DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of it's characters

DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of it's characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*

Mud Shovel

BY: Lara_Winner

SONG BY: Staind

You take away

I feel the same

Heero Yuy watched as the sleek black limo pulled to a stop in front of the Peacecraft estate. His eyes studied the young lady who exited the limo with a blazing intensity. His duty was done now that she was safe in the confines of her lavish home. His mouth twisted ironically. She would never be safe, not as long as she had this perverse effect on him. She had too much control over him. She was something he would never understand. His confusion was still foremost in his mind when it came to her.

You take away

I feel the same

He turned and in the fading sunlight's shadows made his way to take his position right below her balcony. His mind still fought with the familiar topic of Relena. What was he confused about? It was so simple; he was to protect her. Anything else was not his concern or his problem. So why did it bother him that she hadn't been herself these past weeks? She seemed distant and shut off from everything. This was a side of Relena he'd never seen before. And he was definitely getting the message that he was at the center of all this. Not my concern, he reprimanded himself firmly.

All the promises you made to me were made in vain

I lost myself inside your tainted smile again

His eyes narrowed and he cursed silently. It was too late to fight it. She was his concern in every sense of the word. She was his concern ever since she forced her way into his life, into his heart. His anger rose along with his fear. He didn't want this and he didn't need this and now he was forced to admit it hurt that she was pushing him away. How could she? She promised she'd always be there. She made him her goal and she didn't stop till she had him right where she wanted him. Now she was turning her back on him. Damn her!

He tried to block her face out of his mind but he couldn't. He could see her deep blue eyes and her charming smile. That smile was his downfall. Her smile had given him hope and faith. And now that hope and faith was fading as quickly as the setting sun.

You can feel my anger

You can feel my pain

You can feel my torment

Driving me insane

He was slowly falling back into the hell she had carried him out of. He was tearing himself to pieces trying to figure out why she doing this to him. Maybe she was playing a sick game with him. He didn't know. All he did know for sure was that being this close to her and yet having her so far away was killing him. If only she could feel his torment then she would understand just how much of him she had conquered. But she would never understand what it had cost him to let her in.

I can't fight these feelings

They will bring you pain

You can't take away

Make me whole again

And now that she was inside his heart she was even more dangerous than before. She had the power to destroy him with just a few well-chosen words if she wanted. And from her actions lately those words might be spoken soon. He didn't know what he did to make her act this way towards him. He'd only done what she wanted from the beginning, he'd finally learned to love and trust her. Why else did she think he risked his life for her and why else would he stay on earth other than to be near her? She wasn't a stupid girl so she should have figured it out. What did she need him to do spell it out for her?

Of course he held the power to do as much damage also. It was so easy for him to destroy things that sometimes he hurt the ones he wanted to help. He was capable of doing more harm to her than good. He hated to admit it but she would be safer if she pushed him away. He would rather be the one to suffer since suffering was a constant companion of his anyway.

I feel betrayed

Stuck in your ways

In the darkness he decided it was safe to change his post. With the skill of a well-trained soldier he scaled the wall and effortlessly swung himself over the balcony. Blending in with the shadows, he peered trough the glass doors into her room. His eyes hungrily searched the dim room for her figure. He found her standing by the side of her bed holding what looked like a picture.

He had been in her rooms several times with and without her permission. He had committed every object she possessed to memory. He knew the picture she was glaring at was of himself. He almost flinched as she began ripping the picture to pieces. He could see the anger in every movement she made. Strangely watching her brought to mind the day she'd ripped up the card he'd given her for her birthday.

No sooner had the thought crossed his mind when she abruptly stood up and he noticed in her hand was the bear he'd given her. He watched her walk to the fireplace and he knew what she was going to do. He tried to keep his emotions at bay as he watched her feed the bear to the flames. He was about to turn away when he saw her lips move. He clearly made out the two words that were now going to destroy him.

'Goodbye Heero'

How could she do this to him? Hadn't he done enough to satisfy her? What did he do wrong? He felt lost as the questions invaded his mind. His gaze was locked on her figure still staring blankly into the flames of the fire. His heart twisted painfully as her shoulders began to shake slightly from the force of her tears. He hated to see her cry but at the same time he felt justified that this was hurting her too.

You rip me apart with the brutal things you say

I can't deal with this shit anymore I just look away

He closed his eyes trying to block out the sight of tear stained face. He knew better than to ever trust her. He certainly knew better than too ever love anyone. He learned his lesson well and he would never let anyone this close again. The only person that he could depend on was himself. Dr. J had been right when he'd said that love was just a chemical reaction in the brain and that there is no true heart to a human. How ironic that this useless chemical reaction was now costing him his sanity.

His eyes snapped open at the sound of breaking glass. She had moved from his line of vision and he could no longer see her. He tried to push forward as much as he could with out stepping into the dim path of light cast from her room. After a moment she appeared again and instantly his eyes locked on the blood dripping from her hand. What the hell did she do?

Not thinking he rushed forward and began knocking furiously on the glass door. Her head snapped up and her eyes were wide with surprise. He knew the exact second she recognized him by the way her eyes narrowed as she leveled him with a perfect copy of his own death glare.

"Relena, open the door!" he demanded.

"Go to hell!" she snapped.

He didn't have the patience to argue with her. His attention was focused on the growing puddle of blood at her feet. Pressing down on the door handle he twist the metal and the lock broke with a dull click. Her eyes widened as he pushed open the door and she tried to pull away as he took hold of her and nearly dragged her to her bathroom. He lifted her hand so he could see the wound in the bright light only to have her jerk it away from his grasp.

