A/N: I apologize for the tense change, but it's really hard to keep it past tense when I hardly ever use past tense in First Person anymore…
Disclaimer: I don't own. At all.
Sqwydd caught on faster than I thought he would. He figured it out before I ever thought he would.
"You're still in love with Rex, aren't you?"
I was hoping he wouldn't put two and two together to get four instead of fish. Nope, he got four. And for some reason, I thought squids and fish would get along.
After I didn't answer, he went on. "You don't want to hang out with me or anything because you want to be with Rex." His black eyes grew darker, eyes more sullen and sunken into his face. He didn't look angry, just disappointed.
And I have to say, disappointment feels a lot worse than anger. It's more raw, more painful, more straightforward, direct. He was disappointed in me. I could see it in those black eyes. He was upset, vulnerable, weak. He'd just lost faith I ever holding my heart in his hands.
I still didn't say anything. I just didn't want to say anything. I just didn't. It hurt to feel that disappointment weigh heavy in my chest like a ton of bricks pulling down on my lungs, tightening my chest. It hurt. It hurt really bad. Disappointment, guilt, hurt. It all hung on me like I was carrying bricks around with me. Heavy, heavy bricks.
In an almost exasperated voice, Sqwydd asked me, "Why him? Why not me?"
I drank in a deep breath of air before blowing it out again, a little strand of my hair catching that self-induced breeze; I didn't know how to explain it except for one way.
"He got me out of a bad place once upon a time."
He saved me from myself, saved me from Van Kleiss. He got me to smile for the first time in years. He made me laugh when all I wanted to do was scream. That was Rex, the best guy I knew, the only one who could both create and steal the heartache from my chest. He was the only one I thought I could ever truly trust for a long time. I trusted him, I loved him, I wanted to be with him even if it was only to hear him give his quiet reassurance that I'd be fine when we both knew it was a lie.
Sqwydd... Sqwydd is not Rex. Sqwydd is a friend who I care about. He's kind, gentle, sweet. He smiles and it lights up even the darkest night, but he will never be Rex.
"I can't. Rex is..." How do you describe the feeling of needing to give your whole life to someone? He saved me. He got me away from Van Kleiss; it was unthinkable, but... Rex did it. Because he knew I needed out even when I didn't know it myself. "He's special. Anyone can see it."
He'd done more for me than he'd ever know. He'd saved me from myself. He'd gotten Tuck and the gang away from Quarry. He'd saved the human race. He was the miracle of the world. Rex is something special, something no one should ever let go of.
He's too good to let go of.
Sqwydd stuck his hands in his pockets at this and looked to his feet before those beady eyes find me again, tainted with anger, tainted with sadness. "Then why don't you just go to Providence?"
It's a personal choice. Too many unanswered questions about me, too many loose ends... I can't do it all on my own, which is why I'm here, but I also can't go to such a big place, which is also why I'm here. It's the happy medium. "I can't." I folded my arms across my chest and looked away, hoping he'd just drop it all and walk away. But he couldn't. He had to have his final word in.
"Which one of us will always rescue you?"
I answered without a doubt. "Rex."
Because I trust Rex, I know Rex, and because Rex is the only person I would ever give my whole life to if it were possible.
His head hung low, and his eyes went dim like dying light of sunset. Sqwydd gave me a sad look before padding off towards where our makeshift beds were and plopping into his own.
And that's why I want Rex. Rex never took no for an answer.
A/N: Short. Hope you liked. Review?