Notes: First time writing in this fandom... I found the kink meme for it and, well, I just love kink memes so... I wrote this, it's not very long, but I'm still working on a much longer fill for the Thor kink meme.
Title: Losing to Let Go
Fandom: Captain America: The First Avenger / Iron Man (movieverse)
Pairing: Steve/Tony ; implied past Steve/Peggy
Words: 793 words
Prompt: Steve pours everything he's feeling into every moment with Tony. It's overwhelming, but Tony can't make him stop. Not when Steve's already lost one love and one lifetime, and there's no guarantee something like that won't happen again.
Disclaimer: It's not mine. The character belong to Marvel and the studio which produces the movies; I'm just playing in the sandbox. I make nothing from this.
Losing to Let Go
It starts out with a few little things.
Tony notices how Steve is always attentive – he's the perfect boyfriend who never does anything wrong. He's always there when he needs him and hovering in the background when he doesn't – or thinks he doesn't – and he seems to always have the right thing to say at the right time. Sure, he's a little awkward, but his heart is in the right place and Tony would have to be completely blind not to see that he's head-over-heels in love with him.
And he can't take advantage of that.
But that isn't so much what Tony notices.
It's the way he always is at Tony's side; how he always seems to lurk protectively near him whenever he goes out in public – even if he's just going to grab a coffee or something. Steve is always there, standing beside him, offering to go with him even though Tony knows he's going anyway. There's just no way that he can deny that smile.
And Tony knows why he's doing it. He doesn't know if Steve's aware of it, but he knows that it's not an issue that he wants to bring up.
The sex is good – excellent, perfect, Tony would say he's never had better – and it's nice to know that no matter what is said or has been said about him, that Steve is always going to be there for him.
It isn't something he's used to.
But what bothers him is the sheer love, passion, and desperation that Steve manages to push into every gesture, every kiss, every touch.
And even though he loves him dearly – even if he can never pick out the words to say and sound sincere about it – it almost always comes close to breaking Tony's heart. He loves Steve, so much that it hurts, but he knows that no matter what he does or says, no matter how hard he tries to convince him, that Steve will always fear losing him.
He's lost so much already that Tony cannot broach the topic at all; he's afraid of it. Tony doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to think about it. He's so much more fragile than Steve, so much more vulnerable, that he knows that any day could be his last; especially with the risky lifestyle he's chosen.
True, he's a survivor. Tony is used to pulling himself out of the dirt after being shoved down, but he knows that he's been lucky and his stubborn nature has helped too. But one day he might run out of luck, one day he might push himself a little too far.
And then everything would come crashing down on him.
He doesn't want to think about the crushed look on Steve's face – he sees enough of it when they visit the cemetery, when Steve comes back from two solitary graves that have flowers placed on them for the first time in what is probably decades – when that happens. He's seen it enough and he knows that it will be so much worse for him if it's Tony whose grave he's going to.
Steve has lost so much, sacrificed so much, that Tony cannot ask anything else of him. He understands him so well that it feels like his heart will burst each day he wakes up and sees him, each time Steve smiles.
He's happy that he has this. So, so very happy.
And Steve makes him happy, with his sweet nature and his kind words and his overprotective nature and the way that he kisses him like it's the last time he ever will. All of this has made Tony fall in love with him and want to protect him.
Steve Rogers is one of the painfully few people that Tony Stark wouldn't mind dying for. And yet, he's the one person that Tony would hate to die for.
He doesn't want to make him hurt anymore.
To put Steve through that one more time would be cruel, and Tony doesn't have it in him to do so. He finds himself taking fewer risks, he's more willing to listen to reason, and he's a little more careful in his day-to-day life.
And maybe Steve appreciates that, but Tony doesn't dare ask. He refuses to dredge up painful memories that he wants to stay in the past. He wants Steve to stop reliving them in the dead of night when he thinks Tony is sleeping, he doesn't want Steve to know that he fears dying just as much as Steve fears losing him.
He doesn't want to hurt him. That's all that matters to Tony.
He won't let him lose another.
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