Of course she is not my soulmate, I would have said. I don't even fancy her. Besides, why on earth would she fancy somebody like me? And what could I possibly offer her? At any rate, it would not even be the point, because back then I was pretty sure she was not my soulmate. She was not even a close friend. Just and acquaintance, a colleague.
And what if sometimes I had caught myself staring at her? She was always wrapped in bright colours, speaking her mind and absolutely unable to remain unnoticed… I bet I had not been the only one staring at her. Still, I remember I often tried not to stare at her, and that conscious effort on itself spoke volumes of what was really going on. Not that I was going to admit it, of course.
It was pointless, absurd even, and it would not take me anywhere to dwell on some crazy impulses sometimes my eyes had.
Because it was like nothing I had ever seen before.
James and Lily, those had been soulmates all right, even though everybody had failed to notice it at the beginning. I'm proud to say I must have been the first one seeing it, even before they had. I was friends with both of them after all. There had been that one day, while doing Prefect duty… Lily had said something about somebody. Who or what it had been, I couldn't remember. And then she had laughed. There had been all the mirth and the very same gleam of mischief in her eyes that I was used to see in James' eyes.
Less than two years later they had started dating and it had then been clear for everybody that they were indeed soulmates. How couldn't they be, sharing the same wicked sense of humour, the same gleam in their eyes and that infinite fierce optimism?
So my thought had been, what could I possibly have in common with her? Besides wanting some dark wizard to disappear and being part of a secret organisation there seemed to be nothing the two of us could relate to.
Of course there were less evident soulmates. When I first met Molly and Arthur I thought the only thing they had in common was a bunch of red-headed kids. They are so typically a couple they look like a walking cliché but you don't see that same complicity or hidden jokes you would expect for soulmates to share.
I've came to realise you don't see it because they are much cleverer. They do not want you to see.
It was very late at night and I was coming back to headquarters after a mission, tired and hungry, and for a moment I forgot there were many other people living at number twelve Grimmauld Place. Molly was sitting on Arthur's lap, both sharing a book in the sitting room. It was so strange to see an older woman cuddling like that on his husband shoulder, both giggling quietly, their eyes bright. It was then that I realised they were indeed soulmates.
I had not wanted to sneak on them, so that night I went back to sleep with a funny ache that had nothing to do with hunger. Their being together had been something so intimate, so strong I couldn't do anything but wish one day I would be that lucky. Of course, how could I've ever believed that was possible?
My situation, of course, was completely different. I had no foundations with anybody to build up something like that, I didn't even have the possibility of building said foundations. And of course, I had no chance of a future either.
Ron and Hermione, they too are soulmates. Too bad they do not realise it yet, but I am confident it will come to them eventually. It's absolutely clear to see it in the way they banter and how he looks at her when he thinks nobody is noticing and how she does exactly the same. They are starting to build up stories and tastes, anecdotes and jokes, and they are growing to be the strongest soulmates ever, only because they have the future lying ahead of them and what wonderful possibilities rest on that thought!
And there I was, remembering, looking, foreseeing, and repeating to myself over and over again that it was something too special for me.
That she was somebody too special for me.
Until that night, not long ago, when she looked straight into my eyes, making me practically sway and asked bluntly why I was staring at her. I don't remember the last time I'd gone speechless like that. Then she had smiled, and she had bit her lip and I had realised I had been smiling as well.
Why Tonks and I are soulmates, I have no idea. You could say we both want that certain dark wizard to disappear and the two of us belong to this secret organisation. But of course it has nothing to do with that. There is the sense of humour, the hidden moments of tenderness and the shared stories. But that's only part of it.
I have just come to realise that you just can't put your finger on it.
For how could you put your finger on souls that suddenly realise they are made for each other?