"Analytical And In Love"
Big Bang Theory
Sheldon/OC (Penny's Roommate)
Length: 3,229 words
A/N: This is my first Big Bang Theory fic, so please be gentle. Also keep in mind that I haven't watched the show in forever so the characters may be a tad off.
"Penny's New Roommate"
Sheldon walked up the stairs of his apartment building with his nose in a book, analyzing the probabilities of something or another in the vast universe when he heard someone coming up behind him. He turned around to look and came face to face with a large cardboard box with legs. No, that couldn't be right; cardboard boxes didn't have legs.
"Can you please move a little faster?" a light female voice behind the box said. "This thing is so heavy, the sooner I can lay it down the happier I'll be."
"And who may I ask are you?" Sheldon asked tartly. "I don't recognize your voice pattern."
"I don't know you," he replied impatiently. "And I know everyone in the building, even old Mrs. Vartebegian."
"Oh, I'm Penny's new roommate," the girl said lightly.
"That's impossible," Sheldon said firmly. "Penny didn't discuss getting a roommate with me."
"You're not her boyfriend or anything, are you?" the girl asked, sounding confused and a little concerned. "Penny told me she wasn't seeing anyone."
"Don't be ridiculous," he replied. "I'm the last person in the world who would 'see' Penny, as you put it."
"Why?" the girl asked, her voice filled with amusement. "Is there something wrong with her I should know about?"
Sheldon stared blankly at the box in front of him as though it were an insect.
"Was that sarcasm?" he asked seriously. "I mean, you have actually met her, haven't you?"
"Wait a second…" the girl said, shifting the box around and turning so she could see him, revealing a mass of wild red hair surrounding a porcelain-doll face with a smattering of light freckles across her skin, and the biggest green eyes he'd ever seen. "You're Sheldon, aren't you? Penny told me so much about you and I've just been dying to meet you."
Her eyes were filled with what seemed to be genuine pleasure, but Sheldon couldn't be sure if it was a ploy to disguise her mockery of him or not.
"Was that sarcasm?" Sheldon asked.
"No, of course not," she said, laughing lightly. "You know, you're not at all like she said you were. You're actually quite funny."
"Really? What did she say about me?" he asked suspiciously.
"Oh, nothing particular," the girl said, averting her eyes for a brief moment before looking into his eyes with an expression of interest and sparkling intelligence. "Will you show me to the apartment? This box is so heavy…"
"Fine…" Sheldon replied with a sigh, trudging up the stairs with an air of martyrdom. The girl followed behind, her steps so light he could hardly hear them. They walked in silence, though not an uncomfortable one, and they had soon reached their floor.
"Thanks," the girl said when he'd shown her to her door.
"You're welcome," he said shortly, heading for his own without bothering to open the door to Penny's apartment, and the girl didn't ask. She set the box down, opened the door, and dragged the monstrous thing inside.
Sheldon burst into his and Leonard's apartment, banging the door shut on the way. Leonard looked up from the latest Flash comic, sitting in his usual chair.
"What's with banging the door?" Leonard asked, pushing his glasses up. "It's not gonna close any better just by slamming it."
"I'm well aware of that, thank you," Sheldon said snidely. "Why has no one informed me that Penny has acquired a new roommate?"
"Oh, you met her?" Leonard asked, smiling a little. "What's she like?"
"Annoying," Sheldon said curtly. "Why has no one informed me about Penny's new roommate?"
"Sheldon, you were sitting right there," Leonard said, gesturing to Sheldon's usual spot, "when Penny told us about her. Don't you remember? You were reading the new Incredible Hulk."
"I don't pay attention to anything anyone says while reading the Incredible Hulk, you ought to know that by now. And discussing the matter in front of me is hardly the same as telling me about it. What if I'd had objections?"
"Objections? Sheldon, it's Penny's apartment. Whether or not she gets a roommate doesn't have anything to do with you, and it's none of your business."
"None of my business? Well, of course it's my business, Leonard. Who knows what sort of person Penny has living across from us! She could be a cyborg sent from the future to kill us all!"
Leonard looked at Sheldon for a long moment before replying.
"You were dropped on your head as a child, weren't you? That's why you're this way, isn't it?"
"I was dropped on my head frequently, and if you mean by 'this way,' I am a highly intelligent, superior being, then no. My intelligence comes from my genetic structure. You see-"
"Thank you, Sheldon," Leonard said curtly, "but I was being sarcastic."