"I don't need or want your help!" she said, her voice shaking with suppressed anger.

"Relena." He said as the look in his eyes silenced any further protest.

Reluctantly she placed her hand back in his. An awkward silence fell between them. He noted the way she refused to meet his gaze the entire time he tended her hand. He also noticed the way his body was uncomfortably alert to hers in the confined space of the small room.

As soon as he was finished with securing the bandage she ripped her hand away and stormed out of the bathroom. He knew the smart thing would be to leave. She obviously didn't want him here and he wasn't going to humiliate himself by trying to reason with her. Besides, he had a mission to complete and until all threats were gone his job was to keep her safe. He started to return to the balcony when her voice halted him mid-step.

"Why did you chose me as your mission?" she asked quietly, and when he didn't reply her voice turned cold and she began to laugh bitterly as she continued, "Silence as always. I should know better than to try and talk to you."

"I have nothing to say." He replied trying to hide his rising anger.

You can feel my anger

You can feel my pain

You can feel my torment

Driving me insane

She turned to face him and the look in her eyes shocked him. They were empty and cold just like his. He tried to look away but their pain held him captivated. Slowly she closed the distance between them stopping about a foot in front him. He froze fighting between the intense urge to touch her and the equally intense desire to flee from her searching gaze. Softly she began to speak.

"I loved you, did you know that? I would have done anything just to see you smile. I wanted to be the one to make you happy. I knew you needed something and I thought if I just tried hard enough I could find it and give it to you. It hurt me to see you suffering all the time. I wanted to take the pain away but I can't can I?" she asked as the tears she fought as she spoke began to fall.

I can't fight these feelings

They will bring you pain

You can't take away

Make me whole again

He closed his eyes afraid she would see what her words brought to the surface. She had no idea how much he wanted it to be that simple. She was his light in the darkness but he knew no one could ever be his salvation. Look what trying had cost her. If he told her he loved her what would happen then?

"No one can help me Relena. I am what I was trained to be and I can't change. I have no soul, just constant guilt." He replied trying with all his might to keep his voice steady. He knew he was pushing her farther away yet he couldn't help it.

"Then you were right, there is nothing left to say." She whispered.

You take away

I feel the same

All these promises

You promised only pain

If you take away

And leave me with nothing again

He felt the pain behind her words as if it were his own. He had hurt her again. But this time she had hurt him too. They were destroying each other slowly, yet what other choice did they have. He couldn't let her go. It was obvious from all the times he'd left determined to forget about her only to return because he needed her. She was far stronger than he was if she could break the tie that bound them together.

Instantly his mind brought up a past image. They had been standing on her balcony and she had smiled sweetly at him saying that should he ever need her she'd be there for him. He'd remained silent knowing just being there with her was enough. Now she was the one walking away. If he let her.

"Relena, I…." He began to speak but her sad voice cut him off.

"Don't say you're sorry. You can't make yourself care about someone. I want you to be happy and I'm not the one who can give that to you, I know that now. I need you to let me move on. If you don't need me then let me go, please." She whispered.

"I can't Relena, I do need you." He said losing the fight to keep his vulnerability out of his voice.

You will feel my anger

You will feel my pain

You will feel my torment

Driving you insane

Slowly he opened his eyes at her continued silence. She met his gaze directly and he saw her try and hide her alarm. He felt the single tear slide gently down his cheek. It wasn't a grand show of emotion but it was more than either of then had ever believed him capable of. He wondered just how much of what he was feeling she could read in his eyes. Under her steady gaze he felt exposed but there was no point in hiding from her anymore. They were each other's downfall and it was inevitable that they would break themselves.

It was her choice to accept him as he was or break their chains for good. Whatever she decided he would abide. He was leaving himself open to her as she'd opened herself to him. He knew she could read the mixture of fear, love, longing, confusion, and hate in his gaze. Yet she didn't flinch from the violent storm of emotions inside of him. Her own eyes were mirroring some of those same emotions.

I can't fight these feelings

They will bring you pain

You won't take away

I'll be whole again

Slowly she closed the space between them. Gently she reached up and brushed the tear from his cheek. He shivered at the feel of her fingertips gently brushing his skin. Her gaze still held the same intensity but there was something else beginning to shine in its depth. He recognized the glimmer of hope that sparkled in the deep sea of her eyes. The same hope she had given him.

"I've cried enough for the both of us." She said softly.

"I'll make you cry again." He whispered.

"I'm not asking for a fairy tale. Nothing is ever perfect or simple. Love is as much pain as hate and I think we've fought both for too long." She answered determinedly as a sweet smile slowly curved her lips.

Slowly she drew her hand away. By some unspoken understanding they didn't need to be any closer. He knew without being told that this time they were where they needed to be. The past was behind them and so were their fears. He would do anything to keep the feeling that was filling him, the feeling of not being alone, and the feeling of understanding. She was right, nothing is perfect but somehow they had found this moment and it was definitely a new beginning.

A.N – Sorry it took me so long to get this out. I hope you like it cuz I really put my heart in this one. Okay, please don't ask why they named the song 'Mud shovel' because I have no clue. I felt this described Heero's story so well and I just happen to love the song. Enough rambling from me I've got to get back to work! Thanks a bunch, you guys are the best!!!!!!!!!*_*