This is how an angel cries.
Blame it on my own sick pride.
Blame it on my ADD baby.
Maybe I should cry for help.
Maybe I should kill myself.
Blame it on my ADD baby.
Sail – AWOLNATION
I had thought I had done the right thing by letting her go. My father and my pack had told me time and time again that she wasn't worth clinging to. I had hoped that coming to the decision to cut her completely out of my life would make my world just a little bit easier, that I'd be able to cope a little better.
But when did things ever go the way I planned?
I managed to keep the thoughts of her out of my mind. But the want for her was still there. I had destroyed her scent so I wouldn't drive myself mad. But I could still smell her on my skin. I had burned her face away in that fire. But I still saw it when I dreamed. I had tried to throw away every ounce of feeling for her. But one still remained.
I could never remember being so pissed off. I was constantly close to losing control every minute of every day. I was angry at the world for putting me in this fucked up situation. I was mad at her because I knew I meant absolutely nothing to her. And I was furious with myself because I let her own me like that.
The wolf inside me was closer to the surface now, always wanting to bite and tear and hurt. Going wolf was a much easier way to handle the hate. Sometimes it was the only way to deal with it or I would have destroyed everything within reach just for some kind of outlet.
I was desperate to forget her. If she had never moved back here, I could have been happy. I might have met a girl who actually cared about me. Hell, I might not of phased; the vampires only stayed around for her. I could have been normal. Instead, I was trapped. I wanted the girl I couldn't have and hated that I still wanted her.
I was sick of feeling like a prisoner. I would not be her collared dog anymore. I was my own person and I would not let her have sway over me. She had pulled me along for way too long and I had reached my limit.
But no matter how much I tried to erase her from my life, she was still there, haunting me. It didn't matter how hard I fought; she was stillthere. I still felt for her. And the fact that I could not make myself stop always pushed my rage over the edge. I knew it worried my family - both of them - but it was all worth it.
Because there was no way I was going to let her win.
I watched Rachel run her cleaning cloth over the tiny dining table for the seventh time in the past twenty minutes. She had been dashing back and forth from the kitchen to the front room like a mad woman. I fought back the urge to snatch the cloth away from her. It wasn't like Paul would notice the dust anyway.
I was still pissed that Paul had imprinted on my sister. Well, I was pissed all the time these days, but Paul imprinting on Rachel was the icing on the fucked up cake that was my life.
Now Rachel was humming happily as she scrubbed the already clean table and I couldn't hold back a scoff. Rachel used to hate cleaning.
"What is it now, Jake?" she snapped, throwing her cloth onto the tabletop with a slap.
Even with the angry scowl on her face, it made my heart ache to admit how much Rachel looked like Mom. They were so alike that sometimes it still hurt to look her in the face. I loved that my sister was home, but she was a painful reminder that I had lost someone who was important to me despite how hard I had fought for her.
And, of course, thinking of the similarities between my past and my current situation forced up that bubbling rage from deep inside my gut, but I pushed it down again. Rachel wasn't Mom.
Rachel wasn't her.
"Nothing," I sighed, looking away from her.
Rachel let out one of those girl sighs that means they don't believe you before returning to polishing the spotlessly clean table. I tried to ignore her but the constant squeaking of the cloth was setting my teeth on edge. Dad was pointedly ignoring both of us, surfing through TV channels at top speed. I fidgeted on the couch for a moment.
"It's just that you used to hate cleaning," I grumbled finally, picking at a loose thread. The squeaking stopped abruptly.
"Yeah, well, people grow up, Jacob," Rachel said in a dangerously low voice. "Perhaps you should think about doing the same."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked her through clenched teeth. I looked over at her and she had her hands on her hips exactly the way Mom used to when she was mad at me. That pushed tenuous hold I kept over my anger slipping over the edge. It made the wolf want to take charge. And the wolf wanted to hurt.
"It means you're acting like a whiny, moody, spoiled brat!" Rachel exploded.
