Disclaimer: The Turtles aren't mine. The manual idea comes from ginnystar's Sherlock- and Watson manuals (on LiveJournal).

MICHELANGELO: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual


CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now the proud owner of a MICHELANGELO! In order to obtain optimum performance from your Ninja Turtle, please follow the procedures detailed in this manual. Please note that this document refers to the two following models of the MICHELANGELO unit:

2k3 MICHELANGELO (Fox TV, 2003)

CGI MICHELANGELO (Imagi Animation Studios, 2007)

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS:

Name: Hamato Michelangelo (i.e. Mike, Mikey)

Sex: Male

Manufacturer: Kevin Eastman & Peter Laird, Eastman & Laird Enterprises

Height: Variable (depending on model)

Weight: Variable (depending on model)

Length: 19,7 inches/0,5 metres (NOTE: This measurement is in reference to one of your MICHELANGELO's nunchakus.)

ACCESSORIES:

Your MICHELANGELO comes equipped with these items:

* Bandana (orange) (1)

* Belt (1)

* Elbow pads (2)

* Knee pads (2)

* Nunchakus (2)

* Skateboard (1)

* Comic book (17)

* "Cowabunga Carl" mask (1) (CGI model only)

* "Cowabunga Carl" fake nunchakus (2) (CGI model only)

INSTALLATION:

MICHELANGELO is by far the most open, trusting and people-oriented unit manufactured by Eastman & Laird Enterprises. To make a difference from most other units, your MICHELANGELO will immediately take contact and try to get to know you. Be friendly and glad, and encourage him to make himself at home in his new environment. WARNING: When a MICHELANGELO examines new surroundings, he's very through and will examine everything. A tip is to lock up any fragile and/or expensive objects.

STORAGE:

A MICHELANGELO is rather easy to please – provide him with a video game console, 10-15 different games and a bowl of popcorn. Though don't neglect his daily exercise – to keep in perfect ninja shape, this unit can't sit around on his behind all day. If engaging your MICHELANGELO into physical exercise proves to be too complicated for you, buy or hire a SPLINTER or a LEONARDO unit to assist you. (A RAPHAEL unit could prove to be helpful as well, but then the situation might get violent.)

While most often being very advantageous traits of character, MICHELANGELO's openness and trust might at times put him in quandary. When in public, do not let your MICHELANGELO walk out of oversight, since he easily gets into trouble.

OPERATING PROCEDURES:

Your MICHELANGELO is a spectacular multi-tasker and capable of taking on plenty of different household chores. (If he seems reluctant to do so, and more interested in spending some quality time with his comic books, don't let yourself get down-hearted – simply get a SPLINTER or LEONARDO unit to help you getting MICHELANGELO to get a move on.) Here are some examples of what tasks you can put on your MICHELANGELO's strong shoulders.

COOK

The other Turtle units are, sadly, rather incapable concerning the activity of providing sustenance, but you can't say the same about MICHELANGELO. Give him an apron and full access to the kitchen, and he will prepare dishes for you worthy of the Nobel Gala.

ORGANIZER OF CHILDREN'S PARTIES

Both 2k3 and CGI MICHELANGELOs have a natural talent for entertaining children, but the latter model does actually have certain soft- and hardware for the matter, the "Cowabunga Carl" program. Have him put on his "Cowabunga Carl" equipment (which will follow in the crate), let the children in, and lean back while you watch your MICHELANGELO handle the situation. WARNING: Your MICHELANGELO won't harm the children. As a matter of fact, he cares so much for their safety that he might, in extreme cases, forsake his own. Make sure to keep an eye on the party, every now and then, to ensure that your MICHELANGELO hasn't been damaged by the children.

COMIC BOOK TRIVIA QUIZ MASTER

When was the first issue of Batman™ released? In which issue of Spiderman™ did the hero first meet the Green Goblin? What's the name of Fantastic Four™'s Invisible Woman's great-great-grandmother's twin sister's fiancée's aunt's childhood sweetheart twice removed? MICHELANGELO knows the answers to all of these questions! Sign him up for a quiz on the subject and your previously empty wallet will be full of cash before you can say "it's ninja time".

