Disclaimer: I own nothing. None of these characters, lyrics or anything publicly recognizable are owned by me. I'm just playing with them :)
A/N: Hey guys. New multi fic yay! I hope you guys like it although be warned this story is gonna be a little dark and is recommended for 18 plus readers only :D. Updating on this one may take some time (up to two-three weeks) between chapters because I've just gotten a new job recently and am working my butt off. But I'm gonna squeeze in as much writing time as I can.
Big thanks go to my most wonderful Beta goldengirl2707 (aka GG). Thank you so much for all your hard work and suggestions and banners for this story. You are a legend :D.
Hope you guys like it.
My Other Half
And in my mind was the fury of a madness
That consecrated the dirt
I stumbled through the enigma of its reason
And celebrated the hurt
And then I found in an act of desperation
A subtle rip in the heart
I was seduced by the taste of devastation
And then it tore me apart
Alarum – The Tea Party
The warm water lapped against my bare stomach as I made my way deeper into the ocean. I went slowly so I wouldn't fall face first into the water, because looking like a drowned rat was hardly a great way to start off my honeymoon. He didn't turn around as I approached, and the moonlight gleamed off his preternaturally white skin. It didn't sparkle like it would under the sun, but instead shimmered like the water surrounding us. He was beyond beautiful and, against all odds, he was mine. This wonderful God-like creature had chosen me, a fact still blew me away.
I finally reached Edward but couldn't quite bring myself to look at him yet. My stomach was being assaulted by nervous butterflies. Standing next to him in nothing but my birthday suit I was positive my face was redder than it had ever been before. He reached over to grasp my hand under water. The warm water took away some of the chill from his skin but it was still much cooler than my own. I turned my body to him and he finally tore his gaze from the ocean to look at me. Like always, I felt myself get lost in his eyes, the perfection of his features. He leant down and my heart hammered behind my ribs in anticipation. I had been waiting for this moment for what felt like forever.
His frozen lips touched mine gently, teasingly. I stepped closer to his frigid body, always wanting more from him. But Edward did not deepen the kiss and I desperately gripped at his hair, trying to force him give into me. I needed him, now. But, for the first time in my memory, I pulled away first. I needed more; I needed Edward to help me forget. I needed him to push the tingling at the back of my head out of my mind completely.
"Please, Edward, you promised me you would try," I whispered, looking up into his golden eyes. His face twisted into the same expression he always wore when I pushed him, a frustrated scowl, but even that could not distort his perfect features. I trailed my fingers down his frozen arm trying to show him it would be ok. Even though I was nervous about being intimate with Edward I was certain he would never intentionally hurt me.
He had promised me he would try if I held up my side of the deal and I had. I was enrolled at Dartmouth. He had bought me a car that was worth more than my father's house. I didn't even want to think about the after car. And that circus of a wedding I had gone through! Just thinking about the wedding made me grimace. It had only been two days ago, but it felt like a life time.
The whole thing had been a flamboyant, over-the-top mess. Everything from my dress to the delicately thin china plates we had eaten wedding cake from had screamed money. The knowledge that the Cullen's had spent a small fortune on something that had meant nothing to me made me cringe.
But the plates, my dress, and the absorbent costs weren't what I remembered the most from that day. And it wasn't walking down the stair case, clutching Charlie's arm. Nor was it when I finally set my eyes upon Edward, looking breathtakingly beautiful in his perfectly tailored suit.
No, what I remembered the clearest, the cause of the ever present rattle at the back of my mind, was a pair of blazing hot hands wrapping tight around my arms. Deep brown eyes that should have been full of laughter but instead were filled with fury. A face twisted with anger and grief and something else I couldn't put a name to. Words dripping with venom as my best friend promised to kill my less than an hour old husband.
My heart ached just to think his name. My best friend who was so much more than my friend was out there somewhere hurting. And there was no doubt in my mind that it was entirely my fault. So I needed this. I needed Edward to kiss me and draw me away from that dark corner of the Cullen's yard where my mind had been trapped for the last forty eight hours.
"Please, Edward," I begged, pressing my lips to his stony ones.
When his arms came around my waist holding me to his chest, I shivered with anticipation. It set off a throbbing inside me that made my knees go weak. But even still, the part of me that still belonged to him stirred. I thought I had cried her out that night I had clung to Edward, ruining his shirt. I tried to push her away, tried to lock her in the Jacob drawer, along with the small part of my heart that beat solely for my best friend. Even after the change, I was sure it would still some how stubbornly pound away in my chest.