"Oh, darn it!" Sheldon exclaimed petulantly, sounding much like a child. "I missed it again! And I thought I was getting better at that too… Oh well! Back to the problem of Penny's roommate."
"Sheldon, there is no problem. I'm only going to say this once: this has nothing to do with you," Leonard said slowly, enunciating every word so that Sheldon was sure to hear them.
"And I am only going to say this once: she is not staying in this building," Sheldon replied tartly.
"Yes, she is."
"Over my dead body!" Sheldon said, lifting his chin up defiantly.
"I'd be happy to help you out with that," Leonard mumbled, just loud enough for Sheldon to hear.
Sheldon was about to make a scathing reply when Penny opened the door to the apartment and walked into the room.
"You didn't knock," Sheldon said, pouting.
"What's the problem, you guys?" she asked, ignoring the death glares coming from Sheldon. "What's with all the yelling?"
"Oh, there's no problem," Leonard said, smiling nervously, fumbling for words while his heart beat through his whole body with such force that he was sure she and everyone else in the building could feel it too. "We were just-"
"Actually, Penny, I'm afraid there is a problem," Sheldon said, ignoring Leonard when he slapped his forehead in despair. "Why was I not informed about this new roommate?"
"What do you mean? You were right there on the couch when I came over a few weeks ago and told you guys I might be getting a roommate," Penny said, confusion furrowing her brow.
"Yes, I already told him that," Leonard said with a sigh. "What we didn't take into account is that, one, he was reading the new Incredible Hulk; two, he's insane."
"Believe me, I take it into account every day," Penny said, rolling her eyes.
Their eyes turned to Sheldon who was looking at them the way Lex Luthor looks at Superman right before throwing powdered kryptonite in his face.
"Thank you for your attention, mortals," he said, "but perhaps now you can tell me why, Penny, I was not consulted about this… person living in our building?"
"'Consulted?' Are you serious?" Penny said incredulously.
"Unfortunately, he is," Leonard said, sliding miserably into his chair while Sheldon stood near the coffee table while leering at Penny.
"She's really nice," Penny said. "Funny, sweet, very considerate; I really think you'll like her."
"He's already met her and apparently he didn't," Leonard piped up.
"I most certainly did not," Sheldon said, looking scandalized at the idea of 'liking' anyone, let alone this usurper, this invader.
"But gosh, why, Sheldon?" Penny asked. "She's so nice."
"'Nice?' Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder if you know me at all, or if your total lack of anything but a grade-school education has slowly allowed your brain to rot," Sheldon said earnestly.
"Gee, thanks," Penny said scathingly, walking over to Leonard's chair, perching on the edge of the arm. She was obliviously to him shivering in pleasure at her close presence to him.
"Sarcasm?" Sheldon asked attentively.
"Yes," Penny replied with a sigh.
"Oh, yay!" Sheldon exclaimed gleefully. "I got it right. Back to the matter at hand though… I really hope she doesn't expect to become part of our social circle; we have too many already–"
Sheldon was interrupted by a gentle knock on the door, the sound most definitely not from Koothrapali or Walowitz, who usually banged the door half down.
Sheldon walked to the door, slid the chain lock in place and opened the door the slightest crack. The first thing he saw was the his new neighbor's wild red hair flying out in all directions, the second, her bright smile and shining green eyes glittering at him. Panicking, he slammed the door in her face and turned the other lock, and turned to Leonard and Penny with eyes wide with horror.
"It's her," Sheldon whispered hoarsely.
Penny and Leonard shared a glance and rolled their eyes.
"Uhh…" the girl's voice said through the door. "Is this a bad time?"
Leonard rolled his eyes again and got up, walking toward the door and wedging himself between Sheldon and the door, glaring at him as he unlocked the door.
"Hi," the beautiful redhead dressed in grey sweats said to a speechless Leonard. "Have I come at a bad time?"
"Nnnngh…" was all poor Leonard got out before Penny kindly took over.
"No, of course not," the blonde said. "Come on in."
"Yeah," Leonard finally piped up, having regained his ability to speak. "Come in and sit down."
"Oh, yes, by all means!" Sheldon said derisively.
"Thanks," the redhead replied, stepping inside the apartment. "Wow, what a nice place. I love what you've done with it."