SECURITY BLANKET

Unlike the other Turtle units (RAPHAELs in particular), MICHELANGELOs have nothing against physical contact – in fact, they enjoy it. Also, he is very empathic and really wants to help you when you have a bad day. Whenever you need someone to hold you, MICHELANGELO is the right person for the job!

SKATEBOARDING INSTRUCTOR

MICHELANGELOs are very talented in the art of skateboarding and will find pleasure in teaching you and all your friends as well. NOTE: Keep a first-aid box around. Your MICHELANGELO might become so enthusiastic he accidentally hurts himself. WARNING: When your MICHELANGELO boasts about his skills, take it with a grain of salt. Don't let him try to "demonstrate" things like "gliding on the railing at the top of the skyscraper" or "cross the railroad two seconds before the train runs past". The insurance doesn't cover the cost of any units destroyed in this way.

TROUBLESHOOTING/FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

Q: Not only is my MICHELANGELO black and white, he's also aggressive and seems to take delight in the thought of violence. I can't have visitors because he will threaten or even abuse them. The very point of my decision to get a MICHELANGELO unit was to have a friendly, outgoing buddy. This is not what I pictured!

A: It would seem that you have accidentally been provided with a so-called MIRAGE MICHELANGELO (Mirage Studios, 1984). Return it to Eastman & Laird Enterprises and you will receive the kind of MICHELANGELO unit you would prefer.

Q: The other day, my MICHELANGELO came home from his evening walk bringing a small kitten with him. He calls it "Klunk" and refuses to part from it. It makes me sneeze. How can I make my MICHELANGELO give up the kitten?

A: You can't. That is, not if you want to keep your MICHELANGELO in top mood. It is in a MICHELANGELO's nature to care for small, fluffy creatures, and taking the cat from him will make him unhappy, as well as lose some of the trust he has in you. Your best course of action would be to make an appointment with your doctor and ask to receive some nasal spray.

Q: I'm afraid my MICHELANGELO has gotten into bad company. On more than one occasion I've caught him stumbling home in the morning, wearing an old pair of boots and a homemade cape with the letters "TT" on it. He won't tell me what's going on, but I'm suspecting it's got something to do with hallucinogenic substances.

A: The most plausible explanation for your MICHELANGELO's behaviour is that he has come in contact with some kind of superhero that has switched him into "Turtle Titan" mode. This built-in program results in your MICHELANGELO creating his own "secret identity" and going out at night to fight crime. While it is highly likely that his circle of acquaintances has increased, you don't need to worry about his new friends being "bad company" – on the contrary, they are most probably exemplary individuals with plenty of public spirit. Should this really bother you, however, a SPLINTER unit will be of great assistance in switching your MICHELANGELO out of "Turtle Titan" mode.

Q: My MICHELANGELO won't stop breaking electronics and other items in my household.

A: Unfortunately, this is normal operating behaviour for a MICHELANGELO. If possible, engage a DONATELLO which is an exemplary unit for repairing all kinds of objects. NOTE: Do you own a RAPHAEL unit? If so, please make sure that it is the MICHELANGELO who's breaking your household items, since this is common behaviour amongst RAPHAELs as well.

Q: My MICHELANGELO enjoys monster movies, which is fine with me, but every time he's been up for a movie marathon it ends up with him crawling into mine and my partner's bed, seeking comfort. This means severe complications concerning our sex life. What can we do to make my MICHELANGELO stay out of our bedroom?

A: Despite being fearless ninjas, MICHELANGELOs are very sensitive when it comes to fictional monsters – even more than when the monsters are actually real. One solution to this problem is to record the movies and not let him watch them until the next day. Your MICHELANGELO won't find the movies so frightening during daytime. Another alternative is to sit with him when he is watching and make sure not to let him get too excited. Hold his hand if necessary.

Q: My MICHELANGELO keeps letting out girlish, high-pitched shrieks!

A: These special sound effects are very typical for a MICHELANGELO. The software is buried deep behind his shell and there is no way to turn this function off. Learn to deal with it.

We hope your MICHELANGELO will bring much joy to your household and make life easier for you!

© Eastman & Laird Enterprises


Please feel free to check out the other TMNT manuals at my profile! :)