A/N: Here it is, my pathetic attempt at humour, not as serious as I made it sound, haha. I just decided to type this up real quick after watching a marathon of one of my favorite shows, Family Ties. I guess you could call this a parady, since I exaggerated the charectors to an enormous extent, but I tried to stay true to their traits. All you need to know before you read it is that the bold is Alex's dream and memories. This is rated K+ for two uses of the word sh** I hope it's to your liking.
Oh and by the way I do NOT own Family Ties.
Alex shoved his fist into his pillow in frusteration. It was yet another night of insomia, and this time, he was reliving one of his worst memories. He just couldn't get it off his mind. It was there, nagging him, tugging at his concious. Even as he drifted off to sleep, he could feel the stress eating at him. His troubles were the last thing on his mind as he fell into a restless sleep.
"Alex, honey…." Elyse ruffled her delicate fingers through little Alex's shaggy mane of hair. "What's the matter?"
Alex looked up at her, his face flushed, bags under his eyes. "I don't think you're capable of understanding, Mommy. You just can't."
"Oh, Alex." Elyse said soothingly, her voice calm and sympathetic. "I'm sure if you'd just tell me, I could try my best to understand your problem, and at least try to help."
"Believe me, Mommy, I'm sure you have the most honest of intentions, but it's beyond any control at this point." Alex sniffled, wiping his nose on the back of his hand and then on the side of his khakis.
Elyse bit her lip, deliberating on what to say to comfort her son. He seemed honestly troubled, and she found it unsettling. His grim frown wasn't one that you usually see on the face of the average eight year old boy. Not to mention that Alex hadn't been this near tears since he was five years old and the wrapped check he got for his birthday bounced.
"Is this a Republican thing? Are the kids making fun of you because you wear ties and dress shoes to school again?" She felt herself stiffening in anger. Then Elyse recalled the last time Alex had been made fun of: she followed Alex to school and urged the other kids to join her in a revolution against bullies. She and Steve got a little too carried away, and ended up starting a boycott on the playground. They'd almost ended up arrested for suspicious behavior around children. Alex had been so embarrassed that he held a grudge for weeks after that, and refused to even allow his parents within ten feet and 2 inches of the school.
Alex must have been remembering this too because he promptly imformed her that that wasn't the case: "Oh no, no, Mommy, it's nothing like that. I mean, well, it's something in addition to the teasing. This time it's personal."
Elyse arched her eyebrows. "What's more personal than that? Did your teacher do something to offend your Conservative lifestyle again? Is that it? Did you get less than a 105 on a spelling quiz?"
"I'm sorry, Mom. I got a 103. I just couldn't concentrate what with this complete political travesty occurring all around us. I swear it, Mom, the world is crumbling beneath our feet. I tried my best. " He looked down, ashamed.
Elyse was relieved. "Oh, no, no, no, it's fine, Alex, honey, 103 is great, is that all?"
Alex couldn't look her in the eye. "There's more, mommy. As if that's not bad enough, there's more.."
"What is it?" Elyse demanded to know. "Please, Alex we want to help. Let us help you."
Alex finally brought himself to look her solemnly in the eye. "I really can't, Mom. I need a fellow Republican by my side in this time of emotional trauma. I'm sorry, but you just don't understand the trials and tribulations of Republicanism, no matter how hard you pretend."
Just then, a 6- year old Mallory bounded inside the kitchen, interrupting their conversation. "I got a D on a test today!" She announced gleefully. "Isn't that cool?" She happened to glance over to Alex, who sat there limply at the kitchen table. "What's the matter with Alex, Mommy? All the big kids at school say he didn't even raise his hand at all today."
Elyse was alarmed. If what her daughter was telling her was true, there was a serious problem. Alex not raising his hand? That couldn't be normal.
"It's okay, Mallory." She patted Mallory's head comfortingly. "Your big brother is just having a bad day. His stocks went down 6%, his favorite suit didn't come back from the dry cleaners yet, and he got a 103 on a test. He'll be better soon."
Mallory shot him a look, and skipped out of the room. Elyse heaved a sigh. She wished Steven would be here to deal with this, but he was working late tonight.
"Look, honey, are you sure you don't want any dinner?" She asked weakly.
Alex shook his head vigorously. "Not at a time like this." He said sadly, stalking up to his room and closing the door behind him. That left Elyse to fret over him until Steven came home.
It wasn't until 9:00 that she heard the familiar jingle of the keys and the turning of the lock. Steven must be home! She had been pondering the situation all evening, wondering weather or not to confront Alex once more or leave him be. After all, he was pretty independent. But she was a mother. She couldn't help wanting to pry, and be worried. She had even considered calling his school teacher and asking her if she knew anything about it, and she'd gone as far to interview Mallory to spread some light on the situation. Everyone knew Mallory wasn't a reliable source, but she was desperate.