"He wouldn't notice if the table was clean or not!" I yelled at her, deciding to ignore her last comment. This wasn't about me; it was about Paul. It was always about Paul.
"Don't you start on Paul again," Rachel seethed. "You don't understand him!"
"Oh, I understand him, alright. He's a horny, annoying, pain in my ass." I was suddenly towering over her and I didn't even remember moving off the couch. She still had that stupid cloth in her hand and her eyes were wide. Scared. The look on her face should have pulled me up. It would have if I were still the Jacob I used to be. But I wasn't, and it did not deter the wolf, either.
"Jake," my Dad said warningly. I shot him a look. He didn't like Paul being with Rachel either, but he always took Rachel's side on it. By sheer force of will, I reined the wolf in and managed to take a tiny step back from her. She leant back against the table and let out a shaky sigh.
Now that the wolf was gone, or at least suppressed, I felt ashamed for scaring my sister. It wasn't her fault that Paul had imprinted on her. I reached out and touched her arm. She jumped at the contact. I winced. As if I didn't feel like enough of an asshole already.
"He's not good enough for you," I told her softly. Her lips parted and she glanced up at me with an expression I was all to used to seeing; pity.
"Oh, Jake," she whispered. She opened her mouth to say something else, but the banging of the front door interrupted us.
"Who's not good enough for who?" Rachel leant around my elbow and her whole demeanor changed.
The way Rachel's face lit up when Paul looked at her was probably the worst thing. She seemed to be happy, but it was all fake. Fake instant love, fake devotion, fake everything. Stupid Spirits and their match-making schemes. Now I was going to be stuck with Paul as my brother-in-law for the rest of my life. A huge smile spread across her face; her eyes shone, her skin glowed.
I hated it.
"Paul!" she squealed, tossing her beloved cleaning cloth over her shoulder and crossing the room faster than I thought her capable of. Paul wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. Then her neck. Hands snuck down and grabbed at her ass. My hold on my anger was cracking as I saw those fingers dig into my sister's behind. The fucker didn't even stop when Dad cleared his throat, which is international father code for 'Get your hands off my daughter right now if you want to keep breathing'.
"Hello, gorgeous," Paul whispered when he finally pulled away.
As I watched my sister fawn all over the creep she now considered her boyfriend, I found myself wondering if Sam would kill me if I ripped one of his arms off. Arms probably wouldn't grow back, though. Maybe just a few fingers, then; he could live without those.
"Well, I'm out of here," Dad announced, chucking the remote on the abandoned couch.
"Don't you dare leave me with them," I whispered, reaching out for his chair. For an old man in a wheelchair, Dad was surprisingly agile. He maneuvered his chair just out of reach before coasting down the hallway.
"I don't want to hear anything, Rach!" He called over his shoulder. I cringed because I knew exactly what he was talking about. Waking up in the middle of the night to hear your sister's headboard banging against the wall is never a fun experience. It had also cemented my theory that the walls in this house were paper-thin. I had scrambled out of my bedroom window just to get away from them.
Thank God Sam had arranged for Paul and I to be on separate patrols so I didn't actually have to seeanything. Although the noises I was hearing now was enough to make me punch Paul square in the face. Or vomit; it was hard to decide.
I looked over at the two lovebirds to find them kissing with such intensity I'm surprised they weren't climbing down each other's throats. Ok, note to self: throw up first and then punch him.
"Hey, I'm still here!" I hollered at them. They broke apart and Rach buried her face in Paul's neck, giggling. She was actually giggling.
"Well, the exit is that way," Paul sneered, jerking his thumb toward the open door. I glared at him, but refrained from letting sarcastic Jake take the reins. I looked down at my sister, knowing she wasn't really there; she was Paul's Rachel now. She couldn't see me anymore. I bit my tongue against the string of curses rising up in my throat before pushing the screen door out of my way and ripping my shirt over my head.
I was so sick of this shit.
