Those Sleeping Revelations

Summary: Sometimes when he sleeps, Xander's mind puts the pieces together. And sometimes what he figures out feels like a nightmare. Humor oneshot.

Sometimes when Xander sleeps, his mind pieces together information he hadn't been able to work out while awake. It's something that has been happening to him since he was a kid: one minute he's sound asleep, the next, he's bolt upright in bed with a new revelation. For the most part, it's usually just remembering something he'd forgotten to do, like paying a bill or locking the front door.

But sometimes, like now, he figures out something he really didn't want to know.

He had been so innocent in sleep, and now, now he's awake and sitting up and sweating and thinking way too much.

This realization will haunt him, keep him awake, and it can't be true.

The thought churns his stomach; the memory plays in his mind and the word duh echoes as a fitting soundtrack.

Impulsively, he grabs some clothes from the floor by his bed and shoves them on. He won't be able to sleep til he's...well, actually, he may never be able to sleep again. But he needs to talk to Buffy. Now, in person, so she can't hide from it.

The drive is short, but the walk up to her front door feels long. There's lead in his shoes, he's sure of it.

A voice in his head whispers that he doesn't really want to know, but he must do this.

His fist rises and hits the door with a steady knock.

A light goes on upstairs. He waits, and Buffy answers after a long minute. She looks sleepy and innocent in her pajamas, and it makes what he has to say all the more distressing to him. "Xander?" she questions, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

He could ease the panic in her voice, but he doesn't bother. "Yes!" he answers emphatically, ready to confront her with his righteous anger.

And then he meets her eyes, loses his nerve, and deflates like a punctured balloon.

After a moment of awkward silence, Buffy's patience reaches its end. "Well, get on with it!"

The irritation in her voice reignites his own. The words burn his throat, and he feels as though they are ripped from him, but he manages to get them out without exploding. "You...you had sex with Spike!" he accuses in a strangled voice.

There's a long moment of silence.

And then Buffy blinks, looking slightly concerned for his sanity. "Well...yeah," she answers slowly. "But you've known that for awhile now. Isn't that sort of old news? I mean, older than Giles old?"

Xander snorts humorlessly. "I didn't mean in general, Buffy. I meant...you...you had sex with Spike while I was in the same room!"

"What are y-"

"Remember when you became invisible? Well, I do!" His ranting becomes feverish, and his eyes bulge slightly. "Spike was acting weird that day, when I went to look for you. And now I know why! It's because you were there the whole time! And he..he wasn't exercising, he was..." Xander cringes, as if the memory of that moment physically hurts him.

Buffy's blush is apparent even in the dim lighting. "It...it was still a long time ago," she tries to reassure him, but there's no hiding her embarrassment.

Xander is left suddenly speechless, as if he had expected a denial. After a long pause, he says, "You know, Buffy, this is one of those occasions where it would have been perfectly acceptable to lie and tell me I'm out of my mind."

"Well, you still might be," she reasons. "Why else would you confront me in the middle of the night about my past, uh, indiscretions?"

Xander crosses his arms over his chest, looking surly. "I didn't realize it til tonight. Much like a nightmare, the horrible realization woke me up!"

"Xander, we were two consenting adults and it's not like you really saw anything."

"I was in the room!"

Buffy sighs heavily. "Fine. I'm sorry you were there and I'm sorry you were apparently traumatized by it, even though it was forever ago and doesn't matter anymore. Happy now?"

"No."

"Xander, just go home and go back to bed."

"Why should I?" he asks, sounding like a stubborn child.

Buffy gives him a knowing smile. "Because the sooner you do, the sooner you'll be able to pretend this was all a dream."

Xander brightens as her words sink in. Then he grins. "Right-o! Great idea, Dream Buffy!" he says dramatically. "This never happened...yep, that's right. Goodnight, Dream Buffy!"

He turns and starts heading back to his car. She shakes her head, rolls her eyes and laughs slightly. "Goodnight, Dream Xander."

A/N: I really wanted Xander to figure that one out, even if he didn't want to. Reviews are loved!