As for Alex, his bedroom door was locked. There was nothing she could do.
At least, nothing she could do without Steven. She was sure that if they put there heads together, they could come up with some kind of solution to make Alex feel better, or at least find out what was making him feel so rotten.
"Steven, I'm so glad you're here." Elyse greeted him with a passionate kiss on the lips the moment he stepped through the door.
He looked at her, surprised and pleased. His eyes twinkled. "So am I."
Elyse chuckled momentarily, then sobered. "There's something wrong with Alex." She announced worriedly.
A look of panic flitted across Steven's face immediately. "What do you mean? Is he sick? Is he hurt?"
"No, no, not that." Elyse assured him. "He's just been acting…well, funny."
Steven looked relieved. In fact, he actually smiled. "That's nothing new. I've told you he's been acting funny from the day he was born, but you just wouldn't listen to me-
Elyse interrupted him with a light slap on the arm. "I'm serious, Steven. He didn't answer any questions at school today, he got an 103 on a test-"
Steven looked thoughtful. "That never happened before." He said in amazement. "I didn't think that kid was capable of getting less than at least 105."
"That's not the point." Elyse snapped in annoyance. "He didn't eat dinner, he's not sleeping, he locked himself in his room. He won't answer any of my questions, in fact, after I questioned him, he refused to answer me. That's when he stalked up into his room."
"Do you think he's turning into a teenager already?"
Elyse had almost all she could take. "Stop it, Steven, and listen to me. He's not acting like himself."
"Well honey," Steven said slowly. "The stock market did go down 6% today."
"I know, I know." Elyse continued. "That's not it. This is different. It's like he's not all there. Almost as if he's in mourning. Like a part of him has died."
Steven grinned as if he'd just come up with a brilliant idea. "Is that all?" He said cheerfully. "Haven't you figured it out yet? This should explain it." He held up a folded newspaper, waving the title page in Elyse's face. The title gave away it all. In big block letters, it read:
NIXON RESIGNS PRESIDANCY TO AVOID IMPEACHMENT
Suddenly it all made sense. Nothing else could have affected Alex so deeply. Some might say that our Alex was haunted, or scarred for life. His friends vertify that Alex was insulted and outraged by the whole incident. Even talking about it brought back bad memories that would set him weeping.
To be honest, Alex hadn't been the same since. Sometimes, he'd lay in bed, a photo of Nixon placed with love under his pillow, thinking. He'd sit there and wonder what went wrong. He'd think about the tapes, the money, the everything, and couldn't figure out the major flaw. He'd ponder what could have been. What the world of Republicanism and Capitilism could have acomplished. What they would avoid acomplishing by sitting around racking in money. The money was what got to him most.
Many, many years later from that fateful day, when it was the year 2011 and Alex was an oldish man still working at Wall Street, money would stop giving him pleasure. He'd wander the streets of new york, lonely and depressed, before finally stumbling into a therapist's office and pouring out his life story. Even then, his pain and heartbreak could date back to that one day, that one news article, the one headline:
NIXON RESIGNS PRESIDANCY TO AVOID IMPEACHMENT
The words stayed with him, a burden, throughout his entire life. His therapist branded him as emotionally disturbed and he managed to convince his boss that he was unfit to do any heavy work and he deserved a disability check every month. He figured that, with Obama as president, his life had gone down the drain. He spent the rest of his life moping, sitting in a tiny apartment, marinating in money. Between counting his coins everyday and reading Monetary Monthly, he'd entertain himself.
His parents Elyse and Steven were devastated to see him like this. Mallory and Jennifer pitied him, but nobody was able to pinpoint this exact source of this deep depression. Even Andy couldn't totally understand his pain.
It wasn't until one day that the idea hit Alex. It came to him in the middle of a night. He'd had insomnia, and couldn't sleep, so he'd been holding a very intellectual conversation with his beloved photograph of Nixon.
"Nixon," He was saying. "The truth is, I miss you. I wish you were still president. Those morons had no right threatening impeachment just because you...well, cheated a little. We're Americans. Cheating is in our blood." He paused for a moment. "Nixon, I need your help. The world...it's falling apart. For a while, I saw the light, when Bush was president. But now, I just don't get what to do, you know?"
Nixon seemed to nod, so Alex went on. "I feel...slightly responsible. I mean, the world of Republicanism is depending on me, and I let them down. I mean, look at me. I'm practically a bum, sitting here, surrounded by money."
