "headless rider" lived.

"Hey, just a thought, but how exactly are we going to get them to reveal their secret?" I asked while Koizumi was looking for the correct address.

"Oh, I hadn't gotten that far in my plan…" He admitted smiling at me innocently. "We could tell them the truth at the risk of sounding completely insane?" He offered.

"That's assuming we haven't gone insane after spending so much time with Suzumiya-san." I replied with a sigh as we came to a stop in front of a door. This was it. Koizumi reached up and knocked on the door. And I held my breath hoping for the simplest outcome.

Please be normal.

Please be normal.

Please dear god! Be. Normal!


A/N: So I forgot to mention last chapter that this story takes place right after the big Dollars meeting. I'm also probably just going to kinda de-rail the original storyline to Durarara in the name of MiKida. Speaking of, I think Mikado is a closet seme, but Kida (according to legend) is so obviously seme, so they're both seme! XP But don't worry too much, because this is rated T and that kind of smut will not make an appearance in this story. Maybe in my mind, ah, but not here. Oh, and just in case you had any doubts, Kyon is so obviously uke. Koizumi-kun totally semes his ass! Also Izaya's starting out as a really good foil, ah? Obviously he and Koizumi do NOT get along. Later It'll probably turn into Shizaya.

Any complaints? Leave it in a review. I wanna hear them. No seriously.

Don't be hatin'

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-Mitsu Amarante