It was odd how life turns out. One day your riding the highlife, eating bacon burgers with your vegetarian brother while having an ol' drunk and a fallen angel on your side. The next, your beloved Impala's wrecked, your brothers half comatose, your make-shift father sold his soul, and your angel (In which you considered a brother) has proclaimed himself god.

Ain't life wonderful?

But no matter what, we some how always muttle through it, no matter how hard things got. But sometimes you wonder if it's worth it, 'ya know?Sometimes you wonder if anything you do is worth the fight of another day. Of course then you find something to fight for to keep your head straight. And then you think of all the people who gave their life for you; should they have really? Or if you should learn to calm down and take your own advice.

None of those questions I thought I'd get answered any time soon.

But as the angel of Thursday stares back at me now, those blue eyes polluted with demented souls, you can't help but wonder, 'What if...?'

What if you did something horrible to do something good? What if you never wanted to be what you are, but are because your standing up in what you believe in? What if everything you knew and loved in the world turned on you? Betrayed you? What happens then? Perhaps the human perception can't handle it without going crazy first. I mean, if an oh so mighty 'Warrior of God' can't handle it well, what chance do we got?

But I'm getting off topic.

Tell me what you would do. Would you really have done anything different than I? Would you have trusted Cas? Should you have believed in what he said, no matter how bad it sounded, like he always had for you? Or was I right, and the twisted figure before us was proof?

Or was it because we didn't trust him that he is this way now? I don't even know anymore.

But I remember when it was simpler. Just Sammy and I on the road kickin' monster tail, drinking and doin' whatever we wanted before we became cosmic chess pieces. According to the players, we were always pieces. But we sure proved them wrong, didn't we?

But what it all boils down to is this:

Was it right not to listen to Cas? Probably not.

If you could redo it again knowing what you knew now, would you do it? Absolutaley.

Would that stop Castiel? I don't know. I'd have to think about it. Probably not, seeing as though he thought it was saving you.

All I know is that life really sucks, especially when your a Winchester. You loose everything close to you, and have to kill those close if it gets bad enough. Never get peace in your life, and the monsters keep rolling. Life goes on, but what happens when a Winchester life ends?

Truthfully? Sometimes I wish that one of these days, when I die, I stay dead. But I don't know. I gotta head ache. I have to take care of Sam, Bobby helpin' me in anyway he can, and now I have to learn how to kill a God that was once my best friend.

Don't you just wish 'ya had my life?