Deleted Scene 008: The Four Letter Word
In the silence of the room, every negative thing she had ever said or thought, ran through her mind. Quinn was still alive and not visibly hurt but all the same it made her crazy that she hadn't gotten a chance to tell her how sorry she was for the things she had said. Here, now, as Quinn lay still because of all the secrets she had kept, she could hardly believe her hypocrisy, at least Quinn's secrets weren't illegal and harmful. As a matter of fact they had been deeply personal and since no one really talked about it, it was clear that it was something that had been messy and painful and everyone had gone out of their way to be respectful and not talk about it. Then she had gone and been a total idiot about it.
The sound of police cars and ambulances reached her ears as she sat in the dark room, as did the faint sound of Quinn stirring.
"Quinn? Quinn?" her voice was high and shrill with excitement and relief.
Her hazel eyes took a moment to focus, "W'rz S'vy?" she slurred.
"Savoy," she grunted as she tried to sit up but failed as Rachel forced her back onto the floor.
"The ambulance is on the way so stay put. And what do you mean Savoy?"
"He attacked me, jumped me from behind," Quinn answered, her eyes becoming clearer with every word.
"Savoy?" she said confused.
"Yes. Am I speaking English?" she growled.
Rachel cringed at her tone, "Yes ma'am, I understand you," she said deciding to give up trying to be personal with her, clearly it wasn't wanted.
Quinn made an irritated noise, "Don't ma'am me."
She rubbed her eyes hard with her hand and sat up despite Rachel's noise of protest, "Fine whatever."
Rachel opened her mouth to say all the things she knew she should have days before but instead the door cut her off as Sue Sylvester slammed it open.
"What in the hell happened here?" she demanded looking down at them.
"Savoy knocked me out," Quinn said standing.
Sue just stared, "You are aware that is the name of the person you were guarding right?"
"He knocked you out?"
"Yes. He grabbed me from behind and dropped me with chloroform," she amended, not wanting her superior to think she was overtaken by an unarmed man twice her age in a head on struggle.
At that moment the paramedics made their way in but Sue held up a hand in such a grand sweeping gesture everyone stopped, "Why would he attack you Q?"
"I'm sure I don't know."
"This is a woeful day for our simplicity lesson," Sue mumbled looking around the room, "Alright we are going to conduct a search for the son of a bitch and you are going to the hospital," she said pointing to Quinn.
"Lieutenant I'm fine, I can help with the search."
"Officer Big Nose." Sue said pointing to Rachel, "Make sure she gets all the way to the hospital and stays until she is discharged. Can you handle that task?"
She nodded, "Yes ma'am."
There was an awkward silence as no one moved, Sue looked around, irritation growing on her face with each passing second that the room remained still.
Finally she spun on the paramedics who were still waiting patiently by the door flanked by a few officers who had not dared to intrude, "Well are you just going to stand there or are you going to do your job?" she snapped, then focusing on the officers she added, "If I make it to the front door and there isn't a secure perimeter and a search already under way I am going to fire all of you."
There was a mad scramble as both groups moved quickly to do her bidding.
Rachel did as she was told and stayed at Quinn's side the entire trip to the hospital, never saying one word. She was intensely confused about the nights events and was eager to hear Quinn tell her exactly what had happened but all she could really focus on was the fact that she had stupidly pushed Quinn away and now she was going to have to start dealing with that deep ache that had begun to build since she had slammed the door in Quinn's face.
She had yet to face it in the slightest, instead opting to believe that their relationship was salvageable but now it seemed sort of final. Quinn was quite over her and swiftly at that, not that she was surprised, but it still made her feel like she was drowning.
They arrived at the hospital and Rachel smiled a little as Quinn attempted to protest being wheeled in on the gurney but lost the battle miserably. She followed her, filled out the necessary paper work and when the paramedics were done settling her in, waited next to her once again in complete silence. A silence that went on for almost ten minutes before, much to Rachel's surprise, Quinn broke it.
"Okay so what the hell is your deal?" she said irritably.
Surprised, Rachel looked up from the magazine she had been reading and looked around thinking Quinn must have been talking to someone else.
Seeing no one she turned back to her Sergeant, "What?"
"You flip out on me, then you seem to want to apologize and now I get the silent treatment."
A long moment passed as she stared back at her, then sighed and placed her magazine down, "I just… I thought you wanted me to stop trying."
"Why would I want that?"
"Because I know you don't want me," she said heavily and the words made her eyes prickle but she refused to cry, because she still needed her dignity. More than anything, she needed to be able to walk away from this with her head held high, there would be time to cry later.
Quinn gave her a baffled look, "What are you talking about? Because I was married once, years ago, you feel like I don't want you now? Look for what it's worth I'm sorry I never told you but I honestly never found it relevant."
She shook her head sadly, "It wasn't really about that. It was about me seeing you being close with someone in a way I know I'll never get to be, even if you were unhappy, you loved him enough, if even for a moment, to try and give yourself to him. I know you don't love me Quinn and I'm not foolish enough to think that if I wait around, that will change."
Quinn was staring at her with her mouth hanging open, "THAT is what this is about?"
Anger swelled in Rachel almost surprising her with its ferocity, "Yes that's what this is about! If you know anything about me you know how much I just want a loving relationship and this, what we have, is fun but let's face facts here Quinn you don't have those kinds of feelings for me."
"Don't tell me what I do and do not feel!"
Rachel jumped up and closed the space between them, "Then tell me, what do you feel if anything?" Quinn looked away towards the door her hazel eyes narrowed, Rachel nodded, "Exactly." She turned to go back to her chair but she heard something and turned back to Quinn, "What?"
"I do love you," she said at almost a whisper.
Rachel had no idea how to respond, she just stood there with a shocked expression, watching Quinn continue to look doggedly at the door.
After a deep breath she continued, "Maybe not at first but I've definitely felt it for a while. I should have said something but you know how I am about letting people know how I feel… I just sort of hoped you would pick up on it or something."
Quinn fidgeted with her nails for a while, waiting for Rachel to speak, never daring to look at the other woman.
"Tell me," she said finally, and when Quinn gave her a questioning look she clarified, "Tell me you love me. To my face."
A bemused smile crept over her face, "Rachel, I love you."
In an attempt to not swoon at the words, she sat on the edge of the bed feeling completely sideswiped, "I love you too Quinn," she said quickly, feeling surprised that she had momentarily forgotten to say that.
She laughed, it was a beautiful melodic sound, "I know."