"Thank you," Sheldon said curtly. "Would you be open to taking a test to determine if you're a cyborg sent from the future to destroy mankind, and replace us with your own kind?"
Leonard's and Penny's eyes widened with horror, not doubting for a moment that Penny's new roommate would run screaming.
"That depends," the green-eyed girl said, rocking back on her heels with her clasped behind her back. "Are you going to rip my mechanical arm off?"
"Sarcasm?" Sheldon asked.
She slowly nodded, an amused smile playing across her lips.
"I was perfectly serious, you know," he said dryly.
"No, he wasn't!" Penny cried. "He was just joking; he's always joking like that."
Penny laughed nervously, but the redhead didn't seem to notice; she was staring intently at Sheldon with curious, warm, sparkling eyes.
"I rarely ever joke; and I was serious," he said sulkily.
"I know," the girl said lightly, seemingly serious herself. "So was I. I lied about joking. My name is Rebecca Martin, by the way."
Rebecca held out her hand to him, watching with confusion and slight amusement when he recoiled from her as he stared at her hand suspiciously, as though it were going to suddenly morph into a snake and bite him.
"I don't like being touched," he said, still watching her hand, while hiding his own against his chest. "Especially by cyborgs."
"I'm not a cyborg," Rebecca said with a smile, still holding out her hand. "And it'll hurt my feelings if you don't shake hands with me."
She stared at him with large green eyes, sweet and pleading, until he finally sighed and tentatively grasped the tips of her fingers with his and shook her hand while touching her as little as possible.
"I suppose I should probably introduce myself; I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper," Sheldon said with pride. "I'm an astrophysicist. I'm currently working on proving String Theory."
"Really?" Rebecca replied with interest. "Have you read Professor Silverman's thesis paper on the subject? He's made incredible discoveries in the last ten years."
An utter, shocked silence came over the room and all eyes were on Rebecca, whose bright green eyes sparkled with friendliness and warmth. Her brow furrowed in confusion at their study of her, and her smile wavered slightly.
"H- Have I said something wrong?" she asked, looking sorry already. A blush of embarrassment crept up her neck and face, tinting her cheeks to a beautiful rose color that accentuated her freckles and made her look delicately vulnerable.
"No, no," Leonard said eagerly, "not at all! It's just-"
"You know of Professor Silverman?" Sheldon demanded. "The Professor Otto Silverman, the leading expert on astrophysics that is currently teaching at Brighton University in England?"
"Oh, I don't know of him, I actually know him," Rebecca said, smiling again. "He was one of my Professors when I went to Brighton U. My two majors were English Literature and Art History but I took his class in astrophysics because it sounded like an interesting change from Shakespeare and Monet. He asked me to read his thesis before it was published last year."
Sheldon and Leonard gasped in shock and gathered more closely around her, eyes sparkling in awe and envy, bombarding her with questions.
"You read it before it was published?"
"You know Professor Silverman?"
"You went to Brighton University? That must have been incredible. What was it like?"
"Astrophysics as a secondary class to cure your boredom? You must be a cyborg!" Sheldon said snidely.
Flushing with the unexpected attention, Rebecca shied away from the men and closer to Penny, though none of them noticed the irritation and near-fury on the blonde's face.
"Yes and yes, yes and incredible, and no, Sheldon, I'm not a cyborg, I'm a new breed of Transformer here to take over the world," Rebecca said all in one breath, smiling at them as she rocked back and forth on her heels.
"Wow," Leonard said, impressed. "How did you remember all that?"
"Remember all what?" she asked teasingly.
"Must you do that?" Sheldon asked irritably, watching her with his nose in the air.
"What?" she asked, her eyes snapping to his.
"Rock back and forth on your heels," he said with a sniff. "It is most distracting."
"Oh," Rebecca said, blushing, "sorry about that; old habit."
"You are excused," Sheldon replied coolly.
"Have I done something to offend you?" she asked, worry furrowing her brow.
"That depends," Sheldon said cautiously. "How do you feel about Spider-Man?"
"Oh, God," Leonard cried, dropping onto the couch with arms spread wide in a hopeless gesture. "It begins!"
Penny snorted to stifle her laughter and Sheldon glared at them both.
"Ignore him," he said, turning back to Rebecca. "He does that all the time. Back to Spider-Man…"
"Comic books, movies, animated tv shows or video games?" she asked efficiently.