He adjusted to picture frame and looked it straight in the eye. "So tell me. What can I do?" Alex, facing the photograph, finally seemed to realize what he was doing. "Holy shit, What am I doing, I'm talking to a photograph!" Then another thought hit him: How can shit be holy?
As if reading his thoughts, Nixon answered him, his voice deep and serious. "You see, Alex, my shit IS holy."
Alex jumped. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! You're-you're...you're my...You're president Nixon! This is just too weird. I must be delusional. Now I know how it feels like to be Mallory. I'm hallucinating. You're not real. You are a figment of imagination. "
Nixon raised an eyebrow from inside his frame. "Oh really? Look kid, shut up and listen to me. I had a whole plan for your future, and now look at this. You let me down."
Alex held his head down, ashamed. "I know, I know, I let Obama be president, I'm sorry, really. You know I would never want to let this happen, but I didn't think I had to worry about...you...confronting me about it. I would have stopped it if I could, I just didn't know..."
Nixon nodded, and for a moment his eyes started to twinkle. "But it's okay, because that's where you come in, Alex. You can change that."
Alex lifted his head slowly, looking Nixon seriously in the eye. "I can? Me? President Nixon wants me? YOU want ME?"
Nixon nodded grimly. "Read my lips, kid. Alex...P...Keaton..for president." And just like that, the photo froze, in the exact same position it had just been in, as if nothing had happened.
A grin twitched on Alex's lips as he set the photo down on his bed, deliberating. "Alex P. Keaton for president." He muttered, stroking his chin. "I like the sound of that."
His despair dimished, Alex whipped out a crayon and began working on his presidental campaign. Unfortantly, he didn't have any paper on him besides the checks in his check book, but those would have to do. He jotted down a couple ideas, scribbled out a few checks to bribe people into working with him, and then was at a total loss at what to do. His mind was grey, like a blank slate. He'd never been like this before. He'd always known the answer when it came to politics. But right now, all Alex could think was, over and over and over...that he had failed. He was completely and utterly lost.
"I'm a failure to President Nixon." He whispered.
Alex began to wake up sometime around three in the morning. "No...no...Nixon...come back!" Alex screamed hoarsely, his throat dry. He tossed in his sleep. "Please! I need you to help me with my campaign! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I failed you again! I didn't mean to do it! I'd take it back...I'd go back in time...stop them from discovering the tapes...please Nixon..." He fluttered open his eyes, and rubbed them furiously, hoping to stop the illusion in front of him. Instead of seeing his checkbook and his photograph of Nixon, he awoke to his mother's familar face on the side of his bed. Alex's head spun. Somehow this reminded him of something he had seen before, in a movie, perhaps?
"Mom?" He asked in disbeleif as he looked up at her, his voice cracking. "Mom, is that you? I had this horrible nightmare. I dreamed I failed Nixon...in the future."
There, there, Alex." Elyse comforted him soothingly, cradling his limp body in her arms. "It's just a bad dream you had from staying up so late. You're better now, back with good old Obama as president."
"OBAMA AS PRESIDENT!" Alex bolted up from his Mom's arm in a cold sweat and scrambled out of his bed. "But he's...he's...he's a demo...a demo.." He couldn't bring himself to say the last syllable of the word 'democrat' Instead, he looked into his Mom's eyes, wild with panic. "Mom, you're so OLD!" He managed to gasp out finally.
His mother looked offended as he studied her every wrinkle. Her thinning hair was snow white, and her face was shriveled and pale. It seemed like this couldn't possibly be his mother, but from the nagging tone in her voice with her next statement, he recongnized her. "Alex, you're not a little boy anymore yourself. After all, you are a grown up now. You're nearly turning 44, although I must admit, with this disability check scandal, and being too lazy too work, you're not acting at all your age."
"Disability check scandal..." Alex muttered in awe, fingering the check that he'd scribbled out his campaign on. "So it wasn't a dream...Nixon came to me... I have to stop those people from finding those tapes...I have to warn Nixon..stop Obama from becoming president...I have to go back!"
"Back to where?" Elyse asked her oldest son, confused.
"BACK TO NIXON'S PRESIDENCY!"
*insert cool action/ adventure music here*
A/N: Well, that's it. I hope all you Family Ties/ Back to the future fans liked it. I know it's kind of confusing and makes no sense, the ending just kind of randomly came to me last night when I couldn't sleep, ironically. I wouldn't totally call this a crossover though, I just hope everybody appreciated the referance, you know? I thought it was pretty funny myself, but that's just because I usually crack myself up with all my lame jokes and nobody else really laughs. Anyway, I did this just for fun, so it's okay if you hated it. I hope I entertained you at least.
Thanks for reading, have a great day and by the way I love reveiws!