"Bella, I love you," Edward's honeyed voice melted into my skin as he skimmed his nose across my neck, drinking in the smell of my blood. I wrapped my arms around him, wanting to be closer. Desperate to forget. Edward placed soft kisses along the delicate skin of my shoulder up to my jaw, his cool fingers pushing my long hair out of his way. I had wanted this for so long and now it was finally here. Edward had given in to me.
But still, it wasn't enough. I needed more.
"Touch me, Edward," I pleaded as I captured one of his hands, trying to force it from my waist to my chest. Edward stiffened and his arm became as immobile as a marble statue. I waited, half expecting him to sigh and pull away from me liked he always did. My stomach fluttered with nerves.
"Bella, please," Edward murmured in my ear, kissing my hair. I wished I could see his face, but I could not turn in his embrace.
My eyes traveled along his collarbone instead and all I could do was wait. Slowly, agonizingly, Edward's hands moved from my waist to my ribcage. His fingers flirted with the skin just below my breasts. I stayed perfectly still, trying to ignore the way my body was screaming at me to fling myself at him, to bury myself in his chest and cover it with kisses. But I was selfish and I needed more. The Jacob drawer was rattling much too loudly, demanding my attention. I kissed the dip in Edward's clavicle, tracing it with my tongue. For a single sweet moment, I got to taste his skin. But before I could savor it, strong hands pushed back, tightening on the skin around my ribs.
"We have to go slow, love," he cautioned gently. I pursed my lips against a frustrated sigh.
I knew it was selfish, but I needed Edward let go of his self control just this once. I couldn't close the drawer on my own; I needed his help. I leant forward and forced my mouth onto his, desperate for him to react to me. He was frozen for one long moment before finally his body relaxed against mine. He kissed me like he never had before and my body melted with the pleasure of fingers dug into my ribcage as he let the tip of my tongue trace along those marble lips for the very first time. He stiffened again, and I felt sure he would pull away, but against all hope he opened his mouth and let me in.
Edward tasted like heaven and nothing less. My head swam and my arms tightened around his neck. I had dreamed of kissing him this way for what felt like a lifetime. Yes, this is what I needed.
It was a few moments before I became aware of the pain.
Edward's grip on my ribs tightened, his lips finally moving against mine without restraint. I tried to ignore the way my skin protested against his strong hold, knowing if I said anything, he would never kiss me like this again. Edward pulled back slightly, his lips grazing my jaw, and I tried to become lost in it. But I couldn't hold back the small cry of pain when his hands molded forcefully to my body.
Edward became perfectly still, the way he always did when he was upset. I couldn't move either, cursing myself for ruining the moment. Gently, Edward released his hold and I had to bite my lip to keep in the sigh of relief. But I couldn't open my eyes. I knew what I would see. The Jacob drawer shook angrily. She pointed out that he would never hurt me like Edward had just done. And although I knew Edward hadn't done it on purpose, I knew that she was right.
"I'm sorry, Bella," Edward groaned and I could hear the pain in his voice. I found the courage to open my eyes and saw exactly what I expected; Edward looked tortured and his hands were barely touching me now. I fought back the urge to cry.
"It's okay, Edward, don't worry about it," I tried to soothe him, but I knew it was hopeless. Edward shook his head, his bronze hair shining in the light of the moon. He muttered something under his breath but I couldn't catch it. His head dropped, and he refused to look at me. I squeezed his shoulders with my hands but still he refrained from looking at me.
"Edward, it's okay," I tried again, but my stomach was already sinking because I was well aware that it was a lost cause; he had shut me out.
I blinked hard and fast; I would not cry. I would not make this harder for him. I wanted him to look at me but even when I placed a finger under his chin, he would not let me turn his head. I needed to see him. I needed him to dazzle me. I needed to forget or I would drive us both crazy. I had to forget or that other part of me, while small, would gain more ground.
"No, it's not okay, Bella. I hurt you." His voice was morose and it cut through me like a blade. Regret flooded me. I shouldn't have pushed him. I shouldn't have been so selfish.
"Not on purpose," I assured him fiercely, but it made no difference. Nothing I said or did ever make the slightest difference once Edward's mind was made up.
"It doesn't matter Bella," he whispered. The tears I had been fighting won, making hot tracks down my face. Edward leant forward and ever so gently his kissed the sensitive of my ribcage. It still ached, but I kept that to myself. Even though his lips were gentle against the offended skin it wasn't enough to silence her.
Edward straightened and wrapped his arms around me. He captured the tears on my cheeks with freezing lips and Jacob's Bella hated it. I felt his stony lips brush against my skin and I trembled, but not with desire. The water around us was warm and the air was hot, but his breath on my skin was still like ice.
And in that moment all of me yearned for them to burn.