I had found another way to deal with some of the anger inside me. Quil's mom had gotten him a second hand Xbox for his birthday last year and nothing takes the edge off quite like blowing up aliens. Whenever going wolf wasn't enough, I had ended up in his basement with him and Embry, incinerating monsters for hours.
As a result, I had gotten very good at headshots.
"Dammit Jake, stop with the sniper rifle already," Embry complained through a mouthful of popcorn.
"Well, stop being such a girl and actually try attacking people," I told him smugly as my kill total flashed on the screen.
"Dude, I only have four extra lives left," Embry whined from the floor.
"Three now!" Quil crowed as he killed the newly regenerated Embry. Embry swore and threw his controller on the ground with a clatter.
"Hey, watch it!" Quil complained. "Those are expensive and Jacob already ruined two this month."
"What's got your panties in a knot?" Embry turned his head in my direction, a smirk sliding across his face.
"Some snotty kid online killed me like five times. It was annoying," I explained without taking my eyes off the screen.
"Your face is annoying," Embry retorted, his smirk turning dopey.
"Wow, you astound me with your rapier wit, Em," I snorted, aiming with my sniper rifle and taking out some random player.
"I don't need wit. Have you seen this body?" he replied, running his hands down his front. "All the ladies want a piece of Embry."
"Again, I'm that hot, I don't care."
"Jake, hit him for me. I'm too far away," Quil snapped, pounding furiously on the buttons of his controller. "Die, you bastard, die!"
"Hit or kick?"
"Whatever, man; just make him shut up," Quil muttered before jumping up from the couch. "Yes, take that!" he screamed at the TV. I nailed Embry in the ribs with my foot before he had a chance to get out of the way.
"Hey, ok, I'll stop! Jeez, jealous much?" Embry grumbled, moving well out of my reach. I chuckled, then looked up at the TV to see my game had ended.
Between picking on Embry and slaughtering more than half of the alien population of Halo, I was actually starting to feel pretty good. Plus, I had successfully managed to keep Bella out of my head for almost a whole day. That had to be some kind of record.
"I'm so freaking epic! Look at that kill score," Quil said softly, running his hands over the TV screen lovingly. "It's a thing of beauty."
"Not as good as mine," I reminded him snidely. I thanked my lucky stars for my werewolf speed as I dodged the Xbox controller Quil sent flying at my head.
"So, did you think of anyone to add to your list, Jake?" Em asked me, snatching up his own abandoned controller from the floor.
I ran my fingers through my hair and shrugged. Em and Quil had been making stupid lists of girls they wanted to do. Last week, it was girls from school. This week, it was celebrities.
"I dunno…maybe Jessica Alba?" I offered, not daring to look at either of them. This subject always made me touchy. There was only one girl I wanted and they knew that full well. I guess in their own way they were trying to help by keeping my mind off her and forcing me to think about other girls.
"Lame," Quil sighed, stealing my controller to set up the next game.
"What? Jessica Alba is hot!" I protested loudly. Ok, so I maybe I was uncomfortable talking about girls, but not to the point where I could let Jessica Alba's hotness go undefended. I even had a Sin City poster of her pinned up in my garage. Not that she could hold a candle to Bella, of course.
Before I could stop it, I could almost feel her soft dark hair and see those pink cheeks. Don'tthinkabouther! I snatched my controller back and stabbed at the buttons angrily trying to force the loading screen to hurry up.
"Yeah, but she's on everyone's list," Embry informed me. I mashed the buttons again and shrugged. I didn't want to think about girls anymore.
"Oh yeah, who's on yours?" Quil challenged, distracting Embry as the game finally loaded.
I threw grenades until the feeling of her cool skin disappeared. Don'tthinkabouther,she'snotworthit,don'tthinkabouther, I chanted in my mind over and over.
"Cameron Diaz," Embry said, his tone serious as he shoveled the last of the cold popcorn into his mouth. Ok, thatdistracted me from my kill score. It took him a moment to realize we were both staring at him.
"What?" he asked, completely confused by our reaction.
"Dude, her arms are more ripped than mine," Quil said with a laugh, not even noticing that his character had just been blown up.
