It's the Inside that Counts
I hate him. I really do.
He's so annoying! He's never heard of personal space, that stupid smile of his is so fake, and he's just…ugh!
I mean, sure, I like guys, I'll admit it. Girls have never been my forte. I've dated a few idiots in my time. Taniguchi being one of them (why oh why did I date him?).
But he was on a whole other level.
Why do I dislike him so much, you ask? Well, if everything I just mentioned above wasn't enough…
…I was hopelessly in love with him.
What? What the hell does that mean, you ask with a look on your face that says, 'This guy is nuts! You can't hate someone and be in love with him at the same time!' I know. I know…
I don't understand it, either. He's not my type at all. And he just urks me so much!
But…I'm in love with him. I'm in love with him? I'm in love with him…
Oh, wait a minute… Who is this person I'm talking about, you ask? You ask a lot of questions. I figured that if you chose to listen to me you would know who I was talking about. But if you don't…
Itsuki Koizumi. Yeah, that guy. Maybe you've seen him?
I'm so sick of this. I'm so sick of feeling this way. Why do I love him? I shouldn't…but I know that I do. When I see him, on the outside I just want to punch him. And I'm normally not a violent person.
But on the inside, my heart begins to race, and my chest gets tight, and my thoughts go crazy. I get all these images of us holding hands together, and laughing together, and I picture those beautiful lips of his and pressing my own onto them, and then we go to my house, and go to my room, and then…
…What? N-no, that's not right. I don't think that at all.
Shut up! Stop laughing!
…Sorry, I think I'm crazy. No, if I'm in love with him, I should be checked into a mental hospital. Why haven't I done that yet?
What? Did you just tell me to confess my feelings to him? Are you crazy?! Maybe you belong to the mental hospital! There is no way I'm telling him! He'll make fun of me!
…You don't think he would do that? You think I should be honest with myself? Honesty is never the best policy… Ever. I figured you would know that.
Why are you being so persistent? I'm not telling him how I feel. If I say anything to him, it will be about how much I hate him!
…I'm lying to myself? What? Look, I'm about to just get up and walk away from you. You're being ridiculous.
Hey! Get off of my arm! What are you doing? Where are we going? The clubroom? Oh, now I'm asking all of the questions…
Huh? Koizumi's in there? By himself? What? No way! I told you I am not going to tell him! Do you want me to hit him? Cause I will do it! No, stop!
"Oh. Hello, Kyon."
Why am I in here? That girl… Now she's standing outside waiting for me to say something! I told her I wasn't going to say anything!
"It looked like you just stumbled in the door. Are you all right?"
What a stupid question… "I-I'm fine…"
"That's good. I figured you would have went home already. Did you forget something?"
"N-no. Not really…" Dammit, why didn't I make something up? "Why are you still here?"
"…I'm not too sure…"
"What? That's kinda stupid."
"It is? I apologize."
"What are you apologizing for? And why are you smiling? You're always smiling all the time! I hate it!"
"Kyon, you don't…have to yell…"
"Yes I do! I hate everything about you! Why are you here? Why don't you go away?"
"Huh? Kyon, what's wrong? I've never seen you this…angry before…"
"You want to know why I'm so angry? Because…I'm so tired of looking at you! I shouldn't feel this way, but I do! I can't…I can't stop thinking about you! I just…I'm in love with you! And I can't stand it! Why does my heart beat so much when I see you? Why do I just want to hug you forever and never let go? Why…do I just want to…want to…" Don't walk near him.
Walk away! You already humiliated yourself by telling him how you feel! Stop walking toward him! …Why am I yelling at myself? No, stop walking! Stop!
"Kyon? What are you-?"
What am I? What am I what? Doing? Kissing you. Taking you by your tie and kissing you. Something I've always wanted to do. Ever since I met you.
I say I hate you. I want to hate you. Everything about you. It wasn't supposed to be this way.
But…here we are. I just confessed to you. How do you feel about this, Koizumi? Oh wait, I'm still kissing you. Here, I'll let go for a minute. I want to get back to this.
"…K-Kyon? That was so…unexpected…"
"…Koizumi. That's how I feel."
"But nothing you just said made any sense. It was quite contradictory, actually."
"Just ignore that! I may hate you on the outside, but on the inside, I love you! That's what counts!"
"…I am so confused. But, I think we time to figure this out."
"Well, I'm guessing you want this to go somewhere, right?"
"…I mean, the inside part of you does, right?"
"Hmm, okay then. Let's go out."
"Huh? Just like that?"
"Why not? You were quite forceful in your approach. You seem rather serious about it."
"But how do you feel?"
"Quite forceful. Does it matter how I feel? You'll still do the same things whether I like it or not, right?"
"…Dude, I'm not going to rape you…"
"I wasn't talking about rape…"
"…Oh. Well, then, yes. I will. I'll kiss you everyday. And you will like it."
"Of course I will. Because it's you, Kyon."
There's his stupid smile. But this time…it seems real. Like he means it.
Does he like me, too? I don't know. But he doesn't seem to mind. I don't want to hate him. I want to show him all of my love so that the outside of me loves him, too.
…Is that why I came here? No, I was talking to some girl about it and then she forced me in here. What was her name again? Maybe…Sakura?
I don't know; not relevant. I want this relationship with Koizumi to work. I can't believe that before I came in here, I never wanted to tell him how I felt. But I guess I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Do you want me to tell you 'I love you?'"
"…We don't have to get that cheesy."
"Do you want to kiss me again?"
"…Of course. Come here."
I love him. I really do.