This is a crack fic for LOLBleach Summer Contest on DeviantArt. I don't think it's that funny but meh, I tried :D
Ichigo looked out at the large beach, the hot sun beating down on his orange head, heating it mercilessly. He turned around to look at the captains, lieutenants and significant others behind him, mostly excited at the prospect of no work for the day.
"Alright everyone settle down," said Head Captain Yamamoto as he walked to the front of the group still wearing his Shinigami robes and captains haori. "In light of recent events with certain three captains defecting," he ground his teeth at this, "and in celebration of summer, I would like to welcome you all to the beach. Spread out and have fun!" he tapped his stick and was instantly mobbed by the large group as they swept past him to the awaiting golden sands and blue seas.
"Come on Kurosaki-Kun!" exclaimed Orihime, running over the sand.
He gave a rare grin, and followed her along with Uryu and Chad, who both looked peeved at having to spend the day in swimmers. Though of course, Uryu was not wearing plain swimming trunks, oh no! He wore a white wetsuit with blue stripes down the side and a small cape that reached down his back to give him "momentum in the water", as he said. Ichigo said he looked ridiculous.
"Hummm how about here Kurosaki-Kun?" asked Orihime, looking at a big sunny spot in the middle of the beach.
He shrugged, "Sure Inoue."
She smiled at him happily and dumped her stuff, spreading out the towel and putting on some sunscreen.
"Orihiiimeeee!" came the obnoxious squeal of Rangiku, running towards them in a pink swimsuit that made all three men blush furiously. "How about we suntan together?" she suggested
"Ooh OK!" agreed Orihime.
"Here you can borrow my suntan lotion!" she turned around and clapped her hands imperiously. "Kira! Hisagi! What's taking so long?"
Uryu, Chad and Ichigo stared as an exhausted Izuru and Shuuhei came trudging over a sand dune carrying bright pink beach bags.
"What did you bring Rangiku-San?" asked Orihime, peering at the two boys.
"Oh well I've got a few changes in swimsuits," she said, flipping her strawberry-blonde hair over her shoulder. "And a couple of beach magazines, my beach shelter, sofa, and ingredients to make cocktails."
She indicated the two lieutenants who were unpacking her bags. After a few minutes of flash stepping and muscle work, a pink canopy had been erected over a luxurious pink lounge-seat, complete with magazine stand, cocktail-maker, and mini kitchenette where Shuuhei was already making pancakes and Izuru was throwing pink rose-heads over the sand.
"Wow Rangiku-San!" gasped Orihime, gazing in wonder at the scene before her.
Ichigo, Uryu and Chad stared with mouths wide open.
"You do realise this is just a day trip don't you?" choked Uryu.
"Of course!" she exclaimed. "Otherwise I would have brought the tent and mini mall!"
Before they could reply, Rukia came skipping toward them, wearing a Chappy the Rabbit swimsuit, followed by Renji, carrying a giant, inflatable Chappy seat complete with foot-rest.
"Hello Matsumoto-San, Inoue," grinned Rukia. "Just put it down here Renji."
He nodded, wheezing, and dropped the Chappy-related stuff on the ground.
"Alrighty!" said Rangiku. "Who wants to go for a swim?"
"Ooh me!" squealed Orihime and Rukia.
The three girls ran off to the sea and splashed into it excitedly.
"Woooow," whispered Shuuhei, his nose bleeding as he stared at Rangiku.
"Come on Kurosaki-Kun!" exclaimed Orihime, waving up at him. "Come on Ishida-Kun and Sado-Kun, Hisagi-San and Kira-San!"
They all looked at each other, shrugged and followed the girls in, Ichigo pushing Uryu "accidentally" into the water, causing his hair to get wet which made him yell for five minutes straight on the expenses of shampoo products and how sea water could cause split ends. He did not realise that everyone had drifted away and he was standing in the middle of the ocean talking to himself.
"Aah," sighed Shunsui, lying under the palm trees with Jushiro, their lieutenants for once, not with them. Nanao was with Isane and Nemu, the three trying to convince themselves into the ocean, while Kyone and Sentaron were off fighting, again, about the proper lotion to use for their captain.
"This is the life, it's so peaceful," smiled Jushiro.
"And those ladies over there don't look so bad either," grinned his friend, looking in the direction of Rangiku, now dunking Uryu into the water, much to his protests.
They sighed together, indulging in the peaceful warmth.
"What's that?" asked Jushiro, sitting up suddenly.
"You mean Captain Zaraki and his lieutenant lost in the rock pools?"
"No, look at the horizon," he said, placing his hand over his eyes and gazing at the blue edge of the sea, which was making large ripples.
Shunsui frowned and stared as well, then his eyes widened. His stood up quickly and yelled down to the people in the water, now including Momo and Toshiro who were floating on a block of ice.
"Nanao-Chan!" called Shunsui, also getting up. "Get out of the water!"
Nanao looked up and saw him waving at her, she turned away pointedly, convinced he was just pointing out her being in a swimsuit. Her eyes widened as she saw a huge wave coming towards them.
"Everyone!" she shrieked. "Look out! Isane what do we do, they can't hear us?"
Isane was also staring at the wave, "I know!" she cried. "I'll do Heaven Gate!"
"Well, be quick about it!"
She looked around then cursed, "Oh dammit, I forgot my textas, I can't draw on my arms!"
Nanao also cursed, "I didn't bring my pens either, I knew I should have!"
"Don't worry," said a voice.
The two girls turned to see Nemu, a determined look on her face. She raised her arm which suddenly turned into a large megaphone, the top of her head becoming a large siren which wailed loudly, much to the lieutenants' shock. She put her mouth into the megaphone and said in her monotone voice.
"Everyone please evacuate the water, this is not a drill. I repeat, please evacuate the water, this is NOT a drill."
Rangiku, Orihime, Rukia, Shuuhei, Izuru, Ichigo, Uryu and Chad all turned towards the announcement, and cried out as they noticed the huge wave coming towards them. But it was too late.
Ichigo squinted at the wave, there were three figures riding it.
"No!" he gasped. "It couldn't be!"
But unfortunately for Ichigo, it could.
To be continued...
Moohahaha, yeah this is the weirdest thing I've ever written. And it's not even there yet GASP! Review pleeease, makes me happy :)