"No, they're not!" Embry replied hotly.
"I didn't know you were into manly women. Someone better let Tami know," I teased him, a genuine grin forming on my face. I may have found a new outlet; picking on Embry was much more satisfying that blowing up aliens.
I choked back a laugh when I saw him blush.
"Yeah, next thing we know, you'll be slobbering over Leah's muscles," Quil snorted.
"Hey! Leah's hot and you know it," Embry said quietly, and I could swear I saw the tips of his ears turn pink.
"That's dangerous territory, Em," I warned him.
"Why, 'cause of Sam? Fuck it; Leah is, like, the hottest chick on the rez," he told me sharply.
"Nice to know you think so highly of me," a sarcastic voice interrupted us. Embry jumped up from the floor as Leah waltzed across the room and perched herself on the arm of the couch next to me. She wore her usual glare, but her eyes keep flicking over to Embry, watching him as he ran his hands up and down the front of his shirt. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought that he was trying to get the melted butter stains from the popcorn off his shirt.
"You guys were supposed to be on patrols half an hour ago. I had to do an extra run because you are all late," she said curtly, snatching my controller out of my hands.
"Hey, that's mine!" I reached out for it, but she was too quick. I groaned aloud as a laser gun destroyed my guy on screen. She dug her elbow into my side and I got up off the couch to get away from her.
"Not anymore. Sam said for you three to get your asses out there, or he's gonna drag you out by his teeth," she informed us happily.
"So you're just going to stay here and play my Xbox in my house?" Quil asked disbelievingly. Quil looked more peeved than I had seen him in a long time, but it seemed his temper was much closer to the surface lately. Killing aliens wasn't just my outlet; it was Quil's too. We had been unable to come up with a suitable lie for Claire parents so that Quil could see her without it being weird. As a result, he only got to see her once every two weeks when Emily offered to babysit. Not being about to see Claire had made Quil very edgy.
But he wasn't the one I was paying attention to. Embry's eyes were raking their way up Leah's bare legs and his hand kept running through his short hair. I knew him well enough to know that he only did that when he was nervous.
"Got a problem with that, Ateara?" Leah threatened, her eyes never leaving the character on screen. "Seriously, how do you make this guy run in a straight line?" She shook the controller at the TV.
"Just drop it, Quil," Embry hissed at him. He finally tore his eyes away from Leah long enough to seize the back of Quil's shirt and pull him toward the stairs.
"You break it and I'll kill you, Leah," Quil warned her menacingly on his way out. Leah didn't even look away from the screen.
"Come on," Embry all but pleaded, yanking hard on Quil's shirt.
"She's gonna break it," I heard Quil whine as they tramped up the steps. I looked from the empty stairs back to Leah, who had settled herself down in my spot and was making my guy run around the screen. I watched her take aim and fail epically. She was going to seriously destroy my kill score.
"Why aren't you leaving, Jake?" she asked without looking up at me.
"What's going on?" I demanded. Leah hit the pause button and arched her eyebrow at me. I hate when girls do that. It makes me feel like I'm going to be interrogated.
"With what?" she asked, much too innocently.
"With you and…" I trailed off and waved my hand toward the stairwell that Embry had just climbed. "And that?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," she replied bluntly before turning back to my game.
"Bullshit," I swore at her.
She just shrugged her shoulders. "I bullshit you not. Now, you better get going before Sam doescome and drag you out," she warned me. I watched her get me killed again before letting it go. I didn't really want to know if Leah had the hots of Embry. That mental image was just way too disturbing. Well, it would be ok if it made them happy, but the fact that the pack had to be in their heads all the time was going to make it beyond awkward.
"Click the right analog to aim, Leah," I told her before heading toward the stairs.
"Thanks, Jake," she said, and I knew she meant it for more than just the instructions.
"Whatever," I sighed.
As my feet stumbled reluctantly backward up the stairs, I found myself comforted by the fact that at least Leah and Embry would be able to choose to be together without the ever so helpful aid of imprinting. And neither would have to worry about a leech sucking the life out of the other.
