Thor didn't even pretend to be listening as his father innumerated all the advantages of parenting, choosing instead to glare darkly at his brother. Loki, the bastard, just grinned back smugly at him, looking all satisfied and shit. He looked away once in a while to make sure Sleipnir was still drinking from his bottle, then turned back to grin at Thor.
Loki was the biggest bastard on all the nine worlds, Thor was sure of it.
"And Camarra." Odin continued. "She would have been a perfect wife for you. Beautiful, intelligent, well-mannered, and I hear she's perfectly fertile."
Thor resisted the urge to bash his head against the table. "She was dull, father."
"Not everyone can be interesting only in fighting, Thor." Frigga scolded him gently, then took a bite of her mutton.
"All she talked about was her garden back at home, mother. And all the weeds in it."
"She has a passion then." Odin said, sending a glare at his first-born. "Another excellent quality."
Thor declined to answer.
"You are old enough to finally settle down! Every man needs a woman in their life."
"I have enough women already, Father." Thor couldn't help a lusty smirk at that.
"Oh yes, I have heard." Odin groused, curling his lip in disdain. "You have apparently slept with half of the women in Asgard and beyond, and somehow you have managed not to conceive with any of them."
"I have no need for children, Father."
"Well, I have need of grandchildren! I'm not getting any younger, Thor."
Loki cleared his throat pointedly.
Odin turned to his younger son with a kind smile. "I have Sleipnir, I know, son. And he is already a wonderful grandchild. But I would desire grandchildren from both my son's, not just from the one with a better sense of how important family is." That last bit was directed at Thor, he was sure of it.
"Sleipnir would also get lonely without anyone to play with." Frigga added, petting the foal's shiny coat.
Aha, an opportunity. "Then perhaps Loki should consider getting Sleipnir some siblings. Perhaps soon, so that there won't be too much of an age-gap."
Odin looked at Sleipnir, then at Loki. "Thor is right. Having siblings is very important for a child."
Success! Odin's grandchild-making attention was finally off of Thor. The Thunderer breathed a sigh of relief.
But Loki just grinned, the bastard. "I am aware, Father. That is why I am sure you will be happy to hear I am already expecting."
Odin grinned widely. "You are?"
"Aye. I have visited the healers today. The chief healer assures me all three babies are fine."
"Triplets?" Frigga stood up, and hugged Loki tightly. "That is wonderful news, my son!"
"Verily." Odin agreed, petting Sleipnir gently. "We must start planning the nurseries immediately. Do you know the genders?"
Wait, this could be a good thing.
"Not with certainty, but I was told it might be two boys and a girl."
"A granddaughter!" Odin boomed. "Excellent!"
As Frigga and Odin started going on about what the babies would need, and how far along are you, dear Loki, etc, Thor allowed himself a relieved sigh. Now that Loki was pregnant again, the attention would (hopefully) stay off of Thor for some time. At least until the babies were born. Until then, he'd be free to enjoy fights and wenches to his heart's desire.
But, alas, Thor forgot Loki was an utter bastard.
"As happy as I'm sure Sleipnir will be to have siblings, I can't help but worry. Siblings squabble, and I fear what would happen if my offspring ever are at odds with each other. Will they not get lonely, if they refuse to speak to each other over petty things?" Loki asked, staring worriedly at Sleipnir. "I do not wish them to lack playmates, even when they are argue."
Odin nodded sagely. "You are right. That is why it is also important to have cousins. The more the better, I believe."
And the attention was back on Thor. Damn the silver-tongued bastard.
"Thor, you should think about your nieces and nephews. Cousins are excellent playmates, and children thrive in a large family." And off Odin went on why Thor should knock up the first women to say 'Hello' to him.
And Loki, the utter bastard, grinned smugly as Thor once again turned to glare at him.
Loki got pregnant just to spite him, Thor was sure of it. The bastard.
A/N: And an example of how awesome a Grandpa Odin is. I couldn't work this into the scene above, so consider it a bonus.
"Ah, Loki, there you are." Odin walked over to his son and grandson. "I have news to discuss with you."
"Aye, Father." Loki gestured for the All-Father to sit next to him.
Odin sat. "With the new babies on their way, I have thought long and hard on a way to ensure Sleipnir will not feel jealous of my attention."
Loki blinked slowly. "Ah. And what have you decided?"
"Sleipnir will become my Royal Steed. That way, he will have the best of care even when he is an adult, and we will spend much time together."
Loki stared at him, not looking too convinced.
"My son, is that not an excellent idea?"
"Father..." Loki swallowed, looking at everything but Odin. "I am glad you think about my first-born, but... I am uncertain making him your steed is an... acceptable idea."
"And why is that?" Odin asked, glaring slightly.
"Well, for one thing, Sleipnir is still only a foal. He's much too small to consider riders."
Odin laughed heartily. "I do not mean right now, Loki. And besides, Sleipnir grows each day. Soon he will be large enough for a saddle."
Loki nodded reluctantly. "Even so..."
"You have more objections?"
Loki stared at his son, currently trying to catch a butterfly, then turned sheepishly to face his father. "Please do not take this the wrong way, Father." He licked his lips nervously. "But you are... a rather large man. Not fat, just heavily muscled. And add to that your armor and weapons, and I really don't think Sleipnir can manage all that."
Odin was silent, staring thoughtfully first at his son, then his grandson. Finally, after long minutes, he spoke.
"You are right. I have not thought of Sleipnir's comfort, I am ashamed to admit." He stood up resolutely. "I will discuss diet options with the chef immediately." And off he went, walking briskly from the gardens.
Loki watched him go, then snorted to himself. His Father was so easy sometimes.