All three looked at her with eyes wide, Sheldon's slightly impressed. At that moment, Koothrapali and Waslow walked in with a couple of video games. Both froze when they saw Rebecca standing off with Sheldon.
"Hey, guys, who's this beauteous angel of-"
"SHHHHHHHH!" Penny and Leonard both said, eyes never moving from Rebecca. Leonard waved them to sit down next to him as he moved into an upright position to watch.
"Hmmm…" Sheldon said. "Very good question. Let's try the first movie and see what you've got."
"Great plot that followed the original Stan Lee-comic book storyline really well, better than average action movie with well thought-out fight sequences, great score, soundtrack was alright but Electra's was better, effects were great and top-of-the-line, I liked that they updated things and took away the necessity of web-shooters as it made his powers more spider-like, I greatly enjoyed the entire acting cast with the exception of Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane, but considering they had an actress I hate playing a character I hate, I think the writers did a pretty good job, though her character got progressively worse throughout the series with the third just topping the cake with her wishy-washiness making me near sick; and then of course they killed Harry, which of course kills any hope they have of making a Spider-Girl series, because Harry's son was such a huge part of the Spider-Girl universe, both as Normie Osborn and the new Green Goblin, and the occasional and light romantic interest, unless they plan on pulling him out of thin air as Harry's bastard son or revive Harry in some way, both of which have been so way overdone in both comic books and movies alike they had to come up with a stronger word for cliché. Anything else?" Rebecca said, smiling and slightly breathless.
All eyes were on the panting redhead as she stared at them all with shining eyes full of passion and amusement. Howard was, of course, the first to speak.
"Marry me…" he said, crawling on his knees to her, starry-eyed.
"Umm, am I supposed to seriously consider that or was he joking?" Rebecca asked, recoiling a little.
"Sadly he was serious," said Penny in disgust.
"Oh, well I'm sorry but I'm saving myself for Sheldon," Rebecca said, looking cute and sweet, but very serious at the same time.
Everyone burst into laughter at her comment, except her and Sheldon. They looked oddly at each other and then the others, then each other again.
"What?" Rebecca asked. "What's funny?"
Everyone stopped laughing and Howard picked himself up, dusting himself off.
"You can't be serious, right? I mean you've met him," said Howard.
"Yeah, I mean, Sheldon's smart and all, but he's pretty much a robot," said Penny, who folded her arms and leaned unconsciously toward Leonard, who happily noticed.
"I'm standing right here," said Sheldon irritably, folding his long arms.
"I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with Sheldon," said Rebecca, ignoring the man in question. "He's highly intelligent, he's funny, even if he doesn't mean to be, and he's attractive in that long-necked, swan kind of way. So why the laughs?"
She seemed so serious, so sincere, that no one had the heart to tell her what an ass Sheldon could be, or point out the obvious fact that he didn't like her.
"You think I'm attractive?" Sheldon asked, preening like a peacock. "Well, I am, I suppose, as well as disgustingly intelligent."
"Yes, yes, you're a god among men, we know," Leonard said sarcastically.
"Yes, Sheldon!" everyone shouted, with the exception of Rebecca, who simply smiled behind her hand.
"So, I've actually gotta go and unpack," said Rebecca, smiling. "I just wanted to meet the friends Penny's always talking about. You must be Howard, and this must be Raj."
She guessed right, shaking each of their hands.
"You've already met Leonard and Sheldon," Penny said.
"Yes, the sweet, nerdy boy and my cute interrogator," said Rebecca teasingly, blushing at her own boldness. "Thanks, for the introduction, Penny. Bye."
She waved goodbye to everyone and left the boys in absolute shock, with the exception of Sheldon.
"I might be willing to put up with her as a neighbor, but she still can't join our social circle," said Sheldon. "Unless we get rid of Penny."
"Hey!" Penny said.
"We are not getting rid of Penny, Sheldon!" said Leonard, horrified.
"Did you see the legs on that redhead?" Howard said, shaking his head unbelievingly. "It's criminal that that isn't the new Mrs. Wolowitz."
"In your dreams, Wolowitz!" said Raj. "That's the new Mrs. Koothrapali."
"Raj, how do you intend to propose when you can't even talk to a girl?" asked Penny.
"That's not important," said Sheldon. "What is important is whether or not this Rebecca person is going to interfere with Comic Book Monday."
"Sheldon!" everyone shouted in unison.