Cool hands and soft pink lips on my skin. Her hair smelt of strawberries and her face was flushed. I forced myself to turn away from Leah and bolt up the narrow staircase before those thoughts became more dangerous.
Don't think about her, don't think about her.
I needed to run. Now.
EVERYBODY WAS KING FU FIGHTING!
I hope Kim makes mac and cheese for me. She makes the best mac and cheese.
Don't think about her, don't think about her…
I want to go home.
I have to hand in that stupid English essay by tomorrow and I haven't even started. Maybe Sam will let me off early…
(A young woman in a kitchen, laughing)
Stupid Leah, stealing my Xbox (A little girl collecting rocks on the beach) Hope Claire is ok, so small, so breakable.
THOSE CATS WERE FAST AS LIGHTENING!
Don't think about her, don't think about her…
Damn, I'm going to flunk, again.
I miss you.
I need Jacob to step up to the plate. I can't handle this shit anymore.
(Warm hands and an open mouthed kiss)
IN FACT IT WAS A LITTLE BIT FRIGHTENING!
I think I left my shorts under Kim's bed. I hope no one is at home when I'm finished patrolling.
(A scarred face and blood on the floor)
Don't think about her, don't think about her…
Mom's gonna kill me if I get anything less than a B.
(A little girl playing in the surf)
FOR THEY FOUGHT WITH EXPERT TIMING!
Don't think about her, don't think about her.
(Long legs draped over a couch)
Maybe I should just drop out. What's the point?
(Red brown hair and chocolate eyes) "I love you, Jake."
Don't think about her, don't think about her. For the love of God, don't think about her!
Will all of you just shut up! Sam's Alpha voice cut through the din. The random thoughts that constantly flowed through the pack mind halted immediately. The forced silence that was left behind was deafening. An Alpha order was the only thing that could make us all shut up. It was supposed to be a hunting technique so we could pay attention to tracking down a threat.
Mostly it was just really fucking annoying though.
Keep your mind on your task, guys. That red head is out here somewhere, Sam told us. I felt him lift the order but the erratic thoughts from before didn't stream back in. Sam was right; we had to be focused. The rest of the pack mirrored my thoughts.
I can't wait to rip into that leech.
(Teeth forcing an arm from its' socket)
Protect the tribe.
Won't let her get away this time.
I flew through the forest along one of the normal patrol lines. We had not picked up the red head's scent for more than a week. Some of the pack thought that she had finally left, but Sam wasn't so sure, and neither was I. The bitch was still out there somewhere. I just had to find her.
Killing the leech had nothing to do with Bella, besides the fact that the bloodsucker still wanted to kill her. It was an outlet. It was something to focus on so I didn't drive myself crazy. As screwed up as the whole werewolf thing was, I was one of the few that could protect my people, so I took it seriously.
And if I was using it to force the anger into something productive, so what? The rage made me take more risks to catch her, but I had a job to do and I was doing it. How I did it shouldn't be anyone's concern.
Yeah, just don't go getting reckless, Jacob. You need to focus, Sam interrupted my thoughts. He appeared on my left, running at full speed to keep up. He may be bigger than me, but I was quicker.
I can't focus if you are yelling at me. I snapped at his flank to get him to back off. It made the wolf edgy if we ran too close together. I forced my legs to move faster.
I mean it, Jake. Do not put yourself in unnecessary danger again. It wasn't quite an Alpha order, but it was close. I turned to the right and put on a burst of speed, as if physical distance could get me away from Sam. He didn't follow, but it didn't matter. He never left my head, always pulling strings, leaving me feeling more like some sort of fucked up marionette then I cared to admit.
More and more often these days, I felt like Sam was keeping me as trapped as Bella had. The Alpha order keeping me here was still in place. I knew Sam felt bad about it, but I also knew he thought he was doing the right thing.
You know I had to do it. (A boy on the beach pacing, screaming, tears on his face.) You were out of control. I had to step in.
The silence was back, but it wasn't forced this time. I could feel the pack keeping their thoughts tightly in check. They were keeping their noses down and concentrated hard on the muted thumping of their paws on wet earth. I was grateful they were at least pretending that I had some kind of privacy.
I hated thinking about that day on the beach. Sam was right; I had been out of control. I was all but crazed as I paced the sand furiously with that stiff cardboard invitation crushed in my palm. But still, he'd had no right to take away my freedom like that.
I felt Sam's irritation grow.
I don't want to take away your freedom, Jake.
Then let me go!
If I could just run, just get away even if it was only for a few days, maybe I could forget her. I was sure if I could forget her I would function better. I wanted out of this place! When I was stuck here on the rez, every place I went was full of memories of her.
I felt an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia as I forced my way through the trees as fast as I could go. I wanted out!
Jake, man, calm down, Seth's voice whispered.
Shut up, Seth! My sharp tone hit Seth hard, though he tried his best to cover it up. Sometimes I forgot he was still a little kid.
It wasn't Seth I was mad at though. It was Sam I was furious with. I knew it wasn't Sam's fault that Bella had picked that bloodsucking asshole over me. But it was his fault that I was stuck here. And it felt unbelievably good to shove some of my anger and frustration off on him.
Don't you take this out on Seth, Jacob. Sam's voice was so loud in my mind that for a moment I couldn't even feel the others. It did not improve my mood.
Why not? You still feeling guilty because you fucked his sister over?
Ok, so that was a low shot, but still. The pack mind cringed as a whole. It was an unspoken rule that Sam's relationship with Leah was a no go zone. Suddenly, I wasn't the only pissed off wolf.
Jacob Black, if you don't shut up right now, I'll – but I never found out what Sam would do to me. I caught the sickly sweet scent of the red head only seconds before I flew over it. And it was fresh, less than a minute old.
Follow it! Sam ordered and he didn't have to tell me twice. I had already changed direction and was bolting through the forest as fast as I could. My fight with Sam could wait. I felt the others invading my mind, using my eyes to see where I was. They were miles behind me, but that didn't matter. I was part of a pack, but this was my hunt.
The world flew by in a haze of green and every single fiber in my body screamed to find the intruder and to kill it. The leech's scent burned my nose, its' acid stuck in my throat. Howls rang through the air, calling for reinforcements. It only took me a few seconds to catch my first glimpse of bright red hair.
Get her, Jake.
Tear her to shreds.
(A huge bonfire with purple smoke. White fingers crawling through the flames)
Jake, you're getting close, Sam shot at me. I ignored him. Couldn't he see that the red head was still miles ahead? I couldn't take her down yet. I felt that distinctive shimmer through the collective pack mind as the last of the wolves phased.
Where is she?
Is it the leech?
What's going on, Sam?
The leech's legs were a blur as she ran, but I was catching up. She was right in my sight and less than two hundred yards away. I was so worked up, so angry that I knew I just had to get her this time. I didn't care what was going on in my life right now or where I was. My whole being had melted down to a single objective: track and kill.
Destroying this leech was no longer just something that I wanted; it had become something I needed. I had to end her. I longed to rip her apart. I yearned to watch her burn. The red head seemed to be panicking now, darting from left to right as if to shake me off. Instead, it made it all too easy to close the distance between us.
I knew Sam and the others were shouting at me, but I couldn't hear them anymore. I was so tantalizingly close now. I could see the look of fear in those blood red eyes when she glanced back at me. I snapped my jaws in anticipation. This was it; I was so close to the kill.
I barely even noticed when I flew across the treaty line.
The look of surprise on the bloodsuckers face told me she wasn't expecting me to void the treaty. And the screaming in the back of my mind meant that the pack hadn't expected it either. They had started slowing as they had approached the line, certain that she would escape again. There was no way I was giving up the chase now.
I felt Sam war with himself for a moment. I was waiting for him to slam an Alpha order in place and force me to turn back. But he didn't.
If any of you see a single Cullen, you turn back, he ordered before racing over the treaty line. Normally, this kind of permission from my overly rigid Alpha would have left me stunned, but I didn't have the luxury of time to worry about Sam. I had a leech to destroy.
The bloodsucker was definitely panicking now. She knew I would eventually catch her. Her plan had backfired. The others were still far behind me, but adrenaline flooded my veins as I snagged the back of her coat with my teeth.
The fabric tore loudly, but she didn't stop. That didn't matter; I had her now. Without warning, she stopped dead in the middle of the trail. I blew past her, not expecting her to come to a standstill so suddenly. I skidded to a halt before turning back, surprised to see that she still hadn't moved. She wasn't even looking at me; it seemed like she had given up. I let loose a low growl, trying to force her to face me. I wanted a fight, dammit, not a surrender. I felt the muscles in my legs tense as I prepared to pounce.
And then I heard her.
It was nothing more than a choked sob, but I could still recognize it as her. I glanced through the bushes to my left. Barely a few steps away, covered in mud and soaking wet from the rain, was Bella. MyBella. My obsessive thoughts of the hunt melted away in an instant.
Her jeans were dirty and her long, wet hair was plastered to her skin. Her face was screwed up and tears fell from her eyes, making tracks down her cheeks. Even though she was crying, and even though I had sworn not to care for her, she was still so beautiful. I could hear the steady thumping of her heart and smell her wonderfully clean human scent. I took a deep breath to savor it. She lifted her head and wiped her nose on the back of her hand.
"Jacob," she whispered my name and the last tiny fragment of control I had left vanished. My heart ached at the sight of her. I couldn't stop myself from stepping forward. Her head turned in my direction.
"Jacob?" she said, louder now, as if she knew I was there.
I only had to take a few steps and I could hold her again. I could touch her soft skin and taste those perfect lips. I wanted her so badly. I barely felt the nagging in the back of my mind as I stepped closer.
But I did notice the flash of white to my right.
The leech had moved forward too, and she was much closer to Bella than I was.
And she was smiling.
The whole reason for my being out here came rushing back with violent force. The chase, the kill. I could hear running from the opposite side of the clearing now and their rotting stench hit me like a ton of bricks. The Cullen's were on their way. The voices of the pack came rushing back to me, screaming so loudly it was making my head hurt.
Jacob, take her down!
Attack her, you idiot!
Why are you just standing there!
JACOB, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? Sam's voice was so powerful that it made me stagger for a moment. I shook my head as Victoria stepped even closer, preparing to go in for the kill.
"Finally," she said softly to herself, that sick smile still in place.
No, not my Bella.
My walls were down and my rage consumed me, set me on fire. I wasn't Jacob anymore; I was the wolf. I turned and lunged at Victoria with as much power as I could force from my body. My teeth sunk into her freezing cold shoulder and I clamped my jaws down hard. Victoria spun, flinging me off her as if I were a rag doll. I landed hard on the forest floor more than three hundred feet away. I spat out the chunk of stinking white flesh before scrambling to my feet.
Victoria had already started to run and I was glad for it. I wanted to chase her down. I wanted my fight. The bloodsucker would pay for wanting to hurt her. Even as she ran, I could see where my teeth had ripped into her. Her arm was almost completed severed from her body, and she held it to her chest as she moved. It slowed her down enough that I was able to quickly make back the ground I had lost.
Most of the pack had finally caught up with me and I caught glimpses of them between the trees. They streamed out behind me as I led the chase. I would take this bitch down. The leech led us back across the treaty line just as the rest of the pack caught up. She was on our turf now; there was no way she would escape.
I was still in front as we started climbing up hill. I vaulted over fallen logs, refusing to slow down. Iwouldgether. The bloodsucker took a sharp right and I didn't even think about stopping. I could smell the sea and hear the waves as we broke out from under the cover of the trees. The wind threw the icy rain down on us as I flew across the top of the cliffs near First Beach.
The bloodsucker was making a beeline toward the cliffs that we dived from in summer. As I raced after her, bits of the cliff edge crumbled under my weight. The rocks clattered down to the precipice below, reminding me that kids had fallen from here before. Their bodies had ended up so mangled that they could barley be identified. But I didn't let the drop intimidate me. I knew this area too well to be frightened of it and I had my werewolf skills on my side.
I threw myself toward her again; heedless of the edge just inches away. She darted to the left, my teeth only just scraping her rock hard torso. I let loose a roar of frustration.
And then she laughed at me. She actually laughed at me. My anger at everything seized me. Anger at Bella for leaving, at Edward for stealing her away and for Sam who held me captive. And most of all, for this thingin front of me, which had no right to exist and then had the gall to laugh at me.
The leech raced across the cliff top, the very same one that Bella had jumped from months ago. I tore after her, not caring about the drop below. She looked over her shoulder and sneered at me before throwing herself off the edge. I didn't even slow down as I approached the ledge.
Jacob, no! Sam ordered, but it was too late; my paws had already left the ground. My body still tried to obey him and turn back, my claws digging into the hard stone. I yelped in pain as my nails were ripped from my paws. It didn't matter anyway; I was already plummeting toward the ground. The world slowed to a crawl as gravity grabbed ahold of me and pulled me down toward the earth.
Victoria was falling with me, her bright hair whipping across her face in the wind. The fact that she was still laughing bewildered me. Didn't she realize that once we hit the water it was over for her?
"Gotcha," she hissed at me, her expression triumphant. I looked over her mangled shoulder and it all clicked into place. The leech had been faking. She wanted to seem weaker. She wanted me to follow her over the edge.
When Bella had jumped from this cliff all those months ago, I remembered being consumed with overwhelming fear and worry. This cliff was tricky. The Council did not allow tourists to jump from it anymore. You jump to the left, as Bella did, and you hit the ocean. You go to the right, like the leech and me, and you hit the beach. And not just any part of the beach. At the bottom of the cliff, lay a huge expanse of razor sharp rock.
No one had ever survived jumping from this side.
Time caught up to me again and the massive stone face was only seconds away. I was going to land right on top of them. Even with werewolf healing, I didn't think I was going to get out of this one. I could see the cracks in the boulders now; the sharp ruthless edges were in shocking clarity.
I knew with absolute certainty that I was going to die.
All I could think about was how irresponsible I was. People counted on me and I was going to let them down. Dad was completely dependent on me. Who would get him out of bed or made sure he ate right if I was not there? And Rachel needed me now more than ever. I had to protect her and make sure Paul treated her well. I was supposed to look after my family. I was supposed to keep them safe.
I had failed them.
I had planned to get out of here, go to college and get a good job. Get married and maybe have a couple of kids. But there was no future for me now. No chance to get over her, no chance to heal. No more hope to move on and find some semblance of happiness.
There was nothing left for me anymore.
The ground was flying toward me and I didn't even try to protect myself from the impact. What was the point? I was already dead. Maybe it was better this way. Maybe this was my only chance at freedom from the horror movie that was my life.
Maybe this was my way out.
And yet, somehow I could still hear her. She managed to drown out the crazed laughter from the leech until all I could hear was her voice and the rushing wind. She took away my fear and anger and for once gave me peace.
"Jacob," she whispered my name for a third time. Her voice sounded like heaven.
It sounded like home.
Love you Bells, I thought before closing my eyes.
And then I smashed into the rock face and my world went dark.
Game over, Jacob Black.
A/N: Dont kill me! *Hides behind laptop* Uh yeah...cliff diving is dangerous. Anyways, thank you to GG for the amazing beta work she had been doing for me. Seriously I'm surprised that my lack of awesome has not sent her running away screaming for mercy yet. Love you hun *smooches*.
So Chapter 5 is being constructed and will be up soon :D ((Wolf Hugs)). Oh and Merry Christmas to you all too :D Hope your holidays are wonderful!